SKYLINE (2010) **

I’m planning on watching Beyond Skyline in the near future, mostly because Iko Uwais is in it.  I don't want to be completely lost when that time comes, so I watched Skyline to get myself up to speed.  Sigh… the things I do for Iko Uwais.

I initially didn't want to see this because The Brothers Strause directed it.  If you don’t remember (and I wish I could), they’re the duo who directed the abysmal Alien vs. Predator:  Requiem.  Fortunately for me, Skyline is a heck of a lot better that that flick, although that's not saying much. 

Eric (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake) Balfour goes to visit his friend (Donald Faison) in L.A.  with his girlfriend (Scottie Thompson) in tow.  That night, blue lights rain down on the city and it doesn’t take the group long to realize they're in the midst of an alien invasion.  They do their best to survive as the aliens fly around and try to take over their minds and bodies.

Skyline plays sort of like a west coast version of War of the Worlds.  That’s right.  You guessed it.  This is another one of those Hide-from-the-Blue-Glowing-Tentacle-Alien-Robot movie. 

Most of the action is confined to one building which helps conceal the tiny budget.  I also liked that Faison’s character has two girlfriends and no one makes a big deal about their polyamorous relationship.  That’s about the only novel touch though. 

All of this is watchable, although it’s never engrossing.  You’ve seen it all before, and done better, I might add.  The aliens themselves are competently done, but like the movie itself, they’re derivative and forgettable. 

The Strause Brothers are in the FX business, so we know they have a handle the alien stuff.  When it comes to the characters, they pretty much drop the ball.  At least they’re more likable than the ones found in AVP:  R.  Then again, that covers just about every other movie on the planet.  

READY PLAYER ONE (2018) ****

Ready Player One sounds like it can’t miss, but properly making it come alive on screen is infinitely trickier than you’d think.  Only someone with the gifted touch of Steven Spielberg could’ve pulled it off.  What’s intriguing about the film is that it features only a handful of Spielberg’s directorial touches as his style is largely invisible throughout most of the movie.  Instead, he just lets his imagination loose and invites the audience along for the ride.

In the near future, most of the world’s population is plugged into the Oasis, a Virtual Reality simulator.  Its creator (Mark Rylance) has placed three Easter Eggs in the game and players spend most of their time trying to find them.  Wade (Tye Sheridan) is a loner who thinks he has a line on at least one of the Eggs.  The evil CEO of tech conglomerate (Ben Mendelsohn) wants the Eggs for himself and will stop at nothing to get them.

Based on the novel by Ernie Cline, Ready Player One relies heavily on pop culture nostalgia and video game references.  Even if Spielberg wasn’t able to secure the rights to the scores of characters that pop up in cameos during the games, it would’ve still been a treat.  Having them all fighting side by side is just the icing on the cake.  

I could make a running list of cameos, but I would not dream of spoiling the fun.  Imagine Who Framed Roger Rabbit combined with The LEGO Movie and that should give you an idea of how the various characters are integrated into the narrative.  Some are relegated to mere background players.  Others get jaw-dropping, fist-pumping, and/or standing-ovation-worthy moments to shine.  

This is guaranteed to be the most freeze-framed movie of all time once it hits home video.  The massive battle scenes feature hundreds of your favorite characters from video games, movies, and TV shows.  I watched it once and enjoyed it for the acting, plot, and sheer spectacle of it all.  Now I want to go back and just spot all the cameos lurking in the background.

The young cast is great, but the credit really goes to Mendelsohn for his turn as the slimy corporate villain.  He gives off a distinct Paul Gleason vibe and it’s a wonder they just didn’t use him for Mendelsohn’s avatar within the Oasis.  Without a formidable flesh and blood menace in the “real” world, the stuff inside the Oasis wouldn’t mean nearly as much.

Spielberg has made a lot of “grown-up” movies lately.  This one finds him back in his wheelhouse doing what he does best.  Even though he’s getting up there in age, this very much feels like a young man’s movie, and I’m not saying that because of all the pop culture stuff.  There are sequences here that crackle like some of his earliest, best stuff.  It is without a doubt one of the best films of the year.

BAD MATCH (2017) ** ½

I hate the term “guilty pleasure”, because like Keith Richards always said, “If something gives you pleasure, you shouldn’t feel guilty”.  However, I do have an affinity for cheesy From Hell movies.  Nowadays, these kinds of films wind up as filler on the Lifetime Channel, but it’s good to know you can still find new ones while perusing Netflix.  

Bad Match plays like a version of Fatal Attraction that’s been updated for the Tinder generation.  Fatal Attraction was of course, the Girlfriend from Hell.  Bad Match is the Internet Hook-Up from Hell.

Harris (Jack Cutmore-Scott) is a serial dater who uses dating apps for quick hook-ups.  His latest conquest, Riley (Lili Simmons) winds up falling hard for him.  When he spurns her affections, she concocts an elaborate fake suicide to get back at him.  Soon after, Harris’ Twitter feed gets hacked, and he gets fired for sending obscene Tweets.  Harris thinks she’s gone too far, but when a bunch of child porn is downloaded onto his computer, he gets in trouble with the cops.  He then goes to stop Riley once and for all.

Bad Match is not a comedy, but it is often very funny.  It has a knowing sense of humor, or at the very least knows the plot ain’t Shakespeare.  Some of the dialogue is good for a laugh.  My favorite line was when Harris tries to sneak out of bed after sleeping with an internet conquest.  When she asks him why he’s leaving, he says, “Yeah, I have undiagnosed restless-leg syndrome…”

All of this is more or less fun for about an hour or so, but the third act where Harris tries to turn the tables on Riley just goes on far too long.  Maybe it would’ve worked if the big twist at the end wasn’t so predictable.  Since we know what’s coming at the end, it makes the conclusion feel more like a twisted shaggy dog story than anything else.

Cutmore-Scott gives a winning performance.  Even though his character is a player, he is often quite funny and charming, even when he’s being a complete dick.  He’s kind of like an asshole version of Chris Pratt.  Cutmore-Scott’s so charismatic that he makes Bad Match fun to watch, even when it starts heading into heavily cliched territory.  Simmons isn’t quite as good, but she goes through all the psycho motions well enough.  One thing is for sure, I wouldn’t mind seeing them reunited in a Craigslist-centered remake of Single White Female.

SATANIC (2016) **

Four friends go on a Satanic sightseeing tour on their way to Coachella.  They visit Sharon Tate’s house and even stay in a hotel room where a woman apparently committed suicide in a Satanic ritual.  When they follow a Satanic book store owner to his home, they witness him and his followers participating in a bizarre ritual.  They stop him from sacrificing a young girl and take her back to their hotel room.  That's when all hell breaks loose.  Literally.

The girl gets drunk, draws a pentagram on the wall, vomits and pees on the floor, and then slashes her throat.  This is a decent horror set piece, all things considered.  It's even scarier when you realize the teens definitely aren’t going to get their security deposit back.

Satanic is competently made.  The acting isn’t bad and there are a handful of mildly effective moments.  (I liked the black and white pre-title sequence of old timey and/or cartoon footage of the devil mixed in with a home movie of a Satanic wedding presided over by none other than Anton LeVay.)  That doesn’t disguise the fact that it feels more like a short film that was expanded to feature length than an actual movie.  The fact that the twist ending is like something out of a bad Twilight Zone episode cements that feeling.  (The scene where our heroes get the 411 on the Satanic chick from the book shop owner is priceless though.)

The cast, especially Sarah Hyland as the Final Girl, is certainly capable.  I just don’t think the budget was there to make the horror come to life.  It will be interesting to see what director Jeffrey Hunt could do with a little bit more money at his disposal.  

THIS NUDE WORLD (1933) **

This Nude World is considered the first nudist colony movie.  It follows the exploits that go on in nudist camps in New York, Paris, and Berlin.  To give the audience a little taste of the local color, we see a bit of the night life each city has to offer before going into the camps.  Then of course, we have to sit and listen to some old academic telling us about the health benefits of nudism before we finally see a little skin.

And I do mean a little.  Even though we see plenty of butts in the early going, no one is shown naked from the front during the first forty minutes or so.  (If a guy is shown from the front, it’s only because he’s wearing a pair of tiny shorts.)  Once we get to Berlin, the filmmakers finally start tossing in a lot of gratuitous boob shots.  It’s not enough to save the movie or anything, but it keeps it from being a total rip-off.

I did like how the narrator goes out of his way to stress these are normal everyday people.  On more than one occasion, he tells us the nudists come from all walks of life.  (“They’re doctors, lawyers, and stenographers!”)  Even though the filmmakers spend the first two-thirds of the movie jerking the audience around, the scenes of nude javelin, shotput, tightrope walking, and tug of war almost make it worth it. 

This Nude World isn't a great nudist movie.  You had to wait until the ‘50s and ‘60s before you get some truly great ones.  Despite that, it’s worth a look since it was the first of its kind.  You know, for purely historical purposes. 

AKA:  This Naked Age.  AKA:  Back to Nature.  AKA:  The Nudist World.  AKA:  This Naked World.

INVADERS OF THE LOST GOLD (1982) * ½

Invaders of the Lost Gold is a frustrating film, mostly because it gathers together a great cast and then doesn’t do anything with them.  If you ever wanted to see Stuart Whitman, Woody Strode, Edmund Purdom, Harold “Odd Job” Sakata, and Laura Gemser walk endlessly around the jungle while sweating and complaining, then you’re sure to love it.  For any other sane person, it’ll be tough going.

Whitman stars as an alcoholic adventurer who gets hired by an old rich dude to find a cache of hidden treasure.  They get a team together, much to the chagrin of Purdom, who knows that the more people you take on an expedition, the smaller the shares will be.  As the excursion wears on, people start dying off one by one.  That’ll help raise your bottom line!

Directed by Alan (Killer’s Moon) Birkinshaw, Invaders of the Lost Gold is a slow moving and boring affair.  The dull opening WWII flashback in which some Japanese soldiers hide the gold gets the movie off on the wrong foot.  It’s overlong and clunky and gets in the way of Whitman’s storyline.  The scenes of the team being put together are equally sluggish, and by the time they finally head off into the jungle, you’ll already be checking your watch.  The jungle sequences themselves are repetitive and aren’t too far removed from your typical jungle movie from the ‘30s. 

It’s not all bad though.  If you always wanted to see Woody Strode fight Odd Job from Goldfinger, then Invaders of the Lost Gold has you covered.  Gemser also gets a lengthy nude swim, which helps perk things up.  Not even that marvelous piece of filmmaking can save the movie.

AKA:  Horror Safari.  AKA:  Greed.

DAUGHTER OF DEATH (1983) ***

Director Paul Nicholas made this the same year he directed the immortal Chained Heat.  Hey, when you’re hot, you’re hot.  Like that film, it features the sexy Sybil Danning.  In fact, both movies would make a good double feature, even if they are as different as night and day.

Dr. Wilding (Tony Franciosa) has a precocious daughter named Julie (Isabelle Mejias) who loves freaking people out with her pet snake.  Instead of being interested in boys, she’d rather be out hunting with her daddy.  When she witnesses her mother raped and killed by an intruder, Julie doesn’t lift a finger to help her because she thinks this will be her chance to be with her daddy forever.  However, daddy moves his mistress (Danning) in almost immediately, which sets Julie down the path of revenge.

Nicholas gives us several sequences that play with our expectations and/or just plain gross us out.  The scene where Julie witnesses her mother’s death is truly shocking, mostly because it’s our first inkling of how twisted Julie (and the movie) can be.  The part where she plays a game of hide and seek with her new stepbrother and locks him in an empty refrigerator is genuinely suspenseful too, and the scene where Julie catches her father in bed with her stepmother and imagines it's her he's making love to is appropriately icky. 

Danning is great as the likeable stepmother who becomes the de facto Final Girl in the end.  Not only does she deliver a strong performance, she also gets a terrific topless scene.  Franciosa does a fine job as well as Julie’s clueless father.  Mejias makes for a good psycho too.  A Killer Kid movie is only as good as its Killer Kid and Mejias is a memorable one.

For an hour or so, Nicholas creates a gonzo anything-goes atmosphere that puts you on the edge of your seat.  Once Julie tracks down the rapist who killed her mother and hires him to knock off her stepmother, things start to get a bit farfetched.  The final reel is so entertaining that it makes up for some of the lapses in the third act.

Nicholas didn’t do a whole lot after ’83.  He only directed three movies after that sterling year, his last being Luckytown in 2000.  All I’ve got to say is come back, Paul.  We miss you.

AKA:  Julie Darling.  AKA:  Bad Blood.  AKA:  Julie.

ANGELS REVENGE (1979) *

A concerned teacher (Jacqulin Cole) is upset that her students are dying from drugs.  She then gets the help of a singer, a cop, a karate expert, a stuntwoman, and even one of her students to form an all-woman army to blow up a drug compound.  This causes Mr. Big (Peter Lawford) to get real upset and he sends out his goons to stop them once and for all.

Angels Revenge was of course riding on the coattails of Charlie’s Angels.  It’s actually closer to something like The Dirty Dozen, but, you know, with women.  If director Greydon (The Forbidden Dance) Clark upped the sex and violent quotient, it could’ve been a decent slice of exploitation filmmaking.  Instead, he goes for laughs, and the results are often embarrassing.  I mean whenever the ladies hit someone, it makes a stupid cartoony noise like “Boing-ing-ing” or “BONK”!  If you ever saw Clark’s Joysticks, you know that comedy just isn’t his forte.

I liked that Clark tried to at least make a multicultural group of women who empower themselves and don’t rely on their looks to get what they want.  However, the clumsy way he handles it winds up making it feel a bit racist and sexist.  Oh well.

You can keep yourself somewhat amused by counting all the guest stars.  There’s Arthur Godfrey (playing himself), Pat Buttram, and not one, but two refugees from Gilligan’s Island, Alan Hale, Jr. and Jim Backus.  It’s sort of sad seeing the great Jack Palance in this though.  He’s mostly just there to be Peter Lawford’s whipping boy, which is odd because it looks like Jack could snap him in two at any moment.  

Palance and Clark teamed up again the next year for Without Warning.

AKA:  Angels’ Brigade.  AKA:  Seven from Heaven.

GIRLS TOWN (1959) *** ½

Mamie Van Doren stars as a saucy vixen named Silver who likes to live wild and free.  She is wrongly accused of murder and gets railroaded because of her bad reputation.  Silver is then sent to the Girls Town reform school where the nuns try to set her straight.  

There’s a lot to like about Girls Town.  It’s like a Women in Prison movie crossed with a juvenile delinquent flick.  It’s also a terrific vehicle for Mamie Van Doren.  She gives one of her best performances as the tough and feisty Silver.  She also gets to sing the excellent title tune.  It’s guaranteed to get stuck in your head days after you watch it.

Speaking of singing, the cast is mostly populated with popular crooners, songbirds, and heartthrobs of the day.  I mean where else are you going to get to see Mel Torme play a sadistic villainous creep?  We also have Dick Contino, Ray Anthony (who was married to Van Doren at the time), and Cathy Crosby in the cast.  The Platters even show up to do a number or two.  

The best though is Paul Anka, who plays (what else?) a teen heartthrob.   He’s unfortunate enough to have a delusional stalker who escapes from Girls Town and thinks they’re supposed to be married!  Paul tries to be nice and eggs her on, which I’m sure won’t cause more psychological damage down the road, will it?

There’s, more!  What other movie do you know of that features Robert Mitchum, Harold Lloyd, and Charlie Chaplin…’s sons?  

Best of all, we have Gloria (The Leech Woman) Talbott as the bitchy inmate who is prepared to make life a living Hell for Van Doren.  Their scenes together are some of the best in the entire movie.  Maggie Hayes also gives a fine performance as the kindly sister who tries to show Van Doren the light.

Girls Town isn’t exactly a classic, but it is a lot of fun.  If you’re a fan of juvenile delinquent/’50s sexpot movies, you’re bound to enjoy it.  It’s certainly one of Mamie’s best.

AKA:  The Innocent and the Damned.

BEFORE I WAKE (2018) *** ½

There are so many ways Before I Wake could’ve gone wrong.  If it goes too far one way, it becomes a depressing Lifetime Movie.  If it goes too far in the other direction, it’s a goddamn Disney flick.  Thanks to the stellar performances, the heartfelt script, and the deft direction by Mike (Oculus) Flanagan, it’s a startlingly good chiller.

Kate Bosworth and Thomas Jane are a couple mourning the loss of their son.  They hope becoming foster parents for Jacob Tremblay will make them start to feel like a family again.  It seems like every time Tremblay gets a new set of parents, they disappear, die, or go crazy.  It doesn’t take them very long to see the kid has some amazing gifts.  However, they soon discover his talent has a dark side.

I’m trying to be as vague as possible here.  The less you know going in, the better.  What could’ve been a ho-hum Twilight Zone episode turns into an absorbing horror flick.  Don’t let the fact that it’s PG-13 stop you from seeing this.  While it doesn’t rely on gore or scares, there is some disturbing elements at play here.  I mean, how far would you go to bring your son back to life?  

Creepy Kid horror movies are tricky things to pull off.  Grieving couple horror is even trickier.  Flanagan manages to make both subgenres (along with a little Freddy Krueger dream imagery) work as a cohesive whole.  He starts things off enchanting and whimsical, then turns on the terror fast. 

The movie is hampered by a weak villain though.  The boogeyman that haunts the family is yet another one of those boring CGI Slenderman type of deals.  Other than that, this is a satisfying and yes, scary flick.  

That’s a minor quibble in an otherwise sterling film.  With Before I Wake, Flanagan once again shows he is one of the most impressive directors working in the field today, horror or otherwise.  I can’t wait to see what he’s got up his sleeve next.

AKA:  Somnia.

BUSHWICK (2017) *

Brittany Snow returns home to Bushwick to introduce her boyfriend to her folks.  They don’t think it’s strange that the subway is completely desolate until they see a man on fire running around.  They soon learn that the city is overrun by guys in tactical gear gunning citizens down.  Brittany’s boyfriend doesn’t last long, and she is left to fend for herself until she teams up with a janitor (Dave Bautista) who agrees to help escort her to her grandma’s house.

Dave Bautista is probably the greatest wrestler-turned-actor since “Rowdy” Roddy Piper.  Even when Piper starred in a turkey, it was usually still worth watching just because of his screen presence.  I don’t know if Bautista is quite there yet.  Bushwick (which was co-written by Stake Land 2’s Nick Damici) is not a good movie.  In fact, it’s a rather terrible one, but Bautista’s very appearance kept me awake even during its draggier sections.

Bushwick has an OK gimmick in that it is told in real time and done in one long continuous take.  The seams in the editing are painfully obvious to spot (especially whenever the camera enters a darkened hallway), which immediately takes you out of the “You Are There” aspect the directors (Cary Murnion and Johnathan Milott) were trying to create, so I’m not even sure why they bothered.  Some prolonged sequences feel like a video game while others go for an Asylum version of Children of Men or something.  None of them are suspenseful or foreboding.

The bad guys aren’t all that threatening either.  They’re just a bunch of dudes in black helmets and Kevlar vests.  They probably should’ve gotten a refund on those vests since they all can be killed rather easily, usually by one shot from a handgun, fired from a long way away.

Once we find out what’s going on, the movie begins really starts spinning its wheels.  Although the reveal is novel, it makes the danger seem, I don’t know, lackluster.  I don’t want to spoil anything, but it winds up being like a racist version of Red Dawn or something.  It was scarier when we didn’t know what was happening.

The last act is dire.  It’s as if the filmmakers forgot how to end a movie and just decided to throw their hands up in the air and walk away.  This sort of downbeat ending has been done better in the past, most notably in Night of the Living Dead.  The filmmakers were obviously going for a shocking type of ending, but they fail miserably.  They might’ve been able to get a rise out of their audience if we identified with the characters or cared about their plight.  As it is, we’re just glad the fucking thing is over.

AKA:  Bushwick:  The Last Man Standing.  

FEMALE PRISONER SCORPION: JAILHOUSE 41 (1972) ****

Female Prisoner Scorpion:  Jailhouse 41 is a sequel to Female Prisoner #701:  Scorpion.  It is crazier, wilder, and more stylish in just about every way.  Parts of it are unique, beautiful, and dreamlike.  Others look like they came out of a horror movie.  Some scenes will remind you of De Palma, others of Cocteau.  Even without the artsy stuff, it would’ve been a damned fine exploitation picture.  With it, Jailhouse 41 is a goddamn work of art.  

If you needed a refresher on who Prisoner Scorpion (Meiko Kaji) is, the opening scene sets the table perfectly.  It is simply one of the greatest badass introductions of all time.  We first see her on the floor of a dungeon, hogtied in chains.  Nonplussed at her situation, Scorpion continues to try to dig her way out using a spoon gritted in between her teeth.  You don’t see that level of determination in your heroine every day.

Kaji gives one of the most incredible badass performances I’ve seen in a long time.  She’s even better here than she was in the other films in the series.  What makes her performance so great is that she maybe says ten words throughout the entire movie.  I know Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson are tight-lipped in their films, but she makes them seem like Chatty Cathys in comparison.

Kaji does most of her acting in long, unblinking stares.  The slightest eye movement or subtle raise of an eyebrow speaks volumes.  Heck, some of the close-ups of her penetrating gazes are downright frightening.  The fact that she spends the first act confined, chained up, or imprisoned makes her acting that much more impressive.  It’s truly a performance for the books.

Director Shunya Ito drenches the movie in style.  There are some parts that look like a freeze frame, but in reality, the actors are obviously just standing still.  This makes it feel like a cartoon or a panel straight out of a comic book.  These sequences are heavily stylized, which helps to drive the emotion home.  Ito also gives us strange musical numbers, oddball asides, and theatrical interludes, all of which add to the overall experience.  While not all these touches work, the spell Ito casts is undeniable.  

In short, Female Prisoner Scorpion:  Jailhouse 41 is an unforgettable experience that will be enjoyed by fans of the Women in Prison genre and arthouse lovers alike.

AKA:  Female Convict Scorpion:  Jailhouse 41.  AKA:  Scorpion:  Female Prisoner Cage #41.

STAKE LAND 2 (2016) ***

After vampires slaughter his family, Martin (Connor Paolo) goes into the stake land looking for Mister (Nick Damici), the man who trained him to be a vampire slayer.  Martin finds him fighting in gladiatorial battles against other humans for sport.  Together, they’re able to escape their prison and try to bring down the lady vampire responsible for killing Martin’s family.

Stake Land 2 is a movie that is leaps and bounds better than the original.  Although many of the nighttime scenes are so dark that it’s hard to make out some of the action, that minor quibble aside, this is a sequel that surpasses the original in just about every way.  Directors Dan Berk and Robert Olsen must’ve known the vampires in Stake Land were pretty lame because we don’t see a whole lot of them this go-around.  Most of the time, our heroes have to deal with other humans who prove to be just as disgusting and violent as the vampires.  The filmmakers also embrace the post-apocalyptic feel of the movie by cribbing wholesale from other warrior-of-the-wasteland films.  In addition to the half-assed Thunderdome, we also get a feral kid who is lulled by a music box, just like in Road Warrior.  

Berk and Olsen do a particularly great job in the opening scene.  Paolo’s backstory gradually goes from being a fanciful bedtime story to a horrific campfire tale.  It’s these emotional notes that were largely absent from the first movie.

Speaking of emotional, Steven (The Blues Brothers) Williams gives one hell of a performance as a vet-turned-doctor.  His heartfelt final scene really sneaks up on you and is filled with some of the best acting he ever did.  Damici is equally great, giving another one of his patented tough guy performances.  He’s rapidly becoming one of my favorite character actors of the new millennium and I hope he winds up slaying vampires in Part 3 very soon.  

AKA:  The Stakelander.  AKA:  Stake Land 2:  The Stakelander.  AKA:  Vampire Nation:  Badlands.

Craving more horror reviews?  Want to know my thoughts on the original Stake Land?  Well, I just wrote a new book chockful of them.  The Bloody Book of Horror contains over 150 reviews you won’t find anywhere else.  You can get your copy through Amazon here:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542566622/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520113366&sr=8-1&keywords=mitch+lovell

CHILDREN OF THE CORN: RUNAWAY (2018) **

Marci Miller stars as Ruth, a former child of the corn who got pregnant, burned down the cornfield, and left the town of Gatlin with her baby in tow.  Thirteen years of drifting from place to place go by and Ruth and her son (Jake Ryan Scott) wind up flat broke and stuck in a small hick town.  Ruth gets a job as a mechanic to make ends meet and soon starts having visions of corny kids everywhere.  She suspects the children of the corn have come after her son and she'll stop at nothing to keep him safe. 

I know it’s only March, but I think Marci Miller is a lock to win the award for Best Actress in a Shitty Dimension DTV Sequel.  The sign of a good actress and yes, even a star in the making is the ability to not only survive a bad movie, but to elevate the material.  Miller, who was equally impressive in Death Race 2050, makes an otherwise forgettable and lame entry in the long-running series watchable based on the strength of her acting alone.  There are times where she evokes Amy Steel in Friday the 13^th 2, Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2, and Sissy Spacek in Carrie.  It’s unfortunate she’s trapped in a narrative that only allows her to have cliched mother-son dialogue scenes and mental breakdowns while experiencing bizarre visions.  Imagine what she could do with a script worthy of her talents.

Directed by John (Feast) Gulager and written by Joel Soisson (who also wrote the last entry in the series, Children of the Corn:  Genesis), Runaway doesn’t have the go-for-broke nuttiness Gulager usually brings to his films.  The script is weak, and the twist ending is predictable.  It almost feels like with one or two tweaks it could’ve been a standalone movie, which might’ve been for the best. 

Runaway is ninth in the Children of the Corn series (or tenth if you count the SYFY Channel remake).  As far as Dimension DTV sequels go, it’s better than your average DTV Hellraiser sequel.  Just don’t expect a lot of rampaging Corn Kids brandishing farm implements.  With measured expectations, you might even find it enjoyable.

All things considered, this is the best Children of the Corn movie in twenty years, although that’s not saying much.  99% of the credit has to go to Miller, whose performance is far and away the best thing about it.  I know one thing, I’d pay good money to see her in a DTV sequel to mother!

Gulager and Soisson previously teamed up for the much better Piranha 3DD.

THE GODSEND (1980) *

A couple with a gaggle of kids meet an innocent looking pregnant woman (Angela Pleasence) in a park.  They take to her immediately and invite her to dinner.  Shortly thereafter, she goes into labor and gives birth in their home.  The next morning, she disappears, leaving the baby with the family.  They’re smitten with the child and decide to raise it as their own.  Over the years, each of their children dies an accidental death.  The husband slowly suspects his adopted child is the killer, but of course his wife won't hear of it. 

Usually, a horror film can be undone by one of the Three D’s.  They are:

1) Dumb.  Most horror movies are by their very nature dumb, but sometimes an extremely dumb premise can be its undoing, which is exactly what happened with The Godsend.  

2) Depressing.   The death of a child isn’t exactly the sort of thing that brightens a movie up, let alone the death of several children.  Still, if the film in question is about a depressing topic, it can be made worthwhile if the director infuses it with a little style.  This is not the case here.  

3) Dull.  This is the deadliest of the three D’s.  If your movie is boring as shit, no amount of directorial flair (which there isn’t any) or acting ingenuity (of which there’s none to be found) can save it.

There are ways to make a killer kid flick work.  You can always make the victims unlikeable adults or bratty kids who are getting what’s coming to them.  The victims in The Godsend are all young defenseless siblings, so it's no fun whatsoever.  This might’ve worked if the filmmakers played up the disturbing aspects of the story.  However, the murders lack even the most basic comprehension of how suspense works.  It also doesn’t help that the parents often conveniently leave the murderous brat alone with a sibling frequently.  

The psychological aspects could've been interesting if explored properly.  We could’ve seen how the death of multiple children shattered a family unit.  Instead, what we get is a lot of scenes of the husband yelling at the wife because he’s right and she’s wrong. 

In the right hands, The Godsend could've been a slow burn psychological thriller.  Instead, what we get is an extremely boring, belabored, and repetitive yawn-fest.  The open-ended ending is especially frustrating and unsatisfying.  

The only aspect that works is Pleasence’s character.  She looks kind of creepy, mostly because she has an eerie resemblance to her dad.  Once she disappears, the movie goes into a nosedive and never recovers. 

AKA:  Horror Baby.

Craving more horror reviews?  Well, I just wrote a new book chockful of them.  The Bloody Book of Horror contains over 150 reviews you won’t find anywhere else.  You can get your copy through Amazon here:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542566622/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520113366&sr=8-1&keywords=mitch+lovell

VICE (2015) **

Bruce Willis stars as an arrogant entrepreneur who’s created an artificial environment called Vice where users can live out all their violent fantasies.  The people they cheat, rape, and kill are nothing more than robots whose memory get erased every time they “die”.  One of the robots (Ambyr Childers) escape into the “real” world and Willis stops at nothing to bring her back.  Thomas Jane is the detective on the case who’s been itching for an excuse to bring Vice to its knees.

You know when you play Grand Theft Auto, and you go around killing and stealing?  Well, Vice is sort of the next step in the evolutionary chain.  Imagine if one of the helpless extras in the video game became self-aware.  How would they feel about being treated as a human target?  It’s an interesting question, but the movie clumsily answers it.

I just don’t think there was enough of a budget here to fully flesh out the admittedly OK idea.  There are too few shootouts and car chases to qualify it as an action flick and the sci-fi elements are rather low rent.  It often feels like a half-assed version of a Phillip K. Dick story, and no one wants half-assed Dick, trust me.

Willis is sorely miscast as the suave and sinister owner of Vice.  It’s also hard to buy him as this genius tech wizard/asshole billionaire.  The character is essentially an egomaniacal Bond villain and the role really needed someone like John Malkovich or Willem Dafoe to make it work.  

Jane does a solid job in the hero role.  He brings a sense of world-weariness to the character that suits it nicely.  He’s also pretty funny too.  I particularly liked the scene where his captain says, “You’re one step away from losing your badge” and Jane starts fumbling around in his pockets looking for it.  Maybe with more injections of humor here and there, Vice would’ve been a fun time.  As it is, it’s about as generic and forgettable as they come.

NIGHT VISITOR (1989) ***

A Satanist in a black robe is going around murdering hookers.  Derek (Phantom of the Mall:  Eric’s Revenge) Rydall is a troublemaking teen who has a history of telling tall tales.  When a sexy woman (Shannon Tweed) moves in next door, he sets up his trusty telescope to spy on her.  It doesn’t take long for him to deduce that she’s a high-priced call girl.  One night, he watches her get murdered by the Satanist, who just so happens to be his history teacher (Allen Garfield).  Naturally, no one believes him, and his teacher takes pleasure in tormenting him endlessly.  He even goes so far as to capture Rydall’s girlfriend (Teresa Van der Woude) with the intention of making her his next sacrifice.  Eventually, Rydall is able to convince an alcoholic ex-cop (Elliott Gould) to help him rescue his girlfriend.

Night Visitor plays like a Satanist version of Fright Night, except with Elliott Gould in the Roddy McDowall role.  Our hero even has a dorky, but likeable best friend (Scott Fults) and has to save his girlfriend from the bad guy in the end.  Like I always say, if you want to rip off someone, rip off the best.

Director Rupert Hitzig (producer of Jaws 3-D) does a fine job establishing the characters and setting up the fun, if derivative, premise.  Once the killer has been unmasked, the tension curiously zigs when it should zag.  When Garfield begins toying with Rydall, it never feels very menacing.  I mean there’s one scene where he threatens him while giving him a haircut.  Huh?  

Things heat up in the last act though when Rydall gets Gould to help him rescue his girlfriend from Garfield’s clutches.  This sequence is genuinely suspenseful and has at least one great jump scare.  No matter how spotty the rest of Night Visitor is, I can’t hate any movie that features Michael J. Pollard attacking Elliott Gould with a chainsaw.

The cast is so good that it’s easy to dismiss some of the movie’s lapses in logic or squandered opportunities.  Garfield always had a weird energy about him, and although he’s a bit miscast as the killer Satanist, he still seems to be having a lot of fun.  He has a lot of chemistry with Michael J. Pollard, who plays his dim-witted brother/chauffeur and their scenes together are highly enjoyable.

Rydall is genuinely funny and charismatic without being a goofball or acting like a typical movie teen.  The supporting cast is also fun to watch.  In addition to Tweed (who oddly enough doesn’t get naked, even though she’s playing a hooker and has numerous sex scenes), we also have Henry Gibson (as a shrink), Richard Roundtree (as a detective), and Playboy Playmate turned porn star Teri Weigel (who has two topless scenes) as a hooker victim.

AKA:  Never Cry Devil.

Craving more horror reviews?  Well, I just wrote a new book chockful of them.  The Bloody Book of Horror contains over 150 reviews you won’t find anywhere else.  You can get your copy through Amazon here:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542566622/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520113366&sr=8-1&keywords=mitch+lovell

KICKBOXER: RETALIATION (2018) ***

People assume I see movies at random, but I assure you I have a strict guideline I follow before selecting a film to watch.  For example, if Jean-Claude Van Damme is in your movie, chances are I'm going to watch it.  Put Christopher Lambert in there, and the chances have doubled.  You add Mike Tyson in the mix, and I'm there with bells on.  You put all three of these titans together in one place and you can bet your ass I’m going to watch it.

Kickboxer:  Retaliation picks up about eighteen months after Kickboxer:  Vengeance.  Kurt Sloane (Alain Moussi) is married and enjoying his rise as a prominent MMA fighter.  More (Lambert) is the brains behind the underground fighting tournament from the last movie who wants to see Sloane defend his title.  Sloane refuses, and More has him thrown in a Thailand hellhole prison where he constantly fights inmates and is whipped by guards.  When More kidnaps his wife, Sloane teams up with his old mentor (Van Damme) to train for the big fight.  

Kickboxer:  Retaliation gets off to an awkward start with a weird scene where Moussi does a tango on a train.  It all turns out to be a dream/premonition that acts as his personal Spidey Sense/déjà vu from The Matrix that lets him know danger is near.  Once the focus shifts to the prison, the movie really gets into gear.  There’s one scene where Moussi kicks the crap out of dozens of inmates set to an old blues ditty that is done in one long take that serves as a reminder of just what a talent he is.  When he accidentally disturbs Tyson’s mediation (!!!), they get into a huge brawl.  Later, Tyson teaches Moussi a trick to heal and they become friends. 

Just when you think it can’t get any better, Van Damme shows up, only this time, he’s blind!  He even gets a brief Zatoichi-style swordfight against Lambert!  (I hope Van Damme and Lambert rematch in a Highlander reboot very soon.)  Van Damme then trains Moussi and exchanges words with Tyson.  Then Van Damme and Tyson fight, albeit briefly.  It’s like the movie keeps checking off things from my cinematic bucket list.

There’s more.  Remember David Bautista’s Tong Po in the last movie?  Well, this new guy, Hafpor Julius Bjornsson is like twice his size.  Not only that, he was created in a mad scientist lab.  Remember when Drago got shot up with steroids during training in Rocky 4?  This guy gets shot up with rejuvenation serum in between rounds!

Lambert gives a funny tweaked performance.  I especially liked the part where Moussi threatens him, and he shrugs him off like, “Yeah, I get it.  We all die if we hurt your girl”.  Van Damme delivers yet another late-era acting gem.  Should the series continue, I hope they’re able to explore his character further.  Tyson lends the film a lot of energy and swagger, although you really wish he was given more to do.

The bad news is director Dimitri (Slaughterhouse Rock) Logotheits is no John Stockwell when it comes to staging the action.  While some of the fight sequences are quite good (like the scene where Moussi beats up a bunch of dudes to the tune of “Wipeout”), they would’ve been sterling had the camerawork and editing been more precise. 

Then again, Kickboxer:  Retaliation is so damned eager to please that it's easy to forgive it for its sometimes-sloppy execution and bloated running time.  I mean, what if I told you Moussi goes into the last round of the final fight aided by a blindfold, inspirational quotes from Mike Tyson, AND an injection of Herbert West’s Re-Animator serum?  Most movies would’ve been content to have only one of those things happen during the finale.  This one gives you all three.  In short, it’s a blast.

If you’re wondering why I haven’t reviewed Kickboxer:  Vengeance, it’s because that will be featured in my next book:  Kung Fu Companion:  The Chopsocky Movie Guide later this year.  In the meantime, you can check out my latest book, The Bloody Book of Horror here:   https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542566622/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520113366&sr=8-1&keywords=mitch+lovell

REDNECK (1975) * ½

Despite the title, this isn’t a Good Ol’ Boy movie set in the south.  It’s an Italian crime flick starring Franco Nero and Telly Savalas.  I know what you’re thinking:  Neither of them are rednecks.  It’s Telly who plays the redneck, which should immediately raise a red flag.  Hearing his god-awful southern drawl is initially good for a laugh, but it only becomes more grating as time wears on (the same can be said for the film itself).

Telly and Franco plan a jewelry heist together.  During the robbery, they are forced to kill the store manager and have to make a hasty getaway.  In the confusion, they accidentally kidnap a young boy (Mark Lester, from Oliver!) who complicates their escape. 

The opening getaway scene is a real doozy.  Franco and Telly steal a car and naturally collide into all the cars and fruit carts you'd expect them to.  What makes this sequence special is the part where they crash through a funeral and the casket winds up going through their windshield.  No matter how crummy the rest of the movie is, this sequence alone is enough to prevent it from getting a One Star rating.

After they discover Lester in their backseat, Redneck goes into the shitter fast.  Things get dull once the hot pursuit grows tepid, and the annoying kid dissipates the tension instead of adding to it.  Oh, and the less said about the inexplicable scene where Lester gets naked for no good reason whatsoever, the better. 

It also doesn't help that there is no chemistry between the two stars.  I usually like Savalas, but this has got to be one of his all-time worst performances.  He's sorely miscast as the redneck of the title and his southern accent often feels like nails on a chalkboard.  Nero fares slightly better as the more level-headed one of the duo, although he’s clearly seen better days.

LOVE (2015) *** ½

Love is a hardcore love story.  It’s an unflinching look at how relationships are fueled by sex, not love.  Director Gaspar (Irreversible) Noe has never been one for half-measures.  In Love, his camera never shies away from his characters’ highs, lows, and excesses.  It doesn’t shy away from their private parts either.  Because of that, the characters (and actors) are naked in both senses of the word. 

The title might be misleading, because the characters rarely say it or show it.  Most of the sex in the movie is comprised of carnal humping, lustful cheating, misguided experimentation, or make-up/break-up sex.  Maybe that's Noe’s point.  Sex is something you do.  Love is something you strive for.

The most annoying think about Love is that most of the characters speak below a whisper.  Several times, I had to turn up the volume to hear what they were saying.  Then, in the next scene, they’re screaming and hollering at the top of their lungs while humping.  Again, maybe that was intentional on Noe’s part.  What they say is unimportant.  What they do is. 

I liked that Noe wore his inspiration on his sleeve.  The main character (Karl Glusman) is a film student who has posters of everything from Salo to Taxi Driver to The Defiance of Good on his wall.  I had to admit I had a tinge of jealousy.  The best part though is the sex club scene where Glusman and Aomi Muyock participate in an orgy set to John Carpenter’s score from Assault on Precinct 13.  You don’t see that every day.   

The structure is unique too.  It moves more or less backwards.  That way, Noe leaves things on a happy beginning, instead of the typical happy ending.  (Don’t worry, there are plenty of “happy endings” throughout the film.)

I wish I could've seen Love in its original 3-D version.  There is one scene that nicely preserves the format in such a way that it doesn’t lose its impact, even in 2-D.  I won't spoil it for you, but you'll certainly know it when you see it.