DRIVE-IN DELIRIUM: THE NEW BATCH (2018) *** ½

 

The Drive-In Delirium series is quickly becoming one of my favorite trailer compilation franchises of all time.  This third collection of previews only strengthens my convictions.  Fans of exploitation, sci-fi, and (especially) horror are guaranteed to love it. 

This time out, the running time clocks in at a whopping six hours and change.  That’s a little daunting for any jaded, dyed-in-the-wool trailer compilation fan.  However, if you break it up over a few evenings you’ll get the most mileage out of it.  It’s even split into two parts, “The Quickening” and “The Spawning”, which helps.

The Quickening is easily the weaker half.  Despite that, we still get a wealth of great trailers.  There are previews for movies starring Richard Jaeckel (The Green Slime, Chosen Survivors, The Dark), Martin Landau (Meteor, It Came Without Warning, They Call Me Mr. Tibbs), and Charles Bronson (The Stone Killer, 10 to Midnight, Death Wish 3, Death Hunt).  It’s just as fun though seeing trailers for obscure-o flicks like Swordkill, Savage Attraction, and Fair Game. 

Unfortunately, there are some ill-fitting trailers that seem like they came out of another collection.  The trailers for such highbrow entertainment as Gorky Park, Eyes of Laura Mars, and Last Tango in Paris feel especially out of place.  Plus, too many comedy trailers (The Pink Panther Strikes Again, High Anxiety, The Nude Bomb) kind of gum up the works as The Quickening is nearing its conclusion. 

Although things sort of putter out near the end of the first half, the intermission that bridges the two sections is a real humdinger.  It’s a ‘70s anti-smoking PSA starring none other than C-3PO and R2-D2!  After that, the compilation really hits its stride with “The Spawning” as it offers us wall-to-wall horror trailers.  There are slashers (The Prowler, Happy Birthday to Me, The Funhouse) sequels to several of the genre’s most famous franchises (Friday the 13^th, Poltergeist, The Amityville Horror), Stephen King (The Dead Zone, Firestarter, Pet Sematary), Dario Argento (The Bird with the Crystal Plumage, Deep Red, Phenomena), When Animal Attack flicks (Orca, Deadly Eyes, Razorback), and werewolf movies (Wolfen, An American Werewolf in London, The Howling). 

In fact, The Spawning is so strong that it could’ve been an outstanding standalone release.  It just goes to show Umbrella Entertainment’s dedication.  Most companies would’ve been content to give you one three-hour compilation and call it a day.  This one gives you two for the price of one.  At six hours, it was a given that some of the trailers would be a tad underwhelming.  Still, it’s well-worth picking up just for The Spawning alone.

NEUTRON, THE ATOMIC SUPERMAN VS. THE DEATH ROBOTS (1962) *** ½

 

Neutron, the Atomic Superman vs. the Death Robots.  Just say that title out loud.  Even if you aren’t totally addicted to Mexican Wrestling Movies like I am, I guarantee the poetry of that title alone is enough to bring a smile to your face. 

This is the sequel to the enormously entertaining Neutron, the Man in the Black Mask, and for my money, it’s even better.  I think it helped that the version of Death Robots I saw was dubbed, rather poorly, into English.  Because of that, when the masked mad scientist tells his helium-voiced dwarf assistant lines like “I need blood!  Blood!  Lots of blood!”, it gives the movie an added tinge of bizarreness. 

Yes, that masked madman, Dr. Caronte (Julio Aleman) is at it again.  Narrowly escaping certain death in the first film, he sets out on conquering the world by stealing the bodies of three noted scientists and using their brains to reformulate a neutron bomb.  Naturally, the only one who stands in his way is the black-masked crimefighter, Neutron (Wolf Ruvinskis).

This movie has it all.  Zombies, mad scientists, Mexican wrestlers, and gratuitous musical numbers.  Basically, anything you could possibly want from a ‘60s Lucha Libre flick.  I guess the one thing it doesn’t have is… you know, death robots.  Unless you count Caronte’s mindless zombies as “death robots”.  Or maybe the talking brains he keeps in his lab.  Regardless, it’s a blast from start to finish.

Once again, director Federico Curiel infuses the movie with a lot of atmosphere and style.  The sequence where Caronte’s zombies go out and attack innocent civilians is particularly well done.  He also gives us cool bits like Neutron pulling a Rick Dalton and using a flamethrower on a zombie, a surprising scene where a zombie self-destructs itself by ripping off its own head, and a fun sequence where a zombie dresses up like Neutron to foil the police. 

One could complain about the fact that Neutron doesn’t wrestle inside the squared circle, but his hand-to-hand bouts with Dr. Caronte in laboratories and dungeons pack a real punch, so it’s easily forgivable, to me anyway.  Or you could bitch that it has maybe two too many cheesy musical numbers.  Or the love triangle between Nora the nightclub singer (Rosita Arenas) and her three suitors (wait, would that make it a love rectangle?) kind of bogs things down.  All that doesn’t really amount to a hill of beans, because whenever Neutron is front and center beating the crap out of mush-faced zombies, Neutron, the Atomic Superman vs. the Death Robots is stellar south of the border entertainment.  

AKA:  Neutron vs. the Death Robots.  AKA:  Robots of Death.

HORROR OF THE BLOOD MONSTERS (1970) * ½

 

Here’s another archival review of an Al Adamson movie from my old site, originally posted on April 15, 2010.  (Tax Day.  Bummer.)

HORROR OF THE BLOOD MONSTERS  (1970)  * ½

A bunch of vampires attack a mess of people then the plot begins.  A team of astronauts travel to a prehistoric planet complete with different colored atmosphere and stock footage from other movies.  On their journey, the team finds feuding clans of cavemen; some of which happen to be vampires.  One hot cavegirl eventually makes friends with the astronauts and leads them to a pit of petroleum so they can gas up their rocket and go home.

So basically, it’s Dracula Meets Women of the Prehistoric Planet.

If Horror of the Blood Monsters doesn’t make one lick of sense, it’s because it was directed by Al (The Possession of Nurse Sherri) Adamson.  Actually, it was only partially directed by him since he just added new footage to a cheap-o Filipino caveman flick and tried to pass it off as the world’s first Sci-Fi Vampire Caveman Movie. 

If you haven’t already guessed, most of Horror of the Blood Monsters is just plain awful.  It does however have a couple moments that are so bad that they make you chuckle.  For example, one of the cavemen’s names is “Dookie”.  How funny is that?  You can also have fun spotting just how many movies get ripped off during the course of the film.  The color changing planet is kinda like the one from The Angry Red Planet; except there are more colors.  There’s also a couple who fuck with the help of a glowing machine that’s similar to the one in Barbarella.  What they have to do with the plot is anyone’s guess. 

The flick also has a couple of marginally well-done monsters too.  There are some big bug men that aren’t too shabby and the way they made the Bat People appear to fly was sorta clever.  The gore is pretty much non-existent but there are a couple of fairly decent arrow shots, including one to the head.  (All of this comes from the Filipino movie-within-a-movie by the way.)

Yeah, Horror of the Blood Monsters has some neat stuff sprinkled throughout.  The problem is that you have to sit through a LOT of boring shit to get to it.  On top of that, everyone in the cast is terrible.  The lone exception is an especially cranky looking John Carradine.  I wonder why he looks so pissed off in this movie.  Oh yeah, that’s right, he read the script.  Say what you will about Horror of the Blood Monsters though, it’s the best Sci-Fi Vampire Caveman Movie I’ve ever seen; so, it’s got that going for it.

AKA:  Blood Creatures from the Prehistoric Planet.  AKA:  Creatures of the Prehistoric Planet.  AKA:  Creatures of the Red Planet.  AKA:  Space Mission to the Lost Planet.  AKA:  Vampire Men of the Lost Planet.

How could I possibly follow up that fine bit of decade-old film criticism?  Okay, well, I guess I have to write SOMETHING.  So, here goes:

This was the tenth film on the Al Adamson box set.  It is the FIFTH one that has the word “Blood” or “Bloody” in the title, after Blood of Ghastly Horror, Blood of Dracula’s Castle, Hell’s Bloody Devils, and Five Bloody Graves.  The man obviously had a limited word bank when it came to titles, but that’s just one of the reasons why old Al is such an icon around these parts:  The man knew what the audience wanted to see, and they wanted BLOOD.  In fact, this won’t be the last Adamson movie with the word “Blood” in the title on this box set.  That distinction belongs to Brain of Blood, which I should be watching very soon.

I like the random opening with vampires sporting phony fangs (including Adamson himself) stalking unsuspecting victims.  The narration tries to tie it together with the space exploration plot and does it so poorly that it almost feels like you’re watching an anthology.  The spaceship scenes are slightly worse, but still sort of watchable in a “I can’t believe they’re making a ‘50s Sci-Fi movie in the ‘70s” way.  The longest part is the middle section where the astronauts walk along the planet’s surface and watch a bunch of tinted footage from a Filipino caveman flick.  

I’m not much of the fan of the space-set scenes, although I kind of love seeing an extremely crotchety John Carradine barking orders, acting annoyed, and generally being a big whiny ass grouch.  You take what you can get when you’ve sat through ten bad Al Adamson movies in two weeks. 

Speaking of which, I wonder if anyone’s noticed the way I compliment Adamson’s cut-and-paste directorial style of taking old material and incorporating new material to make a new product by cutting and pasting together new reviews from the scraps of my old ones?  Probably not.  Then again, what better way to honor a director who made a career off repackaged movies than with a bunch of repackaged reviews?

NEUTRON, THE MAN IN THE BLACK MASK (1962) ***

 

Wolf Ruvinskis stars in the first of five movies as Neutron, the Man in the Black Mask.  Unlike his Lucha Libre counterparts like El Santo, Blue Demon, and Hurricane Ramirez, Neutron doesn’t wrestle in the ring.  While I was at first a bit dismayed by the fact we weren’t going to see Neutron strutting his stuff in the ring, the film as a whole is so entertaining and fast-moving that it becomes a relatively minor quibble in the long run. 

A brilliant scientist creates a neutron bomb that will turn human beings to dust.  When his unscrupulous assistant, Dr. Walker (Claudio Brook) tries to murder him and steal the discovery for himself, the bomb is detonated, leaving Walker hideously scarred.  Another scientist is working on a similar project, and Walker teams up with a masked mad doctor named Dr. Caronte (Julio Aleman) to steal the formula and replicate the experiment.  It’s then up to Neutron (no relation to the bomb that’s so hotly sought after), the mysterious masked man to foil the evildoers’ plans. 

Even though there isn’t any professional wrestling to be had in Neutron, the Man in the Black Mask, our hero still finds time to body slam and suplex a bunch of bad guys and monsters outside the ring in places like living rooms and mad scientist labs, so it’s all good.  Unlike, say, El Santo, Neutron is leaner, faster, and lighter on his feet, which gives him his own unique fighting style.  You do have to wait a good half hour or so before Neutron arrives on the scene, which is a bit weird.  However, there’s enough scenes of mad scientists, dwarf assistants, zombies, and Mexican rock n’ roll to keep you entertained until he finally shows up.

The credit must be given to director Federico Curiel, who does a fantastic job creating a creepy atmosphere, especially during the laboratory and castle scenes.  The scene where Caronte first displays his zombie army is particularly well done.  Incredibly enough, this was his first film as a director and he already shows complete command over his craft.  He would later go on to direct many El Santo, Black Whip, and Nostradamus movies, but this is the one that started it all.

AKA:  Neutron and the Black Mask.  AKA:  Neutron, the Atomic Superman and the Black Mask.  AKA:  Neutron, the Black Mask.  AKA:  Neutron vs. the Black Mask.

SATANWAR (1979) *** ½

 

What do Paranormal Activity, The Amityville Horror, Poltergeist, and The Entity have in common?  They all ripped off Satanwar to some degree.  What?  You never heard of Satanwar?  Well, let’s remedy that!

After a lot of Dragnet-style narration (you know, the whole “The names have been changed to protect the innocent” spiel and all that), a couple moves into their new house.  It doesn’t take long to discover it’s more like a nightmare.  The cross on the wall keeps turning upside down, chairs move on their own, bright lights appear out of nowhere, and slime and goo drips out of the major appliances.  Since the headstrong couple just paid for the house, they decide they’re not going to leave it.  They still stay put even after Louise (Sally Schermerhorn) is groped by a ghost!  They do have a heart to heart talk about the situation though, which leads to her hubby Bill (Jimmy Drankovitch) telling Louise, “If he tries it again, tell that ghost that rape, sex, and molestation is my department!”

Satanwar is a scrappy, no-budget horror flick that will have your jaw dropping more often than not.  It’s not exactly well made, but it’s certainly entertaining as hell.  The opening scenes kind of have a Charles B. Pierce feel to them as both the narrator and Louise take turns dictating to the audience.  The supernatural shenanigans scenes are admittedly cheesy, and the special effects are lame.  However, the grimy film stock, coupled with director Bart La Rue’s off-kilter direction makes it all unforgettable.  The synthesizer score is genuinely effective too, which adds to the overall uneasy feel of the attack scenes.

Although the climactic finale occurs at the hour mark, the movie isn’t quite over.  It presses on with a faux-Mondo Cane-type expose on voodoo priestesses.  After they writhe around a campfire for fifteen minutes or so, the film finally wraps up.  While Satanwar kind of loses steam during this stretch, it’s still totally worth it just for the complete randomness of it all.  I don’t know if La Rue was like, “Oh crap, the movie’s only an hour long!  Let’s tack some bullshit at the end!”, but it still sort of works. 

In short, Satanwar is breezy, cheesy, WTF fun.

BLOODSHOT (2020) ***

 

I don’t know if it’s because I miss the theatrical moviegoing experience.  Or the fact they pushed back the new Fast and Furious.  Or if it’s because we’re not getting to see comic book movies like Black Widow and Wonder Woman this year.  For some reason, whatever it is, I had a helluva good time with Vin Diesel-starring comic book adaptation, Bloodshot.

Is it a thoroughly generic and derivative superhero movie?  Yes.  However, it’s one that happens to be slightly self-aware, which helps it be enormously entertaining. 

Diesel stars as a soldier who vows revenge on the man who killed his wife (Talulah Riley).  The only problem is… he’s dead.  Thanks to a smarmy scientist (Guy Pearce), he is brought back to life, infused with self-healing nanite technology and a computer brain that gives him complete access to government surveillance satellites, and trained to become the perfect soldier.  Naturally, he goes AWOL in order to exact revenge on his wife’s murderer (Toby Kebbell).   

That’s the set-up.  To get into more detail would spoil some of the fun.  Just know it’s kind of like Robocop Gets a Memento from Wolverine and Deadpool at the Edge of Tomorrow on Groundhog Day.  Even though he’s juggling a lot of clichés and half-baked parts from other movies, director David S.F. Wilson (a former visual effects man) has a keen sense of humor that doesn’t get in the way of the story, but actually enhances it.  Things start off a little wonky, but even that has a humorous payoff, as the film finds its footing about midway through and really begins to take off.

It helps that Pearce injects the movie with a slimy arrogance that elevates his potentially one-dimensional role into something memorable.  Another bonus is Wilson’s surprisingly strong flair for action.  The shootout in a tunnel where Diesel gets his face blown off and then it reattaches itself is cool, and the final duel with a bio-enhanced henchman (Sam Heughan from Outlander), who dons a pair of Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robot arms for their big slobberknocker is quite amusing.  (When their big brawl atop a series of speeding elevators occurs, try to imagine WHO is actually in those elevators as the facility looks like it’s only home to about four soldiers, one scientist, and maybe half a dozen tech guys.) 

Vin delivers a solid performance and emotes as much as the freshly resurrected corpse of a super-soldier can.  I especially liked his reactions during his funny superhero workout montage.  I don’t think it’s as good as the Riddick series or as wild as the Fast and Furious franchise, but I would put this a notch or two above the XXX movies.  It’s not a game changer or anything, but it’s a perfectly suitable Diesel placeholder until the next Fast and Furious flick gets here. 

HURRICANE RAMIREZ (1954) ***

 

I know I kind of watched these movies out of order, but the continuity is strong enough throughout the series that it wasn’t difficult to figure everything out, even without the benefit of subtitles.  In fact, after watching his antics in and out of the ring for two sequels, it was interesting to go back witness the humble origins of Hurricane Ramirez.  It also made me appreciate the family subplots in the later films a little more as their scenes in this one are better developed and entertaining to watch. 

Fernando (David Silva) works at night as a lounge singer, much to the dismay of his father Tonino (Tonino Jackson), a distinguished wrestler.  Little does his old man know, Fernando secretly moonlights as the masked wrestler Hurricane Ramirez.  When Hurricane refuses Tonino’s request for a wrestling bout, it drives father and son farther apart.  Their feud is put on hold when some gangsters kidnap Tonino and Hurricane swoops in to save the day.

The wrestling scenes are fast and furious.  Ramirez cuts a dashing figure in his wrestling matches, and Tonino has his moments to shine as well.  I think my favorite wrestling match was when Hurricane’s buddy puts on his mask to throw off suspicion to his true identity and winds up in the ring with an overly vain grappler who checks his hair in the mirror every two minutes.  The scene where father and son finally team up for a tag team match in the finale is a real barnburner too.  Heck, there’s even some women’s wrestling thrown in there for variety.  On the song and dance side of things, Silva’s numbers are a bit dull, but the cha-cha routines are full of energy. 

Hurricane Ramirez is indispensable as a historic milestone of Mexican (and the world, for that matter) cinema as it was one of the first Lucha Libre films ever made.  While it may feature a few too many dull musical numbers that gets in the way of the Mexican wrestling, the dynamic between Hurricane and his father gives the movie a dramatic core that many of its kind lacks.

As a connoisseur of these films, it’s fascinating to watch.  It may not be the best Lucha Libra movie ever made, but it’s interesting to see the genre taking its first formative steps.  After all, without Hurricane Ramirez, we wouldn’t have El Santo, so I think we all need to pay homage to the man who started it all.