A WOMAN’S TORMENT (1977) ** ½

A philandering psychiatrist (Jake Teague) is balling his wife's best friend (Crystal Sync).  As a favor, she asks him to examine her nutty sister (Tara Chung) who she keeps locked in the attic.  It’s not long before the loon takes off to an abandoned beach house where she murders several people who are stupid enough to enter the house. 

A Woman’s Torment starts out great.  Teague bangs his wife (Jennifer Jordan) and finishes before she even gets a chance to orgasm.  Frustrated, she yells, "We didn't make love.  You masturbated inside of me!"  Since this was directed by one of the all-time great sleaze legends, Roberta (Tenement) Findlay, I thought this was going to be something special.  As it turns out, it was extremely hit-or-miss.  However, there are plenty of gory and/or lurid moments along the way.

I liked the scene where Chung seduces and kills a workman.  (She stabs him just as he’s about to cum.)  The stop-motion shots of a couple falling over after being murdered are pretty cool too.  I could’ve done without the extended sequence where Chung is pestered by an extremely annoying nosy neighbor though.

A Woman’s Torment is in some ways reminiscent of Demented and Lady Stay Dead.  Findlay gives everything an appropriately grungy feel.  I can’t say it’s one of her best movies, but it has the twisted hallmarks of her signature works.  She also takes enormous pride in making the sex scenes as unsexy as possible (which is to be expected I guess when most of the participants wind up slashed to ribbons almost immediately afterwards).  If you’re a Findlay fan (like me), I’m certain you’ll derive some enjoyment out of it., despite its uneven nature.  

I do have to call Findlay out on the blatant faked male orgasm scene.  I mean the guy is clearly squeezing a squirt bottle filled with lotion instead of shooting actual jizz.  That unfortunate bit of business aside, A Woman’s Torment is a decent enough slasher porno.

JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM (2018) ***

I think even Universal was surprised by just how much money Jurassic World made at the box office.  No one was surprised when they immediately greenlit this sequel though.  If you liked the last one, it’s pretty safe to say you’ll enjoy this one.  While it never approaches the greatness of the original, Fallen Kingdom is nevertheless a fun popcorn movie with only a slight drop in quality from Jurassic World.  

This time out, the genetically-engineered dinosaurs become endangered when the volcano on the island becomes active.  Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) enlists the help of the reluctant Owen (Chris Pratt) to save the remaining dinosaurs and transplant them off the island.  It sounds silly, but director J.A. (The Orphanage) Bayona does just enough to ground the scenario to make it plausible, or at the very least, fifth-installment-of-a-billion-dollar-movie-franchise plausible.

Bayona also cannily steals a few plays from the Steven Spielberg handbook.  He gives us all the scenes of characters looking at a Brontosaurus in awe, a T. Rex saving a human in the nick of time, focusing the camera on the terror in a child's eyes when she sees dinosaur, and gratuitous lens flares as you can imagine.  What makes it all work is the fact that he is able to throw in a couple of nifty moments of his own.  There’s a scene involving a ladder that is both suspenseful and funny.  I also liked the logistics that went into extracting a blood sample from T. Rex.  Bayona gives us at least one standout death, but (probably owing to internet outcry) there’s nothing here that’s on par with the assistant’s death by pterodactyls in the previous installment.

The best moment though has nothing to do with dinosaurs.  It involves Pratt getting shot with a tranquilizer gun and trying desperately to regain movement in his limbs as a stream of lava slowly creeps closer and closer to him.  Imagine the Quaalude scene from The Wolf of Wall Street meets an Indiana Jones movie, and that should give you an idea of how great it is. 

The film shifts gears abruptly in the second half as it goes from being an island adventure to pseudo-prison break movie.  Although the first half is admittedly more fun that the second, I’ll admit the ending is genuinely touching and thought-provoking.  The implications of the last scene are fascinating and makes me anxious to see the direction the franchise will go.

SUPERFLY (2018) ****

1972’s Superfly was one of the seminal films of the Blaxploitation genre.  Outside of an electrifying performance by Ron O’Neal as Priest, it was sort of ordinary.  The 2018 remake, directed by Director X and starring Trevor Jackson as Priest, is a revelation.  Not only is it the best remake in some time, it’s the best movie of the year. 

Director X and his talented crew takes the basic structure of the original and gives it a whole new coat of paint.  X modernizes the film, of course, but he also lets you swim around in the world Priest inhabits.  He shows us the allure of fast money, fast cars, and beautiful women, sure.  He also gives us enough glimpses of the dark side of a drug empire that when Priest makes his play to get out of the life, we are with him 100%.

I cannot praise Jackson’s performance enough.  I had never heard of him until I walked into the theater.  He is one cool customer.  He plays Priest as a suave, yet calculated kingpin.  While he enjoys the lifestyle his drug trade affords him, unlike the competition, he has his eye on the long game, and is all too eager to leave the life if and when the opportunity arises.  Jackson takes command of the movie right from the very first scene.  Even when he is outnumbered and outgunned, his quiet authority, quick wits, and charisma extradites him out of the situation.  He does this a couple times throughout the film.  It’s refreshing to see a character in an action flick using his brains to get him out of hairy predicaments instead of guns. 

Director X’s style is impressive.  It’s slick without calling attention to itself, much like the hero himself.  I also found it admirable how he was able to tap into the frustrations of today’s African-American society while simultaneously providing them an outlet for their frustrations.  I’m thinking specifically of the car chase (which is filmed in high-def a la Michael Mann) through a park containing Confederate landmarks.  X’s talents are really on display during the montage (set to the original film’s “Pusherman” by Curtis Mayfield) where Priest sells his product.  It ranks right up there with any given montage in a Scorsese movie. 

The best of the 70’s Blaxploitation films featured memorable and flamboyant characters who had a gaudy fashion sense.  This Superfly is no different.  Priest’s rivals, “Snow Patrol” are something else.  Dressed in all-white winter parkas (even in the sweltering Atlanta heat), they look like Biggie Smalls leading an arctic G.I. Joe hit team.  I hope they get their own spin-off movie.

I also liked the fact that Priest had two girlfriends.  The most impressive thing was that they all lived under the same roof.  Most guys would have to keep one on the side, but Priest is so charismatic that it is easy to see why they’d be willing to share him.  I especially loved the scene where the women were yelling at each other.  When Priest tells them to shut up, they immediately drop their feud and begin yelling at him.  It’s pretty funny, yet at the same time, it also feels very real.  (The trio also get a steamy three-way sex scene in a shower that would even make Jim Wynorksi proud.)

Superfly has a lot of moving parts.  It is populated with many supporting characters, all of whom have their own goals (they mostly want a piece of Priest’s action).  The most memorable is Jennifer Morrison (doing a mean Jennifer Jason Leigh impersonation) as a dirty cop who blackmails Priest.  Director X and screenwriter Alex (Watchmen) Tse are able to connect all the various plot threads and characters together in a fluid fashion that doesn’t come at the expense of the hero and his quest.  Sure, at its heart, Superfly is another one of those One Last Score movies, but Priest’s attempt to get out of the game while still on top feels much more organic than most cliched attempts at the subgenre. 

You know how everyone from rappers to college students to movie lovers have Scarface posters on their wall?  I hope that in fifteen years or so the same will be said for the Superfly remake.  

I don't want to spoil the ending for you, but it ends with Priest saying, “I left America, but I took the dream with me.”  It’s a powerful statement from a powerful movie. 

It’s Jason Mitchell (who plays Priest’s best friend and right-hand man Eddie) who gets the best line of the movie.  As the pair make their way across the Mexican border, Mitchell protests and says, "I'm not going nowhere where the j's are silent!" 

GUNAN, KING OF THE BARBARIANS (1982) ** ½

Gunan, King of the Barbarians starts off with a lengthy, but interesting bit of exposition that sets up the movie’s not-bad mythology.  A set of twins are found by warrior race of women who have been waiting for a prophecy to be fulfilled so they can defeat their mortal enemies.  However, the prophecy says there can be only one chosen one, which makes twin boys problematic.  That means the brothers must face off against each other to prove who is the best.  

Zukhan (Pietro Torrisi) is clearly the superior warrior, but his twin brother thinks he can save the village singlehandedly.  When he sneaks off to take on the evil Nuriak (Emilio Messina) all by himself, he is promptly decapitated.  Enraged, Zukhan sets out to get revenge and fulfil the prophecy.

Gunan, King of the Barbarians is only 77 minutes.  The fight scenes are mostly idiotic and features some truly terrible swordfight choreography.  There’s also an overreliance on slow motion, which can get a bit irritating.  I can understand the slow motion during the fight scenes (although that just magnifies how truly cruddy the choreography really is), but director Franco Prosperi uses it during simple scenes of people walking around.  My only guess is if these scenes weren't in slow motion, the movie would be only be an hour long.  Remember how Yor was a two-part mini-series that was edited down into one movie?  Maybe Gunan was just one episode of a TV show padded out to (almost) feature length.  

Also, as far as I could tell, there never was a guy named Gunan (the hero is called Zukhan) and he was the king of a tribe of women, not barbarians.  

Despite the awful fight scenes, I have to say that this is far from the worst sword and sandal epic I ever sat through.  Whatever its shortcomings may be, I can't hate any movie where a queen looks at Sabrina Siani and says, “She'll make good breeding material. Get her ready for copulation!”  Too bad the version on Amazon Prime butchers her nude scenes.  Oh well, at least the scene where the villain forces her to have sex with Zukhan while a bed of spikes forces her closer and closer to him is positively priceless.

AKA:  The Invincible Barbarian.  AKA:  Lost Warrior.

TRANCERS 3 (1992) **

Trancers 3 finds future cop Jack Deth (Tim Thomerson) working as a private eye in 1992.  He’s struggling to balance work with his crumbling marriage when a cyborg named Shark (Leatherface’s R.A. Mihailoff) shows up to bring him 250 years into the future.  They go to see Jack’s boss, Harris (Stephen Macht) who orders him to go back to 2005 to stop the ridiculously named “Daddy Muthuh” (Andrew Robinson) from creating Trancers. 

The early scenes of Thomerson tripping through time work for the most part.  His detached world-weariness is funny, and the film gets a lot of mileage from his priceless reaction shots.  Deth’s relationship woes with his estranged wife (Helen Hunt) offer up the best moments in the movie (and make you wish Hunt was in it more).  However, whenever Thomerson isn’t on screen, Trancers 3 suffers.  (It also doesn’t help that Deth spends most of the second act tied up.) 

The stuff with Robinson is far less entertaining.  The scenes of him building his Trancer fighting force is kind of dull.  Making the original crop of Trancers annoying army recruits was odd choice.  None of them are really menacing and feel like military grunts from an entirely different movie.  The part when he tries to bang a Trancer is admittedly amusing though.

While Trancers 3 lacks the fun of the original, it’s more entertaining than Part 2.  It has its moments, but never finds a consistent rhythm.  It sets up some good ideas, and then doesn’t do much with them.  Consider the character of Shark.  Giving Thomerson a cyborg partner to bounce off of was an inspired choice.  If they went further with the idea, it could’ve made for a funny futuristic Buddy Cop movie.  However, their interactions are flat and fail to generate many laughs.  Likewise, Thomerson’s final confrontation with Robinson is disappointing.  I like both of those guys a lot.  I just wish the filmmakers made the most of their short screen time together. 

AKA:  Deth Lives.  AKA:  Future Cop 3.  AKA:  Trancers 2010.  AKA:  Trancers 3:  Deth Lives.

HEADS I KILL YOU, TAILS… YOU’RE DEAD: THEY CALL ME HALLELUJA (1975) ***

George Hilton uses a machine gun disguised as a sewing machine to spring a Mexican freedom fighter from a firing squad.  Hilton creates a diversion by swapping out the candles on a birthday cake with dynamite.  If you can’t already tell, this movie is pretty awesome, even if it has a long and unwieldy title.  (The way Hilton and the prisoner reluctantly agree to terms while casually gunning down soldiers is also very funny.)  Hilton eventually decides to find some missing jewels for his newfound friend, who hopes they will help fund his revolution.

Heads I Kill You, Tails… You’re Dead:  They Call Me Halleluja is a fun Spaghetti Western chockful of inventive scenes.  Among them:  Hilton performing impromptu surgery with a corkscrew, spiking the bad guys' chow with laxative to save a nun from getting stung by a scorpion, and a part where a Russian soldier guns down a bunch of surly cowpokes with a guitar equipped with a small cannon.  Despite the title, the actual quote Hilton says in the movie is "Heads you die, tails I kill you!", but oh well. 

All of this is highly entertaining for the most part.  It begins to lose some of its charm once Hilton joins up with the Russian guy, mostly because he’s no match for Hilton’s considerable charisma.  It also begins to run out of steam once it enters the finale.  The last act lacks the invention of the first hour or so, but it remains a memorable and enjoyable Spaghetti Western for fans of the genre. 

AKA:  Guns for Dollars.  AKA:  Deep West.  AKA:  They Call Me Hallelujah.  

TRANCERS 2 (1991) * ½

Future cop Jack Deth (Tim Thomerson) is living it up in 1991 when he gets word that the evil Dr. Wardo (Richard Lynch) is creating a “Trancer Farm”.  It’s then up to Jack and his wife Lena (Helen Hunt) to take Wardo down.  Things get complicated when Jack’s future wife (Megan Ward) returns to the present to aid them in their quest.

Trancers 2 gets off to an inauspicious start with a massive exposition dump filled with enough gobbledygook to make your head spin.  It’s been a while since I saw the first Trancers, but I remember enjoying it.  With this one, I was lost before it even got going.  Director Charles Band doesn’t do much to correct that either as there isn’t much drive or imagination on display.  It also plods along at a lumbering pace and the action set pieces are clunky and cheap looking.  (The finale in particular is weak.)  Still, it’s hard to completely hate any movie that contains a homeless baseball game AND an exploding ham.

The cast do what they can, but Band fails to capitalize on their talents.  I mean what can you say about a movie that features Richard Lynch, Martine Beswick, and Jeffrey Combs as villains, and none of them are ever given a chance to tap into the oddball energy that make them such valuable cult icons?  It looks like Band just shot and used the rehearsal as their scenes together are mostly lifeless.  

Even Thomerson’s grizzled machismo isn’t enough to keep you watching.  His limp quips and lame wisecracks don’t help matters either.  The only sparks are provided by Ward and Hunt.  The scenes where they vie for Thomerson’s affections are the only worthwhile parts of the film, and even then, they’re mostly weighted towards the end.  

AKA:  Future Cop 2.  AKA:  Trancers 2:  The Two Faces of Deth.  AKA:  Trancers 2:  The Return of Jack Deth.

YETI: GIANT OF THE 20TH CENTURY (1977) ** ½

A giant Yeti is found frozen in a block of ice in Canada.  It gets loose and runs off into the wilderness.  The Yeti befriends a mute boy and his sister and acts as their protector.  Too bad their grandfather wants to exploit the creature for his own gain.

Yeti:  Giant of the 20^th Century was released in the wake of the King Kong remake.  Like that film, the monster becomes a symbol for an oil company.  (It even breaks loose when it is frightened by photographers’ flashbulbs.)  The movie also pokes a little fun at the Kong marketing blitz as the company sells a lot of Yeti t-shirts.

Directed by Gianfranco (the Sabata movies) Parolini, Yeti:  Giant of the 20^th Century is a moderately entertaining Grade-Z Italian knockoff that features some awful dubbing and uneven special effects.  The Yeti itself just looks like a homeless person with a wild hairdo and bushy beard wearing a tattered gorilla costume.  The other effects range from atrocious to passable.  While some effects shots feature obvious matte lines, the stuff with actors sitting in the giant Yeti hands work well enough.  The highlight comes when the Yeti walks down the side of a building, kicking in the windows with his feet and using them like rungs of a ladder.  The Kong-style scenes of the Yeti’s foot stomping on people are pretty nifty too.  The Yeti even goes one better than Kong as it strangles a guy with its toes. 

There are some genuinely funny moments here.  I liked the part when the Yeti combs Phoenix Grant’s hair with a giant fish bone.  I also chuckled at the fact that everyone pronounced “Yeti” as "Yay-Tee".  The scenes of the mute kid’s pet collie going for help played too much like a “very special” episode of Lassie for my tastes though.

One thing I can say for Yeti:  Giant of the 20^th Century is that it gets things off and running in a hurry.  There are no boring scenes of people going on an expedition to bog the pace down.  In fact, when the movie begins, the scientists have already found the Yeti and are in the midst of thawing it out. 

All of this isn’t consistently entertaining (or bad) to make for a great B movie, but if you enjoyed The Mighty Gorga or Konga you’ll probably get a kick out of it.  Another plus is the fact that Grant’s character refuses to be a Fay Wray-like damsel in distress.  She takes charge, bosses men around, and is quite protective of the Yeti.  She’s definitely more well-rounded than Jessica Lange’s character in the Kong remake, that’s for sure.

AKA:  Big Foot.  AKA:  Yeti.  AKA:  Giant of the 20^th Century.  AKA:  Ice Man.  

HER NAME WAS LISA (1979) ***

Roger Watkins directed this XXX feature just after making the immortal Last House on Dead End Street.  While Her Name Was Lisa isn’t quite as dark and depraved as that movie, it’s certainly more demented than your typical porno.  Watkins’ bleak outlook and callous attitude towards the sex insures you won’t be titillated during the film.  However, it’s an experience you won’t soon forget.

Lisa (Samantha Fox) is taken away from a seedy massage parlor by a photographer (Rick Iverson) who’s eager to make her his latest model.  She’s eventually stolen away by a rich publisher named Steven (David Pierce) who puts her up in a swanky apartment in exchange for her participation in increasingly-kinkier sex.  After Steven (or “Steffan”, depending on who’s calling his name) turns her over to a set of rapists, she turns to the sultry Carmen (Vanessa Del Rio), who helps her escape her life of sexual slavery. 

Her Named Was Lisa is a depressing experience to say the least.  There’s no light at the end of the tunnel for anyone in this film.  Even when things begin to look up for Lisa, she is ultimately betrayed and plunges even further into a pit of despair.  

You can feel Watkins’ fingerprints on every frame of this movie.  As with Last House on Dead End Street and Corruption, he seems to delight in rubbing the audience’s noses in the filth, punishing them for wanting to see their baser instincts played out.  Not only does he show us the harsh realities of a character living a sinful lifestyle, he shows us the repercussions and how it effects everyone around them.  The atmospheric lighting and creative camerawork adds to the weird energy that Watkins creates.  I mean any time a porno starts with a funeral, you know you're in for a downer.

I also loved the way Watkins blatantly stole pop and rock songs for the soundtrack.  Kraftwork’s “The Robots” appears during a sex scene, as does a cover of “Gimme Some Lovin’”.  The best moment though is when Led Zeppelin's “Dazed and Confused” plays during one particularly depressing sex scene.  I don't know how they got away with it, given the fact that Zeppelin is notoriously stingy with their musical rights.  I mean Dazed and Confused didn't even have “Dazed and Confused” in it!  Watkins obviously didn’t give a fuck, which helps to make this scene even more memorable.

“10” (1979) ***

When Blake Edwards wasn’t busy making those silly Pink Panther movies, he was doing these personal tangents about how women and men interact.  “10” was his biggest success, and probably his overall best film.  It’s still overlong, and clunky in parts, but there’s enough honest emotion (not to mention big laughs) to make it well worth watching.

Dudley Moore is a composer on the wrong side of forty.  He’s in full-tilt mid-life crisis mode; unhappy in his work, unsatisfied with his girlfriend (Julie Andrews), and making eyes at every piece of ass that walks down the street.  When he sees Bo Derek at a traffic stop, he becomes obsessed with her.  He decides to follow her down to Mexico (where she’s on her honeymoon with Flash Gordon himself, Sam J. Jones) with a wild scheme to get her into bed.

Moore has some good bits like being stung by a bee, drinking coffee while under the effects of Novocain, or trying to walk across the scorching sand barefoot.  The film is funny when following him around as he acts on his outrageous impulses.  It’s less effective when it spends time on Julie Andrews’ shrill girlfriend character.  Since she’s Blake Edwards’ wife, I guess he was forced to give her more and more screen time (which is probably why the original star, George Segal bolted the production and had to be replaced by Moore).  The finale where Moore and Derek eventually get together is kind of predictable and obvious from the get-go, but it’s also bittersweet and appropriate too.  I just wish the coda wasn’t so drawn out.  (READ:  More Julie Andrews bullshit.)

As great as Moore is, the supporting cast is packed with extraordinary talent.  Robert Webber has some nice moments as Moore’s gay songwriting partner, Dee Wallace has a heartbreaking bit as one of Moore’s potential conquests, and Brian Dennehy very nearly steals the show as a sympathetic bartender.  Don (Return of the Living Dead) Calfa has the most fun though as Moore’s sex-crazed neighbor who bangs a constant parade of nude starlets for the benefit of Moore’s telescope.  (The guests at his house party feature a who’s who of ‘70s porn stars.)

DEADLY BREED (1989) **

A racist police captain (William Smith) and a detective named Kilpatrick (Addison Randall) lead a white supremacist group that go around killing minorities.  They kill two jailbirds who were on the straight and narrow and make it look like a drug deal gone bad.  Jake (Blake Bahner from Wizards of the Demon Sword), their parole officer, investigates the murders and uncovers the extent of the supremacists’ operation.  When Kilpatrick murders his wife, Jake goes out for revenge. 

Even though he gets top billing, William Smith mostly sits at a desk, eats Chinese food, and barks out orders.  Hell, he doesn’t even stand up until about an hour into the movie.  (He never figures out a way to get out from behind that desk though.)  So, if you’re watching Deadly Breed thinking it’s going to be a William Smit vehicle, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

Deadly Breed starts out promising enough with Bahner tracking down the white supremacist cops.  If writer/director Charles T. (3 Ninjas Kick Back) Kanganis explored this aspect further, he could’ve made a real statement about racism and the police.  Instead, he drops all that about halfway through when the bad guys decide to go after Bahner.  Then, it merely becomes about his own personal survival and revenge.

I guess that would’ve been okay if the action was any damn good.  The finale is particularly weak.  Bahner just sort of sneaks into the supremacists’ compound and starts chucking dynamite around.  His final confrontation with Randall is a bit of a letdown too, and the ending with Smith is awkwardly edited.  It almost looks like they ran out of money (or time) and couldn’t film Smith’s death scene, so they just did a freeze frame of his face accompanied by the sound of a gunshot before fading to black.  Lame.

One sequence deserves special mention though.  Early on, there’s a montage of minorities being killed by the supremacists while Randall plays the organ shirtless.  The juxtaposition of murder and a beefy, sweaty guy pounding out classical music will make your jaw drop.  If only Kanganis peppered the rest of the movie with more oddball touches like this, it could’ve really been something.

LO AND BEHOLD: REVERIES OF THE CONNECTED WORLD (2016) ** ½

Lo and Behold:  Reveries of the Connected World is a Werner Herzog documentary about the internet.  That right there was enough to make me want to watch it.  Although it makes for a quirky, breezy ride, it never quite clicks.  I don’t know what I was expecting.  I thought a guy like Herzog would’ve managed to squeeze a little bit more out of the subject.  Still, his Zen-like quirkiness and dry wit helps to elevate the film from being a mass of talking heads.

Herzog presents ten vaguely connected vignettes, each exploring a different aspect of the internet.  The most interesting ones revolve around the creation of the internet and its early days of existence.  I also liked the segments devoted to online harassment and computer hackers.  Some segments (like the stuff with robots, driverless cars, and the potential for the internet on Mars) seems like it could’ve been part of a separate documentary though.

The best moments come when Herzog forces himself into the action.  Although he’s never seen on film, you can hear him just off camera stirring the pot a little and giving his subjects perplexing questions to chew on.  I would’ve liked to have more moments like this throughout the movie as Herzog himself is far and away the most memorable part.  Heck, his narration alone is worth the price of admission.  

I’m glad I watched Lo and Behold, but it never once attains the manic drive and bizarre fascination of Herzog’s best stuff.  The vignette approach sets itself up for an uneven ride as some segments misfire and/or peter out.  It’s a minor (albeit entertaining) work from a master filmmaker.  

MAGIC CURSE (1975) ** ½

Man-Ying goes to the jungles of Borneo looking for his lost uncle.  Not five minutes into journey does he run into a gang of killer lepers.  He kills one of them and there's a cool Wolf Man-style transformation scene where the leper turns back to normal.  Man-Ying learns the evil witch doctor Abdula put a curse in the guy and sets off into the jungle.

In another awesome sequence, Abdula casts a spell on a native woman who’s getting frisky with her boyfriend in a nearby stream.  He turns her into a fanged killer and she bites her boyfriend’s penis off.  Then, the camera cuts to another native in the jungle eating a banana.  Brilliant. 

Along the way, Man-Ying falls in love with Filona, the goddess who protects the jungle.  When he goes back home to settle his uncle’s affairs, she places a curse on him and tells him not to mess around with another woman.  Naturally, he can’t keep his dick in his pants.  

If you thought the editing on the banana-biting scene was great, wait till you see the part where Man-Ying is getting it on with a chick he picked up at the club.  Just as he's about to climax, they cut to a shower head shooting water.  I love it.   This is just the set-up for the centerpiece of the movie.  It’s essentially the Psycho shower scene, but with snakes.  (Later, there’s a staircase death that’s also reminiscent of Psycho.)  

Things sort of take a nosedive in quality during the third act though.  It’s here where Man-Ying goes back to Borneo with a detective to prove that he is in fact, under the curse of Filona.  None of this is as compelling or as memorable as the craziness of the first hour, and the finale where Man-Ying and Filona square off against Abdula is lame too.  

It’s also odd that Man-Ying pretty much takes her back, no questions asked.  The fact that she killed two women out of petty jealousy is never brought up, nor does the detective arrest her for the crime.  (I guess the fact that Filona was in Borneo at the time gives her an airtight alibi.)  Still, would YOU want to marry her if she uses snakes to kill anyone you bat an eye at?  After all, relationships that are built on this kind of distrust are bound to go up in smoke eventually.  Besides, can you imagine what THAT divorce would be like?

CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE PEANUT BUTTER FREAK (1975) ***

Billy (Zachary Strong, who also co-wrote and directed) is an awkward teenage loser who gets picked up by a gas station attendant named Priscilla (Helen Madigan).  They go back to her place for a peanut butter sandwich and she makes a couple of obvious passes at him.  Unfortunately for Priscilla, he’s too busy eating peanut butter and talking about his various sexual misadventures to even notice.

Confessions of a Teenage Peanut Butter Freak contains some rather kinky material.  There’s food play (this is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone use peanut butter as KY jelly), incest, strap-ons, bondage, butt play, interracial, etc. The thing that makes it all work is the fact that you can sympathize with a lot of Billy’s sexual blunders.  (Well, except for maybe his peanut butter fixation.)  Despite some wild moments, there are a few scenes that are surprisingly true to life.  I'm sure there are moments of poignancy here that will ring true for some people, which makes it a nostalgic coming of age movie (no pun intended). 

Strong is great in the lead.  His awkward tics are amusing, and his stuttering while nervously engaging in sexual intercourse are good for a few laughs.  John Holmes has a small role as Strong’s friend.  For some reason, Holmes does a different accent for nearly every line of dialogue.  I’m not sure why Strong let him get away with doing something so bizarre, but then again, Holmes wasn’t hired for his acting abilities.  Madigan is enormously appealing, and Jacque Hanson is a hoot as Strong’s sex-crazed aunt.  

The sex scenes themselves are a bit uneven, with the best ones being weighted towards the beginning.  It loses points for the weird, overlong, dreamlike ending depicting Strong’s surreal wedding ceremony.  This could’ve been cut out and no one would’ve noticed.  Other than that, Confessions of a Peanut Butter Freak is a lot of fun.  It has a goofy, playful feel that makes it work as both pornography and a relic of ‘70s low budget filmmaking.  There’s an innocence here that you just can’t find in today’s adult market, and that alone makes it highly recommended.

AKA:  Confessions of a Teenager.  AKA:  Peanut Butter Freak.  AKA:  She Can’t Get Enough.

THE EVIL SNAKE GIRL (1976) ** ½

I'm a sucker for movies about evil snakes.  Films about snake girls are even more up my alley.  Imagine my excitement when I found a flick called The Evil Snake Girl.  Unfortunately, it just couldn’t live up to its awesome title, but there are enough goofy moments here to make it worthwhile for B movie fans.

Manda (Rosemarie Gil) is born with snakes for hair.  Her parents are understandably freaked out, but they try to make the best of it.  When she gets older, Manda wears a scarf on her head to hide the squirmy snakes.  Not only does she have a head full of snakes, she has the ability to control snakes with her mind and make them do her bidding.  While walking home one day, a bully tries to make her remove the scarf and gets bitten.  After he dies, villagers show up at Manda’s door brandishing torches and screaming, "Give us the child!"  (Movies about angry villagers screaming, “Give us the child!” are another favorite subgenre of mine.)

So far, so great, but the movie is just unable to keep up the oddball momentum.  Now, I didn’t mind the subplot where Manda takes charge of a gang of thugs to act as her muscle.  (As if mind-controlled snakes weren’t enough.)  I liked the parts detailing Manda’s quest for revenge.  (The scene where a guy leans in to kiss Manda and winds up getting bit square on the lips by a snake is among the highlights.)  However, things get increasingly spotty once the flick turns into a martial arts hybrid.  

As a horror film, The Evil Snake Girl has a nasty streak to it that makes it enjoyable.  As a Kung Fu flick, it lacks… ahem… kick.  The action is rather ho-hum and the fight choreography leaves something to be desired.  It’s not bad or anything, it just seems rather staid next to the stuff with the evil snake girl.  The subplot with the Kung Fu Master taking it upon himself to rid the world of Manda works slightly better than the scenes where he beats up random people.  I dug the finale where he Kung Fus a bunch of mind-controlled snakes.  I just wish there was more of this brand of nuttiness throughout the picture.  It also doesn’t help that (SPOILER) the evil snake woman dies when she accidentally falls off a cliff.  Talk about anticlimactic!  

AKA:  Devil Woman.  AKA:  Manda the Snake Girl.

CREEP 2 (2017) ***

Serial killer Aaron (Mark Duplass) is still up to his old tricks, placing personal ads online, coaxing potential documentary filmmakers to his home, and then killing them.  He gets more than he bargained for when Sara (Desiree Akhavan) shows up.  She doesn’t flinch when he tries to scare her or recoil when he reveals intimate details about his victims.  In fact, she encourages him to go further.  It just might be a match made in Heaven.  Or probably Hell.

Creep 2 is superior in every way to the original.  Much of that has to do with the performance of Akhavan.  In the first film, it was basically Duplass’ show all the way.  With this sequel, he has someone worthy of his talents to bounce off of.  Not only that, but she’s his match nearly every step of the way.  When he tries to scare her off by getting naked minutes inside of their first meeting, she nonchalantly chucks her clothes off too.

Their efforts to film the documentary often lead to some big laughs.  I liked the part in the creek where a bird chirping continuously interrupts Duplass during a pivotal scene.  It’s hard to tell if all of this was scripted or improvised, but that in itself is a testament to Duplass’ performance.  Akhavan is also quite good and the chemistry between the duo is genuine, which alone makes it well worth watching.

Creep 2 also moves like lightning.  Even though it’s longer than the original, its zippy pace gives it a faster and looser feel.  The ending (which is usually a foregone conclusion in Found Footage horror movies) is genuinely surprising too and makes me look forward to Creep 3 in the near future.

COP CAR (2015) **

I was a huge fan of Jon Watts' Clown and Spider-Man:  Homecoming.  Because of that, I was excited to see this flick, which he made sandwiched in between the two.  Even with the presence of the always entertaining Kevin Bacon at the wheel (so to speak), Cop Car left me cold.  It's not bad or anything, it's just that there’s not a whole lot to it.

Two runaway kids (James Freedson-Jackson and Hays Wellford) stumble upon an abandoned cop car and decide to take it for a joyride.  Minutes later, its owner, a dirty cop (played by Bacon) comes back and finds it missing.  He then takes off in hot pursuit of the kids. 

Part of the problem is that the kids aren't that likeable.  When we first meet them, they are literally trying to say every curse word they can think of, which doesn’t quite endear them to the audience.  It also doesn’t help that neither Freedson-Jackson nor Wellford are strong enough performers to really get you to care about them.  A lot of that has to do with the script, which doesn’t do a whole lot to flesh their characters out.

Bacon is incapable of giving a bad performance, but he never ratchets up the menace.  Like the kids, his character is underwritten, and he seems more like a plot device than a flesh and blood human being.  Perhaps if he tweaked his persona a bit more and made the cop truly scuzzy, it would've upped the suspense.

Another problem is the story itself is pretty flimsy.  It almost feels like a short film that’s been indifferently padded out to get to an eighty-seven-minute running time.  Even with a relatively short length, it feels much longer.  

If I had to pick a section that worked the best, it would be the middle sequence where Bacon discovers the car has been stolen.  Once the kids find what's inside the trunk, the movie sort of flatlined for me.  The finale is lackluster too.  Ultimately, Cop Car spins its wheels for far too long before finally running out of gas. 

SOUL BROTHERS OF KUNG FU (1978) ***

Bruce Li stops some goons from beating up a black coworker.  He kicks their ass in short order, but he winds up losing his job as a consequence.  Bruce then tries his hand at prize fighting as he strives to be the next Bruce Lee.  The goons then kill his girlfriend and beat him within an inch of his life.  Bruce bounces back and perfects an "Iron Finger" technique to take them down.

Soul Brothers of Kung Fu (there’s only one soul brother, but never mind) is a fast moving and action-packed slice of chopsocky.  It’s anchored by a strong performance by Li, who carries the movie effortlessly, often beating the crap out of somebody without even cracking a sweat.  The endless array of fight scenes come at you fast and furious as Bruce mops the floor with someone every five minutes or so.  Because of that, it’s highly entertaining.

Like Li’s best stuff, there's some oddball moments along the way that help separate Soul Brothers of Kung Fu from your typical Kung Fu flick.  The funniest part is the training sequence where Bruce uses a state-of-the-art mannequin as a punching bag.  This punching bag is something else.  It comes complete with a set of glowing balls when Bruce hits it below the belt!  Even with the hilarious moments peppered throughout the film, the finale, where Bruce finds out his “soul brother” has been killed, is oddly affecting.

It’s a hooker though who gets the best line when she tells the villain, "Your bedroom Kung Fu is better than [Bruce’s]."

AKA:  Kung Fu Avengers.  AKA:  The Last Strike.  AKA:  Going the Distance.

PLASTIC GALAXY: THE STORY OF STAR WARS TOYS (2014) ***

My family and I have been eating up The Toys That Made Us on Netflix.  After watching the entire first season, we’ve been jonesing for more documentaries about toys from the ‘70s and ‘80s.  Plastic Galaxy:  The Story of Star Wars Toys helped to scratch that itch for a little more than an hour or so.

If you’ve seen the episode of The Toys That Made Us on Star Wars toys, a lot of the information will be familiar to you.  It follows the rise of Kenner, a small toy company in Ohio that became an overnight sensation when they created toys for Star Wars.  Since they didn’t have the toys ready for Christmas (the deal wasn’t inked until two months before the movie came out), they had to gamble on an “Early Bird” special, which essentially sold consumers an empty box, along with the promise of actual toys in the months to come.  Well, the gamble paid off and Kenner became a powerhouse in the industry for the next decade.

Even though the episode of The Toys That Made Us was shorter than this, it feels like they did a better job at telling the ins and outs of the company, the various production lines, and how the toys continued to evolve to this day.  That might be because of Plastic Galaxy’s tendency to feature fans who are only too eager to show off their toy collection.  As a collector myself, I enjoyed seeing all the cool toys (especially the old displays from the toy stores), but they ultimately get in the way of Kenner’s narrative.

That’s a minor qualm, really.  There’s still plenty of cool figures and neat info here, even if a lot of it was regurgitated on The Toys That Made Us.  The sixty-seven-minute running time flies by, and the short and sweet approach is appreciated in the long run.  Any Star Wars collector worth their salt will want to check it out.

FLESH AND BULLETS (1985) ***

Flesh and Bullets was made by former pornographers and it shows.  The production is often cheap looking, the performances are uneven, and the music is funky.  That is to say, I had a pretty good time with it.

It’s basically Strangers on a Train, with healthy doses of sex.  Two divorced men meet in a casino bar (maybe it should’ve been called Strangers in a Casino) and commiserate with their shared experiences of being constantly hassled by their ex-wives for alimony.  They decide they should kill each other’s wife, that way there will be no suspicion cast upon them.  Complications ensue when they wind up hopping into bed (and consequentially falling in love) with the other man’s wife.

The set-up is briskly handled, and the unorthodox method of having multiple narrators, constant flashbacks, and unusual subplots (like the bank robbery opening) prevent things from becoming dull.  Of course, you could always call the narrative “clumsy” and/or “slipshod”, but when it winds up working despite itself, I like to call it “unorthodox”.  

I also got a kick out of seeing the guest stars Yvonne DeCarlo, Caesar Romero, Aldo Ray, and Cornel Wilde looking totally out of place.  I bet they filmed their scenes while on a coffee break from another movie.  DeCarlo and Romero are literally in it for a minute and I swear they shared the same costume.  (They both play judges.)  Ray and Wilde are in just two scenes, but their characters have no bearing on the plot, so it feels like they were only there for marquee value and to pad out the running time.

Robert Z’Dar shows up late in the game as a jealous boyfriend of one of the ex-wives.  It’s far and away the best performance of the movie.  You can also have fun spotting porn stars Sharon Kelly, Mai Lin (as a hooker who is so horny she gives it away for free), and William Margold turning up in small roles. 

AKA:  The Wife Contract.