THE BLIND MENACE (1960) ***

The last movie I watched was A Man for Emmanuelle, which was kind of like an Emmanuelle movie before they invented Emmanuelle movies.  The Blind Menace is an interesting precursor to the Zatoichi series.  As you all know, the great Shintaro Katsu played the blind swordsman, Zatoichi in over two dozen films.  That character roamed the countryside giving people massages while taking down whatever villain got in his way.  In The Blind Menace, Katsu also plays a blind masseur, but he’s no hero.  (He also doesn’t use a sword either, sadly.)

From an early age, the blind Suganoichi pulls scams on the streets, conning gullible people out of money (and sake).  He soon grows up to be a coldblooded killer and thief.  (He even takes to offering travelers massages before killing them with acupuncture needles and robbing them.)  Eventually, he hooks up with a thief nicknamed “Severed Head” to fleece people out of dough.  In just a few years’ time, Suganoichi goes from running small time scams to being in charge of an organized crime racket.

I must say, it’s a little disconcerting seeing the usually good-natured Katsu robbing, killing, and raping.  He probably sensed the character was better suited as a hero and was wise to tweak the role into what would later become Zatoichi.  The thing is, he’s quite good in the villain role.  It may be an unpleasant movie, but his performance makes it watchable.  As depraved as the character is, you have to give him props for the variety of ways he manages to connive people out of their money.  Katsu was always a bit of a rogue as Zatoichi.  Here, he’s an out and out bastard.  Despite that, he plays the role of the guy you love to hate so well that the final product, while flawed (it’s sometimes sluggishly paced and suffers from a weak third act), is almost always captivating thanks to his considerable acting chops.

Fans of the Zatoichi series will probably disappointed by the lack of swordplay as this is more of a crime picture than a samurai movie.  However, as a vehicle for Katsu, The Blind Menace delivers.  

AKA:  Agent Shiranui.  AKA:  Secrets of a Court Masseur.  AKA:  Shirani, the Blind Court Masseur.

A MAN FOR EMMANUELLE (1969) ***

A Man for Emmanuelle is the first Emmanuelle rip-off.  Actually, it’s the first Emmanuelle movie, period.  While the later “Emanuelle” films were ripping off the Sylvia Kristel series, this one was meant to cash in on Emmanuelle Arsan’s novel, Emmanuelle.  

Erika (The Devil’s Nightmare) Blanc stars as the screen’s first Emmanuelle, although there’s no relation to the character Sylvia Kristel played.  She has the same knack for getting into sexual misadventures, but the big difference here is that this is a nymphomaniac who takes no pleasure in her actions.  In fact, she spends most of her time alone in her home, bored and suicidal.  (She often looks down from her balcony and imagines her dead body splattered on the pavement.)  This should be the immediate tip-off that A Man for Emmanuelle isn’t your ordinary sex flick.

In fact, the nudity is brief and not all that tantalizing.  The camera spends a lot of time looking at her belly, which is an odd focal point for a ‘60s sexploitation movie.  Does Emmanuelle think she’s pregnant?  Or does she have a dysmorphia thing going on where she’s really skinny, but thinks she’s fat?  I’m not sure, but one scene has a Michael Bay-type shot that spins around and round her body with nothing but tummy shots for like thirty seconds straight. 

Unlike most heroines in these kinds of films, Emmanuelle is hoping to find a guy to bang in order to feel something… anything, other than the isolation and loneliness she keeps inside.  When she does go to bed with a man, the expression on her face is so blank that it’s hard to tell if she has succeeded, which is kind of heartbreaking.  Most of her encounters end awkwardly.  Sometimes Emmanuelle fails to seduce her intended conquest, which adds to her frustration.  Eventually, she finds a man who introduces a little violence in with the sex, which helps… somewhat.  Mostly, she spends a lot of her time pining for the older man who deflowered her years ago. 

Blanc is excellent in the lead.  She experiences a whirlwind of emotions throughout and her performance is nothing less than captivating.  It’s also fun seeing Adolfo (Thunderball) Celi turning up late in the game as one of her would-be conquests, a politically minded newspaper editor.

A Man for Emmanuelle is shockingly downbeat and depressing, but it’s also thoughtful and realistic.  It’s definitely not the sort of thing you’d expect from Cesare Canevari, the director of Caligula Reincarnated as Hitler.  He gives the early scenes a feel reminiscent of Repulsion.  This stretch of the film is easily the most complex and interesting.  From there, it kind of fumbles around for much of the second act.  Then again, so does the character.  I did admire that they didn’t go for a storybook ending.  While it’s not your average happy Hollywood ending, it at least allows the character to find some peace, while still refusing to pull any punches.  I found that refreshing.

Rip-off or not, this is a nice addition to the list of countless Emmanuelle movies.  While it doesn’t always work, I was impressed with the way Canevari and Blanc were allowed to explore the concept of trauma in (what would be on first glance be) a typical sex film.  Thanks to their efforts, A Man for Emmanuelle is anything but typical.

THE BORROWER (1989) **

The Borrower was director John McNaughton’s follow-up to Henry:  Portrait of a Serial Killer, and it’s a big comedown from that classic.  With Henry, McNaughton took what was potentially a B movie and elevated it by not shying away from the brutality of the subject matter, allowing his actors to give realistic, natural performances, and capturing the events much like a documentarian.  In lesser hands, it could’ve been a forgettable exploitation item.  With The Borrower, it’s like he made a conscious decision to do the exact opposite of what he did with Henry.  The results are a sloppy, uneven, and only sporadically amusing sci-fi/horror/cop thriller.

An alien that looks like a giant cockroach passes sentence on a criminal in a white void.  His punishment:  Be turned into a human and sent to Earth.  There, he has trouble adjusting, and his head blows up.  The alien then takes to ripping the heads off various citizens to replace the void between his shoulders.  Naturally, he leaves a trail of bodies in his wake, and it’s up to policewoman Rae Dawn Chong to stop him.

This had all the potential to be a great flick.  Think a funkier version of The Hidden, but with a lot of exploding and/or severed heads.  It’s just a shame the script is so damned messy.  It’s admirable that the screenwriters tried to give Chong’s character purpose by having her wrestle with PTSD.  There’s even a long scene where she consoles a rape victim.  However, the subplot with her hunting down an escaped lunatic just feels like filler.  The various run-ins the alien has with society (like the time spent with a bunch of homeless bums) often falls flat too.  Sure, there is an occasional nutty moment, like when a rock video shoot is interrupted by the alien.  It’s just that these wacky moments don’t gel with the solemnly serious detective stuff.

The severed head effects by Kevin Yagher are pretty good.  I don’t know if the MPAA made them cut it down or what, but the film gets lighter on gore as it goes along.  Still, there are some nasty moments here and there, just not enough of them to make it worthwhile.

The cast is solid though.  It’s nice seeing Chong getting a leading role, even if the rest of the movie is subpar.  I don’t know who thought up pairing Chong and Don Gordon, but they have a lot of chemistry together.  Henry’s Tom Towles and Starsky and Hutch’s Antonio Fargas are fun as the Borrower’s first two incarnations.  Too bad his later alter egos don’t convey the otherworldly awkwardness Towles and Fargas bring to the role.

Maybe if The Borrower didn’t come out right after Henry it wouldn’t sting so bad.  Genre fans will probably want to check it out just for the cast alone.  As for me, I can’t say I was head over heels for it.  

AKA:  Alienkiller. 

THE VELOCIPASTOR (2019) **

Sometimes, I think Grindhouse did more harm than good.  Yes, it is one of the best movies of the century.  Yes, it gave Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino a platform to pay tribute to the exploitation films of yesteryear while still allowing them to make pictures that were very uniquely their own.  However, because they purposely made certain aspects of their films look cheap and incompetent, it gave cheap and incompetent filmmakers an avenue to make movies in the Grindhouse mold where they could chalk up their shortcomings to the retro aesthetic.  Like, “I know it’s bad, but it’s SUPPOSED to be bad!”

First, The Asylum perpetrated the Sharknado series upon the world.  Pretty soon, the trickle-down effect led to any old low budget filmmaker who could secure a deal with a video company making would-be cult movies on super cheap budgets.  The thing is, the old exploitation flicks were fun DESPITE their shortcomings.  These newfangled readymade Grindhouse films use their shortcomings as a crutch.  

Part of the fun of Grindhouse was the fake trailers that appeared before the movies.  I think The VelociPastor has all the makings for a great fake trailer.  It’s all about a mild-mannered pastor (Greg Cohan) who, while traveling in China, cuts his hand on a mystical dinosaur tooth and becomes a bloodthirsty raptor by night.  Along with a hooker/med (and law) student (Alyssa Kempinski), he hunts down and eats only the people who DESERVE to be eaten. 

This premise could’ve easily supported a three-minute trailer.  It might’ve even made for a decent seven-minute short.  Seventy minutes (which is barely feature length) is just way too much time to spend on the already flimsy set-up.  The filmmakers even take to adding inconsequential flashbacks and tossing in too many supporting characters to get the film up to seventy minutes.  (The introduction of the drug-dealing Ninjas late in the game feels especially tacked on.)

There one or two funny moments that revolve around the film’s nearly nonexistent budget.  That’s not quite enough to make it worthwhile though.  Still, as far as these things go, you can do a whole lot worse.  At least it moves at an agreeable pace and the performers are in on the joke.  Overall, The Velocipastor is proof that the fake Grindhouse genre deserves to be extinct. 

MARTIAL LAW 2: UNDERCOVER (1992) ** ½

Jeff Wincott replaces Chad McQueen as karate-chopping cop Martial Law.  This time out, he gets promoted to detective.  On his first day on the job, his friend, a fellow detective, is killed by dirty cops who are in the pocket of a sleazy businessman named Spenser (Paul Johansson).  Martial Law gets his girlfriend/partner (Cynthia Rothrock) to go undercover as a bartender in Spenser’s nightclub to collect evidence.  Together, they get justice for his buddy and bring the bad guys down.  

Martial Law 2 is a decent enough Kung Fu flick that plays almost like a remake of the first movie.  However, it feels like a step down in just about every regard.  I like Jeff Wincott a lot, but he doesn’t have the same swagger that McQueen brought to the role.  Another stumbling block is that the villain is really weak this go-round.  I know it’s hard to top David Carradine, but Johansson isn’t intimidating in the least and makes for an instantly forgettable villain.  I did like the fact that they cast the usually villainous Billy Drago as Wincott’s Yelling Captain, although the casting kind of tips off what happens with the character later in the film.  (I could’ve done without seeing him participating in a softcore sex scene too.)  We also get a bit part by Subspecies star Denice Duff as the dead cop’s widow.  

The overly familiar plot wouldn’t have mattered if the action wasn’t such a mixed bag.  I liked the opening sequence where Wincott goes undercover dressed as a bum and disrupts a biker gang from making an arms deal.  Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, Rothrock, who’s disguised as a hot dog vendor, shows up to back up her partner and Kung Fu some bikers.  Wincott’s big barroom brawl with the gang later in the film is also kind of fun.  

Director Kurt (Bounty Tracker) Anderson handles the fights in a capable manner, but overall, they lack the panache of the first movie.  Even the underground fighting scenes are weak when it comes to choreography and execution.  The best sequences are the ones in which Rothrock gets to kick a little ass.  That’s mostly due to her spunky performance than the staging of the fights though.  In the end, Rothrock’s charm is nearly enough to carry Martial Law 2:  Undercover across the finish line.  I just wish she had more to do throughout the rest of the film.  

Mission of Justice (which also starred Wincott) was a sort-of sequel that was released later in the year.

AKA:  Karate Cop.

MARTIAL LAW (1991) ***

Chad McQueen stars as a karate-kicking cop nicknamed “Martial Law” who’s trying to bust David Carradine for running a stolen car ring.  Chad’s girlfriend (Cynthia Rothrock) is an undercover cop who occasionally helps him bust heads whenever he gets in a jam.  Complications arise when Chad’s juvenile delinquent little brother (Andy McCutcheon) winds up boosting cars for Carradine.  When Carradine takes out Chad’s brother, he goes out for revenge.

Martial Law is pretty routine stuff, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t entertaining.  The stellar work by the three leads helps to elevate it above the ranks of forgettable ‘90s Kung Fu cop thrillers.  McQueen does a fine job as the macho karate cop.  He gets a great introduction during the opening scene where some armed thugs take people hostage in a jewelry store.  Chad shows up disguised as a pizza delivery guy, and proceeds to kick their asses all over the shop.  

Rothrock’s character is a bit underwritten, but it’s interesting that the filmmakers were able to combine the stereotypical partner and girlfriend characters into one person.  She gets a few good Kung Fu sequences (including squaring off against Benny “The Jet” Urquidez in a stairwell), which helps make up for her lack of characterization.  Cynthia also gets a fun scene where she and McQueen team up to take down some goons in a nightclub.  

Carradine seems to be having a blast hamming it up as the smooth-talking villain.  I also enjoyed seeing him taking on Professor Toru Tanaka in a to-the-death match inside a parking garage.  And it’s Carradine who gets the best line when he tells McQueen’s brother, “I take care of my friends… and my enemies!”

Director Steve Cohen has a workmanlike style that suits the material.  He films the fight scenes clearly and gives the performers plenty of room to do their thing.  His next flick, the fun “Rowdy” Roddy Piper/Billy Blanks team-up, Tough and Deadly, was even better.

FEMALE CONVICT SCORPION (2008) ** ½

Female Convict Scorpion is director Joe Ma’s moderately entertaining, but frustratingly uneven updating of the classic Female Prisoner Scorpion series.  Anyone unfamiliar with the old films should be able to accept and enjoy it at face value.  However, for die-hard Female Prisoner Scorpion (and Meiko Kaji) fans, it’s a bit of a disappointment.    

Nami (Miki Mizuno) is forced into killing her boyfriend’s family in front of him and is sent to a hellhole prison.  There, she is routinely beaten and degraded by the warden, not to mention the deranged inmate Dieyou (Nana Natsume).  She eventually trains herself to fight, gains the upper hand, and is able to defeat Dieyou and her minions.  As punishment, she is tortured and left for dead by the guards.  Nami is eventually found in the woods and nursed back to health by a Kung Fu teacher (an extended guest appearance by a grizzled looking Simon Yam) who gives her the tools she needs to exact revenge on the people who wronged her.  

The structure of the film is solid.  The bare bones for a terrific revenge thriller are there.  However, Ma’s style often gets in the way of the fun.  He relies too heavily on a lot of unnecessary cinematic gymnastics, and all the quick-cut editing, dissolves, and slow motion (even during the simplest of scenes) detract from the overall impact.  

Ma seems to take more inspiration from the revenge thrillers of the early aughts than the grindhouse foundations of the original series.  You can definitely feel the influence of Oldboy and Kill Bill at work here (which is fitting since Kill Bill took so much inspiration from the original Female Prisoner Scorpion films).  It’s also a little lax when it comes to delivering the goods on the traditional Women in Prison scenes.  We don’t get any cavity searches or shower scenes, but we do get to-the-death mud wrestling matches where the winner receives a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s, so that at least is novel.  The ever-escalating shower fight between Nami and Dieyou is a real showstopper too.

It's hard to top Meiko Kaji from the original movies.  (Likewise, the new version of Kaji’s classic theme song, “Urami Bushi” isn’t a patch on Kaji’s version.)  Mizuno doesn’t even try, which works to her advantage.  Whereas Kaji was brooding, sexy, and savage, Mizuno is quieter, and more reserved.  Although she suffers from comparison to Kaji, Mizuno makes the role her own and her take on the character suits this new version nicely.  It was also fun seeing ‘70s Bruce Lee imitator Bruce (The Clones of Bruce Lee) Liang popping up as one of the villain’s henchmen, who gets a solid swordfight with Mizuno on top of a speeding truck.  The bloodletting is copious too, which certainly helps.

Some of the fights feature excessive wirework, which makes some of the battles look needlessly cartoony.  The third act subplot involving Nami’s boyfriend being hypnotized to forget his memories of her, and their subsequent rekindled romance doesn’t really work either.  Despite never reaching the heights of its original inspiration, Female Convict Scorpion is nevertheless a decent (if flawed) Kung Fu revenge saga.

Yam gets the best line of the movie when he tells Mizuno:  “This sword hasn’t tasted blood in a while.  Feed it well.”

AKA:  Sasori.  AKA:  Prisoner 701:  Sasori.