Well, they tried to slip a post-apocalyptic witchy werewolf western movie starring my girl Milla Jovovich under my radar. As with anything tangibly Milla related, I try to stay on top of these things the best I can. They almost snuck it by me. Almost. This one was (surprise) directed by her hubby Paul W.S. Anderson and is based on a story by none other than Game of Thrones’ George R.R. Martin. (What’s with all the double middle initials?)
Milla is a witch with a tattooed face named Gray Alys (What’s with Anderson having Milla play characters named Alice?) who ventures into the “Lost Lands” at the behest of a Queen (Amara Okereke) who wants her to steal a shapeshifting spell from a werewolf. She gets a burly cowboy (Dave Bautista) to act as her guide and together, they try to stay one step ahead of “The Church”, who want to execute Alys for her witchy ways.
This is one of those hodgepodge movies that borrow liberal doses from other movies without finding a unique voice of its own. It has cowboys and witches and werewolves and knights from the Crusades, and yet it just feels like it’s making shit up as it goes along. Milla’s witch powers are often inconsistent and sometimes downright lame. The human villains are paper thin and forgettable too.
The effects are lackluster as well. Often times, it just feels like the actors are standing around on a greenscreen soundstage while 95% of everything around them is CGI. (And not particularly good CGI either.) It’s like watching a demo for After Effects or something.
The action is a mixed bag. Anderson’s most successful action sequence is when Milla and Dave fight off mutants in a burned-out nuclear power plant. That’s mostly because it feels like leftovers from one of their Resident Evil sequels.
Milla looks good though in a black cloak and wielding two little scythes. Bautista has a look that says, “Gee, I thought my career was in a better place than this”. Neither performer phones it in, but it’s not exactly their best work either.
As far as Jovovich and Anderson collaborations go, this is on the lower end of the spectrum. That said, you’re either the kind of person who will watch a movie where Milla Jovovich sports silver Wolverine-style claws and fights hand to hand with a werewolf or you aren’t. Despite flashes of this kind of enjoyable nuttiness, In the Lost Lands ultimately feels like a lost cause.