DOLLMAN (1991) **

Dollman is yet another team-up between leading man Tim Thomerson and producer Charles Band.  Fans hoping for another Trancers will be disappointed because it’s not very good.  However, thanks to Thomerson’s game performance, it certainly has its moments.

While chasing a bad guy through outer space, interplanetary cop Brick Bardo (Thomerson) crashes his spaceship into Earth’s atmosphere.  The sudden change in pressure causes Brick to shrink down to 1/6 his size.  Trapped on Earth, he winds up being a protector to a single mom (Kamala Lopez) who is marked for death by a gang of thugs led by Red (Jackie Earle Haley). 

Dollman is a futuristic sci-fi movie directed by Albert Pyun, so you know it’s going to look muddy and ugly.  As is the case with most of his films, Pyun’s vision far exceeds his budget, which leads to some really chintzy moments.  The sparing effects are often cheap (even by Charles Band’s low standards) and are mostly good for groans instead of laughs. 

The best stuff takes place on Brick Bardo’s home planet.  The opening scene in which Thomerson does a mean Dirty Harry impression while threatening a gunman who has taken a bunch of fat ladies hostage in a laundromat is a lot of fun.  We also get a few exploding bodies, and a weird bad guy who’s nothing more than a severed head with wings.  Unfortunately, the film sorta runs out of steam once Bardo comes to Earth. 

Thomerson gives a fun performance, although you can almost see he wishes he had a bigger budget and better dialogue to work with.  The whole movie is like that though, as there are more missed opportunities than good ideas.  Take for example the scene where Dollman is crawling through a sewer pipe and comes face to face with a rat.  Instead of getting into a fight with it (which would be cool), he merely shoos it away with his gun.  In fact, they’re never even in the same shot together.  (That would’ve been way too expensive.) 

Thomerson fans will enjoy it.  People who will watch anything Band puts out will too.  Ultimately, Dollman comes up… short.

AKA:  MicroCop.

ABDUCTION (2019) * ½

Scott Adkins wakes up in a fountain in Vietnam with no memory of how he got there.  With the help of a concerned doctor (Truong Ngoc Anh), he eventually remembers his daughter was abducted by aliens from another dimension.  Andy On is a hitman whose wife (Lily Ji) was also abducted by the aliens.  Together, they team up to get their loved ones back and stop the evil extraterrestrials from taking over the world. 

Abduction is a weird hybrid of sci-fi and action that never comes close to gelling due to the fact that the plot is all over the place.  Although Adkins is top billed, it is On who does most of the heavy lifting throughout much of the movie.  The plot has them on their separate paths for the first two acts, and the constant cutting back and forth between their storylines leads to some serious narrative whiplash.  It also doesn’t help that Adkins spends a big chunk of the movie homeless and stuttering.

Once they finally team up, the film improves, although only slightly.  The fight sequence when Adkins is temporarily brainwashed by a mechanical spider that programs him to engage in Kung Fu fisticuffs against On is pretty good.  However, it really comes as too little too late.  The other fight scenes and shootouts pale in comparison to this duel, which is a highlight of the movie, but is far from Adkins’ best work. 

It also doesn’t help that the aliens are bland and stupid.  With their pasty faces barely hidden by hooded robes, they look like the Engineers from Prometheus reimagined as a Mortal Kombat character.  

Abduction is even more of a disappointment when you consider it was directed by Ernie Barbarash, who directed Adkins in the fun Jean-Claude Van Damme actioner, Assassination Games.  It was also executive produced by none other than Roger Corman.  It’s a shame the first team-up between Corman and Adkins wasn’t more memorable.  They seem like a good fit for one another.

Adkins does what he can with the material he is given, which is admirable.  I can’t fault him for trying something a little different, even if it doesn’t work.  The scenes of him wandering the streets and spouting gibberish are sort of like Bruce Willis’ character in 12 Monkeys, and Adkins looks like he’s having fun while trying to flex his acting muscles.  When it comes time to the uninspired fight scenes though, you can tell it’s just another day at the office for him.

MADAME OLGA’S PUPILS (1981) ***

Madame Olga (Helga Line) runs an illicit brothel in London procuring underage girls and training them to service her wealthy clients.  (If you thought the title was referring to her eyes, you were way off.)  One of Olga’s young prostitutes, Tina (Eva Lyberton) dies after a romantic rendezvous with a rich john, who naturally wants to sweep the incident under the rug to avoid a scandal.  When Tina’s friend Rafael (Jorge Gonce) comes around asking questions, Olga cannily offers him a job scouting new girls rather than have him making trouble for her business.  A conflict of interest arises once Rafael meets Olga’s latest pupil, Lavinia (Marie Harper).  She wants Lavinia converted to a life of prostitution, but Rafael wants her all for himself.

As far as I can tell, this has no connection to the Olga movies of the ‘60s.  I don’t know if it was retitled to cash in on the nostalgia factor or if it was just a happy accident, but at least the main character’s name is Olga, so it’s not one of those Wanda/Ilsa the Wicked Warden deals.  (It does, however, appear to have been retitled in the late ‘80s as “Sex Academy”, no doubt to cash in on the popularity of Police Academy.)  It’s not anywhere near as twisted as the Olga franchise from the ‘60s, but it’s a pretty good early ‘80s skin flick. 

Despite the sleazy premise, it’s all handled in a very proper and classy manner by director Jose Ramon (Vampyres) Larraz.  He films everything in his typically arty style, which kind of runs against the grain of the lurid plot.  Sometimes the doldrums creep in now and then, but there’s plenty of nudity to go around, so that’s a plus.  Larraz gives us shower scenes, sex scenes, lesbian scenes, voyeurism… you name it… he’s got it.  (The sequence in the “saddle room” is especially memorable.) 

Sure, the plot is thin, but the focus is soft, and the breathing is heavy, so who cares?  I will say the ending is abrupt and a bit unsatisfying.  Then again, if that’s what Larraz had to do to keep the running time down to a tight seventy-seven minutes, then I guess I can live with it, right?

AKA:  Sex Academy. 

THE GREAT GABBO (1929) ** ½

Gabbo (Erich Von Stroheim) is a ventriloquist whose dummy Otto is the toast of Broadway.  When he spots his former assistant Mary (Betty Compson from Mad Youth) in a restaurant, he tries to coax her back into the act.  She’s already in a relationship with another nightclub performer, who immediately becomes jealous at the thought of her having eyes for Gabbo, and a love triangle develops.

The Great Gabbo basically set the stage for all ventriloquist dummy movies and TV shows to come.  What makes it different than The Twilight Zone, Devil Doll, and Magic is the fact that the dummy is a lot more well-adjusted and mannered than the ventriloquist.  Von Stroheim is perfectly cast as the spiteful, egotistical Gabbo and effectively portrays him as such a tyrant that you can’t help but feel sorry for Mary… and Otto too.  While later ventriloquist cinema would often make the dummy the villain of the piece, it’s actually sort of… creepier to have him playing the nice guy?  That’s partially because you’re sort of waiting for a twist where he’s secretly a monster or something, but also because it’s a little unsettling to see other people treat Otto with dignity and class and him returning in kind. 

Ultimately, it’s more of a melodrama than horror film.  The constant musical numbers and dance sequences are the main thing that gets in the way of the fun.  While it’s one thing to see Otto performing on stage, many of the numbers don’t have jack squat to do with anything.  They’re intrusive to the plot and only serve to eat up a bunch of screen time.  There is one sequence that’s pretty cool in which a bunch of chorus line dancers climb onto a giant spider web.  For the most part though, these numbers just stop the movie on a dime.  Originally, there was a color sequence in there too, but unfortunately all the prints that still exist are completely in black and white.

VENGEANCE: A LOVE STORY (2017) ***

The poster for Vengeance:  A Love Story is almost as generic as the title.  Despite appearances, it has a little bit more going for it than your average Nicolas Cage DTV flick.  That is both a blessing and a curse.  Those who want a light and breezy night of entertainment are bound to be disappointed by the heavy subject matter and overall depressing atmosphere.  I applaud Cage for trying some a bit more downbeat, even if it doesn’t all quite come together. 

Cage stars as a widowed cop named John who is getting over the death of his partner in the line of duty.  While at a bar, he strikes up a polite conversation with Teena (Anna Hutchison), herself a widower, who is raising her young daughter, Bethie (Talitha Eliana Bateman).  After a party, Teena is accosted by some rednecks and Bethie is forced to watch as the men violently rape her.  It seems like an open and shut case, but the rapists hire a slick lawyer (Don Fuckin’ Johnson) to do some judicial voodoo and have them acquitted.  John, the detective on the case, soon sets out to see that justice is done.

This is probably Cage’s most somber performance in a long time, which suits the material.  He is quite good in his scenes with Hutchison, who gives a heartbreaking performance.  It’s Don Johnson who steals the show as the sleazy lawyer.  The scene where he argues that his clients pay him every cent that’s coming to him is especially memorable. 

Those hoping for the usual Cagey theatrics are likely to be blindsided by Vengeance:  A Love Story.  What is most surprising is the way that it concentrates on the lingering aftershocks of such a brutal assault.  Most movies would rush right into the vengeance portion of the plot (and you would think this would too given the fact that the title is Vengeance:  A Love Story).  However, director Johnny (Hangman) Martin handles the subject with sensitivity and wisely gives the film a little time to breath, allowing Hutchison a few scenes to express a wide range of emotions during her struggle to regain normalcy.

It is not a perfect movie to be sure.  The way the script unnecessarily tries to stack the deck is borderline comical.  The asshole judge and the jeering courtroom visitors are way too on-the-nose and almost cartoony.  If the script was a bit subtler in this section, the film could’ve been even more powerful.  Johnson, it must be said, is very good in this scene, but even though his character is reprehensible and slimy, somehow the judge and crowd seem way worse.  Also, there really isn’t any “Love Story” in Vengeance:  A Love Story.  They should’ve just called it Vengeance. 

The scenes of Cage exacting revenge aren’t so much crowd-pleasing as they are inevitable.  (OK, maybe the first one is.)  It hits the right note though as you get the feeling that Cage will be living with his deeds for a long time.  As far as his recent DTV work goes, this is the one of his best.

AKA:  Vengeance. 

GRINDHOUSE HORRORS (1992) ** ½

If it seems like I’m rating this grindhouse trailer compilation a little on the low side, it’s because it had a lot of overlap with some of the other trailer compilations I have seen recently, most notably, World’s Wildest Rarest Trailers.  In fact, I had to pause it about fifteen minutes in and re-read my review of that compilation just to make sure I wasn’t watching a retitled version.  That doesn’t seem to be the case, although many of the trailers that were featured in that one are present here.  There’s also a lot of trailers here that were featured in Grindhouse Trailers Classics 2, which I watched just the day before, and that REALLY added to the overall feeling of déjà vu.  

That said, there are some trailers here I’ve never seen, which makes it worthwhile.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen the trailer for Street Trash, even though I’ve watched the movie several times, so that was cool.  The same goes for the Girls of the Underworld trailer, the 1939 sexploitation flick (better known as Mad Youth) that promises to be “Sexsational”!  There’s also an ad for The Gold Guitar, an obscure Nashville musical from the ‘60s starring Bill Anderson, so there are some definite highlights here.  If you’re a fan of trailer compilations but you haven’t seen as many as I have, you’re bound to enjoy it more than I did.  It’s still not bad though.

Here’s the complete roster of titles:  Journey into the Beyond, Cult of the Damned (AKA:  Angel, Angel, Down We Go), Sweden:  Heaven and Hell, Amin:  The Rise and Fall, Savage Island, Jungle Warriors, Battle of the Amazons, Devils Three, Shogun Assassin, J.D.’s Revenge, Honky, If He Hollers Let Him Go!, Savage Sisters, Hell’s Belles, Girls of the Underworld (AKA:  Mad Youth), Run Swinger Run, The Depraved, Don’t Open the Window, Don’t Answer the Phone, The Death Dealer, Deranged, Slaughter in the South Bronx (AKA:  Tenement), Massacre at Central High, Street Trash, The Offspring (AKA:  From a Whisper to a Scream), Demon! (AKA:  God Told Me To), Dixie Dynamite, Wild Rebels, The Gold Guitar, The Doll Squad, Virgin Witch, Deep Red, Rabid, Maniac, Slumber Party Massacre, The Exterminator, The Evil, Silent Night Deadly Night, Chinese Hercules, Dirty Mary Crazy Larry, Fearless Fighters, Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster, Goliath and the Sins of Babylon, Jaws of the Dragon, The Man from Hong Kong, Puppet on a Chain, and Race with the Devil.

GRINDHOUSE TRAILER CLASSICS 2 (2008) *** ½

In 2007, Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez came out with the cult classic Grindhouse, and it introduced a new generation to the world of ‘70s exploitation and drive-in movies.  It also sparked renewed interest in old grindhouse movie trailers.  The UK-based Grindhouse Trailer Classics was one of the many trailer compilations that came out around the same time to capitalize on Grindhouse’s release.  (I can’t say “success” because it was a box-office flop.)  This second collection followed the next year, and it’s an even better compilation than the first one as far as I’m concerned. 

Grindhouse Trailer Classics 2 predominantly focuses on the exploitation hits of the ‘70s.  Sure, there are a couple trailers from the ‘60s and ‘80s scattered about, but about 90% of the films come from the glorious ‘70s.  The concentration is mostly on badass babes and Blaxploitation badasses.  Along the way, we get some great taglines like, “The one thing she can’t give is legal consent!” from Jail Bait Babysitter, Snuff’s “Filmed in South America, where life is cheap!”, and Tender Flesh’s “It makes the killing in Snuff seem like amateur night!”.  The best trailers though feature rhyming schemes in their taglines.  There’s Black Shampoo (“A woman entices… a chainsaw slices!”), Dolemite (“If you crave satisfaction… here’s the place to find that action!”), Foxy Brown (“Pam Grier is back to do a job on the Mob!”), and The Bodyguard (“Faster than Ali… Meaner than Bruce Lee… Sonny Chiba, the Streetfighter is the dirty, mean, murder machine!”).

My favorite trailer is for The Tigress, which is just a retitling of Ilsa, the Tigress of Siberia.  I’m not sure why the studio chose to drop the Ilsa connection (they sure as shit play up Dyanne Thorne’s involvement), but it certainly makes it stand out from the rest of the pack.  Almost to balance the books, there’s also a trailer for Jess Franco’s Wanda, the Wicked Warden, a Dyanne Thorne movie that was retitled to cash-in on Ilsa. 

In case you’re wondering, here’s the complete round-up of trailers:  Night Call Nurses, The Tigress, Sister Streetfighter, Chain Gang Women, Black Shampoo, The Undertaker and His Pals, Jail Bait Babysitter, The Violent Professionals, The Cheerleaders, Cut-Throats Nine, The Black Gestapo, Sacrifice (AKA:  Man from Deep River), Dolemite, The House That Screamed, Dr. Minx, Don’t Go in the House, Cinderella 2000, The Hunchback of the Morgue, Criminally Insane, Foxy Brown, Bloody Pit of Horror, The Pink Angels, Nightmare, The Depraved, Don’t Look in the Basement, The Arena, The Naughty Stewardesses, Snuff, The Twilight People, The Worm Eaters, The Virgin Sacrifice (AKA:  Axe), Mean Mother, Tender Flesh, Wanda the Wicked Warden, The Death Dealer, Invasion of the Blood Farmers, Deep Red, Mighty Peking Man, Blood Orgy of the She-Devils, The Bodyguard, Virgin Witch, Women in Cages, The Exterminator, Don’t Answer the Phone, Raw Meat, Street Law, Flesh Gordon, Vampyres, Rabid, House of Psychotic Women, The Girls Who Do, The Driller Killer, Nurse Sherri, Chinese Hercules, and Invasion of the Bee Girls.