BLOODFIST 2050 (2005) ** ½

Before we wrap up the last of the Bloodfist movies, here’s a review I did a while back for Bloodfist 8:  Hard Way Out:  LEGENDS OF THE SILVER SCREEN: DON “THE DRAGON” WILSON - The Video Vacuum — LiveJournal

Well, here we are at last.  We have finally come to the ninth, and so far, final entry of the Bloodfist franchise, Bloodfist 2050.  Sadly, it’s the only one without Don “The Dragon” Wilson (WKA World Kickboxing Champion).  Although Wilson did not appear, the villain of the first two movies, Joseph Mari Avellana, appears as the ring announcer during the fight scenes.

In Wilson’s place, we have Matt Mullins (Five-Time World Martial Arts Champion).  He’s no Don, but he’s serviceable enough.  Think Daniel Bernhardt meets Channing Tatum. 

Bloodfist 2050 is basically a loose remake of the first movie, just set in the post-apocalyptic future.  Instead of going to modern-day Manila to avenge his brother’s death, our hero goes to post-nuke Los Angeles in the year 2050.  There, he winds up getting mixed up in a martial arts tournament and goes toe to toe with various fighters in “The Pit”, all the while trying to find his brother’s killer. 

Although it’s kind of clunky and slipshod, I kind of admired the blend of post-nuke inspirations.  The opening scenes are a pretty good rip-off of Mad Max with a decent car chase through the desert.  (If it looks familiar, it’s because it’s from the David Carradine flick, Dune Warriors.)  Once in L.A., it turns into more of the typical Blade Runner/Escape from New York/Demolition Man type of futuristic scenario.  It’s all a mishmash, but it’s a fairly entertaining mishmash.  I mean nobody was really making these kinds of throwbacks in the mid-‘00s, so it was sort of nice seeing such an old school approach.

Luckily, whenever the plot slows down, characters congregate at a strip club, where there are a lot of striptease scenes.  The presence of Skinamax Hall of Famer Beverly Lynne (who plays the dead brother’s girlfriend) helps immensely.  Not only is she the best looking dancer of the bunch, she’s also the best actor in the whole movie.  Lynne also gets to perform several stripteases, one of which finds her covering her whole body with lotion before she rubs it in slowly and seductively. 

My favorite scene though was when she hit the stage dressed up like a naughty schoolgirl, which led me to wonder… do they still have schools after the apocalypse?  And if they did, would they still be a stickler for uniforms?  Or was her dance merely trading in on her clients’ former memories of what schoolgirls looked like before the bombs fell?  Like she was somehow giving them a comforting reminder of how things used to be.  Or am I just analyzing the ninth entry of an unrelated kickboxing franchise way too hard?

Bloodfist 2050 was the next-to-last movie directed by everyone’s favorite Pilipino filmmaker, Cirio H. Santiago.  (His final film, Water Wars was completed posthumously.)  As is the case with most of the entries in the series, the fight scenes aren’t that great.  However, what they lack in quality, they more than make up for in quantity.  Once Mullins arrives in L.A., he gets jumped by goons every five minutes or so.  After he hops into the ring, the fight scenes are equally as plentiful.  The short running time (seventy-eight minutes) doesn’t hurt either, especially when it’s heavily padded with completely gratuitous striptease sequences.  (Including one featuring stock footage of Maria Ford and Nikki Fritz.) 

The detective on the case gets the best line of the movie when he warns Mullins about a dangerous fighter:  “He’ll kick your ass before you have time to wipe it!”

AKA:  Street Fighter 2050. 

BLOODFIST 7: MANHUNT (1995) **

Bloodfist 6 found Don “The Dragon” Wilson (WKA World Kickboxing Champion) starring in a Die Hard clone.  This seventh outing is like a variation on the durable Wrong Man theme.  Wilson plays a Good Samaritan who rescues a woman (Jillian McWhirter) from some unruly bikers.  After he spends the night with her, she disappears without a trace.  When Don goes looking for her, he gets jumped by a guy, who he kills in self-defense.  Naturally, it turns out the assailant was an off-duty cop, and it’s up to Don to go on the lam to find the only woman who can possibly clear his name. 

The best of the Bloodfist movies are passable, enjoyable ways to kill eighty-six minutes.  At their worst, they are thoroughly disposable and forgettable entertainment.  Bloodfist 7:  Manhunt falls somewhere in the middle ground.  It is far from Wilson’s best work, but it is watchable.  The overly familiar plot and uninspired action sequences hold it back from being a worthwhile entry in the long-running series.  However, fans of Wilson will enjoy seeing him portraying another likeable character who is caught in the wrong place at the wrong time and so must kick a bunch of people in the face for eighty-six minutes. 

Director Jonathan (Black Scorpion) Winfrey doesn’t bring a lot of style to the proceedings.  Because of that, it sometimes feels like one of those “Action Pack” TV movies from the ‘90s.  He keeps things moving at an acceptable pace, although the thin plot often chases its tail (especially in the second act). 

Wilson delivers another fine performance.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t get a whole lot of support.  The only other name in the cast is 21 Jump Street’s Steven Williams, who plays the detective trying to bring down Wilson.  He does an OK job, but McWhirter makes for a bland love interest, and the villains are weak, which makes this Manhunt not worth tracking down.

AKA:  Man Hunt:  Bloodfist 7.  AKA:  Manhunt.

CELIA (1989) ***

Celia is a weird blend of genres, tones, and inspirations that really shouldn’t work as well as it does, but it nevertheless manages to keep you watching.  There are parts that will remind you of Monster in the Closet, Stand by Me, and To Kill a Mockingbird.  Even if it is a bit overlong and a little off kilter, it will still manage to stick with you long after you see it. 

Set in a small Australian town in the ‘50s, it centers around a nine-year-old girl named Celia (Rebecca Smart) who just lost her grandmother.  Things look up when a new family moves in next door as she will finally have some new friends to play with.  When Celia’s father (Nicholas Eadie) learns they are communists, he sets out to ruin their lives and turn the town against them.  Celia eventually joins forces with her newfound friends to turn the tables on her father. 

While Celia doesn’t sound overtly horrific, it is still an unsettling little picture.  The early scenes where she imagines monsters at her bedroom window sort of preclude the real-life horror that is to come.  Sometimes the monsters aren’t under your bed.  Sometimes you’re related to them.  There’s nothing that I would actually call “scary” here, but the scene where the hateful schoolchildren torment Celia’s pet bunny is effective and disturbing. 

Any coming-of-age movie that combines monsters, the Red Scare, anti-rabbit sentiment, and voodoo ceremonies was going to be a bit uneven.  Even when the pacing is dawdling, Celia will be rewarding to patient viewers if they stick with it.  It’s further proof that Ozploitation flicks are a good source of offbeat thrills that you just don’t find in an American picture. 

We had this at the video store I worked at in the early ‘00s.  I never watched it because the awful video box made it look like some sort of cheap knockoff of The Bad Seed.  While there is some of that movie’s DNA in Celia, it has a personality all its own.  I’m kicking myself for not checking it out sooner.

AKA:  Celia:  Child of Terror.

GODZILLA VS. KONG (2021) *** ½

It’s finally here.  The clash of the titans.  We’ve waited since 1962 for a rematch between the world’s two biggest movie monsters.  Lucky for us fans of Godzilla and King Kong, it doesn’t disappoint.  It’s not perfect.  In fact, it’s probably the third best of the four “Monsterverse” movies, but still one of the best films ever made that features either monster.

The 1998 Godzilla did not work because there was no subtext.  It was basically, “What if Jurassic Park was… BIGGER?”  In fact, the tagline, “Size Matters” was downright cringeworthy.  As if bigger always meant better.  The original 1954 Godzilla was a metaphor for the nuclear devastation of Japan in WWII.  There were no such metaphors in the 1998 movie.  The 2014 Godzilla however had the tragedy of 9/11 running through its veins and because of that, it hit a lot harder.  Even Kong:  Skull Island had a lot of Vietnam imagery in there to ground it in some sort of historical/cultural relevance. 

Even though it was made pre-COVID, much of Godzilla vs. Kong feels like a metaphor for the times we are living in now.  When we first see Kong, he is in isolation on a fake version of Skull Island, quarantined from the rest of the world.  It seems like a sweet deal at first because he can sleep in, let his beard grow out, shower when he wants, and just sort of hang out.  It’s only when Kong ventures out into the world does he realize, it ain’t safe out there. 

Despite the fact that Godzilla has top billing, Godzilla vs. Kong is more of a Kong movie.  The main focus is on the humans getting Kong to safety while Godzilla occasionally pops up to temporarily spoil their plans.  Eventually, the two square off in Hong Kong where the human villains… well… I won’t spoil it, but I’m sure you can probably guess what goes down. 

The film is as much of a throwback to the adventure novels of Jules Verne as it is a love letter to giant monster mashes.  The whole “Hollow Earth” subplot feels like a modern-day version of those old ‘70s flicks like At the Earth’s Core.  That old timey touch is sometimes at odds with some of the updated characters (an annoying conspiracy theorist podcaster is a major player), but it’s nothing that derails the movie.

Maybe the reason why the Godzilla plotline feels skimpy is because the Kong storyline is a lot more engaging.  The scenes with the little deaf girl (Kaylee Hottle), who can communicate with Kong work really well.  The stuff with Millie Bobby Brown and Brian Tyree Henry is a lot less fun.  Brown is kind of wasted here, which is a shame since she was one of the best parts of Godzilla:  King of the Monsters.  The human drama is always secondary in these things, and the film sometimes struggles with juggling the characters from the two franchises, but it’s hardly an issue when the monster mashing is top notch. 

The first battle occurs in the middle of the ocean.  It’s nothing too spectacular, but the scene where Kong socks Godzilla on the jaw will definitely have you cheering.  The rematch in Hong Kong is a thing of beauty though.  It’s one of the best monster mashes in recent memory.  There’s even a moment during the final brawl that manages to be a homage to Lethal Weapon 2, if you can believe it.  I never thought I’d see that in a kaiju movie, but that’s just another reason why this one is so much fun.

BLOODFIST 6: GROUND ZERO (1995) ** ½

In case you’re curious, I watched Bloodfists 3-5 back in the day when I had my old LiveJournal account.  If you’re wondering what I thought about them, here’s a link to the reviews so everybody can get caught up to speed before we get into Bloodfist 6:  Ground Zero:

Bloodfist 3:  Forced to Fight:  BLOODFIST 3: FORCED TO FIGHT (1992) *** - The Video Vacuum — LiveJournal

Bloodfist 4:  Die Trying:  BLOODFIST 4: DIE TRYING (1992) ** - The Video Vacuum — LiveJournal

Bloodfist 5:  Moving Target:  LEGENDS OF THE SILVER SCREEN: DON “THE DRAGON” WILSON - The Video Vacuum — LiveJournal

Okay, so let’s dive into this one:

Don “The Dragon” Wilson (WKA Light Heavyweight Kickboxing Champion) returns yet again for a totally unrelated Bloodfist sequel.  As far as these things go, it’s not bad.  Part 3 was a prison movie.  4 and 5 were kind of standard action flicks.  This one is squarely in the Die Hard in a…. realm. 

It starts off with none other than former Los Angeles Dodger Steve Garvey getting lucky with Angelfist’s Cat Sassoon (who was also in Bloodfist 4 playing a different character).  Even though Cat appears topless, we never actually see Garvey reach second base, but knowing his prowess at playing the field, it’s safe to say he scored, if you know what I mean.  Later, terrorists use bunny rabbits (!?!) as a diversion to sneak into a secret military base where they kill just about everyone and take Garvey hostage.  Just then, Don “The Dragon” Wilson shows up as a courier, who just happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.  Naturally, he winds up being the only man who can stop the terrorists from launching an all-out nuclear assault. 

Your enjoyment of Bloodfist 6:  Ground Zero may depend on how forgiving you are of the Die Hard in a… subgenre.  I mean it’s no Passenger 57 or anything, but it gets the job done.  Although it’s a little low on action, and the third act is kind of dull, the familiar and dependable structure of the genre is durable enough to sustain it over the lulls. 

In addition to including many of the major cliches found in the Die Hard in a… genre, director Rick Jacobson (who directed a slew of Wilson’s movies including Ring of Fire, Night Hunter, and Bloodfist 8:  Hard Way Out) peppers the film with a few weird touches that helps propel it along.  The participation of Steve Garvey alone lets you know this is going to be a little different than the usual fare.  No one in their right mind would call this a classic or anything, but since this is your only chance to see Steve Garvey share a love scene with Cat Sassoon (in her last role), I’d say it’s worth watching at least once. 

The shit involving the rabbits is odd too.  I especially liked the scene where Wilson nurses a wounded bunny back to health.  You don’t get shit like this in A Good Day to Die Hard, that’s for sure.

There’s also a night vision scene that seems to be a gender-swapped riff on the climax of Silence of the Lambs.  While that may seem a bit derivative, the villain’s use of an elaborate mask predates the similar disguises used in the first Mission:  Impossible movie by at least a year.  While Jacobson may have stolen moments from John McTiernan and Jonathan Demme, he beat Brian De Palma to the punch on that one, so there’s something to be said for that. 

AKA:  Ground Zero:  Bloodfist 6.  AKA:  Zero Control.  AKA:  Devil’s Ultimate Weapon.  AKA:  Terrorist Weapon.  AKA:  Assault on Ground Zero.

BLOODFIST 2 (1990) ** ½

Don “The Dragon” Wilson (World Kickboxing Association Light Heavyweight World Champion) returns as kickboxing champion Jake Raye in the only Bloodfist sequel that’s marginally related to the first movie.  This time out, instead of going to Manila to avenge his brother’s death, he goes to Manila to help out his former trainer, who is in deep to some unsavory underworld types. 

While Wilson plays the same character that he did in the first movie, the screenwriters seem to have forgotten a lot of his backstory.  In the original, he gave up professional kickboxing because he donated a kidney to his brother (Ned Hourani).  The opening scene of this one finds him in the ring defending his belt.  (I guess it’s kind of like the Rocky 3 thing where they completely ignored the fact that Rocky nearly went blind in the previous installment.)  This time out, he gives up kickboxing when he accidentally kills his opponent (who wears a hilarious pair of trunks that say “Kick Boxing” across the crotch) during the bout.  The weird thing about this scene:  Ned Hourani plays the guy he kills in the ring!  I don’t know if they were trying to make this sort of like a psychological thing where Wilson projects the image of his dead brother onto the guy he accidentally murdered or if the filmmakers just plain forgot Hourani played his brother in the last flick, but it’s pretty funny. 

After quitting the sport for good, Jake spends most of his time banging hookers, which seems like a pretty sweet deal until his trainer calls and beckons him to Manila.  Once there, bad guys that look like rejects from a Death Wish movie crawl out of the woodwork to kill him.  Seriously, the first act of the movie is nearly non-stop action. 

Once the greasy, sweaty, obnoxious German henchman (Robert Marius) shows up, the movie sort of takes its foot off the accelerator.  It’s here where Jake gets shanghaied by some goons and taken to an island to participate in a to-the-death fighting tournament ran by a villain (played by Joe Mari Avellana, the villain from the first movie) who enhances his fighters using experimental steroids.  It’s not as crazy as it sounds, but at least the steroids angle allows Wilson the opportunity to deliver the film’s best line when he tells his opponent, “When you fight on drugs, you don’t win anything!”

Overall, Bloodfist 2 is slightly better than the first one.  It’s fun for the first half-hour or so.  Once the action switches over to the island, it kind of loses some steam.  The fight scenes are better than the original, but they’re still nothing to write home about.  There are plenty of them, so there’s that.  However, they do get a tad repetitive (with the notable exception of the fight where the one guy sits on the mat mediating the whole time, which flummoxes his roid rage opponent). 

I know in my Bloodfist review I made a big deal about calling Don “The Dragon” Wilson by his kickboxing title that appeared alongside his name in the opening credits.  What I liked about Bloodfist 2 is that the villain shows Don the same respect.  When the baddie meets his character in this one, he says, “Jake Raye… World Light Heavyweight Kickboxing Champion!”  Folks, this movie may not be great, but this moment made me pump my (blood)fist in the air and say, “YES!” 

BLOODFIST (1989) ** ½

Don “The Dragon” Wilson stars in the first of nine Bloodfist movies.  Most of the sequels were unrelated, retitled Wilson actioners that were just trading in on the Bloodfist name.  At least the first two films have some semblance of continuity.  (Wilson didn’t appear in the final entry, Bloodfist 2050.)  Then again, who needs continuity when you have Don “The Dragon” Wilson kicking people in the face for eighty-six minutes? 

Bloodfist is also important as I believe it’s the first movie that lists the actors’ kickboxing credentials alongside their name in the credits.  Some people see this as the film trying to excuse the bad acting because they are really kickboxers and not actors by trade.  I, on the other hand, feel they’ve earned that title and have every right to display it wherever they go.  I mean, doctors have Ph.D. at the end of their name.  Lawyers have Esq.  If I was Don, I would go around correcting everybody; telling them:  “That’s Don Wilson, World Kickboxing Association Light Heavyweight World Champion to you, buddy.  I didn’t spend eight years kicking people in the face to be called MISTER Don Wilson!”

Don stars as a martial artist who receives word his brother has been killed in Manila.  He flies out there and begins his own investigation after the police close the case.  He eventually uncovers an underground kickboxing circuit and enters himself into the competition in hopes of finding his brother’s murderer.

Since this is an ‘80s kickboxing movie that was shot in the Philippines, you know it’s only a matter of time before the legendary Vic Diaz shows up.  He doesn’t disappoint either, playing yet another variation on the archetypal Yelling Captain character who warns Wilson not to poke his nose where it doesn’t belong.  Sadly, he doesn’t show up again.  Future Tae Bo magnate Billy Blanks is in it slightly longer as one of the competitors in the fighting tournament, although he’s mostly wasted.

Directed by Terence H. (The Nest) Winkless, Bloodfist has a rock-solid premise and occasional flashes of fun.  The big problem is that while the framework around the fight sequences is sturdy enough, the fights themselves leave something to be desired.  There are plenty of them though; it’s just nothing that will get your (blood)fist pumping. 

Don also gets saddled with an annoying sidekick, an aptly named, aggressively annoying man-child called “Baby” (Michael Shaner).  Baby’s sister (Riley Bowman) is the obligatory stripper/love interest.  Her character at least has some quirky moments (like when she teaches Don to incorporate ballet into his workout regimen).  It’s just that the rest of the movie is overstuffed with supporting characters.  It’s kind of hard to keep the momentum going when the hero has to deal with an idiot sidekick, a stripper girlfriend, AND an old, wise karate teacher on top of the revenge plot.  (Not to mention the gratuitous plot twist at the end that tacks another unnecessary ten minutes onto the running time.)  I can’t help but wonder how much smoother it would’ve all played out if they had ditched the Baby character entirely. 

Like all fighting movies, you’ve got to have a training montage in there, and Bloodfist has a pretty good one.  Remember when Rocky ran up that mountain in Rocky IV?  Well, Don runs up an active volcano in this one.  Not bad for this sort of thing.

That kind of sums up the movie.  It’s a bit weirder than many of Wilson’s forgettable actioners, which is appreciated.  However, the action itself is lackluster, and the Baby character is annoying, which kind of knocks it down a few notches, putting it somewhere in the middle rungs of his filmography.

AKA:  Bloodfist Fighter.