ATLAS IN THE LAND OF THE CYCLOPS (1963) **

The evil queen Capys (Chelo Alonso) sends soldiers to sack a rival city and commands them to assassinate the members of the royal family.  The king is slain, and Queen Penope (Vira Silente) is enslaved, but a dutiful aid manages to make sure their infant son escapes the city.  He then comes under the care of Maciste (Gordon Mitchell, billed as Mitchell Gordon, in his first starring role), and NOT Atlas, as advertised.  Maciste then pawns the kid off on a buddy so he can go and rescue Penope.  Naturally, Capys gets the hots for Maciste, who is more concerned about saving Penope than making time with an evil queen.

Maciste is kind of like the budget Hercules, and he performs more feats of strength than you can shake a stick at in this flick.  In addition to the ever-reliable bending prison bars and throwing boulders, he fights a lion, prevents a cave-in, lifts a fallen ox cart, carries a giant vase, and does battle with the humongous cyclops.  Too bad it feels like it takes forever until the final showdown.

Overall, Atlas in the Land of the Cyclops is an OK sword and sandal adventure.  After a good start, the film sort of dawdles once the action switches over to Capys’s palace.  Still, we get a good vestal virgin dance number out of it, so it’s not all bad.

Mitchell acts like a dolt for most of the running time, but I guess that’s sort of his shtick so that people will underestimate him.  It’s Alonso who steals the movie as the sultry Capys, but the biggest name in the cast is actually the baby.  He’s billed as “Baby Fabio”, and in case you’re wondering… yes, it’s THAT Fabio (!) making his screen debut!  He wouldn’t appear in a movie again until 1990 when he played an angel in Exorcist 3.  By that time, he was already famous for appearing on several Harlequin romance covers.  I wonder if he got the inspiration for his physique from Gordon Mitchell in this flick. 

AKA:  Maciste vs. the Cyclops.  AKA:  Monster from the Unknown World.  AKA:  Atlas Against the Cyclops.

THE LITTLE THINGS (2021) *** ½

By reviewing this, my first 2021 release of the new year, I am calling a moratorium on my Hindsight is 2020 column.  That means I should have the nominations for this year’s Video Vacuum Awards up sometime this week.  Until then, let’s dive into the crackling serial killer thriller, The Little Things. 

Denzel Washington stars as a disgraced former detective who’s been busted down to a regular patrolman in a small town.  While in the big city picking up evidence for a nothing case, he winds up seeing his old friends and co-workers.  As a gesture of goodwill, the hotshot detective (Rami Malek) who took his old job invites him to ride along on a crime scene investigation.  The old wheels start turning, and pretty soon, he starts working the case to stop a serial killer before he strikes again. 

This is an excellent showcase for Washington, who gives a powerhouse performance.  Playing above his age, he’s a little older and slower than we’re used to seeing, but he’s just as smart and determined to crack the case.  He’s especially good when he sees the ghosts of the victims pleading for help. 

Malek makes for a good foil.  He’s from the new school, but he’s smart enough to bow to Washington’s experience and knowhow when it suits the case.  They have a good rapport with one another that drives the plot forward.  We also get a fine turn by Jared Leto as the prime suspect.  He looks like a gaunt and creepy Jesus and is more successful at being slyly menacing here than he was as the Joker. 

The film is set in the ‘90s, and rightly so.  Not only was that the heyday of serial killer movies, but it was an era of no internet and DNA.  That meant cops had to catch killers using their own wits and good old-fashioned detective work. 

The Little Things is fine, absorbing stuff for about two-thirds of the way through.  The final act is sure to divide viewers, especially given the current climate.  At the risk of giving something away, I’ll only state that the film is less about catching a killer and more about living with the prospect that you might not.  Either that, or maybe you’re trying to capture a killer for all the wrong reasons.  Instead of doing it because it’s the right thing to do, you’re only doing it to help you sleep at night. 

The big confrontation is dragged out far too long.  The final scenes would’ve been just as effective even without the stuff with Leto playing mind games with Malek.  I think the symbolism of these scenes (again, I don’t want to spoil it) is a bit too on-the-nose.  Still, what comes after that scene is genuinely unnerving and has stuck with me ever since I saw it.  I highly recommended it to fans of Washington and the serial killer genre in general.

NIGHTBEAST (1982) *** ½

Director Don Dohler’s films always have a throwback sort of quality about them.  Even though they were very much a product of their time, they still felt like something that could’ve played at the drive-in in the ‘50s.  With Nightbeast, he added the allure of sex and gore, which instantly makes it more entertaining than his other movies.  In fact, this might be his Citizen Kane. 

An alien crashes his spaceship in a small Maryland town.  Almost immediately, he begins blasting the shit out of anyone that tries to make first contact with him.  The cops arrive and level the playing field by destroying his deadly ray gun, but the thing still has sharp claws and can rip people’s guts out like a knife through butter.  Adding to the police’s woes is a killer biker who is on the loose. 

You’ve got to love this movie.  The first fifteen minutes has the creature going on a rampage and shooting dozens of people with his ray gun.  Cops and local rednecks return fire, and a long shootout ensues with people getting vaporized left and right.  It’s like the Saving Private Ryan of made-in-Maryland horror movies. 

After about a half-hour or so, the pacing slows down considerably, and things become much more like your typical Don Dohler affair.  At least the scenes of gut ripping and decapitations help to liven things up whenever the plot starts flagging.  That and the rampant nudity (get a load of the blonde deputy who gets naked at the drop of a hat) ensure this is the best Dohler joint of all time. 

As you might expect, Count Gore De Vol himself, Dick Dyzel takes the acting honors.  He’s great as the perpetually drunk mayor who won’t let a little thing like an alien invasion get in the way with his political shindigs.  His death scene is a definite highlight too.

This was also the first credit for J.J. Abrams.  He did some of the music and provided sound effects for the flick.  Incredibly, he was only sixteen when he worked on Nightbeast.  I think it’s a lot more fun than The Force Awakens, that’s for sure.

STEAMBOAT BILL, JR. (1928) ***

Steamboat Bill (Ernest Torrence) is a crusty steamboat captain who receives word his long-lost son will come visit him during college break.  He is disappointed to learn that Steamboat Bill, Jr. (Buster Keaton) is a meek, scrawny, and bookish lad.  Complicating matters is the fact that Junior’s college sweetheart (Marion Bryon) just so happens to be the daughter of J.J. King (Tom McGuire), Steamboat Bill’s chief rival on the river.  Despite their differences, Junior proves himself to his old man, who eventually takes a shine to his son. 

The first forty-five minutes or so is kind of slow, but it does offer some cute moments and a handful of chuckles.  Some of the highlights include Buster getting a shave, buying a hat, and trying to break his dad out of jail.  While the story is predictable, it’s all held together by the great performance by “The Great Stone Face”, Keaton.  There’s something sweet about him impressing his stubborn father by just being himself and doing things his own way.  Their interactions are genuine too and there is considerable chemistry between Keaton and Torrence. 

There’s also a touching humanity to Keaton’s pratfalls.  These scenes aren’t just meant to get a laugh.  They’re very much a part of the character. 

Of course, the iconic scene is when a house falls on top of Keaton, but he just so happens to be standing where the open window is, and it never touches him.  This scene has been copied so many times over the years that it’s amazing that the original version still holds up so well.  Equally impressive, though not nearly talked about, is the part where Keaton is clinging to a tree for dear life when it’s uprooted and goes flying through the air with him still attached.  The scenes of hurricane devastation with buildings being blown away are extremely well done and the part where he tries to run against the wind is funny too.  These sequences make up for some of the hiccups that occur in the first two acts.   

In short, I can’t say Steamboat Bill, Jr. is quite as good as The General, but it’s still worth checking out. 

DEADLINE (1984) *** ½

Stephen Lessey (Stephen Young) is a popular horror writer who is constantly pressured to top himself, so he comes up with wilder and sicker stories to scare his readers.  Many object to his tasteless material, but he is steadfast that he is providing his readers a public service.  Meanwhile, his marriage is crumbling, his kids are becoming a handful, and he is possibly having a breakdown.  When tragedy strikes his family, his world further spirals out of control.    

The choppy narrative is the only real stumbling block to this otherwise dark, depressing, and deranged horror thriller.  The vignettes that represent Lessey’s stories intrude (sometimes violently) on the scenes of his work, family, and marital strife.  The continuous shifting focus is meant to throw the audience off guard and keep them on their toes, but it sometimes makes for a frustrating viewing experience.

The bottom line is that these sequences are often insane, bizarre, and deeply disturbing.  A woman is killed by a shower that shoots blood, a pregnant mother is murdered by her own fetus in the delivery room, and kids tie up and set fire to their clueless old grandmother.  The best sequence is when an evil Nazi scientist uses punk rock music to blow up homeless people. 

Deadline is uneven to be sure.  Nevertheless, it’s sort of fascinating.  The film is obviously an anti-horror statement, as it blames real-life tragedy squarely on horror movies and the people who make them.  Because of that, they use every sick trick in the book to prove their point and shock you, and I have to admit, it works. 

This is one ugly and mean-spirited movie.  The senseless depictions of children dying are especially a bit much.  However, the way director Mario Azzopardi pulls out all the stops is really something to behold.  While depraved and reprehensible, Deadline has a number of shocking moments.  They are low blows to be sure, but they’re effective, nevertheless.  The final act is a depressing headlong plunge into despair and degeneracy, the depths of which few films plumb. 

It’s been a while since a movie made me jump.  It’s been even longer since one actually shocked me.  Deadline did both.  Because of that, I just have to tip my hat to it, even if it does play dirty. 

DOC SAVAGE: THE MAN OF BRONZE (1975) ****

You know, even in 1975, Doc Savage:  The Man of Bronze probably felt dated and cheesy.  It’s an unabashed throwback to the pulp adventures of the ‘30s.  It was not a hit when it was released, but looking at it now, it’s a refreshing change of pace next to the dreary, self-important, and “dark” superhero movies of the modern era. 

Speaking of superheroes, it’s hard to imagine what they would be like today if it hadn’t been for Doc Savage.  You see, Doc lived in a fortress of solitude before Superman, had a swanky secret hideout that I’m sure Batman modeled his Batcave on, and picked up on bad vibrations long before Spider-Man and his “Spider-Sense”.  He even has some pretty cool gadgets that I’m sure would make James Bond envious.  (There are some cheesy ones too, like the “Extinguisher Globes” that are nothing more that high-powered snowballs.) 

Doc Savage (Ron Ely) learns his father has been murdered in a jungle.  Along with his team of multi-talented war buddies, “The Fabulous Five”, he sets out to find his father’s killer.  He winds up tangling with the evil Captain Seas (Paul Wexler) and finds himself on a path to a lost city of gold.    

This is the kind of flick that I enjoy.  It’s square but sincere.  Cheesy but straight-faced.  Action sequences involve a Red Baron-style dogfight, glowing snake attacks, and a Kung Fu battle in which all the names of the fighting styles appear at the bottom of the screen.  I had a big grin on my face the whole damn time. 

You pretty much know what you’re in for during the opening credits when Ely looks at the camera and winks with a twinkle in his eye.  Not many people could pull that feat off:  Simultaneously winking at the camera and playing it with complete sincerity.  Ely is certainly one of them.  I guess it was all those years wearing a loincloth as Tarzan that prepared him for it.

The supporting cast is good too.  We have Paul Gleason as Doc’s right-hand man, Michael Berryman (making his film debut) as a coroner, William Katt as an assassin, and Robert Tessier as a henchman.  It’s the ladies in the cast who are the most memorable.  Robyn Hilton, who was just in Blazing Saddles as Mel Brooks’ secretary the year before, looks amazing as the bad guy’s arm candy, and Buck Rogers’ Pamela Hensley (a childhood crush of mine) is stunning as Doc’s sexy jungle guide.

To some, Doc may be a square hero as he doesn’t drink or smoke (and is apparently celibate), but I for one appreciated his old-fashioned value system.  The themes by John Phillip Sousa on the soundtrack highlights not only the throwback nature of the film, but also the rah-rah jingoism of the old timey adventure novels and movies.  I guess people in the ‘70s were just too jaded to have a fucking good time.

Another way it was a forerunner to modern-day comic book movies:  It sets itself up for a sequel at the end.  Sadly, we never got another Doc Savage adventure.  Shane Black has been talking up a new version for years starring The Rock, which would be spot-on casting if you ask me.  Whether or not we get a 21^st Doc Savage adaptation I can’t say.  Until then, this awesome adventure should tide us over.

THE TAKING OF BEVERLY HILLS (1991) *** ½

Director Sidney J. Furie’s The Taking of Beverly Hills sat on the shelf for over two years, but even when it was finally released, it still emerged as one of the earliest examples of a Die Hard in a _______ movie.  This time, instead of Die Hard in a building, we have Die Hard in a… Beverly Hills.  That means when it comes time for the big car chase, the hero drives a Rolls Royce instead of the typical muscle car.  If you can’t already tell, this thing is fucking classy.

Ken (The Soldier) Wahl stars as a football player named Boomer.  When a tanker truck overturns and causes a major chemical spill, Beverly Hills is evacuated.  Boomer didn’t get the memo because he was locked in his luxurious mansion soaking in his hot tub.  The chemical spill is just a cover so a bunch of dirty cops can loot and pillage Beverly Hills.  Naturally, this leads to the typical “Wrong Guy at the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time” scenario, and Boomer must team up with a bumbling cop (Matt Frewer) to bring down the bad guys. 

The Taking of Beverly Hills is enormously entertaining as far as this sort of thing goes.  The direction is capable, the action is non-stop, the pacing is brisk, and lots of stuff blows up real good.  The thing that puts it over the top is the incredible cast.  We have Robert Davi as the villain, Lee Ving as his henchman, and Harley Jane Kozak as the love interest.  Wahl is in his element as the hero who utilizes his football skills to combat the bad guys.  (“I’m a master at moving downfield… and they don’t know I’m in the game!”)  He uses tackling dummies to toss bad guys out of windows, runs down Rodeo Drive past gunmen like he’s avoiding the opposing team’s defense, and tosses bombs into speeding cars like he’s throwing Hail Mary passes.  He also has a spectacular mullet. 

In short, Boomer is a Video Vacuum kind of guy.

The big stumbling block is Frewer as the comic relief tagalong sidekick.  I’m usually a big Frewer fan, but he’s pretty annoying and his quips aren’t very funny.  He should’ve been relegated to the sidelines (to keep the football theme going) and Wahl should’ve flown solo on this one.  I think it would’ve made for a tighter picture. 

Frewer’s annoying character aside, The Taking of Beverly Hills is a gloriously dumb, ridiculously entertaining good time.  It may be derivative, but it’s just so goofy that it’s hard not to enjoy it.  Look, you’re either the kind of person who wants to see Ken Wahl carrying Ninja stars around in a designer handbag and tossing them into bad guys while Faith No More’s “Epic” blares on the soundtrack, or you aren’t.

Wahl only made one more picture before retiring from acting in the late ‘90s.  Shortly thereafter, he went on to marry one of the Barbi Twins and devoted much of his time to charity work.  I wish he was still making movies like this, but it seems like he is busy living his best life, and I can respect that.  I wish him all the best.