THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: LIVING WITH CHUCKY (2023) **

A Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th both got documentaries on their respective series. I guess it was a matter of time before Chucky got his.  If you’re looking for an exhaustive chronicle of the franchise, forget it.  This isn’t nearly as in-depth as the others I mentioned.  It’s a shame because it kind of feels like a missed opportunity. 

I was honestly kind of surprised by the number of cast and crew who were suspiciously absent.  Catherine Hicks and Chris Sarandon, the stars from the original are nowhere to be found.  The same goes for director Tom Holland and special effects man Kevin Yagher, who created the doll for the first four films.  (The director, Kyra Gardner is the daughter of Tony Gardner, who did the effects for the series from Seed of Chucky on, so maybe there was a conflict of interest there.)

The opening portion about the first film is good, but they really rush through the making of 2 and 3.  Oddly enough, Brad Dourif isn’t interviewed for these segments, which is disappointing as it would’ve been interesting to hear his take on them.  (Maybe he didn’t have anything nice to say, so they cut it out.)  Since this is a fluff piece, they don’t even mention the infamous Bulger case where a couple of kids murdered a schoolmate and blamed it on Child’s Play 3.  Conversely, they spend way too much time on the lukewarm DTV sequels. 

You can see in the interviews that Dourif takes the role of Chucky VERY seriously, which is I guess a testament to the character’s longevity.  The file footage scenes of him voicing Chucky in an audio booth are among the best in the film as you can really tell he’s giving it his all, even if his reactions aren’t being used in the film.  The interviews with Jennifer Tilly are fun too, but they aren’t all that in-depth. 

The film particularly hits a wall in the last half hour when the camera turns on the director.  It’s here where she talks about how the Chucky filmmakers are kind of like a second family she never met and that she’s using the documentary as an excuse to meet and talk to everyone involved.  (Fiona Dourif can also relate as she is also a second generation of Chucky participant.)  This segment is OK, but it just seems like it should’ve been its own thing.  Having it tacked onto a chronicle of the franchise just seems like a way to pad things out.  I mean, make a movie about Chucky or make a movie about your family.  Splitting the difference just doesn’t quite make for an engaging documentary.

While parts of Living with Chucky play like a nice jaunt down memory lane, it ultimately feels more like a DVD bonus feature than an actual documentary.  Some of the material will be an old hat for fans and/or people who read Fangoria back in the day though.  The parts with people who weren’t even involved with the franchise (like Abigail Breslin and Marlon Wayans) weren’t really necessary either.  At least they interview John Waters, who gets the best line:  “Chucky has sex!  Godzilla doesn’t have sex!  Frankenstein doesn’t jerk off!”

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: NIGHTWISH (1990) * ½

Nightwish is a frustrating mishmash of A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Haunting, and Alien.  That combination plays as schizophrenically as it sounds.  Not even a bunch of familiar faces from ‘80s horror movies like Clayton (Destroyer) Rohner, Elizabeth (Silent Madness) Kaitan, and Brian (Fright Night 2) Thompson can save this turgid mess. 

A group of parapsychology students go to a secluded house to conduct experiments to see if the place is haunted by an extraterrestrial supernatural entity.  (No, really.)  They get their answer pretty damn fast.  Adding to their woes is the fact that the professor snaps and starts killing his students. 

The opening scene where Kaitan is taking part in a dream experiment to see if she can cause her own death inside of the dream is intriguing.  It all goes downhill in a hurry after that.  Admittedly, there is some cool stuff here.  The most effective scene comes when Kaitan’s head is shoved inside a glass box crawling with spiders, which contains a POV shot from Kaitan’s tonsils.  (I think that might be a cinematic first.)  It’s just that you can only get jerked around so long before your brain begins to check out. 

Oh, and if you couldn’t tell after ten minutes this was going to end up being one of those “It was all a dream” things, you deserve your horror movie-watching license revoked. 

The ending is less of a “Gotcha!” and more of an excuse to justify the nonlinear nonsense in the film.  Scenes involving glowing green alien snakes and cyclones menacing the students are more puzzling than laughable, and the stuff with the alien embryos incubating in the victims feels like they came out of an entirely different movie.  There’s also a Halloween 3-inspired scene where bugs crawl out of a crushed skull because, why the hell not?

I’m a fan of Rohner, Kaitan, and Thompson, but they are all mostly wasted.  (Kaitan and Alisha Das do provide a fleeting amount of T & A, which does help take some of the sting out of it.)  At least Thompson gets to play an unpredictable character as the asshole of the group who gets his kicks by running over poor defenseless bunny rabbits.  Also in the cast is the director of Cleopatra Jones, Jack Starrett as the creepy professor, and Mr. Clean himself, Robert Tessier as his hulking assistant. 

AKA:  Nightwish:  Out of Control.

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: DANCES WITH WEREWOLVES (2017) ***

As a general rule, I’m pretty much guaranteed to watch anything provided it has a great title.  And with a title like Dances with Werewolves, how can you lose?  The most surprising thing about it is there’s a legitimately good movie hiding inside the cheesy title. 

Cassie (Aqueela Zoll) runs out on her abusive boyfriend and heads to Los Angeles to make a fresh start.  There, she winds up getting entangled with Darcy (Tatiana DeKhtyar), a madam who goes around the city turning hookers into werewolves.  Meanwhile, Jay Nightraven (Omar Paz Trujillo), a Native American paranormal investigator and his sexy assistant/girlfriend (Lauren Parkinson) try to get to the bottom of a rash of murders committed by the streetwalking skinwalkers.  He then tries to cure Cassie of her lycanthropy, but of course Darcy comes looking to retrieve the lost member of her pack. 

Written, produced, and directed by the team of Donald F. (Dinosaur Valley Girls) Glut and Dan (Timegate:  Tales of the Saddle Tramps) Golden, Dances with Werewolves is more straightforward and serious than the jokey (but admittedly great) title would suggest.  It sort of plays like a low budget riff on Bordello of Blood, but with werewolves instead of vampires.  It’s pretty amusing too, all things considered.  While there could’ve been a little more T & A (there’s more A than T) and gore (we do get a decent gut ripping scene though), I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I’m especially glad they used practical effects for the werewolf women as spandex outfits covered with crepe hair will always be sexier than something that came out of a computer. 

The cast is particularly strong, and the women characters are well written.  DeKhytar is great as the sexy and assertive werewolf woman.  Zoll gives more layers to her character than was probably necessary, and Parkinson proves there’s more to her than just a token girlfriend.  Jacqui Holland and Madeleine Wae have their moments as well as the hookers who are under Darcy’s spell.  Phantasm’s Angus Scrimm (in his next to last role), Skinamax siren Debbie Dutch, and Feast director John Gulager round out the fine supporting cast. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: MY GRANDPA IS A VAMPIRE (1992) **

Lonny (Justin Gocke) is a little American kid who goes to spend the summer with his Aunt Leah (Pat Evison) in New Zealand.  His friend Kanziora (Milan Borich) soon becomes convinced that Lonny’s eccentric old grandfather (Al “Grandpa” Lewis) is a vampire.  His suspicions are confirmed shortly after Grandpa passes away when he returns sporting fangs, a cape, and the ability to fly around in the moonlight.  Problems arise when Leah’s loutish boyfriend (Noel Appleby) fancies himself as a vampire hunter and tries to drive a stake through Grandpa’s heart. 

From David Blyth, the director of Death Warmed Up and The Red Blooded American Girl, My Grandpa is a Vampire is a kid friendly horror flick that would feel comfortable sitting alongside stuff like My Best Friend is a Vampire and My Mom’s a Werewolf on the video store shelf.  It works mostly as a tribute to Grandpa himself, Al Lewis.  If you’re a fan of the man (and frankly, who isn’t?) the film should be at the very least tolerable.  The scenes of Lewis taking the boys flying out in the moonlight are sweet, but the rest of the movie is frustratingly uneven.  The jokes are lame, the Kiwi accents are annoying, and some parts are downright perplexing.  The scene where a drunk woman hits on little Lonny (at his grandfather’s funeral no less) is extremely cringeworthy.  The most memorable scene occurs when the boys take Grandpa to McDonald’s, which means it might make for a good WTF kids movie double feature with Mac and Me. 

Lewis looks like he’s having fun doing a slight variation on his beloved character.  I mean if you’re making a movie called My Grandpa is a Vampire, who better to play the vampire grandpa than Al “Grandpa” Lewis?  That’s just smart casting if you ask me.  However, if you’re really jonesing to see Lewis in action, you’re honestly better off with old Munsters reruns or those old Grandpa monster movie compilations than this.  Even when viewing it strictly as kids’ entertainment, My Grandpa is a Vampire still doesn’t quite cut the mustard.  There isn’t much here to please adolescent horror fans and younger viewers who scare easily will probably be bored more than anything. 

AKA:  Moonrise.  AKA:  Grampire.  

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: DEAD ANT (2019) ***

Dead Ant starts off with a hot chick having a peyote trip where she strips off all her clothes and runs naked through the desert while being chased by a giant CGI ant.  As far as ways to open up a picture go, I’d say this ranks right up there with the best. 

Michael (Twin Peaks) Horse is a Native American medicine man/drug dealer who sells a powerful brand of peyote to an over the hill rock band called Sonic Grave who are heading into the desert to play a low rent Coachella type concert.  He tells them if they don’t disturb the land, they will have a good trip.  Things immediately go wrong when the bass player (Sean Astin) pisses on an ant while tripping balls, which causes the ants to grow to enormous size and come after the group. 

Dead Ant has a strange but endearing cast.  In addition to Horse and Astin we have Jake Busey as the lead singer of the washed-up hair metal band, Tom Arnold as the band’s loudmouth manager, and Sydney Sweeney as a sexy groupie who wears a skimpy bikini the whole movie.  It’s an odd mix of talent, but everyone doesn’t take things too seriously (neither should you) and they seem to be having fun (you probably will too). 

I mean the premise is just weird enough to work.  It’s definitely a different way to do a killer animal movie, that’s for sure.  Usually in these things, it’s toxic waste or a hole in the ozone layer or some shit that causes the animals to mutate.  I don’t think we’ve seen one where the insects become killers when the white man fucks around with nature while high on Native American peyote. 

My biggest gripe was that the CGI effects are pretty lousy.  The claustrophobic setting (much of the film takes place in a cramped camper) doesn’t help either.  Still, the pace is rather zippy, and the film more or less skates by on oddball vibes alone. 

AKA:  Dead Ant:  Monsters vs. Metal.  AKA:  Giant Killer Ants.

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: FRANKENSTEIN GENERAL HOSPITAL (1988) **

Six years after starring in the ho-hum Jekyll and Hyde… Together Again, Mark (Fridays) Blankfield tried his hand at another horror spoof of a beloved monster character.  This one is equally bland and unfunny. 

Blankfield stars as Bob Frankenstein, who works by day as a doctor in a hospital, but by night tries to create a monster (Irwin Keyes from House of 1000 Corpses) in his laboratory down in the basement.  The annoying Leslie Jordan is Frankenstein’s inept assistant Iggy who sneaks around stealing body parts when no one is looking.  After the experiment is a success, it doesn’t take long before the monster escapes from the lab and wreaks havoc on the hospital. 

Frankenstein General Hospital has been referred to as “the worst Frankenstein movie of all time”.  Well, it’s not THAT bad (Frankenstein Island, anyone?), but it never once comes close to approaching “good”.  If you enjoyed Jekyll and Hyde… Together Again, you may find something to appreciate here.  All others should probably steer clear. 

The big problem is that it’s a horror comedy that frankly never delivers on the laughs.  The jokes are feebly constructed and indifferently delivered.  There’s also a lame running gag of people laughing every time the doctor mentions his “secret experiment”. 

It’s not all bad though.  All the scenes in the doctor’s lab are in black and white, which was a nice touch.  These sequences at least look the part, even if the jokes land with a thud.  We also get some small servings of T & A, which help a little. 

I’ve never been much of a Blankfield fan, so this one didn’t do a whole lot for me.  Thankfully, Keyes is fun as the monster, especially when he becomes smart.  Playboy Playmate of the Year (1986) Kathy Shower is easy on the eyes as a sexy shrink who doubles as a dominatrix.  We also have Ben Stein as a doctor, a cameo by Bobby “Boris” Pickett of “Monster Mash” fame, and a photo of Colin Clive. 

AKA:  General Hospital.  AKA:  Monster Hospital.

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: THE MALIBU BEACH VAMPIRES (1991) ½ *

The Malibu Beach Vampires is a nearly incomprehensible and unwatchable mess.  Before the title even appears, the film stock changes twice, time codes are visible at the bottom of the screen, and the editing is so bad it’s bound to make you cross-eyed.  Sadly, this is about as good as the movie gets. 

There’s no real plot to this thing.  It’s almost like a bunch of movies that got thrown in a blender and were fed to the editor via an Uno Attack game.  The easiest part of the movie to follow features a trio of girlfriends renting a beach house in Malibu for the weekend.  There are also subplots involving a vampire girl trying to find love, a telethon ran by a pair of televangelists modeled on Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, and a fake Oliver North guy being interrogated by Congress.  These imposters horribly date the movie and none of them come close to eliciting the slightest chuckle. 

I guess it might’ve been okay if the Jim and Tammy Faye scenes were saying something satirical about the couple or about organized religion in general, but they most seem like a vehicle for long tapdancing scenes and inexplicable religious song and dance numbers.  It also doesn’t help that their telethon is just filmed at someone’s dance studio and not on an actual stage (or church).  Director Francis Creighton plays the Jim Bakker character, and his performance is downright painful to watch. 

Maybe I wouldn’t have been so upset if this had actually been about… you know… Malibu Beach Vampires.  However, the eponymous ladies only take up about 7% of the actual plot.  I’ve seen low budget movies where vampires wore cheap dime store plastic fangs, but this might be the first one where they wear Dracula fangs that are nothing more than Halloween wax candy lips. 

Most of the time, it feels like you’re watching TV while someone with ADHD has the remote and is channel surfing like a goddamned lunatic.  Either that, or it plays like a Kentucky Fried Movie kind of parody (minus the laughs), but the editor tried to (unsuccessfully) edit everything together into one continuous plot line.   The results are nothing less than a big incoherent mess.  In fact, the random cutaways to the sexy beach girls dancing to “Beach Blanket Bingo” are the only thing saving this turd from a No Stars rating. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: THE WOMEN EATERS! (2025) ***

The Women Eaters! is the latest cinematic concoction from W.A.V.E. Productions.  It also happens to be their first new film which utilizes AI.  (They had previously used AI to touch up a special edition of Witchfinder.)  Now, I am vehemently anti-AI, but when I heard W.A.V.E. was now using it to make movies… well… I mean.  I had to see THAT. 

It did not disappoint.  One minute into the thing and I was already laughing my ass off.  Director Gary Whitson knows if you’re going to go AI, you’ve got to bring the WTF. 

Big Pharma is perfecting a drug to reverse menopause.  The secret ingredient lies in giant worms from Africa that only feed on estrogen.  Because of that, they only eat women.  Well, wouldn’t you know it?  A worm escapes from the lab and goes around eating women. 

First, it’s a gal hiking in the woods.  Then, it gets Tina Krause after she’s just gotten out of the shower.  After that, a hunter tries to use a woman as bait for the monster, but it doesn’t go as planned.  Next, it attacks Debbie D. while she’s birdwatching.  That’s followed by another woman being eaten right after a shower.  The worm gets the next victim right where it counts.  Finally, it comes after Laura Giglio, but not before she does some jumping jacks in slow motion without the benefit of a bra. 

Whitson doesn’t go overboard with the AI as he uses it for maybe a quarter of the time.  The stuff without the newfangled tech feels very much like an old school W.A.V.E. production, but with a bad CGI worm.  The AI scenes are something else though.  I don’t think it made me an advocate for the technology.  However, it sort of fits the W.A.V.E. aesthetic better than you might expect.  Let me put it to you this way:  I don’t think I want to see a big budget Hollywood movie using AI.  I would on the other hand love to see more low budget AI bondage fetish horror movies. 

The scenes that are purely AI made my jaw drop.  Imagine if Neil Breen made a power point about killer worms and you have some idea of the lunacy we have here.  Also, this movie is historic in that it features the first AI death by quicksand.  If you’re a fan of W.A.V.E., then you probably already know how integral quicksand is to their formula.  This W.A.V.E. fan in particular was a happy camper. 

Yes, even with a running time of only forty-seven minutes, it’s still too long.  Yes, some of the kills are repetitive.  (The worm always seems to leave its victims cut in half like a magician’s assistant.)  That said, when those magic moments of W.A.V.E.-coded weirdness hit, it’s a fresh blast of cinematic insanity. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: MEXICAN MONSTERS ON THE MARCH (1994) *** ½

Something Weird released this compilation tape containing condensed versions of old Mexican monster movies from the ‘60s.  It works as a nice sampler and/or sizzle reel for both fans of Mexican horror and the uninitiated alike.  If you’re not in the mood for Halloween after watching it, you’re probably beyond help. 

The first mini-feature is The Rider of the Skulls.  A masked cowboy hero rides around the west doing battle with a wooly looking werewolf (who seems to be in league with a witch), a vampire (who wears a Lucha Libre mask), and a headless horseman.  This one looks like a blast and frankly, the world needs more werewolf westerns if you ask me.

In The Return of the Monster, a Frankenstein-style monster escapes from a mad scientist’s lab (much to the delight of a comic relief talking skeleton) and goes around terrorizing the countryside.  After he kidnaps a crying toddler, “The Scarlet Fox” (he looks like a Zorro knockoff) comes to the rescue.  Cut-rate lap dissolve transformation scenes reveal the monster is actually a were-Frankenstein!  This might be a cinema first!

One of the few movies I had seen prior to watching Mexican Monsters on the March was Ship of Monsters.  If you’ve never seen it, what are you waiting for?  The monsters are awesome (some of the costumes were later reused in El Santo and Aztec Mummy movies) and Lorena Velazquez is simply stunning, especially once she turns into a vampire!

Another one I saw previously was Adventure at the Center of the Earth.  It wasn’t great, but they do show some of the best parts of the film.  Among the highlights are bats attacking a spelunker dangling over a lava pit and the shots of furry batmen flying around.  One of them even offers the sexy leading lady a rat to eat. 

Next up is one of the granddaddies of Mexican horror, The Brainiac.  A monster emerges from a comet and runs around sucking people’s brains out using its long tongue.  His reign of terror is brought to an end when some dudes with flamethrowers get the drop on the monster and light his ass up.  It’s as awesome as it sounds!

That’s followed by Dr. Satan.  I’ve seen this one too, but it wasn’t so hot.  Fortunately, the editors knew the best stuff to highlight, like the scenes of the eponymous villain consorting with the winged devil in a foggy graveyard. 

Scenes from Madness from Terror play out next.  There’s one terrific moment where a dude melts that looks like it might’ve been the inspiration for Toht’s death in Raiders of the Lost Ark.  This sequence has it all, mad scientist labs, zombies, grave robbing, and a part where a guy is running around with a skeleton for a body.  This one is going on my watchlist pronto. 

Then we have Museum of Horror, which looks to be a South of the Border version of House of Wax.  That is to say, it looks spectacular.  It’s all about a guy with a hideously scarred face who gets his kicks from jumping out of the bushes, abducting damsels in distress, and taking them back to his lair where he dumps vats of boiling hot wax on their face. 

Up next is another “Scarlet Fox” movie, Scarlet Fox in the Hanged Man’s Revenge (which also goes by the infinitely cooler alternate title, Zorro vs. the Teenage Monster).  In this one, the Zorro-inspired character fights a monster (who may or may not be the same one from Return of the Monster, I can’t be sure) who is busy terrorizing the countryside and kidnapping women. 

The final condensed horror show is The She-Wolf.  A werewolf woman rises from her tomb (pretty much nude) and takes to ripping and clawing into the menfolk who are unlucky enough to stumble into her path.  The slow-motion shots of the she-wolf leaping through the air are badass and the suggested nudity is rather tantalizing for the time.  The gore is rather juicy too, and the transformation scenes look great.  I’m gonna check this one out as soon as I can. 

While I consider myself a fan of old Mexican horror movies, even I hadn’t heard of most of these.  There are no subtitles, but it doesn’t really matter since the clips are mostly centered around “the good stuff”.  Besides, the dialogue isn’t really necessary since the sounds of women screaming and werewolves snarling are pretty much universal anyway. 

That said… at over two hours long, I’m inclined to believe they could’ve trimmed this down even more.  They really didn’t need to keep in all the credits sequences either.  Just having the title card at the beginning of each sequence would’ve sufficed.  (The long opening crawl to Adventure could’ve been cut out entirely.)  That’s a minor quibble though as I definitely discovered some new films to add to my watch pile, and honestly… that’s what these compilations are all about!

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: SHOCK FESTIVAL: THE ULTIMATE HORROR TRAILER MARATHON (2010) ***

This collection of Shock Festival trailers concentrates solely on horror films.  Things kick off with trailers that contain warnings to the audience (The Stuff, Pieces, and Snuff), which is a nice touch.  That’s followed by a string of previews that begin with shots of cars entering a seemingly idyllic town that harbors a secret (Beyond the Gate, Burnt Offerings, and Dead and Buried). That’s a pretty niche subgenre and I commend the editors for putting those together. 

That’s pretty much where the themed horror trailers trend ends.  From there, Shock Festival turns into a grab bag of trailers from different genres, eras, and quality, but it’s a pretty fun one.  There are plenty of old standbys here that have been seen on countless other trailer compilations.  Despite that, it’s still good to see them all again, which sort of makes this the cinematic equivalent of comfort food.  The ever-reliable “Double Bill of Horror” trailer for The Blood-Spattered Bride and I Dismember Mama is here.  This has been a staple of many trailer compilations, but I for one never tire of seeing it.  Other old chestnuts include The Toolbox Murders, Maniac, and the ad for a double feature of Carnival of Blood and Curse of the Headless Horseman. 

Most of the trailers are for stone cold classics like Mark of the Devil, Bloodsucking Freaks, and God Told Me To, but every so often, a preview for something crappy like The Curse will sneak in there.  We also get trailers for films from such horror greats as Lucio Fulci (House by the Cemetery), Dario Argento (Cat O’Nine Tails), and George Romero (The Crazies).  There are plenty of great taglines along the way too.  Some of my favorites belonged to Grizzly (“It’s not just a camping ground, it’s a feeding ground!”), Hell Night (“Pray for day!”), Shock Waves (“Once they were ALMOST human!”), The Illustrated Man (“Don’t dare stare!”) and Blood of Ghastly Horror (“SEE a young girl turned into a 1000 year old mummy!”). 

Overall, I think I enjoyed this more than the first installment thanks to the shorter running time and breezier editing.  Sure, there are better compilations of trailers out there, but this one should fit the bill nicely during Spooky Season. 

Here’s the complete trailer rundown:  The Stuff, Pieces, Snuff, Beyond the Gate, Pranks, Burnt Offerings, Dead and Buried, a double feature of Blood Spattered Bride and I Dismember Mama, House by the Cemetery, Great White, Cat O’Nine Tails, Saturn 3, God Told Me To, The Crazies, The Toolbox Murders, Q, the Winged Serpent, Grizzly, Don’t Look in the Basement, Hell Night, Satan’s Black Wedding, The Black Belly of the Tarantula, Invasion of the Bee Girls, Maniac, Banana Monster, Dead of Night, a double feature of Carnival of Blood and Curse of the Headless Horseman, Mark of the Devil, Bloodsucking Freaks, Deep Red, The Curse, Autopsy, Daughters of Darkness, The Illustrated Man, The Fifth Cord, 7 Doors of Death, and Blood of Ghastly Horror. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: BIOTHERAPY (1986) ***

A group of scientists are hard at work perfecting “GT Medicine” which cause goldfish to grow exponentially.  After a successful test, a glowing alien from the future shows up and begins killing off the scientists one by one.  Seems he wants to use the formula to speed up the evolutionary process so he and his race can take over the Earth. 

Biotherapy is a weird Sci-Fi/gore/time travel movie.  It clocks in at a scant thirty-five minutes, which is honestly the perfect length for something like this.  It cuts out all the crap that would usually slow a movie like this down, namely unnecessary subplots, romantic interludes, and scenes of character development in favor of an accelerated plot and show-stopping gore sequences.  And for the most part, it all works rather well. 

The villain is pretty cool.  He kind of looks like a cross between Darth Vader and your typical killer from a giallo.  He sure knows how to put a hurting on scientists too.  One guy gets his eyeball ripped out for the opening credits can even begin.  Another poor gal is repeatedly stabbed with broken test tubes before the alien pulls out her tongue.  One schmo has his front teeth knocked out with a pistol before getting his brains blown out by the baddie.  I think my favorite scene though is when the alien rips the one scientist’s guts out, but the guy keeps on fighting.  I guess what they say is true.  No guts, no glory.  Some of the poorly translated subtitles are good for a laugh too, my favorite being, “You remember him, the killer from before.”

The abbreviated running time winds up being sort of a mixed blessing at the end when it comes time to wrap the story up.  The final confrontation with the killer is a bit rushed, but the big issue is that the “twist” ending lands with a thud, mostly because it honestly needed more time to be properly fleshed out.  Despite that, whenever the gore is flowing and the body parts are flying, Biotherapy is a bloody good time. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: BLOODY AXE WOUND (2024) **

Abbie (Sari Arambulo) is the daughter of Roger Bladecut (Billy Burke), a prolific serial killer with dozens of horror sequels to his name.  Abbie is convinced it’s time to inject the series with some new blood and tries to convince her dad to let her take up the mantle.  Once she is locked in as the new killer, she realizes the kids she’s supposed to brutally murder aren’t all that bad.  Complicating things further is the fact that she has a crush on the dope smoking drummer (Molly Brown) who’s next on her victim list. 

A lot of the humor in Bloody Axe Wound is right on the nose and not particularly funny.  It’s also hard to figure out the “rules” of the in-movie universe.  I mean Bladecut owns a video store that rents out his horror movies.  That makes me wonder who’s filming and releasing the videos?  Do other serial killers have rival stores that only stock their films?  How did they get Jeffrey Dean Morgan to star in one of these things?  It brings up more questions than it answers, and what intriguing ideas the filmmakers do introduce are almost immediately forgotten.  Because of that, the whole thing winds up being more frustrating than fun. 

The gore is over the top though.  Too bad the various stabbings and hackings are mostly done for comedic effect.  Usually, these excesses turn out to be not very funny, especially when the extreme bloodletting just goes on and on without much of a payoff. 

The performances are a mixed bag at best.  Brown is good as the sexy drummer.  She kind of has a Kristen Stewart quality about her that works for the Final Girl role.  Arambulo on the other hand is grating as the serial killer with second thoughts.  You never really buy her transformation from killer to the potential victims’ ally.  Then again, that’s more of the script’s fault than hers.  As the serial killer Bladecut, Burke doesn’t get much to do aside from wear some bad prosthetics and imitate Thomas Jane’s gravelly delivery. 

There is an idea or two that may have worked if the filmmakers fleshed it out a little.  Ultimately, the movie winds up feeling more like a rushed first draft than a polished final product.  Because of that, Bloody Axe Wound doesn’t cut too deep. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: CUCKOO (2024) **

Gretchen (Hunter Schafer) moves to the German Alps with her family where her young sister is being treated by a smarmy doctor (Dan Stevens).  The odd doctor gets her a job working at his resort where she begins experiencing weird déjà vu like flashes before something bad happens.  Gretchen also suffers a series of accidents which everyone seems to blame on her.  Also troubling is the random appearances of a crazy looking lady who may be the cause of her hallucinations. 

Schafer gives an excellent performance in Cuckoo and it’s a shame the movie itself never matches her energy.  Even when everything is circling the drain, she remains a charismatic presence on screen and gives 110%.  I want to see the film she thinks she’s acting in.  I’m sure it’s great.  Stevens is amusing as the geeky German goofball who runs the resort who brings a much-needed kooky vibe to the proceedings.  Sadly, they are about the only bright spots to be found.

The remote lodge in a foreign country is a great location for a horror flick, as it heightens our teenage heroine’s sense of isolation.  The problem is writer/director Tilman (Luz) Singer never complements the setting with anything remotely horrific.  In addition, the central mystery never really becomes all that intriguing, and the suspense and/or horror scenes mostly land with a big shrug.  The biggest bust is the oddball lady who is at the center of everything.  She just seems more like a case of the filmmakers coming up with a bunch of weirdness for weirdness’ sake than trying to create a mysterious supernatural entity to base a movie around.  (It kind of reminded me of It Follows as the scenes of the old bag randomly appearing, screaming, and running towards the characters have a similar vibe.)

Ultimately, aside from the performances by Schafer and Stevens, there’s not much here to go cuckoo about. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: THE DELIVERANCE (2024) ***

When Lee (Precious) Daniels makes a horror movie, you know you’re in for… well… something.  Ebony (Andra Day) moves her family into a new house and before they can even get settled in, cliched horror shit starts happening left and right.  Flies are buzzing around like it’s The Amityville Horror and her young son is talking to ghosts like in The Sixth Sense.  Pretty soon, the kids are winding up with mysterious bruises, and CPS starts making calls to the house, but is Ebony the one putting hands on her kids?  Or is there a demon possessing them?

Glenn Close is the MVP here.  She gamely chews the scenery as Day’s feisty mother who lives with the family and wears a rather hilarious collection of meemaw attire.  She doesn’t even let the fact that she’s going through chemotherapy stop her from trying to pick up men half her age. 

Knowing that this was directed by Lee Daniels, you may be tempted to think it’s going to be Precious Meets the Exorcist.  While that’s not quite the vibe, it’s pretty darn close.  The early scenes of parental neglect and abuse are like Precious, but with a bunch of supernatural occurrences. 

Even as far as cheesy Exorcist rip-offs go, there is some crazy shit here.  Remember that scene in The Exorcist when Regan was sleepwalking and peed herself?  Daniels ups the ick factor by having one of the possessed kids take a shit in the middle of class and THROW it at his teacher.  Ellen Burstyn got off light. 

Speaking of The Exorcist, here’s another tweak on the usual formula:  Remember the infamous spider walk scene?  Well in this one the kid walks up the walls like Spider-Man!  Another hilarious wrinkle comes during the “deliverance” when the kid takes the form of Close who starts cursing like a sailor. 

It’s moments like this that make The Deliverance trashy fun.  Some may take issue with the way Daniels portrays casual child abuse, but the undiluted depiction is what makes it work.  I don’t think we’ve seen a haunted house/possession flick like this since Amityville 2 (minus the incest angle). 

I also liked the way Daniels kept it real.  Like, in most possession movies when the mom consults a priest, they meet in a church or something.  In The Deliverance, they meet at a McDonald’s.  I’m loving it. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: PETER PAN’S NEVERLAND NIGHTMARE (2025) ½ *

Disfigured child abductor Peter Pan (Martin Portlock) kidnaps a young boy named Michael Darling (Peter DeSouza-Feighoney).  Soon after, he comes for Michael’s older sister Wendy (Megan Placito).  She then must rescue her brother before the evil Peter takes them both to “Neverland” forever.

Set in the same shared “Twisted Childhood Nightmares” universe as Winnie-the-Pooh:  Blood and Honey (which I assume will eventually lead to an Avengers-style team-up at some point), Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare is a mess.  For some reason, in the early scenes, Peter Pan looks like Tiny Tim dressed up as The Crow, which I’m sure isn’t quite the way J.M. Barrie originally imagined him.  He also lures kids in a manner that is not too different than Pennywise.  All the clown imagery makes me suspect that this version of the character is less inspired by Peter Pan and more of a cash-in on Art the Clown. 

What’s odd is that later in the film they drop the Art the Clown shtick as Peter dons a blank, expressionless mask and starts driving around in a work van kidnapping “lost boys”, effectively turning himself into a low rent version of The Grabber from The Black Phone.  Why did the filmmakers get so hung up ripping off current releases instead of relying on their public domain mascot?  It’s probably due to the fact that the character of Pan doesn’t really lend himself to a horror flick.  Even then, they should’ve at least tried to do something novel with the concept.  Unless you count the scene where Peter shoots “pixie dust” (heroin) into his arms which makes him “fly”. 

Maybe it wouldn’t have even been a problem if the movie had been… you know… good.  However, it makes Winnie-the-Pooh:  Blood and Honey look like Winnie-the-Pooh:  Blood and Honey 2 in comparison.  (A character is seen wearing a Blood and Honey T-shirt at one point.)

Oh, and did I mention that Tinker Bell (Kit Green) is Peter’s trans companion?  (“I’m a fairy!”)  Wow.  The briefly seen, terribly underutilized Captain Hook character is a big letdown too.  Maybe they were saving him for the sequel.  I won’t be holding my breath for that one, that’s for sure. 

The gore is the sole saving grace here.  We get a foot being cut in half, scalping, neck gouging, a knife through the chin, arm hacking, finger biting, and eye gouging.  You may be gouging your own eyes out before it’s over. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: THE INVITATION (2022) * ½

Struggling to make ends meet in the big city and yearning for a sense of family, Evie (Nathalie Emmanuel) takes one of those online DNA tests and happens to find a long-lost cousin from England (Hugh Skinner).  After a brief meeting, he invites her across the pond to a posh wedding so she can meet the family she never knew she had.  There, she is wooed by a suave Count (Thomas Doherty) who sweeps her off her feet.  Of course, he’s hiding a big secret from Evie. 

The set-up is fine, and the follow-through is mediocre.  After about the halfway point though, it gets progressively worse as it goes along.  It also doesn’t help that it’s painfully obvious from the jump what the big secret Evie’s new beau is hiding.  Unless you’ve only seen like… ten horror movies in your life, you’ll know exactly where this thing is going the second he appears on screen.  (Especially when it’s revealed that he owns “Carfax Abbey”.)  Another problem is it takes seemingly forever to get to the twist as the pacing really drags. 

Hell, once the twist is finally sprung, the ensuing horror is tepid at best.  I could’ve probably dealt with the ho-hum suspense scenes if they had a strong payoff, but they often conclude with offscreen kills and/or shitty CGI deaths, which is frustrating to say the least.  To top it all off, there’s not much style on display as the film feels like a bland CW show a lot of the time. 

Emmanuel is okay in the lead, but she’s not given much to work with and her chunky nose ring is distracting to boot.  There is some chemistry between her and Doherty.  However, the dialogue and drama are about on par with a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie.  Stephanie Corneliussen is kind of fun to watch as the bitchy cousin who has a funny/awkward encounter with Emmanuel during their “spa day”.  Whenever she’s on screen, the movie shows sign of a pulse.  It’s a shame she’s the only one who seems to enjoy a chance to vamp it up. 

Overall, this invitation isn’t worth an RSVP. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: OPUS (2025) **

Moretti (John Malkovich) is a reclusive rock star who comes out of hiding to drop a new album.  He sends out invites to a select few critics including a young journalist named Ariel (Ayo Edebiri) for an exclusive listening party at his remote compound.  It’s here where his most devoted followers live on the grounds like cult members.  The observant Ariel soon figures out they’ve been lured to the premises for sinister purposes. 

Opus kind of starts off like a rock version of The Menu.  Parts also reminded me of Cecil B. Demented as the central pop culture figure has a literal cult following.  This is an admittedly delicious set-up ripe with possibilities.  That’s what makes it all the more frustrating.  Writer/director Mark Anthony Green delivered a recipe for a slow burn thriller but never finds the spark to light the fuse. 

Since it’s one of those slow burn deals, it takes a long time for anything remotely scary or horrific to happen.  Until then, a lot of the atmosphere of uneasiness comes from the conformist mentality and the lack of social cues on the part of the cult members.  I’m thinking specifically of the scene where one of the followers offers to shave Edebiri “down there” because Malkovich requires it. 

Even when the film finally gets down to business, it’s all over before it really even gets going.  It also rambles on a good ten minutes past its expiration date.  It might’ve helped if Green was making a point about religion or celebrities (or both).  Without any sort of social commentary, it all feels rather toothless (and pointless). 

Opus is one of those movies where it’s hard to see what makes the central cult leader so fascinating.  Yes, Malkovich is fairly amusing while sashaying around in gaudy costumes, but the music he makes (courtesy of Nile Rodgers) doesn’t sound like the kind of stuff that would’ve been on the charts in any era.  (Then again, it’s hard to tell, considering how bad music sounds these days.)  He’s clearly having fun with the role, and some of that is infectious.  That’s about where the fun stops though. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: DRACULA IN THE MOVIES (1992) ** ½

Dracula in the Movies is an OK trailer compilation that takes a while to find its footing.  The first fifteen minutes or so feels like it can’t make up its mind whether it wants to be a clip show package or a collection of trailers.  In between trailers, there are clips from Nosferatu and newsreel footage of Bela Lugosi.  There’s also intrusive text that accompanies some of the scenes.  The information is all rather basic, but I did think it was appropriate that the color of the font was blood red.  I also enjoyed the excerpt from the making of Dracula A.D. 1972.  I just wish it was integrated in a more congruous manner. 

Once it switches gears and begins churning out nothing but trailers, things improve significantly.  The only problem is that some of the previews are edited or greatly shortened.  I think it would’ve played much better had the trailers been allowed to play out in their entirety.  Or maybe it wouldn’t have been an issue if the editing had been a little smoother. 

All the classic trailers that you would expect to see are here.  Not surprisingly, there is a heavy concentration of Universal Dracula movies (Dracula, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, Son of Dracula, etc.) and Hammer horror movies (Horror of Dracula, Brides of Dracula, Dracula, Prince of Darkness, etc.).  It kind of loses the Dracula theme early on as it features plenty of non-Count movies.  There are even some trailers from the Sci-Fi genre like Atom Age Vampire and Queen of Blood.  Heck, there’s even a trailer for The Vampire-Beast Craves Blood (which is just a silly retitling of The Blood Beast Terror) that isn’t really vampire movie at all as the titular beast is more of a moth woman monster than anything. 

I think if I saw this as a kid, I would’ve really enjoyed it.  I’m a man now, and my tastes in these kinds of compilations is a bit more discerning.  That said, there’s still some good stuff here like the fun trailer for Mark of the Vampire where Bela Lugosi reads a “summons” for the cast to appear in the theater.  There are also some great taglines along the way too.  My favorites were Lust for a Vampire (“Welcome to the finishing school where they really do finish you!”), House of Dark Shadows (“Come see how the vampires do it!”), and The Vampire Lovers (“Beware the kiss that kills!”).  The best bit is saved for last when Dracula (some guy) appears and swears the audience in as members of “The Count Dracula Society”.  (This was originally attached to some prints of Dracula A.D. 1972.)

Despite its flaws, Dracula in the Movies would make perfect background noise for when the Spooky Season rolls around. 

The complete roster of trailers include Nosferatu (clips), Dracula, (1931), a Bela Lugosi interview, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, Horror of Dracula, a documentary snippet from Dracula A.D. 1972, The Brides of Dracula, Dracula Has Risen from the Grave, Black Sunday, Atom Age Vampire, Queen of Blood, Mark of the Vampire, Dracula, Prince of Darkness, Son of Dracula, House of Frankenstein, House of Dracula, Dracula’s Daughter, The Kiss of the Vampire, The Return of the Vampire, The Vampire-Beast Craves Blood, Taste the Blood of Dracula, Count Yorga, Vampire, Lust for a Vampire, Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror, Dracula A.D. 1972, Blacula, The Devil’s Wedding Night, The Vampire, The Vampire’s Coffin, Blood of Dracula, The Return of Dracula, House of Dark Shadows, The Vampire Lovers, The Scars of Dracula, The Fearless Vampire Killers, Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter, Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride, and an ad for the Count Dracula Society. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: HALLOWEEN HORRORS (1992) ** ½

Two spoiled sisters Regina (Clancey McCauley) and Carla (Launa Kane) keep begging their rich dad (Sal Longo) for money and he bluntly tells them to get a job.  Meanwhile, an enterprising criminal (director Gary Whitson) plans on kidnapping the girls on Halloween night and holding them for ransom.  After he captures them and puts them in his makeshift dungeon, he waits for the money to roll in. 

Since this is a W.A.V.E. Production, that means there are scenes of women being chloroformed, held in bondage, strangled, put in stocks, tied to the rack, placed in a noose, and getting knocked out and having their unconscious body dragged around.  One novel bit comes when McCauley is tied up and suffocates in a sealed airtight coffin.  The gimmick of having the events take place on Halloween is also unique as it gives the film a good excuse to dress the ladies in the cast in sexy costumes like Little Red Riding Hood, a Greek goddess, and a cat from the Broadway musical Cats. 

There’s not much in the way of T & A here aside from a couple of nip slips.  I think the appeal is supposed to come from the prolonged scenes of helpless women struggling against their restraints.  If that is the sort of thing that gets your motor running, then add an extra star to the overall rating. 

Even though Longo gives a solid performance, the scenes of him sitting around the phone, negotiating with Whitson, and trying to raise the ransom money are easily the weakest part of the movie.  The stuff with Whitson tormenting the girls in his dungeon don’t rank among W.A.V.E.’s best stuff, but they get the job done.  I particularly liked the part where he tortured the girls by playing one of those “Spooky Sounds of Halloween” tapes. 

Halloween Horrors is less than an hour long, and because of that, it goes down smooth enough.  If you’ve never seen a W.A.V.E. movie before, this probably isn’t the best one to start with.  (If you want to see a deranged piece of outlaw art, check out Eaten Alive:  A Tasteful Revenge.)  However, if you’re jonesing for a quick hit of Whitson’s singular brand of cinematic oddities, this is liable to scratch the itch. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN

Well folks, it’s that time of the year again.  Time to dust off the pumpkins, hang up the cobwebs, and stock nothing but horror movies in the VCR, DVD, Blu-Ray, and 4K players.  The past couple of years I kind of slacked on keeping the site full of horror reviews, but I’m going to do my best to provide a barrage of scary shit throughout the Spooky Season.  As in the past, I will also continue the horror-centric antics into November for the traditional “Halloween Hangover” column.  So, what do you say?  Let’s treat our favorite tricks to nothing but horror 24/7!