NETFLIX AND KILL: RAW (2016) ***

Justine (Garance Marillier) is a meek vegetarian who goes off to veterinary school to follow in the footsteps of her older sister Alexia (Ella Rumpf).  Once there, Alexia indoctrinates her in the school’s elaborate hazing rituals for Rush Week.  As part of her humiliation, Justine is forced to eat a raw rabbit kidney.  Soon after, she breaks out into a horrible rash.  Eventually, she begins eating raw meat and develops a taste for human flesh.  Things get increasingly awkward at school for Justine after she eats her sister’s finger. 

That scene is… well… let’s just say it’s finger-licking good. 

There’s more.  A lot more.  There’s a disgusting scene where our heroine pukes up a bunch of hair, a sequence in which she gets into a literal pissing contest with her sister, a Brazilian wax that turns icky, and a stomach-churning discussion about monkey rape. 

Look, going away to college can be a scary thing, alright?  Raw takes that idea to the extreme.  I know college hazing can be brutal, but some of the stuff the students are forced to do borders on the absurd.  Is this the kind of shit they really do at French veterinary schools, or is director Julia Ducournau going for some sort of surrealistic vibe here?  If she isn’t, then French veterinarians are some of the most fucked up people on the planet. 

I couldn’t really tell what Ducournau’s intentions were.  Was this supposed to be a parable about a young woman’s burgeoning sexuality?  A warped metaphor for being a vegetarian trapped in a meat-eating society?  A representation of sibling rivalry at its craziest?  I’m not even sure if she knew.  All I know is that I dug it.  The methodical pace may turn some off (that is, if the kidney-eating scene doesn’t), but stay with it because has some truly unique, memorable, and unsettling moments. 

AKA:  Grave.

PSYCHO FROM TEXAS (1975) ***

A mentally deranged criminal named Wheeler (John King III) comes to town looking to make some fast money so he kidnaps the local oil tycoon.  Naturally, his idiot partner lets the captive get away while Wheeler is in town trying to score some pot.  Wheeler doesn’t seem too fazed by their plan turning to shit though because it gives him an opportunity to prey upon a few unsuspecting women.

Psycho from Texas is the kind of sleazy homegrown exploitation movie I enjoy.  It really gets you in Wheeler’s mindset and you can see why he does the things he does.  Some parts almost feel like a blueprint for Henry:  Portrait of a Serial Killer, that is, if Henry:  Portrait of a Serial Killer was a low budget Good Ol’ Boy movie from the ‘70s.   

There's a great flashback scene where we see Wheeler as a kid catching his whore mother in bed with some guy.  What’s great about this scene is that the dude doesn't pay for sex.  Instead, he just brings her a pair of nylons as a gift.  Talk about a cheap date!  The part where the young Wheeler watches as his mother writhes in bed in ecstasy goes on and on.  The cutaways to the kid’s increasingly hilarious reactions shots are hysterical.  

Another standout sequence happens late in the movie when Wheeler brings some KFC into a bar and harasses the barmaid.  He strips her down and forces her to dance endlessly while he pours beer all over her.  The barmaid, it should be noted, is played by the legendary Scream Queen, Linnea Quigley in her film debut.  It's already obvious from her brief appearance that she's a star in the making. 

These two scenes are quite memorable.  King’s performance is a lot of fun to watch too.  I also got some laughs from the overly earnest theme song that acts as a Greek chorus to Wheeler’s actions. 

It’s too bad that large chunks of the movie are devoted to long scenes of one guy chasing another.  I swear, there’s one foot chase that feels like it takes up half the running time.  I don’t mind sitting through the long, repetitive scenes if there’s going to be some sort of a payoff.    Luckily, the two major chase sequences end in gory fashion.   

In short, Psycho from Texas is low budget ‘70s sleaze done right.  

AKA:  Evil + Hate = Killer.  AKA:  The Butcher.  AKA:  Wheeler.  AKA:  The Hurting.  AKA:  Mama’s Boy.

NETFLIX AND KILL: STITCHES (2012) *** ½

When we first see Stitches, the foul-mouthed clown, he’s banging a babe in his trailer.  Once he arrives at a kid’s birthday party, he proves that he’s capable of being a decent clown that can pull off a few OK magic tricks.  Unfortunately, the kids are hellions and heckle him mercilessly.  One of them ties Stitches’ shoelaces together which causes him to fall face first on a butcher knife, bringing the party to an abrupt halt.  Since we all know that “a clown that doesn’t finish a party can never rest in peace”, when the same group of now teenage kids come together to celebrate another birthday six years later, Stitches rises from the grave to get his revenge. 

From the outset, it looks like the film is going to be a variation on Bobcat Goldtwait’s Shakes the Clown.  It quickly becomes a hilarious horror comedy that features a healthy body count and gallons of splatter.  Dicks, ears, arms, heads, and eyeballs are all ripped off by the homicidal clown.  The film also contains one of the best exploding head gags outside of a Scanners movie, which is reason enough to see it. 

Even though the film can’t quite sustain the balls-to-the-walls level of mayhem throughout the entire running time, it still packs in enough juicy kills to keep any gorehound satisfied.    Some of the gore sequences are predictable (like when he makes a balloon animal from a guy’s intestines or uses a dead body as a ventriloquist dummy), but they are done with more style and humor than you’d expect.  I mean how can you not love a movie in which someone’s brains are plopped out with an ice cream scoop? 

For anyone who felt let down by It, Stitches will be a refreshing pie in the face. 

AKA:  Dark Clown.

THE FRUIT IS RIPE (1978) ** ½

A sexually carefree young woman named Patricia (Betty Verges) spends a week in Greece hooking up with random people and getting into various misadventures.  She picks up a married man at the airport, is nearly raped by two men while hitchhiking, and watches two lovers have sex in a tent.  Just when Patricia thinks she’s found true love with a guy on a boat, he winds up breaking her heart.  

The Fruit is Ripe is a freewheeling and good natured (for the most part) sex comedy.  Although it gets off to a playful and funny start, things get increasingly uneven as the plot meanders along.  Not that a plot is something that was absolutely necessary in a skin flick like this.  It’s just that the film’s episodic nature tends to get a bit repetitive after a while. 

Verges gives a solid performance all things considered.  Her willingness to disrobe at the drop of a hat combined with her fetching screen presence keeps you watching.  (I particularly liked the scene where she gleefully hopped in the bathtub with a guy she just met.)  Sure, there’s a copious amount of nudity to be found, but the sex scenes themselves are a mixed bag and the whole thing is a bit too slight to be truly memorable.  As far as German ‘70s sex comedies go, you can certainly do a lot worse. 

AKA:  Coming of Age.

NETFLIX AND KILL: CLOWN (2016) ****

Real estate agent Kent (Andy Powers) is in the middle of trying to sell a rundown mansion when he gets the call that his kid’s birthday clown has canceled at the last minute.  Kent just so happens to find a clown suit in a trunk in the basement and puts it on to make sure his son’s birthday goes off without a hitch.  Trouble brews the next morning when he’s unable to get the suit off.  Even the fake red nose refuses to come off.  Slowly, Kent begins to transform into an ancient evil clown that has an appetite for children. 

Produced by Eli Roth, Clown features one of the strangest transformations in horror film history.  The way poor Kent slowly turns into a homicidal clown is simultaneously funny, horrifying, and yes, tragic.  I was reminded more than once of David Cronenberg’s The Fly while watching it.  Both movies contain men who undergo icky transformations while concentrating on the very real and sad way that the transformation tears their relationships apart. 

Clown is scarier and a lot more effective than that Pennywise fella.  There are a number of creepy sequences, laugh-out-loud moments, and some surprising moments of gore too.  The bit with the dog clown was pure genius and the Chuck E. Cheese massacre is one for the books.  It also features one of the more inventive suicide attempts I’ve seen in a movie in some time. 

Director Jon Watts (who later hit the big time directing Spider-Man:  Homecoming) plays things very seriously, but is smart enough to allow the moments of humor to occur naturally throughout the film.  Yes, it’s funny to see Kent trying to hide the fact that he’s now a clown at work, but the way his situation grows increasingly desperate is suspenseful and at times, oddly touching.   

Peter Stormare is fun to watch as the old guy whose family was once cursed by the evil suit.  It’s Andy Powers though who makes the movie.  His memorable performance really sells his character’s unlikely plight.  Powers is a likeable guy who exudes a charm not unlike Chris Pratt.  He never once loses our sympathy, even when he begins to get more and more monstrous.  It’s that capacity for sympathy that puts Clown right up there with the best movie monsters. 

NETFLIX AND KILL: WE ARE NOT ALONE (2016) **

A single dad moves into a new house with his young daughter and girlfriend.  She tries to get along with her future stepdaughter, but it’s clear from the get-go she’s a total daddy’s girl.  Before long, she’s hearing strange noises in the house and even finds a hidden room in the wall.  She tries to tell her hubby something supernatural is going on and of course, he doesn’t believe her because he’s too busy working all the time.  Once they realize the place is indeed haunted, they turn to a priest to get rid of the evil. 

We are Not Alone is a Peruvian version of an American haunted house movie, but despite the language difference, it’s really just the same old shit.  Faulty TV reception, ominous drawings by little kids, and balls bouncing down stairs all act as harbingers of doom.  It even ends with a good old-fashioned exorcism. 

Despite the overly familiar subject matter, it’s only 75 minutes long, which is a blessing, and it moves along at a decent pace.  The film also benefits from the cool grey-tinged cinematography.  Too bad that the bulk of the running time is devoted to a lot of fake scares, most of which revolve around the stepdaughter springing up where she shouldn’t.  They even trot out the old tried-and-true Jack-in-the-box jump scare.  I thought those went out of style years ago.

AMITYVILLE: THE AWAKENING (2017) ***

I feel like I’ve been waiting forever to see this movie.  The release date kept getting pushed back January after January until Dimension took it off their schedule completely.  Now, in the wake of the Weinstein scandal, it’s been dumped on Google Play.  FOR FREE.  Man, I was totally willing to pay $12 to see this in the theater!  Now I get to watch it absolutely free.  Not only was it worth the wait, I got my money’s worth out of it too! 

Ginger goddess Bella Thorne moves into the Amityville house with her overbearing mother (Jennifer Jason Leigh) and her braindead vegetable twin brother.  Bella learns from her classmates the horrifying history of the house about the same time her brother starts making a miraculous recovery.  Is he really getting better or is the house possessing him to do its evil bidding? 

Amityville:  The Awakening was directed by Franck Khalfoun, director of the underappreciated P2, and he brings the same slick efficiency that he brought to that gem.  Khalfoun gives us a few genuinely effective moments (like a window opening on its own) as well as a grisly updating of the original’s fly sequence.  He also does a fine job at orchestrating the family drama within the house.  The strained relationship between Thorne and Leigh (who are well-cast as daughter and mother) is absorbing and the tension between them is genuine. 

Even though it’s PG-13, it still has a creepy vibe.  Honestly, with a few edits, this could probably play on Lifetime, what with the family squabbling and all.  Since Lifetime Movies are a guilty pleasure of mine, it really fired on all cylinders for me.   

What makes The Awakening so much fun is that it exists in the “real” world.  The DeFeo murders that happened in the house are “real”, but the entire Amityville film series are just that:  movies.  In fact, one of Thorne’s classmates bring over the original 1979 Amityville Horror so they can watch it together.  He also suggests they watch the Ryan Reynolds remake, but she shoots him down.  “Remakes totally blow!”  There is no mention however of Amityville 3-D though.  Bummer.   

For all of its creepy moments at meta references, the movie really belongs to Bella Thorne.  Wearing a wardrobe that consists of a variety of sexy goth/punk outfits and black lipstick, she always commands your attention.  It doesn’t hurt that half the movie features her in booty shorts walking down hallways and investigating strange noises.  Not only is she smoking hot, she gives a great performance as well.  She really holds her own acting alongside Jennifer Jason Leigh, which is a testament to her abilities.   

AKA:  Amityville:  The Reawakening.