HAYRIDE SLAUGHTER (2001) **

A rash of Satanic murders threatens to shut down an independent haunted house and hayride attraction.  Tina Krause is the sexy witch/psychic investigator who is brought in to find the killer and stop the bad publicity.  Complications arise when Krause’s ex (Dean Paul) winds up becoming the lead detective on the case. 

If you’re a fan of W.A.V.E. Productions, you may already know what you’re getting yourself into with Hayride Slaughter.  This was one of those instances where they were actually trying to make a “real” movie, and the results are uneven at best.  The central premise is sound and the “killer in a walk-through haunted house” plot predates films like Hell Fest and Haunt by nearly two decades.  It’s just that director Gary Whitson never really goes anywhere with gimmick.  The finale where Tina is attacked by a demon is appropriately silly, but it ultimately comes up a day late and a dollar short. 

It doesn’t help that the film is so overburdened with useless padding that it often slows things to a crawl.  Such forms of padding include black and white “flashbacks” (actually an unrelated short film), pointless Blurry-Vision slow motion scenes, a painfully long magic act that’s filmed in its entirety (the fact that Tina is the sexy magician’s assistant takes some of the boredom out of it), and pointless Blurry-Vision slow motion scenes of the aforementioned magic act.  The running time is eighty-five minutes, but if Whitson cut all that malarkey out and brought it in at a tight sixty minutes or so, he might’ve had something.  

Since this is a W.A.V.E. movie, we also get a random bondage scene. It’s not exactly great or anything.  However, since it takes place inside a haunted house, it’s novel at the very least. 

I’m a big Tina Krause fan, but this is far from her best work.  While Tina tries her darnedest, she is unable to save the film.  Some enjoyment can also be found from spotting other familiar faces from W.A.V.E. Productions that populate the supporting cast including Whitson (cop), Debbie D. (scare actress), and Barbara Joyce (bondage enthusiast).  Krause and Joyce provide some T & A too, which helps make it watchable. 

THE LASH OF THE PENITENTES (1936) **

The Lash of the Penitentes is an old roadshow attraction.  It’s an expose on the Penitente cult, a religious sect in New Mexico that believed in flagellation.  Most times, roadshow movies like this had healthy doses of sex and violence.  This one has real life scenes of being whipped, but that’s about the only trick it’s got up its sleeve. 

It starts off with not one but two prefaces.  The first lets us know all about strange religions of the world (“Our own country not excluded!”) and the other about the Penitentes themselves.  The film itself is a mix of documentary (captured by a “vagabond cameraman”) and a dramatized account of an investigative journalist writing a story on the cult.  It isn’t exactly a seamless fit, but the editing is better than most of these things.  There’s enough factual information here to satisfy someone looking for a “tell-all” insider scoop on the cult.  Too bad that outside the whipping scenes, it’s kind of weak and forgettable. 

As for the Penitentes themselves, we mostly just see the cult members hanging out in their adobes.  They also do some weird shit though like playing a variation on that Rambo 3 game (but with chickens instead of goats), have parades dressed like the Grim Reaper, and put on funny costumes and dance around in the town square.  They also crucify one of their members, but I think that was staged for the benefit of the vagabond cameraman. 

It’s only thirty-five minutes long but the original version was twice that length.  I’m not sure what was cut, but it might’ve been juicy.  The scenes of real whippings are kind of icky.  If that sort of thing makes you queasy, you should be okay because they don’t last too long.  They’re probably the only reason to watch it, honestly.

Overall, I think this might’ve made for a decent segment in a Mondo movie.  Even with the filler subplot with the journalist, it doesn’t quite cut it as a pasted-together standalone film.  I will say that the short running time takes some of the… um… sting out of it.  

AKA:  The Penitente Murder Case.

THE NAKED BEAST (1969) **

From Emilio Vierya, the director of The Deadly Organ, The Blood of the Virgins, and The Curious Dr. Humpp comes this mostly dull thriller with horror elements.  A detective is trying to solve a rash of murders, and it seems all the victims are dancers in a variety show.  He also happens to be sleeping with one of the performers, which complicates things.  It also doesn’t help that the star of the show, a suave, philandering crooner, seems to be the prime suspect. 

The detective stuff is boring, and the love story subplot is even worse.  In all fairness, the version I saw didn’t have English subtitles.  Even if I was a master of the Argentinian language though, that doesn’t disguise the fact that the film suffers from a lot of filler, most of which comes courtesy of the performances in the variety show.  (There’s also an annoying tap dancer who gets way too much screen time during a party scene.)  The scenes of the singing star crooning away aren’t very good either.  One element I enjoyed was the act that featured a guy in a Dracula mask ballroom dancing with a gal in masquerade attire.  (The mask is so cool that the killer adopts the get-up later in the film.)  This scene is kind of like a vampire version of Bobby and Cissy, and I really wish there were more oddball touches like this elsewhere in the picture. 

I was a fan of Vieyra’s The Curious Dr. Humpp and The Deadly Organ, but this one is sorely lacking the absurdity of the former and the seediness of the latter.  Leading lady Gloria Prat (who also appeared in both of those movies) looks hot though and her performance (weird Dracula dancer aside) is the best thing the flick has going for it.  (The creepy guy who looks like Lou Reed cosplaying as Chief Brody is pretty cool too.)  Oh, and while there’s a little bit of T & A here (we only get a handful of brief topless scenes), the majority of the skin comes from scantily clad waitresses and showgirls in bikinis.  Thankfully, the beast remained fully clothed at all times. 

TWISTED SEX VOL. 2 (1994) ***

Something Weird’s second installment of nudie trailers and sexploitation previews doesn’t quite have the same kick of the first volume, but it features more than its fair share of smut to go around.  Included here are coming attractions for striptease movies like Paris Topless (starring Tempest Storm), nudist movies (including an awesome looking flick called Eves on Skis about nudists at a ski cabin that features women jumping rope, skiing, and having snowball fights in the nude), and roughies (such as The Sex Killer).  I think my favorite one was the oddball ad for Professor Lust where the title character, a white slaver, professes his innocence in a courtroom and invites you to see the evidence (the movie) for yourself.  A close second was the trailer for Sharon’s Girls, which guarantees you’ll never look at “phone sex” the same way. 

We also get to hear some terrific ballyhoo.  Some of the many memorable taglines belong to Sellers of Girls (“Young girls were there for the taking… and they took them!”), International Smorgasbord (“Dish after dish!”), Naughty Nudes (“Don’t see Naughty Nudes if you don’t like girls!”), Olga’s Girls (“A Freudian Mondo Cane!”), The Pill (“See the actual birth of a baby!”), Run Swinger Run (“She did it for fun till she found out she could do it for money!”), Teach Me How to Do It (“If you already know how to do it, don’t see it!), and Bed of Violence (“The sheets are stained with the sins of the flesh!”). 

If it’s groovy music you’re into, then the trailer for Sex is the Game People Play has a great surf guitar soundtrack pulsating throughout the ad.  The preview for the immortal classic The Touch of Her Flesh is also backed by the awesome theme song “The Right Kind”.  Yes, there’s a little something for everyone here including trailers for gay-themed films (Lusting Hours) and even a nudie ad for an “Adults Only” book called Orgy.  (“The most daring book of all time!”)

Most of the trailers are in black and white, but there are a couple of color ads near the end.  Among them are Queen’s Wild, Dr. Sex, and the incredible looking The Peeping Phantom (which looks like an insane mix of Phantom of the Opera, nudie movie and… courtroom drama?!?).  There’s also a color short about a trio of roommates fighting over the same man that rounds out the collection. 

All in all, Twisted Sex Vol. 2 is bound to please any fan of sixties smut. 

The complete line-up of trailers is as follows:  The Embracers, Paris Topless, Sellers of Girls, Five Wild Girls, Gutter Girls, Eves on Skis, International Smorgasbord, Nudes on Tiger Reef, Naughty Nudes, Nude Scrapbook, Spoiled Rotten, The Sex Killer, Some Like It Violent, Olga’s Girls, The Sex Cycle, It’s a Sick… Sick… Sick… World, The Pill, Sex is the Game People Play, Girl Smugglers, Professor Lust, Sharon’s Girls, The Twisted Sex, Freudus Sexualis, The Love Cult, Run Swinger Run, Lusting Hours, Playpen Girls, Lust and the Flesh, The Touch of Her Flesh, Teach Me How to Do It, Love is Where It’s At, The Singles, Bed of Violence, In Hot Blood, All of Me, Queen’s Wild, Smoke of Evil, The Peeping Phantom, Male Service, Orgy (book ad) Dr. Sex, and a short subject. 

WAR OF THE WORLDS (2025) ½ *

You all know me.  You know how I earn my living.  You know I been watching bad movies since I was a wee lad.  When this Amazon Original first found its way onto Prime, a lot of folks instantly christened it the “Worst Movie of the Year”.  That piqued my interest something fierce.  The fact that it is essentially H.G. Wells’ classic by way of a Zoom call was kind of a turn off for me because if it’s anything I hate more than a “Found Footage” movie it’s a “Screen Record” movie where the filmmakers tell their story via a laptop full of open windows featuring characters having Microsoft Teams conversations, texting, and emailing one another.  

Nevertheless, I persisted.  I watched every blessed minute of it.  Let me tell you, I was rooting for the aliens.  

Ice Cube stars as a Department of Homeland Security analyst who receives word that aliens have landed.  Before long, they are attacking major cities across the globe.  While planning a means of defense for the government, he keeps in contact with his kids to make sure they’re safe.  Eventually, he teams up with his hacker son to infect the aliens with a fatal virus. 

The first fifteen minutes or so feature Cube using his top security clearance and high-tech surveillance equipment to keep tabs on his kids.  This might’ve made for an OK comedy by itself, but for a War of the Worlds adaptation, it just starts things off on the wrong foot.  Once the aliens attack though I found myself yearning for those scenes, mostly because they were at least somewhat novel.  The stuff with the aliens (all filmed on someone’s phone and/or seen on security cameras) is weak, and the effects will make one wistful for an Asylum mockbuster.  (It’s obvious the CGI is merely superimposed over existing file footage.)

The big problem of course is the screen record aesthetic.  You can’t make a movie about a battle between humans and aliens and put it on a goddamn Zoom call and expect the moviegoing public to swallow it.  Yes, I know it was filmed during the pandemic.  Yes, if it had been released during that time, I could have been more forgiving.  However, the fact that it sat on the shelf for five years after it was completed is telling of just how lame it really is. 

Another problem is Ice Cube’s performance.  Most of the movie is comprised of watching his reaction shots to massive damage created by aliens.  He’s just not a nuanced enough actor to sell it.  Most of his reactions just involve him yelling, “Damn” when he sees an alien or “I got you!” while trying to reassure his kids.  The fact that he rarely leaves his office doesn’t help break up the monotony either. 

Speaking as a bad movie fan, there were moments that even tested my mettle.  Your endurance level may vary.  I have a feeling that for even for the most jaded fan of Grade-Z junk, War of the Worlds will be an uphill battle. 

HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS (2013) ***

After killing the witch who tried to eat them as children, orphans Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) grow up to become prolific witch hunters.  When a witch (Famke Janssen) makes off with the children of a small village, the mayor hires the duo to bring them back.  They soon learn she is planning to perform a ritual that will make her all-powerful, and Hansel and Gretel set out to take her down. 

Horror movies based on fairy tales can usually go either way, but Hansel and Gretel:  Witch Hunters manages to be quite a lot of fun.  Written and directed by Tommy (Dead Snow) Wirkola, it’s full of funny touches (like sketches of missing children tied to milk bottles and Hansel having diabetes from eating too much candy from the witch’s house as a kid) and is a little bit better than you’d expect at nearly every turn.  It moves at a zippy pace and doesn’t take itself too seriously, which certainly helps.  The gore is also plentiful as bodies are ripped apart, people explode, and heads are crushed. 

It also doesn’t hurt that there’s more action than horror.  Some of the medieval witch battles feature tinges of Hong Kong-style action (I liked Renner’s fight with a pair of Siamese twin witches) and are fairly bloody to boot.  The way Wirkola peppers in nods to other films is amusing too.  The finale where a coven of witches are mowed down by a Gatling gun was obviously inspired by The Wild Bunch, and the scenes of witches flying through the woods on broomsticks are reminiscent of the Ewok speeder bike chase from Return of the Jedi. 

Renner and Arterton are sort of bland in the leads, but that kind of works in the movie’s favor.  If they were winking at the camera the whole time, the humorous witch-hunting hijinks would’ve felt forced.  Janssen makes for a formidable villain as the sexy witch who says stuff like, “FOOLS!”  The ever-reliable Peter Stormare also puts in a fine turn as the sheriff (and incompetent witch hunter), as does Pihla Viitala as the smoking hot good witch who helps the siblings. 

CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD (2025) ** ½

After the death of her mother, a teenage girl named Quinn (Katie Douglas) moves to a rural farming community with her father (Aaron Abrams).  She quickly falls in with a group of friends who make YouTube videos depicting the local clown mascot, “Frendo” as a psycho killer.  Before long, a killer wearing the clown’s get-up begins picking off the friends one by one.  Things go from bad to worse when a veritable army of Frendos crash a teen party in a cornfield and set out to finish Quinn and her pals off for good. 

Clown in a Cornfield kind of plays like a variation on Thanksgiving, but with a clown instead of a pilgrim.  (There’s even a parade scene.)   Unfortunately, it’s one of those kinds of movies where every time it does something right, it inevitably makes a misstep.  Some viewers may be more forgiving than others.  It just depends on whether you’re willing to enjoy the highs and brush off the lows. 

Among the highlights is the fun opening scene which contains a nice little homage to Jaws, but… you know… in a cornfield instead of a beach.  The gore is solid too, which certainly is a plus.  We get a pretty good weightlifting kill, an arrow in the head, a chainsaw to the gut, a pitchfork to the stomach, head crushing, a cattle prod to the mouth, and a funny scene where some girls find a severed head and think it’s a prop for a YouTube video.  It also gets bonus points for the scene where the girls are unable to call for help because they don’t know how to use a rotary phone. 

It does seem a bit odd that it was based on a novel as nothing about it screams “literary adaptation” since it’s more or less just a riff on ‘80s slasher movies.  (The film thinks having a character say, “It’s like we’re in an ‘80s horror movie” lets it off the hook.)  The townsfolk conspiracy that fuels the clowns’ massacre is easily the weakest part, as it loses a lot of momentum in the third act when the killers begin over-explaining their motives.  

Douglas is solid in the lead, but the rest of her friends are rather grating.  The supporting cast of adults include Will Sasso as the sheriff and Kevin Durand as the sniveling mayor.  They’re pretty good, although they feel kind of underutilized.  At least Abrams manages to be likable in the thankless dad role. 

Overall, Clown in a Cornfield is an uneven horror flick that’s nearly saved by a good crop of kill scenes. 

SPINAL TAP 2: THE END CONTINUES (2025) *** ½

This is Spinal Tap is one of the quintessential cult comedies of all time.  Not only is it one of the greatest Rock n’ Roll movies ever made, it (for better or worse) also kicked off the mockumentary style of comedy.  It wasn’t really necessary for the original stars and director Rob Reiner to reunite after more than forty years for a sequel.  Then again, for anyone who has seen the original more times than they can count, you’ll undoubtedly get a kick out of seeing the characters once again. 

This time, director Marty DiBergi (Reiner) chronicles heavy metal gods Spinal Tap (Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, and Harry Shearer) as they prepare to do a reunion show in New Orleans.  They haven’t seen each other, let alone played together, in fifteen years, so they have to get the rust off in the rehearsal studio.  They must also find a new drummer since all their others have all died under mysterious circumstances. 

The plot is wafer thin, not that it really needed one anyway.  The best portion is the first act where we find out what the guys have been up to.  Nigel (Guest) runs a cheese and guitar shop, David (McKean) writes music for when you’re on hold with customer service (“I won a Holdy!”), and Derek (Shearer) owns a glue museum.  The movie sort of plateaus about halfway through as the scenes in the studio kind of go around in circles.  The big concert finale is a lot of fun though and the ending is quite memorable. 

Honestly, this might’ve worked better as a Netflix show or something akin to their 25th reunion special.  That said, when it’s funny, it’s very funny, even if it never comes close to touching the original.  For most fans (like me), just having everybody in the same room together and jamming will be enough.  There isn’t much meat here, but there are plenty of laughs (and a couple of great cameos).  For a forty years later sequel to a cult classic, it works better than it should… depending I guess on what you want out of it.  Ultimately, it feels less like a continuation and more like a victory lap.  Heck, most cult classics don’t even get that. 

HUMAN HIGHWAY (1982) * ½

I watched the new Devo documentary a few weeks back which featured clips from the band’s appearance in Neil Young’s Human Highway, and I was immediately intrigued.  Based on the footage shown, it looked like a trippy good time.  Well, it was certainly trippy. 

There are Hollywood vanity projects and then there’s crap like this.  Most vanity projects are given to actual filmmakers who have rightfully earned a chance to basically do whatever the hell they want.  Sometimes though, Hollywood gives these things to people that have no business being behind the camera.  Such is the case with Neil Young.  Honestly, you could’ve given the camera to Crosby, Stills, OR Nash and they probably could’ve come up with something better than this. 

The plot has Dean Stockwell (who co-directed with Young) taking ownership of a diner/filling station sometime after the apocalypse.  As he tries to find ways to save money, the nerdy grease monkey (Young) shows the new guy (Russ Tambyln, who also served as choreographer) the ropes.  Meanwhile, a bunch of sanitation workers in glowing radiation suits (Devo) drive around in a truck filled with barrels of radioactive waste. 

Parts of this movie resemble an episode of Alice directed by John Waters.  Others play like David Lynch’s Hee-Haw.  None of it is funny, and it is painfully amateurish throughout.  About halfway through, Young hits his head and dreams he’s a rock star and the rest of the movie basically plays like a long music video.  This sequence also features him performing an annoying song where he dances around with Native Americans that’s filmed in headache inducing Blurry-Vision. 

The cast (which includes Dennis Hopper in multiple roles) can’t save this one.  All of them were probably just doing Neil a favor.  Devo is the only real reason to watch it.  Their songs “It Takes a Worried Man”, “Come Back Jonee”, and their duet with Young on “Hey Hey, My My” make it (mostly) tolerable.  (They may seem like an odd pairing, but Devo was formed at Kent State during the massacre and Young wrote “Ohio” about it, so it makes sense that they’d be kindred spirits.)  It’s the band’s mascot Booji Boy who steals the show.  He probably deserved his own movie.  

KARATE KID LEGENDS (2025) ***

Even though I am a big fan of the original Karate Kid movies, I still haven’t gotten around to watching the Cobra Kai TV show.  I mean, I love Karate Kid and all, but I can’t see myself devoting tens of hours to a TV show about it, even if they did bring my boy Terry Silver back.  There are just so many hours in a day.  On the other hand, a ninety-minute team-up movie between the original star Ralph Macchio and the remake’s Jackie Chan?  Well, that I can do. 

Li (Ben Wang) is a kid who moves from China to New York and almost immediately starts getting hassled by a karate champion classmate named Conor (Aramis Knight).  You see, he’s just jealous because his ex-girlfriend Mia (Sadie Stanley) has befriended Li and he wants to show him up in front of his girl.  Meanwhile, Mia’s father (Joshua Jackson) owes money to the shady characters to own the karate dojo where Conor trains.  Since Li promised his mom (Ming-Na Wen) not to fight, he agrees to train Mia’s dad for an upcoming boxing match.  After her dad is brutally beaten, Li vows to get payback by entering the “Five Boroughs Karate Tournament”.  In order to win, he’ll have to be trained by his Uncle Han (Chan) and his friend Mr. Miyagi’s prized student, Daniel LaRusso (Ralph Macchio). 

In most of these “legacy” sequels, the stuff with the new characters tends to be the weakest part.  The surprising thing about Karate Kid Legends is that the new characters are all appealing and the new storyline (which is basically an inverse of the original) is engaging.  Wang makes for a likable lead and he’s quite good in his mentoring scenes with Jackson.  In fact, the shakiest aspect of the movie is the last act, which is what you’d expect to be the strongest. 

Many will be bummed that Macchio doesn’t show up until the last forty minutes, but honestly the narrative holds up pretty well without him.  Once he’s there, it’s really little more than fan service anyway.  That said, it’s still a kick (no pun intended) to see him and Chan sharing the screen together.  The tournament finale has some problems too, mostly because it feels rushed and the editing gets a little ADD (the video game-inspired graphics for the fights are cheesy too).  However, it’s nothing that derails the fun.  Besides, Wang gives the movie plenty of heart, and that’s really what counts in a Karate Kid film. 

TITILLATION (1982) ***

Eric Edwards stars as a fast-talking detective who is hired by an eccentric millionaire (Roy Simpson) to find a woman who can fit into a giant bra made of brass.  Naturally, there’s only one woman with a figure like that, and that’s Kitten Natividad.  When she mysteriously disappears, Edwards gets help from the millionaire’s secretary (Angelique Pettyjohn) to find her. 

Directed by Damon Christian, Titillation has a little something for everybody. It’s an entertaining detective spoof that’s anchored by several strong performances as well as a handful of steamy sex scenes.  There are even some legitimately funny moments along the way, like when other characters appear to hear Edwards’ hardboiled narration and try to find out where it’s coming from.  Edwards also proves himself to be a fine comedian as he handles the humor just as well as he does the hardcore action. 

The movie really belongs to the ladies in the cast.  If you’re a fan of Natividad, you’re bound to enjoy it.  Kitten also appeared in Christian’s Eat at the Blue Fox, but unlike that film, she is allowed to get in on the fun here.  Even though her sex scene isn’t of the hardcore variety (no penetration is shown), it’s still hot just seeing her getting all nude and jiggly.  Pettyjohn herself had an interesting career.  She had memorable turns on Star Trek, appeared with Elvis in Clambake, and made movies with everyone from Michael Findlay to Jim Wynorski to Fred Olen Ray.  In the ‘80s she even appeared in a handful of porn films like this one.  She’s particularly hot in her energetic scene with Edwards.  However, the scene where she and Mike Horner seduce a young blonde babe is the XXX highlight as she really gets into it.  Randy West also appears as Edwards’ partner who bangs Gina Gianetti on a bearskin rug. 

Pettyjohn and Natividad later co-starred together in the immortal classic, Takin’ It Off.  

HAPPY GILMORE 2 (2025) ** ½

After the death of his wife, golfer Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler) gives up the game to raise his kids.  As the years go by, he becomes strapped for cash and decides to pick up his clubs once again in order to put his daughter through ballet school.  He also winds up going toe to toe with an upstart “extreme” golf league and sets out to take their obnoxious creator (Benny Safdie) down a peg with the help of his old nemesis, Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald). 

I haven’t really kept up with Adam Sandler’s Netflix films (aside from the dramas like Uncut Gems and The Meyerwitz Stories).  This one wasn’t too bad, all things considered.  However, it wasn’t exactly good enough to make me want to run out and watch his other Netflix stuff any time soon. 

The biggest problem was there was no reason it needed to be two hours long.  Then again, I guess just about every Netflix Original out there runs on way too long.  The real issue is that it has enough plot for two movies.  Had the film been content with having Happy trying to pay for his daughter’s dance lessons, it would’ve been just fine.  The last half hour with the extreme golf stuff is weak though, and it’s here where the film begins treading into Caddyshack 2 territory. 

Qualms aside, Happy Gilmore 2 pretty much gives you what you would expect from a three-decades later sequel to Happy Gilmore.  There are lots of cameos from stars of the original and random celebrities (some more random than others), plenty of scenes of Sandler acting like his usual goofball self, and a few genuine chuckles.  It’s just entertaining enough to justify the long wait.  While it will no doubt appease Sandler’s die-hard fans, it often gets bogged down with plot and fan service.  Then again, there are certainly worse legacy sequels you could waste your time on. 

THUNDERBOLTS* (2025) ** ½

Thunderbolts* is a bargain bin version of The Avengers featuring leftover B and C characters from various Marvel movies and TV shows.  Because of that, it often feels more like a placeholder than an honest to goodness Marvel movie.  It doesn’t help that the team members have similar powers and costumes. 

Assassin Yelena (Florence Pugh) is having a bit of an existential crisis.  She wants to retire from black ops work, so she takes one final mission from her boss Valentina (Julia Louis Dreyfus).  Naturally, she double crosses Yelena, along with several other cut-rate superheroes in hopes that they will kill each other off.  They manage to survive, only to band together to fight off Valentina’s latest creation, the all-powerful evil supervillain Sentry (Lewis Pullman). 

Thunderbolts* is fast-paced and is never boring.  The stakes are refreshingly low too, although that winds up being kind of a mixed blessing.  On one hand, it just looks and feels like a Disney+ show.  On the other, it’s sort of nice to have a superhero flick where the fate of the galaxy doesn’t hang in the balance for a change. 

The idea of a ragtag group of misfit superheroes coming together should’ve been a home run, but the movie itself never really comes alive. While there is a brief spark of fun here and there, for the most part, it just seems like another day at the MCU office.  While Pugh does her best to keep the film together, it ultimately winds up feeling like a lower budget version of the shit we’re used to seeing.  Wyatt Russell is pretty funny as the delusional Captain America knockoff, USAgent, as is David Harbour as the loudmouth Red Guardian.  For the guy who’s been in the MCU the longest of anyone in the movie, Sebastian Stan feels curiously underutilized though.  Pullman is also much too bland to register as the villain.  At least Dreyfus is having fun chewing the scenery. 

Once the team finally starts working together to save citizens from crumbling rubble, the movie comes to life.  Too bad the scenes of Yelena getting trapped inside of her darkest memories almost immediately bog it back down.  For every misstep though, there’s a strong scene that showcase the film’s potential.  For a movie about a bunch of screw-ups fighting against their nature to do the right thing, I’d say that’s fitting. 

AKA:  The New Avengers.  AKA:  Thunderbolts*:  The New Avengers.

Marvel Cinematic Universe Scorecard: 

Spider-Man:  No Way Home:  ****

Avengers:  Age of Ultron:  ****

The Incredible Hulk:  ****

Iron Man:  ****

Thor:  Ragnarok:  ****

Avengers:  Endgame:  ****

Ant-Man and the Wasp:  ****

Spider-Man:  Homecoming:  ****

Iron Man 3:  ****

Captain America:  Civil War:  *** ½

Ant-Man:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½ 

Avengers:  Infinity War:  *** ½

Werewolf by Night:  *** ½ 

Black Panther:  *** ½ 

The Avengers:  ***

Captain America:  The First Avenger:  ***

Captain America:  The Winter Soldier:  ***

Deadpool and Wolverine:  ***

Thor:  Love and Thunder:  ***

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness:  ***

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings:  ***

Captain Marvel:  ***

Spider-Man:  Far from Home:  ***

Thor:  ***

The Marvels:  ***

Captain America:  Brave New World:  ***

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3:  ***

Thor:  The Dark World:  ***

Iron Man 2:  ***

Thunderbolts*:  ** ½ 

Ant-Man and the Wasp:  Quantumania:  ** ½ 

Doctor Strange:  ** ½ 

Black Widow:  ** ½  

Black Panther:  Wakanda Forever:  **

The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special:  **

Eternals:  * ½  

INTO THE DEEP (2025) **

As a young girl, Cassidy (Scout Taylor-Compton) watched in horror as a shark devoured her father.  Years later, along with her husband Gregg (Callum McGowan), she takes it upon herself to face her fears and go diving for sunken treasure in the same spot where she lost her old man.  Wouldn’t you just know it?  They are attacked by sharks once again.  When they flag down a passing vessel, they are dismayed to learn the captain (Jon Seda) is a drug smuggler who is searching the deep for a payload of cocaine.  The desperate Cassidy eventually offers to dive and recover the drugs in the shark-infested waters in exchange for her friends’ lives. 

As the title suggests, this is sort of like a mash-up of Into the Blue and The Deep with a little 47 Meters Down thrown in there for good measure.  While the shark attack scenes are decent, the waters are often muddied (both literally and figuratively) by phony-looking CGI blood.  They’re probably the best part of the movie.  Once the action switches to the drug dealers coercing our heroes into diving for their loot, the pacing begins to sag. 

The supporting cast is pretty weak.  McGowan doesn’t really register as a hero, even though he’s top billed.  Likewise, Stuart Townsend is rather bland as the boat captain.  Seda is just too obnoxious to make a credible villain as he looks and acts like a Wish version of David “The Demon” DeFalco.  I did think it was funny that he had a Michael Myers tattoo, seeing how Taylor-Compton played Laurie Strode in the Halloween remake.  I’m not sure if that was intentional or not. 

Seeing Richard Dreyfuss in another shark movie is kind of fun though.  He plays Taylor-Compton’s grandfather who gets a cool speech about people being a “guest" in the shark’s environment.  Too bad he’s mostly seen in flashbacks which are often intrusive to the narrative and take away from the immediacy of the action. 

Other than the relationship between Dreyfuss and Taylor-Compton, Into the Deep is rather shallow.

THE FAVOURITE (2018) *** ½

In 18th century England, Queen Anne (Olivia Colman) becomes bedridden, and allows her loyal lady Sarah (Rachel Weisz), who also happens to be her secret lover, to handle the affairs of the country.  One day, Sarah’s cousin Abigail (Emma Stone) comes calling looking for a job as a lowly servant.  She soon ingratiates herself with the Queen and begins to curry favor with her.  She eventually winds up in the royal bedroom, much to the ire of Sarah.  Thus begins a series of betrayals between Sarah and Abigail as they vie for the Queen’s affections. 

It’s not every day you get to see a lesbian love triangle involving the Queen of England.  From the outset, The Favourite looks like your typical period piece, but it has a wicked streak about it and a sense of fun that a lot of these things lack.  Also, this might be the only movie on record with a slow-motion scene of British aristocrats in powdered wigs watching a duck race, so it’s got that going for it too.  I guess that’s what you get when you put a guy like Yorgos (The Lobster) Lanthimos at the helm. 

The backstabbing and conniving between Abigail and Sarah to win the heart of the Queen is a lot of fun.  Seeing the lengths each woman will go through to get what they want gives the movie an unexpected kick too.  I’ve seen some reviews that state the last reel or so is “anticlimactic”, but it’s a crucial part of the film as it shows the characters grappling with the consequences of their actions.   Without these scenes, it would’ve played like a typical romance.  With them, it’s more like a tragedy. 

Emma Stone is a real spitfire here, and she seems to be having a ball playing a devious temptress.  Weisz is equally fine as the more mannered of the suitors, but it’s Colman’s heartbreaking performance as the lonely and love-starved Queen who is the most memorable. 

Stone and Lanthimos later teamed up for the audacious Poor Things. 

OVERLORD (2018) **

American soldiers parachute behind enemy lines just before D-Day.  Their objective is to storm a heavily fortified Nazi compound.  Once inside, they are horrified to learn it’s a twisted medical facility housing gnarly Nazi medical experiments.  Seems like they’ve been making a serum to reanimate dead bodies and turn them into super soldier zombies.  It’s then up to the men to bury the fortress and the experiments along with it. 

Produced by J.J. Abrams and directed by Julius (The Pope’s Exorcist) Avery, Overlord is a bit of a mixed bag.  There’s a fun zombie movie lurking here somewhere, but the filmmakers never seem to find it.  While the film works in fits and starts, it seems like every time it gains a bit of momentum, it inevitably stalls out again. 

Maybe the tone was the problem.  It often plays like a war movie with horror undertones.  Honestly, it would’ve played better if the ratio was reversed.  Because of that, it takes a good chunk of the running time to get to the horror stuff.  Once we finally do, it’s not all that and a bag of chips. 

There are some scenes that work, like when one of the American troops turns into a monster or when our heroine makes like Rick Dalton and uses a flamethrower on a Nazi monster.  However, after these brief flashes of fun, the movie almost always reverts back to your standard “men on a mission” flick (but, you know… with zombies).  Then there’s the abrupt climax featuring two super soldiers squaring off that’s over before it even manages to build up any steam. 

Wyatt Russell is good as the no-nonsense corporal.  His performance probably singlehandedly got him the job playing the Temu Captain America for Marvel as he carries the same kind of brawny swagger here.  Bokeem Woodbine is also memorable as the hardass sergeant who leads his men into battle.  The rest of the cast struggle with their cliched characters though. 

I don’t know.  This might’ve been one of those cases where if the movie was generic but consistently entertaining, I may have been more forgiving.  It’s just that it’s a frustrating experience to see a film with fleeting sparks of inspiration that never really knows how to capitalize on them. 

AKA:  Operation:  Overlord.

THE KISS OF HER FLESH (1968) ****

The Kiss of Her Flesh was the capper of the “Flesh Trilogy”, created by exploitation mavericks Michael and Roberta Findlay.  And what a conclusion it is!  It’s one of the nuttiest roughies of all time. 

Michael returns as Richard Jennings, the one-eyed lunatic who goes around dispatching loose women in a variety of mind-boggling ways.  In the first scene, he ties a woman up and tortures her with a lobster claw before clamping electrodes onto her earrings and electrocuting her.  When Maria (Uta Erickson) hears about the death of her friend, she sets out to stop Jennings’ reign of terror once and for all. 

There is no such thing as a regular sex scene in this movie. In one wild scene, Erickson shoves a bunch of anal beads up her lover’s ass while he’s banging her.  This must’ve really been a doozy for the raincoat crowd back in ‘68.  It’s even funnier now when you realize the actor is none other than Earl Hindman, the neighbor from Home Improvement! No wonder he was always hiding his face.  He probably thought Tim Allen saw this. 

Oh, and did I mention there’s a scene where Erickson has sex with her sister?  You know a movie is twisted when incestuous lesbian lovemaking is the most “normal” sex scene in it. 

The kills are even crazier this time out.  In an ordinary movie a scene where a woman is killed by acid in her douche would be the highlight, but as you could probably already surmise, The Kiss of Her Flesh isn’t an ordinary movie.  The most insane scene is when Jennings forces a chick to suck his dick only to learn he has “poison semen”, which kills her almost instantly.  The nonchalant way Findlay says, “So long, suckah!” as he walks out of the room will have you scrambling for the rewind button so you can watch it again and again. 

Like the previous entries in the trilogy (The Touch of Her Flesh and The Curse of Her Flesh), this one features a funny/bizarre opening titles sequence.  This time, the names of the cast and crew appear on handwritten notes shaped like lips that pop up on a naked woman’s body.  Once again, the music is downright amazing and will have you tapping your toes throughout the depravity. 

The Kiss of Her Flesh is proof that sometimes the third entry in a trilogy can be the best.  It is also proof why movies are my drug of choice.  If you’re jonesing for a fix of WTF cinematic insanity, check it out!

ERASER: REBORN (2022) ** ½

If you’re reading a review of Eraser:  Reborn, you’ve probably already entertained thoughts of watching a twenty-six years later, completely unrelated, DTV sequel to an Arnold Schwarzenegger action flick that doesn’t star Arnold Schwarzenegger.  By reading said review, you’re probably only seeking one thing:  Confirmation that it’s as bad as you’re expecting so you can talk yourself out of watching it.  Sorry to disappoint you.  While it’s no means what anyone would call a “good” movie, it is moderately entertaining and much better than slews upon slews of unrelated DTV sequels that are on the market. 

You know it’s kind of fascinating to me which movies get decades later DTV sequels and what doesn’t.  Let’s use Schwarzenegger’s filmography for example.  Why does Eraser get a sequel and not, say… End of Days?  It seems like you could do more with that concept.  Maybe brand name recognition?  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s because the idea of an agent that acts as a bodyguard to people in Witness Protection and erases their identities is a lot easier to do on a DTV budget than say, a satanic action flick.  

The plot involves a woman (Jacky Lai) working with the Feds to get the goods on her kingpin husband.  When she accidentally kills him in a scuffle, an “Eraser” (Dominic Sherwood) comes in to take her into protection.  Predictably, his team accepts a bribe, and they set out to erase him too. 

Eraser:  Reborn is competent, albeit completely unnecessary.  The set-up, while derivative, is sound.  It’s not bad.  It’s just that the film begins to tread water whenever the action begins to dry up.  At best, it’s an above par DTV sequel.  At worst, it plays like something you would catch on ION TV in the middle of the afternoon. 

To his credit, Sherwood doesn’t even try to copy Arnold.  He’s more than happy to just play the role like the lead of a TV show.  His character is pretty bland for the most part, but I think he might go down in history as the first action movie hero that has a pet ostrich, so he has that going for him. 

Speaking of animals… The original had a memorable sequence involving alligators.  This one double-dips and provides silly kills featuring hippos and rhinos.  (The CGI is wonky on both counts.)  So, as you can see, the filmmakers were at least trying to honor the first movie while still daring to be a little different.  Oddball touches like that ensure Eraser:  Reborn won’t be completely erased from your mind soon after watching it. 

REAR WINDOW (1954) ****

Rear Window is one of Alfred Hitchcock’s best films.  It stars his Rope leading man Jimmy Stewart and it manages to one-up that movie.  In Rope, Stewart didn’t leave the room.  This time, he can’t leave his wheelchair. 

Stuck at home with a broken leg, Stewart grows antsy.  To pass the time, he takes to spying on his neighbors.  One day, he witnesses one of his neighbors commit a murder, or at least so he thinks, which causes him to peep on him even more. 

Stewart is excellent in a deceptively difficult performance.  Since most of the movie depends on his reactions to the goings-on across the street (curiosity, bemusement, fear, etc.), he effectively serves as our window (no pun intended) to the suspense.  In addition to Stewart, the film also reteams Hitch with his Dial M for Murder star, Grace Kelly, who looks effortlessly beautiful.  Thelma Ritter is a hoot as Stewart’s cantankerous nursemaid and the banter between the pair is often hilarious.  Raymond Burr gives a chilling performance as the prime suspect and the creator of Alvin and the Chipmunks, Ross Bagdasarian also appears as a musician neighbor. 

Rear Window finds Hitchcock fully leaning into his voyeuristic tendencies.  The subject has always been a part of the Hitchcock dynamic, but here the subtext becomes text.  Since we spend the whole movie with Stewart, the audience becomes virtual co-conspirators with him.  I’m particularly thinking of the scenes where he leers at a sexy neighbor he dubs “Miss Torso” dancing in her underwear. 

What’s so much fun is how Kelly and Ritter get caught up in the drama.  A lot of bland scripts would’ve wasted a lot of time with no one believing Stewart.  While that is initially the case, it doesn’t take long before they become just as curious as he is. 

The view outside the window is mesmerizingly orchestrated.  The comings and goings of the various neighbors going about their day unaware that they are being spied on while in constant motion doesn’t feel choreographed.  In fact, the view almost becomes a living, breathing character in the film.  

In short, it’s a must-see.

Hitch’s next was To Catch a Thief, which also starred Kelly.  

THE CASE OF THE BLOODY IRIS (1972) ***

Edwige Fenech and George Hilton star in this entertaining giallo from director Giuliano (the Sartana series) Carnimeo. Edwige plays Jennifer, a fashion model who is a refugee from a sex cult.  The leader Adam (Ben Carra) keeps stalking her and tries to lure her back into the fold.  Meanwhile, a killer is going around and murdering beautiful women.  Jennifer just so happens to move into the apartment building where the previous murder took place and predictably, the killer zeroes in on her for his next target.  Before long, poor old Andrea (Hilton) becomes the prime suspect, if only because he wigs out at the sight of blood. 

Things kick off with a decent little murder in an elevator.  Carnimeo paces it smoothly with lots of shots of people entering and exiting the elevator before our doomed victim is alone with the killer and gets the shaft… so to speak.  (This sequence could be seen as a sort of precursor to the similar scene in Brian DePalma’s Dressed to Kill.)  There’s also a drowning in a bathtub and an effective moment when Fenech’s friend is knifed in broad daylight. 

Edwige is achingly beautiful throughout and looks amazing in a variety of three-piece suit ensembles.  She’s so hot that just admiring her pulchritude will take your mind off the plot whenever it starts spinning its wheels.  She also has a fun modeling scene where she poses for a flamboyant photographer while wearing a sexy painted-on T-shirt.  I also enjoyed the flashbacks to the sex cult where she rolls around naked while covered in flowers.  Her sex scene with Hilton on a shag rug is pretty good too.  Carla Brait also has a memorable scene where she challenges men to wrestle as a part of her nightclub act. 

The last act where Edwige becomes suspicious of her neighbors is fun.  It’s here where the killer chases Fenech around in junkyards and boiler rooms.  She’s incredibly sexy in these scenes too, even while she’s scared out of her wits.  Sure, there may be some bumps in the road along the way, but whenever Edwige is front and center, you can’t take your eyes off The Case of the Bloody Iris. 

AKA:  Jennifer.  AKA:  Erotic Blue.  AKA:  What are Those Strange Drops of Blood Doing on Jennifer’s Body?  AKA:  Why are Those Strange Drops of Blood on the Body of Jennifer?

THE TOXIC AVENGER (2025) *

Macon Blair’s remake of The Toxic Avenger tries way too hard.  It reminded me of those bad horror flicks that came out after Grindhouse that aped look and the feel of the old grindhouse movies but missed the point entirely.  The problem is you can’t set out to make a cult movie.  Troma didn’t do that with the original Toxic Avenger.  They tried to make the best movie they could with what they had, even if the concept was strictly B material.  The result was a genuine classic.  Lloyd Kaufman’s blend of comic book hero action with lowbrow humor and outlandish gore captured lightning in a bottle.  This remake tries to recapture that magic without the benefit of the lightning.  Or the bottle. 

This time, our hero is Winston Gooze (Peter Dinklage), a janitor who is killed by demented goons who dump his body into toxic waste.  He is soon reborn as an unstoppable crimefighter who goes toe to toe with the nefarious Bob Garbinger (Kevin Bacon) whose questionable products are polluting the Earth.  Just as he’s getting his footing as a superhero, Bob sets a trap for Winston by kidnapping his son (Jacob Tremblay).

The sole clever gag in the film occurs early on when we see a sign for the town, “St. Roma’s Village” that has a few letters smudged out, so it reads “Tromaville”.  Other than that, the humor is obnoxious and intentionally campy, and the gore is ruined by quick-cut editing and obvious CGI.  The tone also fluctuates wildly.  They want us to care about the relationship with Toxie and his son while at the same time expecting us to laugh at the Epic Movie level of humor and applaud the mediocre gore. 

The cast do what they can.  Dinklage is sincere, but his Toxie never quite registers.  Bacon looks like he’s having fun hamming it up, and yet he rarely gets anything worthwhile to do.  The same goes for his henchman, Elijah Wood who looks like a combination of Riff Raff and the Penguin. 

I don’t know.  I might’ve been forgiving if they set out to remake Class of Nuke ‘Em High or Sgt. Kabukiman, but this is The Toxic Avenger we’re talking about here.  Seeing someone (especially someone as talented as Blair) trying to duplicate one of the best cult movies of all time is just kind of sad and depressing, particularly when they don’t even come close to matching the absurdity and fun of the original.

In short, this remake is toxic indeed. 

SNOW WHITE AND THE 7 SAMURAI (2024) ***

No matter what you think of The Asylum and their never-ending line of low budget “mockbusters”, you’ve got to hand it to them for creating one of the best titles of all time with Snow White and the 7 Samurai.  Surprisingly enough, the movie almost lives up to its awesome title.  Almost. 

Not even a minute into the movie we learn why Anya (Fiona Dorn) is nicknamed Snow White as she’s “heir to her daddy’s cocaine empire!”  And get this:  Her drug-dealing daddy is played by none other than Eric Roberts.  Naturally, Roberts gets killed off in record time and leaves his fortune to Snow White.  Her wicked stepmother (Gina Vitori) despises the fact she wants to make the family business legitimate and hires “The Hooded Man” (Quinton “Rampage” Jackson) to snuff her out.  Snow White survives and is nursed back to health by seven sexy samurai women who fight corruption and injustice.  It doesn’t take long for the feisty Anya to join their ranks and together, they set out to stop her wicked stepmother once and for all. 

I don’t know about you, but I’ll take seven sexy samurai women over seven dwarf miners any day. 

Yes, this movie could’ve skated by on the ingenious title alone, but credit goes to the filmmakers for actually sneaking a decent female-driven action flick in there too.  The real surprise is that the action is well-choreographed, and the fight scenes are a lot of fun.  (I think my favorite scene was the fun training sequence where Snow White learns various fighting techniques from each of the samurai women.)  Vitori is especially intimidating as the wicked stepmother who can throw down with the best of them.  Sunny Tellone who plays Luna, the leader of the samurai, is equally impressive as she can spin a mean Bo staff and kick lots of ass.  Dorn is a credible action lead in her own right and carries the film gamely enough.  She certainly doesn’t need any Prince Charming to help her out of danger.  

It’s always entertaining seeing Roberts in something like this, even if his role is limited.  His appearance may lead you to believe it’s going to be another grade Z effort, but it’s better than you’d expect, all things considered (even if it starts to run out of steam by the final reel).  Jackson also brings an air of menace to what’s essentially a thankless henchmen role (he’s basically the Huntsman character).  It was also nice to see Skinamax stalwart, Robert Donavan popping up as the family’s lawyer.  

SERENITY (2019) ** ½

When this came out a few years back, the word on it was toxic.  A lot of people were saying it was one of the “worst movies of the year”.  Heck, there were even a couple who were tossing out a lot of “one of the worst movies of all time” talk.  Bad movies are my specialty, so naturally this has been sitting in my queue for a while.  It just took a while to get to it.  

Matthew McConaughey stars as a surly boat captain who’s obsessed with hooking a big fish.  His meager existence is shaken up when his ex-wife (Anne Hathaway) arrives on the scene offering him a proposition:  Kill her loutish rich hubby (Jason Clarke) and walk away with a cool $10 million.  He soon learns it isn’t that simple. 

The set-up is promising and ripe with film noir possibilities.  The small fishing village where everybody knows everything about everyone is an ideal location for such shenanigans too.  Like many film noirs before it, there is a big twist, and I assume it was the twist that got everybody’s panties in a bunch.  It’s the kind of thing where either you go with it, or you don’t.  I can understand why some people wouldn’t take to it as it comes out of left field (even though there are several instances of foreshadowing leading up to the big reveal).  I guess people that hate the twist hate the film on general principles.  However, hating the entire thing just because of the twist is dismissive to the solid first hour or so that precedes it. 

The cast is fine, with McConaughey in particular being outstanding as the drunken, hopeless fisherman.  Hathaway is also very good as the battered wife and Clarke is despicable as her abusive husband.  We also have strong supporting turns by Djimon Hounsou as McConaughey’s loyal first mate and Diane Lane as a local woman McConaughey provides stud service to. 

So, does the twist work?  Not really.  It’s not that it’s “bad”, it just comes off a bit goofy.  I was going to break it down in depth in this review, but I decided against it since it’s such a weird twist that you’re better off seeing it for yourself and drawing your own conclusions.  

Overall, Serenity isn’t deserving of its reputation but it’s not exactly a misunderstood classic either.  Without the twist, it would’ve been a good but forgettable thriller.  With the twist it’s odd and ultimately unsuccessful one, but it remains an unforgettable slice of WTF cinema.  Honestly, I think I’d prefer the latter. 

FOXTRAP (1986) ** ½

Fred Williamson is a cop named Fox who is hired by the slimy J.T. (Chris Connelly) to go to Europe and bring back his niece Susan (Donna Owen).  His search begins in Cannes and when the trail goes cold, it’s off to Rome where he finds her acting as a kept woman for Marco (Maurizio Bonuglia), a standard issue sleazy underworld type.  Not long after he brings her home seemingly safe and sound, he slowly begins to suspect he’s been playing for the wrong side, so Fox sets out to make things right. 

Foxtrap is very similar to the other cop action flicks Williamson was churning out in Italy throughout the ‘80s.  Most of the running time is devoted to Williamson strutting around smoking a stogie while occasionally kicking the crap out of hired henchmen.  These sequences aren’t staged particularly well, but they get the job done for the most part. 

I did enjoy the scene where Fred hangs out at the Cannes Film Festival where posters for Witness, Cocoon, and Death Wish 3 are prominently displayed.  It looks like one of those Joe Spinell/Fanatic type deals where he was already at the film festival, so why not film a movie?  Too bad more of the flick didn’t take place there. 

Fred is cool as always, but it’s Cleo Sebastian who steals the movie as Josie, Williamson’s girlfriend’s gay roommate who can kick ass when he has to.  He even briefly joins Williamson on his quest for revenge and uses a fighting technique that can only be described as Ballet Fu.  Little touches like this help to differentiate Foxtrap from Williamson’s other actioners of the era (like the interchangeable Black Cobra series) and gives the film a little bit of personality.  Lela Rochon also pops up in an early role as Connelly’s moll. 

Despite being a quirky effort for Fred, Foxtrap kind of runs out of steam before it crosses the finish line.  The finale is underwhelming too, and it features a lot of scenes of clearly empty cardboard boxes getting shot up.  All that aside, it’s an agreeable enough actioner for fans of Williamson. 

MADAME O (1970) ****

When she was just a teenager, Saeko (Michiko Sakyo) was gang raped on the beach.  Not only did she become pregnant after the traumatic incident, but she also contracted syphilis from her attackers.  Saeko grows up to be a respected doctor and obstetrician who by night goes out on the prowl, picks up men, and injects them with VD.  Eventually, Saeko finds herself catching feelings for a kind colleague who dotes on her.  Complications soon arise when an infected conquest shows up looking to blackmail her. 

Madame O hits like a sucker punch to the gut.  It’s exactly the kind of exploitation flick I love.  It’s a dark, depraved, and twisted thriller that features a great blend of muddy morality and sweet revenge combined with simple but effective plot twists and memorable characters.  Trust me, you’ll be thinking about this flick days after you see it.

Sayko is incredible as our sadistic heroine.  Even when she is ruining the lives of innocent men, you can’t help but feel for her and root her on in her quest for revenge.  Her hateful and bitter narration further endears her to the audience, even in the face of her questionable exploits. 

It’s mostly in black and white, but there are a few scenes that are in color, including a real birth of a baby sequence (!!!), Saeko’s first orgasm, and the gruesome part where she dismembers a corpse.  The gnarliest scene though occurs when she discovers she’s pregnant and performs an abortion… on herself!  While nothing particularly graphic is shown, those close-ups of her toes curling in the stirrups really pack a punch.  I can only imagine the reactions this received on its original release.  Heck, even by today’s standards, it’s a hard-hitting flick.  If you’re a fan of brutal revenge movies then by all means check out Madame O PDQ. 

AKA:  Vicious Doctor Part 2.  

FIRST MAN (2018) ****

First Man follows the exploits of astronaut Neil Armstrong (Ryan Gosling) as he overcomes personal tragedy to become the first man to walk on the moon.  After the death of his young daughter, he throws himself into his work, test piloting for the Gemini and Apollo space missions.  Through that, he tries to balance his personal life with his long-suffering wife (Claire Foy) who stands by her man, even though the pressures of his job and his emotionally distant demeanor cause them to quarrel. 

Gosling is excellent as Armstrong.  He plays Neil as tight-lipped, and not very good when it comes to talking about his feelings.  His determination and drive make him compelling, and when he does let his guard down a little, it really registers.  Foy is Gosling’s match as his dutiful wife who also buttons down her emotions because it’s expected of her.  That doesn’t mean she isn’t afraid to speak up and take Neil to school when she’s fed up with his shit. 

Director Damien Chazelle uses a mostly handheld style with a film stock that’s bathed in heavy grain, which gives the movie a documentary feel.  It often looks like you’re watching something from that era and not a biopic from the 21st century.  Having actors like Kyle Chandler and Jason Clarke, who look like they stepped out of a ‘60s time capsule, also helps set the mood. 

Speaking of capsules, the space exploration scenes are downright harrowing too.  Most movies about space show the rockets lifting off from the outside, but for much of the film, Chazelle keeps the camera firmly inside the capsule so you can experience what Armstrong and the other astronauts felt on takeoff.  (The standard majestic lift-off scene is saved for the fateful Apollo 11 mission.)  The camerawork is cramped and claustrophobic inside the cockpit and the whole thing feels like it could shake apart at any second.  (I especially liked the close-ups of various bolts and screws inside the cockpit which showcase all the ways it could potentially go to pieces.)  You don’t feel a sense of awe during these sequences, but rather a sense of, “oh shit”.

First Man reunites Gosling and Chazelle who had previously collaborated on La La Land.  I wasn’t a fan of that flick, but I found this one to be genuinely moving and gripping throughout.  The moonwalk scene is quite thrilling too, even when you already know the outcome. 

Overall, you’re bound to enjoy First Man to the moon and back. 

DEVO (2025) *** ½

I saw Devo live for the first time this summer and it was one of the best concerts I had ever seen.  I had been a casual fan before, but I did a deep dive into them afterwards and found their entire discography to be pretty awesome.  Now, in a case of perfect timing, comes the Devo documentary.  If you’re already a die-hard fan, this will be a nice walk down memory lane.  If you’re just a casual fan that only knows them from “Whip It”, you will get an eye-opening look at what they’re all about. 

The film gives us a concise history of the band’s formation (at Kent State at the same time of the tragic National Guard shooting that left four students dead) and how their music began as an extension of Devo’s theory of “de-evolution”.  (The band’s belief that humans are in a perpetual state of regression.)  The addition of music videos (years before the advent of MTV) added an important visual component to the music and the message and helped propel them into cult status. 

The interviews with band members Mark Mothersbaugh and Gerald Casale are enlightening and entertaining, even if you’re already familiar with some of their lore and philosophy.  The wealth of footage from their early years (including the band’s very first concert) and fun use of clips from old industrial shorts and horror movies (especially Island of Lost Souls, from which they gained a lot of inspiration) that informed the band’s outlook also makes it highly recommended. 

If there is a flaw it’s that it follows the generic documentary format that several other rock docs have used.  The rags to riches to rags motif doesn’t really ring true, especially when the band is still putting out new music and touring fifty years on.  Still, there’s plenty of great clips and awesome songs along the way, and that alone makes it one of the best documentaries of the year. 

NOBODY 2 (2025) *** ½

Bob Odenkirk returns as the ass-kicking family man Hutch in this energetic, entertaining, and fun sequel.  This time out, Hutch’s job as an assassin is kind of wearing him down and starting to cut into his family time.  He decides to put killing on hold and take his wife (Connie Nielsen) and the kids to a water park in a rustic resort town.  He soon learns the place is ran by a crooked sheriff (Colin Hanks) who is in cahoots with a crazy kingpin (Sharon Stone).  Hutch naturally just wants to be left alone, but old habits die hard and with some help from his dad (Christopher Lloyd) and brother (RZA), he sets out to burn her operation to the ground. 

While it isn’t quite in the same league as the original, Nobody 2 is a sharp, fast moving, and bloody good time.  The film’s dark sense of humor and Odenkirk’s Everyman appeal are its chief assets.  It often plays like a cross between John Wick and National Lampoon’s Vacation and the way Odenkirk tries to calmly avoid confrontation only to plunge headlong into gratuitous violence is often very funny. 

Director Timo (The Night Comes for Us) Tjahjanto delivers plenty of memorable action sequences along the way.  The scene where Odenkirk beats up a bunch of arcade bullies is a blast.  I especially liked the way he incorporated his surroundings during the action as he smashes one guy’s head with a Whack-A-Mole mallet and tosses another into a claw machine.  The amusement park finale where Bob and the gang turn ball pits, funhouses, and waterslides into death traps ends the flick on a high note and is one of the best action sequences of the year. 

Odenkirk once again delivers a strong performance and has a lot of chemistry with Nielsen.  Hanks does a surprisingly good job cast against type as the scummy sheriff.  It’s Stone though who steals the movie as the sexy kingpin.  She’s clearly having a blast, and you’ll probably have nearly as much fun as she does.  

THE STUDENT BODY (1976) **

Carrie (Jillian Kesner), Chicago, (Janice Heiden), and Mitzi (June Fairchild) are three inmates who are given a chance at early parole.  The trio are transferred from a state penitentiary to a state college where they take part in an illicit drug experiment run by a shady professor (Warren Stevens, acting like a budget version of Cameron Mitchell).  When Mitzi begins experiencing severe side effects, Carrie tries to have the experiment quashed, but predictably, no one listens until it’s too late. 

Directed by Gus (The Sidehackers) Trikonis, The Student Body features a mishmash of potentially good ideas that are tossed together in half-assed fashion.  It starts off like a Women in Prison flick with a fun Royal Rumble catfight in the laundry room.  From there, it turns into a college hijinks comedy before morphing into a low rent version of a Robin Cook thriller (and that’s giving it way too much credit).  Since it plays like a laundry list of ideas, it makes for a better trailer than a motion picture. 

The good news is there’s a fair amount of nudity in this one.  Such scenes involve skinny-dipping, hot tubs, coeds being spied on via closed circuit television, and heavy petting sessions.  Unfortunately, the T & A kind of dries up about halfway through the movie and likewise, so does the fun.  It’s a shame too because the first act is thoroughly entertaining.  As the film goes on, it feels less like a drive-in movie and more like an After School Special.  The climax is particularly underwhelming and ends things on a frustrating note. 

The Student Body is notable for being the film debut of Jillian Kesner, who is probably best known for her iconic topless Kung Fu fight scene in Cirio H. Santiago’s Firecracker.  Kesner (who went on to marry the film’s cinematographer, Gary Graver) is great as always and anchors the movie the best she can before it goes careening off the rails.  Heiden is fun too as the feisty Chicago, as is Fairchild.  The cast is rounded out by Judith (Eraserhead) Roberts, who plays Stevens’ wife and Peter (TV’s Dr. Strange) Hooten as his son.  It’s Fairchild though who gets the best line in the film when she says, “Big feet… Big ding-dong!”

AKA:  Sexual Students.  AKA:  Sexual Student.  AKA:  Classroom Teasers.  AKA:  Valium High. 

THE MYSTIC (1925) ***

Michael Nash (Conway Tearle) is a conman who joins up with a sexy sideshow medium named Zara (Aileen Pringle) and her loyal band of gypsy performers to create a phony mystic grift.  They soon set their sights on a wealthy heiress (Gladys Hulette) with the intent of bilking her of her father’s fortune using methods they’ve perfected in their stage act.  Problems arise when Nash begins to develop a conscience, and the woman starts seeing her father’s ghost “for real”. 

Directed by Tod (Dracula) Browning, The Mystic is thematically similar to both his Freaks and The Unholy Three (which was released the same year).  It’s a rather straightforward crime melodrama, but there are plenty of unique touches here to help make it memorable.  The idea of mediums using trickery to defraud people was a hot topic at the time of release, so it makes for an ideal framework for a thriller.  Browning brings a spine-tingling atmosphere and a legitimate sense of spookiness to the seance sequences.  The effects are well done too as disembodied arms float around in mid-air and write letters and ghosts dance about.  

Aileen Pringle is the standout among the cast as the shady spiritualist Zara.  She’s equally alluring whether she’s dressed to the nines in her seance scenes or when she’s scheming to get her hands on Hulette’s loot.  Hulette is quite good too as the naive mark and she has a nice chemistry with Tearle, who is also strong as the crooked conman with a heart of gold. 

While The Mystic might not be as iconic as some of Browning’s best-known stuff, it remains a crackling little thriller all the same. The final act may be a tad predictable, but everything preceding it is entertaining and fun.  Minor quibbles aside, it’s worth a look just for the uncanny atmosphere alone.