KUNG FU GENIUS (1979) **

Cliff Lok decides to open a karate school even though he apparently only has one student.  The rival schools don’t like the fact that a newbie can open his own school on a whim, so they try to kick his ass.  Naturally, he mops the floor with them and earns the respect of nearly all the schools.  One upstart student from a rival school, still smarting from defeat, comes after Lok’s student, which sends him on a quest for revenge. 

The plot is an old hat and while the action is plentiful, it’s not exactly jaw-dropping stuff.  Many of the fight sequences go on too long and since the stunt work and choreography is uninspired, they have a tendency to get repetitive.  It’s never boring though, so there’s that. 

We also get a handful funny moments, like when a Kung Fu master uses his patented “Duck Style” (complete with poorly dubbed-in quacks), but the film is more successful at getting laughs from its soundtrack cues.  It blatantly steals the Rocky theme for one of the training montages and one scene reuses Goblin’s score from Dawn of the Dead.  I know I’ve always said, “If you're going to steal from someone, steal from the best”, but this is a little ridiculous. 

An evil Kung Fu master gets the best line of the movie when he says, “Today, we’re going to piss on your spirits!”

THE KUNG FU WARRIOR (1980) ** ½

Here’s yet another Kung Fu comedy set in the Drunken Master mold.  This one at least has the novelty of taking place in modern day.  It also has a few laughs too. 

Our hero is a bartender who uses his Kung Fu prowess to skillfully avoid traffic while skateboarding to work.  He also uses his Kung Fu abilities to help him tend bar, which gets him into trouble with a couple of rowdy customers.  He later gets an old karate master to train him so he can steal a vest full of money so he can put his girlfriend through college. 

The Kung Fu Warrior starts off well enough, but the laughs slowly dry up as it goes along.  The action is decent for the most part.  I liked the scene in which the Kung Fu master beat up some thugs while protecting his pet bird.  It’s just a shame that the training scenes are mostly a bust.  (Our hero basically spends all his time on a swing.) 

The film also suffers from some weird shifts in tone.  I mean did we really need the long scene where the Kung Fu master tries to take out a loan?  That’s not the sort of thing that energizes your silly Kung Fu comedy. 

Once the plot about retrieving the vest made of money rears its head, it’s all goes downhill from there.  There is one pretty good scene in the end where our hero kicks a guy’s butt using his skateboard though.  Whenever he’s off his board, the movie is strictly routine.

HELL OR HIGH WATER (2016) *** ½

Chris Pine and Ben Foster star as two brothers who go around West Texas robbing banks.  Enter Texas Ranger Jeff Bridges, who is just a few days shy of retirement.  He pursues them at his own pace, hanging out in places they’ve been, and trying to get inside their head.   

The thing is, the duo is more than just bank robbers.  They have a reason why they’re doing what they’re doing.  I’m not saying it’s right, but to someone is their situation, it seems like their only option.  The way writer Tayler Sheridan and director David Mackenzie slowly lay all their cards on the table is one of the joys of the movie.   

It’s also wickedly funny too.  Some of the banter between Bridges and his half-Indian/half-Mexican partner Gil Birmingham is hilarious.  Foster’s hotshot character also gets a lot of laughs, even when he’s serious as a heart attack and twice as mean.   

Hell or High Water has a ‘70s type of flavor.  It unfolds at its own pace and some of the best scenes happen in long takes that don’t draw attention to themselves.  The cinematography is excellent and the desolate landscapes and rundown small towns are filmed with lots of character.   

The narrative is a bit smallish and overly familiar, but the performances are great all around.  Jeff Bridges can do this kind of ornery sheriff role in his sleep by now, so be glad he still has one eye on the wheel.  While he may seem like he’s slipping into Rooster Cogburn mode occasionally, he still finds ways to keep his crochety character feel fresh.  His final scene with Pine is mesmerizing.  Pine, who is a bit overlooked when it comes to his acting chops, is Bridges’ match in every way and holds his own throughout the intense finale.   

Like Bridges, Foster has played similar variations on his character before.  However, he finds a few new notes to emphasize here and the result is a psycho that has a tinge of sympathy to him.  Foster also gets the best line of the movie when he says:  “Only assholes drink Mr. Pibb!”

THE FRESHMAN (1925) ** ½

Harold Lloyd stars as an eager teen who can’t wait to go off to college to become a big man on campus.  Once at school, he is almost immediately teased by the other students who delight in pulling all sorts of pranks on him.  Harold does all he can to be popular, but no matter what he does, his classmate, a big movie star, constantly one-ups him.  Since the college is a big football school, Harold decides to join the team.  Naturally, the hard-nosed coach only uses him as a human tackling dummy.  Predictably, during the big game, the star player is injured and it’s up to Harold to win the game. 

The Freshman has its moments, but it’s not quite up there with Lloyd’s best stuff.  The problem is that his character is more pathetic than sympathetic.  He’s too busy trying to buy friends than make them the old-fashioned way, which makes him a tad annoying.  Also, most of the humor revolves around Lloyd being humiliated, which isn’t really all that funny.  Since he plays more of a sap than his patented everyman persona, it takes some of the wind out of the movie’s sails. 

It also takes a while before we get to the bulk of the physical comedy.  The scene where he tries to tackle a tackling dummy is pretty funny, but the scenes of him being tackled over and over again are repetitive and soon wear out their welcome.  The highlight comes when Lloyd wears a cheap suit to a dance.  His tailor keeps trying to sew up the seams as he’s mingling, and it results in a few solid laughs.  The final football scene is equally funny and has been copied many times over the years.  It still holds up fairly well.  It’s just a shame that it takes such a long time getting around to it.

AKA:  College Days.

IMMORAL TALES (1973) ***

Writer/director Walerian Borowczyk gives us four stories of sin and hedonism.  Unlike most anthology films, each tale is about as good, if not better than the one that preceded it.  While each of them have their own faults, the loving way Borowczyk films his luscious leading ladies is a marvel to behold. 

In the first story, The Tide (***), a twenty-year-old guy takes his teenage cousin to the beach.  When the tide comes in, they are left stranded on the rocks.  She soon learns it’s all been a plot by him to get her alone so he can teach her the art of lovemaking.  He instructs her to keep her sensual rhythm in time with the tide and that she should conclude their lovemaking when the tide rolls back out. 

This sequence works because the location is so crucial to the characters’ immoral actions.  The time restraint of the tide also gives it an urgency that some of the other stories lack.  The sensual way Borowczyk films the lovers is genuinely erotic.  Despite all the close-ups of butts and genitals, it’s the simple shot of our heroine’s mouth that remains the most captivating. 

Therese the Philosopher (***) has a religious slant that gives it more than a little kick.  Locked in her attic by her strict mother, and given only cucumbers to eat, lonely Therese reads biblical works to atone for her supposed sins.  She eventually finds some pornographic books in the attic and gets turned on.  Guess what happens to the cucumbers. 

Like The Tide, this episode builds gradually.  The reason it works so well is that we sympathize with Therese.  Because of that, we get just as turned on as she does.  I just wish Borowczyk came up with a snazzier ending as the whole thing sort of fizzles out. 

Elizabeth Bathory (*** ½) is easily the best segment.  In it, the notorious bloodthirsty Countess goes around the countryside finding young virgin girls.  She then takes them back to her castle where they are free to get all soaped up and run around naked.  She later bathes in their blood to keep up her youthful appearance. 

This sequence benefits from lots of scenes of gratuitous nudity.  (The part with the pearl is particularly graphic.)  It also helps that the vampirism isn’t treated in a supernatural manner.  We never really know if the Countess attains her immortality when she bathes in the virgins’ blood.  The ambiguity of the scene, as well as the eerie way Borowczyk films it, makes this the standout tale.   

The final story is Lucretia Borgia (***).  In it, the Pope has a three-way with his son and daughter.  This one is the slightest of the bunch, but there is no denying that even though it’s sacrilegious and incestual, it’s still kind of hot.  Borowczyk just has a knack for doing that.  That’s sort of his thing.  These are “immoral” tales after all, but they still have the power to titillate.   

Borowczyk originally included a fifth tale, but he decided to expand it to feature length and release it separately.  That film of course, was The Beast.  If you haven’t seen that jaw-dropping bit of insanity, you really owe it to yourself to check it out.  Overall, I think Immoral Tales is more consistently entertaining.  However, if you want to see some WTF lunacy, by all means, seek it out.

mother! (2017) ****

An annoying houseguest who won’t take their social cue to leave.  Wet clothes being dropped on a dirty floor.  The slowly rising water of a clogged toilet.  Trying to be polite to someone you can’t stand.  A person coughing incessantly.  Someone repeatedly touching something you have told them over and over again not to touch.  These are the things that get my goat.  Darren Aronofsky somehow found this out and put it all into a movie to terrify me.   

He also found out about my reoccurring nightmare in which I find a stranger in my home.  Then another.  Then another, until my house is teeming with hundreds of people.  Aronofsky found this out and filmed it.  To see that nightmare (which I have never told anyone about) projected onto a theater screen was unnerving to say the least.  mother! is a filmed nightmare plain and simple.   

It is also the scariest movie I have ever seen. 

I might be more affected by mother! because of the reasons I listed above.  I’ve always believed that Hell is other people.  Aronofsky understands this and exploits that feeling to the extreme. 

People are dumbfounded when I tell them I didn’t find It scary.  mother! scared me more than any film ever made.  This isn’t “There’s a clown hiding in the sewer”.  This isn’t like a Jason or a Michael Myers type of scary.  This isn’t “There’s a guy in a mask with an ax that wants to kill me” scary.  This is “OH MY FUCKING GOD, YOU HAVE AWAKENED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY OCD TRIGGERS AND THEY ARE FIRING LIKE BOTTLE ROCKETS!”  This is a two-hour anxiety attack.  I have never felt so drained after a movie.  I was literally shaking when it was over.   

mother! is much more than an assault on the senses.  It’s intellectually stimulating as well.  It’s full of symbolism and can be taken as an allegory for many different things.  I spent an hour in the parking lot of the theater discussing all the possible meanings of the film with my friend.  It could be a reflection on fame and celebrity, and the absence of privacy that comes with it.  It can be a metaphor for how men constantly take from women until there is no more to give (literally).  It is about how marriage eventually devolves into a staring contest and the one who flinches first gets custody of the kid (literally).  It’s about how we blindly follow idols even at the expense of our own humanity and the world around us.   

I don’t presume to know what other people go through on a daily basis, but you really get a sense from the movie and Jennifer Lawrence’s performance what it’s like to be a woman in this day and age.  It was so unnerving and eye-opening that when I got home, I apologized to my wife.  “What for?” she asked.   

“EVERYTHING”, I replied. 

We are with Lawrence every step of the way.  The only film I can really compare it to is After Hours where everything that happened to Griffin Dunne felt like it was happening to us.  When Lawrence is being pushed to her breaking point, we feel what she is feeling.  She gives a tour de force.  I can’t say I’ve ever been a “fan” of her, but I have never seen such a brave performance in my life.  Consider me Team J. Law. 

This is the kind of movie that probably should’ve opened in four theaters.  Instead, it was unleashed upon an unsuspecting public on 2,500 screens.  I love the fact that it is receiving such polar-opposite reactions.  Most people hate this film with a passion.  That’s because most people want their entertainment spoon-fed to them.  There is no spoon-feeding here, but there are several punches to the gut that will sure to leave you breathless.  This is a challenging, pummeling, in-your-face, take-no-prisoners experience.  It was designed to push your buttons.  It was designed to make you feel something.  Most people want safe entertainment, and that is fine.  The problem is that safe is often forgettable.  This is dangerous filmmaking of the highest order that will stick with you, probably forever.  Say what you will about mother! but you won’t forget it. 

Imagine being in YOUR home with a thousand of SOMEONE ELSE’S Twitter followers.  Yeah, it’s like that.  What I’m saying is that this is THE film for our times. 

If this isn’t the best goddamned movie ever made, it’s certainly the scariest.

TABOO 4: THE YOUNGER GENERATION (1985) **

Ginger Lynn and Karen Summer star as the teenage daughters of a quack psychologist (Jamie Gillis) who speaks out against incest and adultery.  He thinks his daughters are normal teenagers, but they’re really sex-crazed nymphos who have sex with boys (and each other).  They eventually get kicked out of boarding school for fooling around and have to return home.  While Karen starts making time with her uncle (John Leslie), Ginger sets her sights on seducing daddy. 

Despite a terrific cast, Taboo 4:  The Younger Generation never really turns up the heat.  I mean the big climactic scene where Ginger and Jamie finally get it on should be steamy as all get out, but they unfortunately fail to create any sparks between them.  Gillis is usually capable of delivering a memorably sleazy performance, but he’s much too inhibited here to make a lasting impression.  Kay Parker fans will also be disappointed because she’s barely in this one.  To make matters worse, most of her scenes are just footage from previous installments that are only there to help pad out the running time. 

The farther the sex scenes get away from the subject of incest, the more predictable (and boring) they become.  I mean did we really need another “Director Having Sex with His Latest Discovery” scene?  While there are maybe two or three decent scenes in the film, it’s not nearly enough to sustain your interest. 

One observation I made:  Even though the movie was made smack dab in the middle of the ‘80s and everyone sports the big hair, fashions, and belly chains that made that decade memorable, all the music sounds like it came out of the ‘70s.  (It has a heavy disco slant.)  Again, that’s an observation; not really a complaint.

IT (2017) ** ½

Stephen King’s It was one of my favorite books as a teenager.  I would even read it every year just before October to get me in the mood for Halloween.  I’m also a big fan of the 1990 TV movie starring Tim Curry, so it goes without saying that my expectations for director Andy Muschietti’s new version were lofty.  Sadly, it’s only half a great film. 

The stuff I loved, I loved dearly.  The Losers Club, the team of youngsters who band together to fight the evil clown Pennywise (Bill Skarsgard), were all perfectly cast.  Every pre-teen in the film was amazing, but for me, it was the foulmouthed Richie (Finn Wolfhard) who was the standout.  (Although that’s probably because he reminded me so much of myself.)  Beverly (Sophia Lillis), the lone girl of the club, proved she was the boys’ match in every way and Lillis’ performance shows that she is a star in the making. 

The scenes of the Losers riding their bikes around town, standing up to bullies, and coming together to face the monster were expertly crafted.  Usually, in a horror movie, you can get away with having thin characters and poor craftsmanship if the scares are there.  Unfortunately, the opposite can be said for It.  It’s a superbly put together film filled with great performances, but the one performance the entire picture hinges on is so bad that it nearly sinks the whole enterprise. 

I’m talking of course about Bill Skarsgard’s Pennywise.  I loved the opening scene where Georgie has to find something in the basement and is menaced by what appears to be two glowing eyes that turn out to be nothing more than two lightbulbs sitting on a shelf.  This is unfortunately the scariest part of the whole film and is way spookier than anything Skarsgard can come up with. 

First of all, Skarsgard sounds like the goddamned Leprechaun.  I don’t know who thought this was a good idea, but they should’ve been fired on the spot.  Every time he opened his mouth all I could think of was Warwick Davis.  (Actually, Davis wouldn’t have made a bad Pennywise.)  Secondly, he looks like he can’t wait to devour the kids, which is a huge miscalculation.  He should represent something wholesome to lure the kids in, and then turn evil when it’s too late to turn back.  If you start off with him being evil, there’s nowhere for the character to go.  The only thing you can do is give him even more teeth (which they do, and it doesn’t work at all).

The design of the new Pennywise was another miscalculation.  When I saw the first images of the costume online, I felt that something was off.  As it turns out, my gut instinct was right.  The problem is they tried way too hard to make him look “scary”.  Don’t the filmmakers know that a regular clown is creepy enough to begin with?  It reminds me of that Teen Titans Go episode when Beast Boy and Cyborg try to make clowns “extreme”.

Muschietti goes overboard with all the jump scares, high pitched screams, and sped-up fast motion monsters.  The monsters themselves are pretty crappy.  There’s a headless guy and a pus-spewing leper, and both of them suffer from poor CGI.   

The children’s fears are weak too.  Hands, a painting, a doll that looks like it came from Monster High, and a clogged sink all act as harbingers of doom.  This is It we’re talking about.  It should be shit-your-pants scary.  This feels like some Goosebumps stuff.  If only Muschietti could continually recapture the feeling of that early basement scene, this would’ve been a bull’s eye.  Too bad the rest of the scary set pieces land with a thud. 

There is one area in which the film improves on the original:  The final confrontation.  Instead of having just a cheesy spider, Pennywise transforms himself into various things while fighting the Losers.  While this is an improvement, it’s still nothing to get all worked up about. 

Another stumbling block is that we’re really only being shown half a movie.  This one focuses solely on the kids fighting It while the sequel will focus on them as adults having to confront It again.  Maybe my feelings will change when I see both halves together as one whole, but until then, the film just feels incomplete. 

There’s a part of me that wishes I could edit all the “scary” stuff out of the movie and repackage it as Stand By Me Too.   

In the end, this is an OK Stephen King adaptation.  It is a movie that is in many ways slightly superior to Pet Sematary 2.  It is, however, no Maximum Overdrive. 

WILSON (2017) *** ½

Wilson has some of the biggest laughs I’ve had in a comedy in recent memory.  It comes to us from the mind of the great Daniel Clowes, who was also responsible for Ghost World, one of my favorite movies of the ‘00s.  I can’t say it’s altogether as insightful and poignant as that film, but it’s a definite improvement on the last Clowes adaptation, Art School Confidential. 

Woody Harrelson stars as Wilson, a loveable loser who is shaken by the death of his uncaring father.  He sets out to reconnect with his ex (Laura Dern) who tells him they once had a daughter that was given up for adoption.  Inspired by the news that he is a father, Wilson decides to stalk and eventually befriend the daughter he never knew, which leads to a series of unintended consequences. 

Harrelson is terrific as Wilson.  Very few people could pull off the character’s in-your-face behavior and still make him likeable.  Harrelson does it with ease though.  It helps that he is given some truly hilarious dialogue.  When Dern takes him to task for calling everyone he meets an asshole, he turns to her and asks, “Am I wrong?” 

The second half is a bit maudlin and more than a tad depressing.  It’s definitely lacking the freewheeling panache of the early scenes.  That’s okay though because Harrelson does an equally great job when his character is down and out.  The ending is a bit too pat, but these little nitpicks probably won’t mean much upon repeated viewings.  The fact that I’m already itching to see it again is a testament to just how great it really is.

TERROR AT LONDON BRIDGE (1985) **

There were a lot of films about Jack the Ripper in the ‘80s.  In the span of just a couple of years we had The Ripper, Jack’s Back, Edge of Sanity, and this Made for TV movie.  It’s not exactly great, but it does have a fun cast and slightly more blood than you’d typically see on television at that time. 

Jack the Ripper is shot and killed by bobbies on the London Bridge.  His body falls into the Thames and his soul becomes trapped in a dislodged stone.   A hundred years later, London Bridge is brought over to Lake Havasu, Arizona and is turned into a tourist attraction.  When a tourist accidentally bleeds on the stone containing Jack the Ripper’s essence, he is reborn and starts killing women.  Cop David Hasselhoff investigates and tries to convince everyone that Jack the Ripper is alive and well and living in Arizona. 

Director E.W. Swackhamer handles things in a competent manner.  The stalk n’ slash scenes are well done and he manages to squeeze a decent amount of atmosphere out of the unlikely setting.  Unfortunately, there’s just too much fat here that gets in the way of the good stuff.  The Jaws plotline in which the town council wants to can The Hoff’s investigation because it could impact the local tourist trade is overly familiar and eats up a lot of screen time.  You also have to put up with the subplot about the appearance of not one, but two creepy guys with English accents; both of whom are potential Ripper suspects. 

The awesome cast will be the main draw.  David Hasselhoff is at the height of his Hasselhoffiness here.  Wearing tight jeans and a polo shirt, he just exudes all the Hoffian traits you’ve come to expect from The Hoff.  We also have the great Adrienne Barbeau as the town’s sexy librarian.  Although I wish her part was larger, I can honestly say there’s something about Adrienne Barbeau as a sexy librarian that gets my motor running.  Randolph Mantooth also appears as Hasselhoff’s more seasoned partner and Clu Gulager steals every scene he’s in as the chief of police.  (He even calls people “Buddy Boy”, just like he did in Return of the Living Dead.) 

This is exactly the sort of thing I would’ve eaten up if I caught it on the USA Network as a kid.  I’m a man now, and my tastes are (slightly) more refined, but it went down smooth enough.  It’s just a shame that all the padding ultimately prevents it from ever gaining much momentum. 

AKA:  Bridge Across Time.  AKA:  Arizona Ripper.

NOTHING BUT THE NIGHT (1975) **

Christopher Lee stars as a police inspector who is investigating a school bus accident.  Doctor Peter Cushing and his young colleague use hypnosis on a schoolgirl survivor to find out what she knows about the wreck.  After his protegee is found dead, Cushing and Lee team up to find the murderer. 

Nothing but the Night was the only feature made by Christopher Lee’s own production company, and by the looks of things, he was a better actor than producer.  Still, it’s worth watching because of the Lee/Cushing factor.  Other than that, there’s not a whole lot to recommend.  The opening sequence that chronicles the murder of three people is well done and the ending, while predictable is not without its strengths.  Too bad the movie drags its feet so much during the time in between. 

Whenever the two leads aren’t on screen, the film falters.  The stuff with the sexy reporter doing a story with the young girl’s prostitute mother (Diana Dors) eats up a lot of screen time and it doesn’t exactly captivate you either.  The scenes involving Dors running around the woods while trying to keep an eye on her daughter further bogs things down, but at least her eventual comeuppance is kind of cool. 

AKA:  The Devil’s Undead.  AKA:  Castle of the Living Dead.  AKA:  Devil Night.  AKA:  The Resurrection Syndicate. 

CRAZY COUPLE (1979) **

Crazy Couple starts off promisingly enough.  It begins with our hero playing practical jokes back and forth with this creepy guy.  This weirdo decides to raise the stakes by swapping out our hero’s prescription with a laxative.  Little does he know the medicine was actually for his pet monkey.  The laxative is so strong that the monkey dies from it, which throws its owner into a Kung Fu frenzy. 

It’s here where I started to get excited.  I honestly thought the film was going to go into full-on Death Wish territory.  I mean, who wouldn’t love a movie in which a man tries to get revenge for his pet monkey?  Unfortunately, the two winds up joining forces to stop a Kung Fu master who has killed their doctor friend.   

So much for that.  From then on, the film turns into one of those lame Kung Fu comedies that feature so-so fight scenes and dumb humor.  The scenes that involve our hero trying to hook his buddy up with the doctor’s ugly daughter are the worst.  I did get a chuckle out of the scene in which a constipated Kung Fu master looks jealously over to the next stall while his assistant has no problem shitting.  (Complete with frequent “plop-splash” sound effects.)  If the film had one or two more of these amusing comic set pieces, it might’ve gotten a higher grade, but as it stands, Crazy Couple just wasn’t crazy enough for me to recommend it.

THE WILD WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN (1966) ** ½

Batwoman (Katherine Victor) is a crimefighter who looks like one of the Golden Girls is all dressed up to go to an Eyes Wide Shut party.  Her arch-nemesis is a guy named Rat Fink who wears a fedora over top of his lucha libre mask.  When Rat Fink steals a top secret atomic hearing aid (it allows the user to listen in on any phone conversation) Batwoman and her all-girl army of bikini babes set out to recover it.

This is one of director Jerry Warren’s more coherent movies, if you can believe it.  Even then, there’s still inexplicable footage of The Mole People edited in for no good reason whatsoever.  I can’t say it’s as “good” as Teenage Zombies, but it’s about on par with Face of the Screaming Werewolf.

The shoestring budget, awful costumes, and bad performances lend the movie a certain amount of charm.  That’s not quite enough to sustain the entire running time, but it’s enough to make for an intermittently amusing flick.  Whenever things threaten to get dull, the scenes of scantily clad women go-go dancing help to maintain your interest.

There is at least one hilariously offensive sequence that is memorable.  That’s when Batwoman and some friends conduct a séance in order to find the whereabouts of Rat Fink.  During the séance, the voice of the spirit keeps getting interrupted by a spirit speaking Chinese.  It’s so wrongheaded and goofy that you just have to laugh.

AKA:  She Was a Hippy Vampire.  AKA:  The Wild World of Batwoman.  

MARVELOUS STUNTS OF KUNG FU (1979) **

Marvelous Stunts of Kung Fu, you say?  Well, I wouldn’t call them “Marvelous” or anything, but I guess they were okay.  Although the fight choreography is just so-so, the Kung Fu battles occur at regular intervals, so at least it never gets too boring.   

A deadly gang controls a small town and murder Kung Fu masters in rigged fights.  A traveler wanders into town and squares off against a crooked fortune teller who’s in cahoots with a sexy pickpocket.  Eventually, the trio decides to put their differences aside to take on the nefarious den of ruffians. 

Even though we don’t get any marvelous stunts or anything, the fight between the fortune teller and our hero is well done.  Too bad the rest of the fights are just ho-hum.  The finale, while jam packed with opponents, just doesn’t have the same sense of style.   

The most memorable fight happens right away in the opening scene.  That’s when the bad guys show off their “Golden Chicken” style.  In between shots of them punching and kicking, we see close-ups of a clucking chicken.  This scene is the comedic highlight of the film.  Unfortunately, the rest of the intentional humor fails to generate any laughs.  Maybe “Marvelous Chicken Kung Fu” would’ve been a more accurate title.  It certainly would’ve been a funnier one.

HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE (2016) ****

Writer/director Taika Waititi’s latest is a touching, sad, and hilarious little movie that is a wonderful showcase for Sam Neill.  He plays a cantankerous old bushman whose wife adopts a troubled overweight teenager (Julian Dennison).  When his wife dies, social services threaten to take the boy away.  Panicked, Dennison runs off into the bush and Neill has to track him down.  Through a series of misunderstandings, the authorities come to believe that Neill has kidnapped the boy and the pair decide to evade capture by living together in the woods. 

One of the joys of the movie is seeing Neill’s gruff exterior being slowly eroded by the charms of his newfound “nephew”.  Some of the best parts are the smaller scenes where the two of them are just sitting around talking.  He really makes you care about his character and his arc is genuinely moving.  If this isn’t his best performance, it’s awfully close.   

Waititi possesses a light, childlike touch that makes the film feel like a whimsical children’s movie.  His script is sharp and funny and it slides effortlessly from wacky sequences to more heartfelt moments without missing a beat.  It’s also packed with some great dialogue and plenty of laugh-out-loud zingers.  My favorite moment is when Dennison reads a wanted poster and says, “Caucasian?  Well, they got that wrong because you’re obviously white!”  

DIRECT ACTION (2005) **

Dolph Lundgren stars as a cop who is breaking in a new partner, played by Polly Shannon.  Some of his colleagues learn that he is about to blow the whistle on their dirty dealings and they try to silence him.  Knowing he’s in constant danger, Dolph advises his new recruit to steer clear of him.  She of course sticks around long enough to save his bacon.  From then on, the duo tries to stay alive long enough to bring down the dirty cops. 

Directed and co-written by Sidney J. (Iron Eagle) Furie (who also directed Dolph in Detention), Direct Action is a by-the-numbers and uninspired vehicle.  The plot is standard-issue and the action is lackluster.  The biggest problem is the crummy camerawork that hampers many of the action scenes.  There’s a lot of jittery movements, unnecessary zooms, and awkward camera placements that undermine what could’ve been solid sequences.  The editing leaves something to be desired too. 

Direct Action (which shouldn’t be confused with the similarly-titled Dolph flick, Direct Contact) benefits from a strong performance by Dolph.  He has a reasonable amount of chemistry with Shannon, who does a fine job as his feisty, naïve partner.  While it’s far from Dolph’s worst, it never really distinguishes itself from the glut of actioners found in his filmography.   

I did like the scene where Dolph beats up a guy wearing a Punisher T-shirt.  He of course played The Punisher in the 1989 movie.  That’s about the only memorable part though.  Too bad there wasn’t a scene where he beats up a guy carrying a He-Man lunch box. 

AKA:  Black Scorpion.  

STRAY DOG (1949) ****

Toshiro Mifune stars as a rookie cop whose gun is stolen on a crowded trolley by a desperate thief during a heatwave.  He scours the underworld to find his piece and is disheartened to learn someone has been wounded with it.   Mifune then teams up with a more seasoned detective (Takashi Shimura) to find the thief before more people can be wounded and/or potentially killed by the gun.

Stray Dog feels like Akira Kurosawa’s version of an American film noir of the ‘40s.  The cinematography is moody and drenched in shadows, and the close-ups of the desperate, sweaty faces of the characters are effective.  Instead of relying on plot twists and hardboiled characterizations, Kurosawa is more interested in his characters’ feelings of guilt and obsession.  Mifune in particular is excellent as he frantically tries to get his gun back all the while feeling he’s the one to blame because of his carelessness. 

The opening that chronicles the loss of the gun is some of Kurosawa’s best work.  You’re immediately sucked in from the first frame.  Once Mifune and Shimura team up, the film starts to become something akin to a Buddy Cop movie, but even then, it’s more thoughtful and introspective than you’d expect.  The scene where Shimura lays out the differences between him and his inexperienced partner is one of the best in the entire picture. 

I also liked Kurosawa’s use of symbolism.  The heatwave that occurs during the investigation causes everyone to literally sweat it out while the search is on for the gun.  Once there is a break in the case, the heatwave gives way to a torrential downpour. 

The final act is electrifying.  There’s a tense encounter in a hotel that contains some of the most suspenseful work Kurosawa ever did.  The scene where Mifune must use his detective skills to pick out the thief in a crowded depot is equally intense.  Overall, this is one of Kurosawa’s best, which is really saying something.