JAMES DEAN (1976) **

James Dean is a lukewarm TV Movie of the Week biopic directed by Robert (Now You See Him, Now You Don’t) Butler.  The tip-off that this is going to be disappointing is when you see the opening credits.  It’s here you’ll notice Stephen McHattie, the guy who plays James Dean, the man who is the title of the movie, has the “and” billing.  It was written and produced by William Bast, who was Dean’s friend (and lover).  Michael Brandon, who plays Bast, receives top billing, which kind of lets you know what you’re in for.

Bast strikes up a friendship with Dean at school and despite not having much in common, become close.  He tags along with him from LA to New York and back to LA again.  Along the way, Dean tries to get him to open up and embrace life, but Bast just never can seem to do it. 

Because it’s from Bast’s point of view, the film resists the temptation to paint Dean as a saint.  (We see him smack his girlfriend at one point.)  However, it does break form every now and then to show us Dean biographical highlights that Bast was never there to witness (like Dean auditioning for the Actors Studio or revving his motorcycle at Pier Angeli’s wedding).  Bast’s narration is often intrusive to the narrative and is redundant more often than not.  The black and white silent movie style sequences are pretty annoying too. 

The frank talk between the two about their sexuality must’ve been shocking for a network movie in the mid ‘70s.  While it wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow nowadays, it’s enough to suggest there was more between Dean and Bast than what the censors would allow to be shown. Moments like this prevent the film from being completely forgettable, but it’s still far too clunky overall to really work. 

McHattie kinda looks like Dean if you squint hard, but he does affect his mannerisms well enough to get by.  For a movie from Bast’s point of view, it’s odd that Bast himself never feels like a real character but more of an observer watching Dean’s star rise and fall.  The actresses in the supporting cast who play Dean’s girlfriends (Brooke Adams, Candy Clark, and Meg Foster) are good, although none of them really stick around long enough to be real characters.  It was also nice seeing Amy Irving popping up in a bit as an obsessive fan. 

AKA:  James Dean:  The Movie.  AKA:  James Dean:  The Legend.  AKA:  The Legend.  AKA:  James Dean:  A Legend in His Own Time.  AKA:  A Legend in His Own Time.

THE JAMES DEAN STORY (1957) **

Robert Altman got his first feature directing gig co-directing this documentary about James Dean.  We begin with his upbringing in Indiana as the narrator interviews Dean’s friends and family.  Then we move on to college in California where he discovers his love of acting.  Dean then takes off to New York where he briefly studies at the Actors Studio before heading back to Hollywood.  He soon skyrockets to stardom with roles in East of Eden and Rebel Without a Cause, but his career comes to a tragic end when he dies in an automobile accident. 

The documentary purports to use a new technique called “Photo Motion” that supposedly incorporates still photographs in with the narrative.  From the first scene, it’s obvious that this so-called “technique” is nothing more than slow zoom-ins and outs on old pictures.  That’s just the first of many disappointments you’ll find throughout the movie. 

The James Dean Story stops short of being a Mondo style documentary.  The scenes recreating Dean’s romance with Pier Angeli (who isn’t named, but it’s pretty obvious who it’s supposed to be) look as though they are heading in that direction, but it just winds up being more like filler than anything.  (The recreation of his crash is brief and there are only two photos of the wreck.)  Had the film given us something in even mildly bad taste, it would’ve been, at the very least, memorable.  (It’s no Wild Wild World of Jayne Mansfield; I’ll tell you that.)

Honestly, there’s nothing here that’s all that enlightening or revealing.  The interview segments with the people that supposedly knew Dean don’t really offer very much insight into his character.  (One guy goes through Dean’s mail.  Big whoop.)  If anything, this just crystalizes what an elusive figure he was.  If you saw this at the time of its original release, you may have been satisfied with a glossed over trip down memory lane.  Sadly, the movie only skims the surface of his life and never fully explores what made Dean tick. 

Co-director George W. George was the son of Rube Goldberg. 

CHAMPAGNE AND BULLETS (1993) ****

I wanted to watch something to honor one of my favorite actors, the late Wings Hauser.  Wings was an actor as idiosyncratic as they come.  His performance as Ramrod in Vice Squad is one of the all-time greats, and I wanted to acknowledge his passing by reviewing a film of his I had never seen before.  

I thought I knew what I was getting myself into with Champagne and Bullets as I had seen the immortal “Shimmy Slide” music number before.  (Yes, there is a music number.)  Boy, I wasn’t expecting THIS. 

Words don’t really do this movie justice.  You have to see it to believe it.  The best description I can think of is it’s The Room if it was a low budget ‘90s action movie.  Like The Room, it was the brainchild of a non-actor who somehow got enough money together to make his own movie.  In this case it was lawyer John de Hart.  He was also somehow able to get Wings to play his best friend and William Smith to play the bad guy. 

As a Wings tribute, I got my money’s worth as he gives a fun performance.  Wings probably sensed de Hart and co-director John Paradise’s lack of experience, which afforded him the opportunity to go gleefully over the top in ways only Wings could.  If this was a “normal” movie, his performance would’ve been the highlight.  Since there is nothing normal about Champagne and Bullets, Hauser’s antics are more like window dressing. 

Like Tommy Wiseau, de Hart was somehow able to convince a really hot chick (in this case, Playboy Playmate Pamela Bryant) to have gratuitously long and extremely uncomfortable sex scenes with him.  The pinnacle of the looney love scenes comes when de Hart is about to have sex with her and hands his champagne glass to a visible crew member who takes it out of frame.  You won’t believe it. 

I guess I should talk about the plot.  De Hart and Hauser are former cops who get thrown off the force when their colleague Smith plants dope on them.  De Hart’s girlfriend (Bryant) has freshly escaped from a Satanist cult that just so happens to be headed by Smith.  When Smith kills his true love, de Hart goes out for revenge. 

The high point is the musical number performed by de Hart.  “Shimmy Slide” is a verified bop and a definite ear worm.  De Hart’s musical abilities (or lack thereof) are hysterical, and his choreography (or lack thereof) will have you in stitches.  He sings several other songs on the soundtrack, most of which are ballads that play during the hilariously over top love scenes that are beyond cringe worthy.  (This might be the first movie that contains a lover’s montage that is just one static shot.)

Yes, it’s terrible, but I fucking loved every minute of it. 

The WTFness of this movie transcends mere words like “good” or “bad”.  It exists in a Zen world that could’ve only sprung from the imagination of John de Hart.  The Zen attitude can be summed up by one dialogue exchange when Wings is in the hospital and holds up a glass of water. 

Wings:  “Is this glass half empty or half full?” 

De Hart:  “It looks dirty to me.” 

AKA:  Road to Revenge.  AKA:  Geteven.

HEART EYES (2025) ***

For the past couple of years, the “Heart Eyes” killer has been stalking couples on Valentine’s Day.  Olivia Holt has a Meet-Cute with Mason Gooding at the coffee shop, and wouldn’t you know it?  He turns out to be her new co-worker!  They decide to go out to dinner to talk over their new advertising campaign and are attacked by the Heart Eyes killer, who mistakes them for a couple.  They then have to survive the night while getting to know one another along the way.

Directed by Josh (Werewolves Within) Ruben, Heart Eyes gets a big boost, courtesy of its likable cast.  Holt and Gooding have a lot of chemistry together and are especially good while being indignant that the killer is coming after them since they aren’t even romantically attached.  Devon Sawa and Jordana Brewster are also amusing as the wisecracking cops on the case. 

Ruben kicks things off with a fun stalk and slash scene at a winery.  Along the way, he also gives us an entertaining chase on a merry go round where the killer chops off carousel horses’ heads left and right.  There’s also a fun scene where the killer wreaks havoc at a drive-in. 

It also helps that the film has a biting sense of humor as well as a few hearty laughs.  The gore is pretty strong too.  We get a machete in the eye, an arrow to the head, a knife to the skull, head squishing, impalement, a machete to the groin, a double mouth stabbing, and a pretty grisly beheading. 

The killer himself is a rather cool creation.  He kind of looks like David Cronenberg from Nightbreed… except… you know… with heart eyes.  Those eyes also have the ability to glow red so the killer can hunt his prey in the dark with built-in infrared goggles. 

Like many of these things, it goes on about fifteen minutes too long and has one too many false endings.  That’s not nearly enough to take away from the fun.  Heart Eyes is unique in that it balances rom-com cliches with gory slasher tropes in clever and funny ways.  Because of that, it’s hard not to love it. 

THE EXORCISM (2024) ***

The “meta” approach can go wrong in so many ways, especially in the horror genre.  Sometimes it can be overly cutesy and clever, which ruins the scares.  Other times, it can just be an unnecessary gimmick that gets in the way of the suspense.  Fortunately for The Exorcism, it enhances the overall experience. 

The Exorcism was written and directed by Joshua John Miller, the son of Jason Miller, who famously played Father Karras in The Exorcist.  It stars Russell Crowe as an actor named Anthony Miller who is starring in a remake of The Exorcist (which is coyly called “The Georgetown Project).  Miller is fresh out of rehab and needs a hit.  After filming commences, he soon starts exhibiting odd behavior which leads everyone, including his daughter (Ryan Simpkins) to suspect he’s fallen off the wagon.  The truth is, he’s actually been possessed by a demon. 

There are various levels of the meta storytelling here.  Yes, this kind of “reel” vs. “real” thing isn’t exactly new.  Yes, we know Crowe will be battling not only personal demons, but real ones as well.  Your tolerance for this sort of thing will depend on your mileage.  Film scholars will undoubtedly be looking for nuggets of truth here about the making of the real Exorcist, especially since Miller is so close to the material.  However, he wisely keeps the nods to the original to a minimum and keeps the focus on the drama with Crowe.  He also delivers a couple of finely tuned jump scares and gives the film plenty of atmosphere.  The exorcism finale has a surprising amount of kick to it too. 

The fact that Crowe just starred in The Pope’s Exorcist the year before sort of adds to the meta nature, even though this was filmed before.  He is very good in both his "down and out" actor mode as well as in his possessed form.  Adam Goldberg is amusing doing a watered down Friedkin and Sam Worthington turns up for a bit as Crowe’s younger co-star.  It’s David Hyde Pierce who steals the show as a world-weary priest serving as a technical advisor on the movie who must step up and perform the titular rite.  It was also cool seeing Miller’s Near Dark co-star Adrian Pasdar popping up as well. 

AKA:  The Georgetown Project.

ULTRAMAN: RISING (2024) ****

Ken Sato is a beloved baseball player gearing up for opening day with a new team.  Little does anyone know his alter ego Ultraman protects the city from giant monsters.  Ken finds a monster egg that hatches and the cute baby monster imprints on him.  Ken soon finds it difficult to play baseball, fight monsters, and raise an infant lizard creature.  Trouble brews when the KDF, the agency created to destroy monsters, comes looking for the baby.  It’s then up to Ken to protect his new family unit. 

I didn’t care for any of the Godzilla animated movies from Netflix, so I was wary about this newfangled CGI cartoon reboot of the iconic Ultraman TV show.  It took about a minute for the chip to fall off my shoulder as it immediately endears itself to the audience with tons of humor and unexpected heart.  The big reason is that the monster baby is just damned adorable that only the hardest of hearts could deny it. 

Besides, how many movies do you know of contain a montage of its hero going back and forth from playing baseball to battling as a superhero to parenting a monster baby while The Sex Pistols’ “Pretty Vacant” plays on the soundtrack?  I mean we have baseball, kaiju, and punk rock all together in one place.  How can you not love it?

Another factor that makes the film much more than a kids cartoon is that the villain is multifaceted and three-dimensional.  He has his own reasons for wanting to wipe monsters off the face of the Earth.  Because of that, you can totally empathize with him, even if you don’t agree with his methods. 

Okay, I know I’ve used words like “unexpected heart” and “multifaceted and three-dimensional” to describe this so far.  I know what you’re thinking.  How are the monster battles?  While I do miss the rubber suit monster mashing of the show, the CGI monster fights still kick a lot of ass.  The finale where the Ultramen and monsters team up to battle a giant lightsaber wielding Transformer is a real winner. 

All in all, Ultraman:  Rising is one of the best animated films I’ve seen in a long time.  Not only that, but it’s also one of the best incarnations of the character.  It also happens to be one of the best movies of the year. 

WRONG TURN (2021) * ½

A group of hipster hikers get lost in the wilds of Appalachia.  They run afoul of some hunters in the woods wearing animal pelts and skull masks who trap them and take them back to their secret community where they’ve been hiding out for hundreds of years.  Matthew Modine is the concerned father of one of the hikers who goes looking for them. 

Okay, I know what you’re thinking after you just read that:  What the fuck does this have to do with Wrong Turn?  Who the fuck are these culturally appropriating bozos in animal skins?  Where are all the inbred redneck cannibals?  I mean, this was even written by Alan B. McElroy, the same screenwriter who wrote the original Wrong Turn.  Did he forget what movie he was remaking? 

I guess the filmmakers were more concerned with “unmaking” Wrong Turn instead of remaking it.  However, if you take everything (aside from the wilderness setting) that made Wrong Turn Wrong Turn, you aren’t left with a whole lot.  In fact, the hikers don’t even make a wrong turn!  They just veer off the designated path (of course, everyone in town told them not to) thinking their shit don’t stink. 

The thing that most likely happened was that McElroy found an old script lying around and tried to sell it.  When nobody bought the thing, he slapped Wrong Turn on it, called it a remake, and Hollywood purchased the sucker sight unseen.  Either way, it’s easily the worst thing with the Wrong Turn name attached to it.  (There is a brief mention of “inbred cannibals” near the end, but it’s more of an “F U” to fans of the series.)

The cast is mostly weak.  The only bright spot is Modine who lends a sense of gravitas to the scenes where he’s searching for his daughter.  Too bad just about all the young cast members are grating. 

The gore is rather skimpy as most of the kills come courtesy of people’s brains being bashed in.  We also get a broken pinkie, impalement, a knife to the face, and some bloody booby traps.  The only part that has any sort of memorable kick to it is the scene where the heroine offers herself up as breeding stock to the community to save her own skin.  To add insult to injury, it clocks in at an unmerciful one-hundred-and-ten minutes.  Even at ninety minutes, it would’ve been rough going, but at one hundred and ten, it’s absolutely brutal.  (The fake-out ending is especially egregious.)

In short, there’s very little right about this Wrong Turn. 

AKA:  The Foundation.  AKA:  Wrong Turn:  The Foundation.