OLD (2021) ** ½

It’s no secret that I am not a fan of M. Night Shyamalan’s films.  Most of them feel like half-baked Twilight Zone episodes stretched out far past their breaking points with predictable twist endings that often land with a thud.  Old is the closest I’ve come to actually liking one of his films.  I say that with some major reservations because even though I was relatively entertained, it was mostly for all the wrong reasons as there are several unintentional laughs to be had throughout the first hour or so of the picture.  Too bad Shyamalan completely woofs it when it comes into the homestretch.  Till then though, Old is some reasonably entertaining hokum.  

A bickering couple take their kids to a beach resort to get away from it all before breaking the news to them they are getting a divorce.  They are told about a beautiful hidden beach near the hotel, and they head out there for a nice relaxing day of fun and sun with a couple of other guests.  They soon find out that not only are they unable to leave the beach, but it makes them age at an accelerated rate.  

There is some truly inspired goofy shit here that makes Old mostly tolerable.  I particularly liked the stuff with the kids hitting puberty and reenacting the entirety of The Blue Lagoon in a matter of minutes.  There’s also a rather nifty emergency surgery sequence that probably ranks as Shyamalan’s single best suspense scene of his career.  These sequences alone put Old head and shoulders above his other work.  

Unfortunately, like always, he completely shits the bed when it comes to the ending.  The big “Shyamalan Twist” really isn’t that bad this time around.  However, he just doesn’t know when to quit.  If the film ended right after the big reveal, it definitely would’ve been a *** flick.  The trouble is, he goes and gives us four or five non-endings right in a row to gratuitously wrap up various plot threads that didn’t need to be wrapped up, which adds about fifteen unnecessary minutes onto the already bloated running time.  Had he cut out all this nonsense, Old would’ve been a perfect day at the beach.