KICKBOXER: RETALIATION (2018) ***

People assume I see movies at random, but I assure you I have a strict guideline I follow before selecting a film to watch.  For example, if Jean-Claude Van Damme is in your movie, chances are I'm going to watch it.  Put Christopher Lambert in there, and the chances have doubled.  You add Mike Tyson in the mix, and I'm there with bells on.  You put all three of these titans together in one place and you can bet your ass I’m going to watch it.

Kickboxer:  Retaliation picks up about eighteen months after Kickboxer:  Vengeance.  Kurt Sloane (Alain Moussi) is married and enjoying his rise as a prominent MMA fighter.  More (Lambert) is the brains behind the underground fighting tournament from the last movie who wants to see Sloane defend his title.  Sloane refuses, and More has him thrown in a Thailand hellhole prison where he constantly fights inmates and is whipped by guards.  When More kidnaps his wife, Sloane teams up with his old mentor (Van Damme) to train for the big fight.  

Kickboxer:  Retaliation gets off to an awkward start with a weird scene where Moussi does a tango on a train.  It all turns out to be a dream/premonition that acts as his personal Spidey Sense/déjà vu from The Matrix that lets him know danger is near.  Once the focus shifts to the prison, the movie really gets into gear.  There’s one scene where Moussi kicks the crap out of dozens of inmates set to an old blues ditty that is done in one long take that serves as a reminder of just what a talent he is.  When he accidentally disturbs Tyson’s mediation (!!!), they get into a huge brawl.  Later, Tyson teaches Moussi a trick to heal and they become friends. 

Just when you think it can’t get any better, Van Damme shows up, only this time, he’s blind!  He even gets a brief Zatoichi-style swordfight against Lambert!  (I hope Van Damme and Lambert rematch in a Highlander reboot very soon.)  Van Damme then trains Moussi and exchanges words with Tyson.  Then Van Damme and Tyson fight, albeit briefly.  It’s like the movie keeps checking off things from my cinematic bucket list.

There’s more.  Remember David Bautista’s Tong Po in the last movie?  Well, this new guy, Hafpor Julius Bjornsson is like twice his size.  Not only that, he was created in a mad scientist lab.  Remember when Drago got shot up with steroids during training in Rocky 4?  This guy gets shot up with rejuvenation serum in between rounds!

Lambert gives a funny tweaked performance.  I especially liked the part where Moussi threatens him, and he shrugs him off like, “Yeah, I get it.  We all die if we hurt your girl”.  Van Damme delivers yet another late-era acting gem.  Should the series continue, I hope they’re able to explore his character further.  Tyson lends the film a lot of energy and swagger, although you really wish he was given more to do.

The bad news is director Dimitri (Slaughterhouse Rock) Logotheits is no John Stockwell when it comes to staging the action.  While some of the fight sequences are quite good (like the scene where Moussi beats up a bunch of dudes to the tune of “Wipeout”), they would’ve been sterling had the camerawork and editing been more precise. 

Then again, Kickboxer:  Retaliation is so damned eager to please that it's easy to forgive it for its sometimes-sloppy execution and bloated running time.  I mean, what if I told you Moussi goes into the last round of the final fight aided by a blindfold, inspirational quotes from Mike Tyson, AND an injection of Herbert West’s Re-Animator serum?  Most movies would’ve been content to have only one of those things happen during the finale.  This one gives you all three.  In short, it’s a blast.

If you’re wondering why I haven’t reviewed Kickboxer:  Vengeance, it’s because that will be featured in my next book:  Kung Fu Companion:  The Chopsocky Movie Guide later this year.  In the meantime, you can check out my latest book, The Bloody Book of Horror here:   https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542566622/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520113366&sr=8-1&keywords=mitch+lovell

REDNECK (1975) * ½

Despite the title, this isn’t a Good Ol’ Boy movie set in the south.  It’s an Italian crime flick starring Franco Nero and Telly Savalas.  I know what you’re thinking:  Neither of them are rednecks.  It’s Telly who plays the redneck, which should immediately raise a red flag.  Hearing his god-awful southern drawl is initially good for a laugh, but it only becomes more grating as time wears on (the same can be said for the film itself).

Telly and Franco plan a jewelry heist together.  During the robbery, they are forced to kill the store manager and have to make a hasty getaway.  In the confusion, they accidentally kidnap a young boy (Mark Lester, from Oliver!) who complicates their escape. 

The opening getaway scene is a real doozy.  Franco and Telly steal a car and naturally collide into all the cars and fruit carts you'd expect them to.  What makes this sequence special is the part where they crash through a funeral and the casket winds up going through their windshield.  No matter how crummy the rest of the movie is, this sequence alone is enough to prevent it from getting a One Star rating.

After they discover Lester in their backseat, Redneck goes into the shitter fast.  Things get dull once the hot pursuit grows tepid, and the annoying kid dissipates the tension instead of adding to it.  Oh, and the less said about the inexplicable scene where Lester gets naked for no good reason whatsoever, the better. 

It also doesn't help that there is no chemistry between the two stars.  I usually like Savalas, but this has got to be one of his all-time worst performances.  He's sorely miscast as the redneck of the title and his southern accent often feels like nails on a chalkboard.  Nero fares slightly better as the more level-headed one of the duo, although he’s clearly seen better days.

LOVE (2015) *** ½

Love is a hardcore love story.  It’s an unflinching look at how relationships are fueled by sex, not love.  Director Gaspar (Irreversible) Noe has never been one for half-measures.  In Love, his camera never shies away from his characters’ highs, lows, and excesses.  It doesn’t shy away from their private parts either.  Because of that, the characters (and actors) are naked in both senses of the word. 

The title might be misleading, because the characters rarely say it or show it.  Most of the sex in the movie is comprised of carnal humping, lustful cheating, misguided experimentation, or make-up/break-up sex.  Maybe that's Noe’s point.  Sex is something you do.  Love is something you strive for.

The most annoying think about Love is that most of the characters speak below a whisper.  Several times, I had to turn up the volume to hear what they were saying.  Then, in the next scene, they’re screaming and hollering at the top of their lungs while humping.  Again, maybe that was intentional on Noe’s part.  What they say is unimportant.  What they do is. 

I liked that Noe wore his inspiration on his sleeve.  The main character (Karl Glusman) is a film student who has posters of everything from Salo to Taxi Driver to The Defiance of Good on his wall.  I had to admit I had a tinge of jealousy.  The best part though is the sex club scene where Glusman and Aomi Muyock participate in an orgy set to John Carpenter’s score from Assault on Precinct 13.  You don’t see that every day.   

The structure is unique too.  It moves more or less backwards.  That way, Noe leaves things on a happy beginning, instead of the typical happy ending.  (Don’t worry, there are plenty of “happy endings” throughout the film.)

I wish I could've seen Love in its original 3-D version.  There is one scene that nicely preserves the format in such a way that it doesn’t lose its impact, even in 2-D.  I won't spoil it for you, but you'll certainly know it when you see it. 

SILVER SADDLE (1978) ** ½

Silver Saddle was made at the tail end of the Spaghetti Western craze.  It was directed by Lucio Fulci, who made it in between The Psychic and Zombie.  After Zombie, Fulci would go on to be considered one of Italy’s premier horror directors.  Because of that, Silver Saddle is an interesting film.  Who knows?  If the Spaghetti Western fad continued, he might’ve been the next Sergio Leone.  (OK, probably not, but what I’m saying is Silver Saddle is pretty good.)

A little boy sees his father killed by a man who rides on a silver saddle.  He shoots the man in cold blood and steals his horse and saddle.  He grows up to be a bounty hunter named Roy Blood (Giuliano Gemma) and a crack shot at that.  When he gets word that a young boy has been kidnapped and held for ransom, Roy teams up with the weaselly Snake (Geoffrey Lewis) to rescue him.

Silver Saddle is surprisingly well filmed.  Fulci moves the camera around a lot and the shootouts are often peppered with great stunt work and funny moments.  The score is quite snappy, even if the theme song is kind of hokey.  (It sounds more like a folk song than a genuine western ditty.)

Gemma is a bit bland in the lead, but he does a decent enough job.  He certainly LOOKS the part, even if he can’t quite pull it off.  Lewis (who was dubbed, which ups the camp factor a bit) brings some oddball flair to the proceedings; so much so that the movie often suffers whenever he isn't on screen.  Gianni de Luigi, who plays the villain’s henchman, has a Richard Lynch vibe about him, and the scenes where he and Gemma square off are among the best in the entire film. 

The problem is, the other villains in the cast aren't nearly as menacing.  They’re also way too many of them.  It’s one thing to have the rich kid’s uncle be the main antagonist, but did we really need the gang of Mexican bandits too?  Because of that, Silver Saddle probably has two climaxes too many.  Still, there are enough solid moments along the way to ensure that fans of Spaghetti Westerns won’t be disappointed.

THE EXORCISM OF MOLLY HARTLEY (2015) **

The Exorcism of Molly Hartley opens with a decent enough Exorcist copy.  Two priests try to perform an exorcism on a pregnant woman.  She convinces the dumb, young priest, Father Barrow (Devon Sawa) to untie her.  Rookie mistake.  She flies up off the bed, grabs the other priest, and goes flying out the window with him.  Barrow is blamed for the murders and is sent to a nuthouse soon after.

Meanwhile, hottie Molly Hartley (Sarah Lind from True Justice) is celebrating her birthday/promotion by going to the club, getting high on E., and having a three-way back at her pad.  Of course, when some cops find the couple slaughtered and soaking in Molly’s tub, it can only mean one thing… party’s over.  And that she’s possessed by the devil.  So… that’s two things I guess.

Anyway, she gets sent to the loony bin, which just so happens to be the same one Father Barrow is in.  Medical science fails to drive the devil out of Molly, so her doctor (Gina Holden) turns to Father Barrow for help.  Naturally, he’s looking for a shot at redemption and agrees to a rematch against Satan.  

Don’t ask me why they waited eight years to make a sequel to The Haunting of Molly Hartley.  Perhaps it was a clever move on director Steven R. (the I Spit on Your Grave remake) Monroe’s part.  Knowing that all that time has passed, it’s a safe bet that everyone’s forgotten what happened in the last one (I sure as shit did), which frees him up to do his own thing. 

At least he had the right idea by going hard-R and not that watered-down PG-13 crap like the original.  I mean any movie that has a possessed pregnant woman flying out of a window AND an Ecstasy-fueled three-way in the first fifteen certainly grabs your attention.  If you’re a fan of Exorcist rip-offs, The Exorcism of Molly Hartley has you covered.  We get all the bed levitating, split-pea soup puking, messages appearing on people’s skin, and priests flying out of windows you’d expect from one of these things.  (There’s even a death that blatantly steals from The Omen for good measure.)  

Had Monroe ended the movie with the exorcism, we would’ve had a nifty, if derivative chiller.  Unfortunately, it continues needlessly on for another twenty minutes with a useless devil worshipping subplot and an attempted human sacrifice.  Sometimes, you have to know when to quit when you’re ahead; even if you are directing a years-too-late DTV sequel of a flick everyone forgot about.

I did like the scene where Sawa went to visit his mentor for advice.  He tells him to go ahead and do an exorcism.  Sawa says, “I’m not a priest anymore!” 

To which his mentor replies, “You don’t have to be in the NBA to play basketball!”

Craving more horror reviews?  Well, I just wrote a new book chockful of them.  The Bloody Book of Horror contains over 150 reviews you won’t find anywhere else.  You can get your copy through Amazon here:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542566622/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520113366&sr=8-1&keywords=mitch+lovell

THE NEW MAFIA BOSS (1974) *

When Alberto De Martino, the man who made the immortal turkey The Pumaman directs a Godfather rip-off, you know you’re in for it.  Joe (Emanuelle in America) D’Amato was the director of photography.  If only he had directed.  At least there would’ve been some of his trademark sleazy sex and violence to spice things up.  As it is, The New Mafia Boss is one of the dullest Mob movies on record.

Antonio Sabato stars as a low-level gangster who gets hired to perform a hit on the man who killed his father.  He pulls it off, but his boss tries to double-cross him.  Antonio figures out what he’s up to in time and is able to sidestep getting rubbed out.  He then goes to work for a rival boss (Telly Savalas) who quickly comes to think of him as a son.  The feeling doesn’t last for long.

The New Mafia Boss is as generic and forgettable as the title suggests.  It’s at its best when it sticks close to The Godfather.  The scenes where Sabato is instructed how to kill a man is just like the scene in The Godfather where Al Pacino is told how to rub out Sterling Hayden.  When it tries to do its own thing, its often a chore to sit through.  De Martino’s pacing is languid (all the plotting and double-crossing in the third act gets dull fast), the action is poorly staged (and sporadic), and the performances (with the lone exception of Savalas) seem to be on autopilot.  

AKA:  Crime Boss.  AKA:  The Mafia Terminator.  AKA:  The Sicilian Mafia.  AKA:  Mafia Boss. 

BLOOD MONEY (2017) **

Lucky McKee is one of my favorite modern horror directors.  Sure, he may make a misstep or two (like All Cheerleaders Die), but then again, so does anyone.  He teamed up with John Cusack for this flick and it’s an interesting pairing.  When Cusack is on his A game (which is becoming increasingly erratic nowadays), he can bring a weird vibe to just about any project he chooses.  That vibe alone is not enough to save Blood Money.

Three friends go out into the woods for some rafting and camping.  They happen to find eight million in cash hanging out in the wilderness and decide to take it for themselves.  Cusack is the thief who comes looking for the loot and is fully prepared to kill anyone who gets in his way. 

This is a routine thriller in just about every regard.  There is at least one interesting wrinkle revolving around one character who does a complete 180 and becomes a conniving, money-hungry charlatan.  That’s the sole memorable turn in an otherwise predictable plot.

Another problem is that it’s hard to muster any sympathy or enthusiasm for the characters.  The younger cast members are all fine, although they aren’t especially exemplary.  Cusack stands out because of the matter-of-fact way he portrays his character, but even then, he’s not exactly the kind of guy you love to hate.  

McKee’s horror background comes in handy during one scene in which a character who was presumed dead suddenly reappears.  Other than that, it’s a rather workmanlike directorial effort.  It’s not bad or anything, but the prolonged tunnel sequence in the third act is so darkly lit that it’s hard to tell what the hell is going on for most of it.  

Overall, there isn’t a whole lot wrong with Blood Money.  It’s just that it never quite grabs you the way a good thriller should.  It’s especially disappointing if you’re a fan of McKee.  As far as Cusack’s DTV efforts go, you can definitely do worse.

AKA:  Misfortune.