AN EVENING WITH KITTEN (1983) ***

Kitten Natividad comes out of a trashcan dressed as a cat in a skintight body suit.  Then, we get a flashback to her as a flat-chested homeless person dreaming of being a movie star.  When she drinks a beverage called “Incredible Bulk”, she has an Incredible Hulk-style scene where her boobs burst out of her shirt. 

How’s that that for a superhero origin story?

Kitten then appears on stage and does a series of sexy stripteases (including taking a bubble bath in an oversized martini glass).  Meanwhile, the guys in the audience fantasize about her.  One dude imagines himself in yellow face doing karate when Kitten comes along and knocks a tree over with her tits.  The next audience member imagines flashing her on the street, and she sicks her dog on him.  Another guy fantasizes her as a giant in the streets of Hollywood.  She even puts The Brown Derby restaurant on her head and wears it as a hat.  (I didn’t know how much I needed “Kitten Kong” in my life till I saw this scene.)  The next patron imagines he’s a tennis player and Kitten cheers him on.  Another pictures himself as a king with Kitten as his queen.  He paces back and forth, waiting for her to give birth to… Uh… A dragon hand puppet?!?  The following audience member sees himself as Dracula, but he gets lockjaw right when he’s about to bite into her massive mammaries.  Another one has a dream he’s fishing and hooks Kitten as a sexy mermaid.  Ironically, the game warden makes him throw her back because she’s too small.  Finally, the last guy has a silent movie-inspired dream where he rescues Kitten from being tied to the train tracks.  (This scene features some rapid-fire editing reminiscent of Kitten’s work with Russ Meyer, which makes sense as director, Les Barnum was his assistant on a couple of films.)

An Evening with Kitten is only a half-hour long, which is probably the ideal length for this sort of thing.  I’m not sure if they could’ve possibly sustained the concept any longer without it getting stale.  (Or annoying.)  Kitten is obviously sexy and a gifted comedienne.  I think An Evening with Kitten was her way of reminding the audience of the latter, but at the same time, show her boobs just enough so no one felt shortchanged.  I’m not saying any of this is actually laugh out loud funny, but it’s totally worth it for her many fans.  Even if you never heard of her, the Incredible Hulk and King Kong parodies are enough to make it highly recommended.

TUBI CONTINUED… MEGA MONSTER BATTLE: ULTRA GALAXY: THE MOVIE (2009) *** ½

The evil Ultraman Belial escapes from space prison.  He gets revenge on the Ultramen by stealing their beacon of hope, The Plasma Spark and destroying their home world, The Land of Light.  He then goes to the monster graveyard planet and resurrects an army of dead monsters to help him take over the universe.  Ultraman Mebius escapes the fray and finds Rei, a human pilot who has alien blood that allows him to control monsters.  Together, they team up to take Belial down.  When they don’t prove powerful enough, they turn to the galaxy’s last hope, the young, undisciplined, and potentially dangerous Ultraman Zero for help.

The scenes that take place on The Land of Light are very cool.  It’s neat to see the Ultramen going about their daily routine, training the next generation of Ultraman, and standing at attention in case of an emergency.  Previous Ultraman movies had upwards of seven or eight Ultramen.  This one has hundreds. 

Belial is a tough customer too.  He looks like a cross between Ultron, Carnage, and the monster from Split Second. The fight he has with several Ultramen on the side of a building features great choreography, dizzying camerawork and is as good as anything in a Spider-Man movie. 

True to its title, there are lots of monsters in this one.  Although many appear in CGI form, they’ve been given the look, weight, and feel of a traditional man in a rubber suit monster, which is frankly, awesome.  And the shit really hits the fan for the Ultramen when the creatures all combine with Belial to make one supreme monster. 

Mega Monster Battle:  Ultra Galaxy:  The Movie is perhaps missing some of the dramatic meat that made the prequel, Ghost Rebirth a classic example of Tokusatsu.  It might also have more supporting characters than necessary.  However, it moves like lightning and there is no shortage of badass monster brawls here.  One such large scale fight almost plays like a man in rubber monster suit version of the battle in Braveheart.  Because of that, it’s a hell of a lot of fun and remains massively entertaining throughout.

AKA:  Mega Monster Battle:  Ultra Galaxy Legends:  The Movie.

TUBI CONTINUED… ULTRAMAN MEBIUS SIDE STORY: GHOST REBIRTH (2009) ****

Ultraman Mebius Side Story:  Ghost Rebirth answers a great question that I never even thought to ask:  What happens to all the souls of the monsters that Ultraman and company defeat and kill?  Apparently, they migrate to a “Monster Graveyard” where they are absorbed into the soil of a far-off planet.

Ultraman Taro and Ultraman Ace investigate a disturbance at the graveyard and uncover a plot by some monsters to revive their fallen dead Emperor.  Ultraman Mebius tries to give back-up but gets ambushed by monster in an asteroid belt.  Meanwhile, Ace and Taro are captured and held as bait for Mebius.  A shady robot named Mechazam offers to lend him a hand, but can he be trusted?

Ghost Rebirth combines all the familiar themes of the series into one great package.  Ideas like friendship, loyalty, and perseverance in the face of danger are once again explored, and quite warmly too.  Mechazam is a cool antihero and is a nice change of pace from the goody two-shoes Ultramen.  That said, Mebius actually goes to Hell and back to save his friends in this one, so maybe there’s something to be said for being a goody two-shoes. 

Some of the green screened backgrounds are obvious, and the backgrounds have a tendency to feel a bit samey.  I kind of missed Ultraman stomping through the model cities too.  However, that beef is small potatoes because for me, this is one of the most rousing Ultraman spectacles I’ve seen.  The clashes between the Ultramen and the monsters, along with a shocking betrayal makes this the most dramatically sound adventure yet, even if the CGI is a little inconsistent.  

It’s the unlikely alliance and eventual bond that grows between Mebius and Mechazam that gives it some dramatic heft and makes it soar above its predecessors.  It’s proof that you can make a movie with complex themes about people overcoming their differences in the face of adversity within the confines of a rubber suit monster mashing extravaganza.  In short, Ghost Rebirth renewed my faith in the genre.

AKA:  Ultraman Mebius Gaiden:  Ghost Reverse.  AKA:  Ultraman Mebius Gaiden:  Ghost Rebirth.

TUBI CONTINUED… ULTRAMAN MEBIUS SIDE STORY: ARMORED DARKNESS (2008) ** ½

Members of the GUYS team get sucked into the “Darknesphere”, an all-encompassing black hole where a villainous monster lives.  Once inside, they learn that Ultraman Hikari has been overtaken by the creature and his energy is being used to power a living suit of evil armor.  It’s then up to the GUYS team to join forces with Ultraman Mebius to save their friend. 

This was originally a two-part special, and it’s easy to see why it fell under the “Side Story” heading as there isn’t quite enough meat here for a feature length flick.  Still, it remains a rather straightforward adventure as the plot is to the point and the pacing moves at a reasonable rate.  The fight scenes aren’t particularly grand (which is a given since this is essentially an overlong TV episode after all), but they have their moments and are all solid for the most part. 

The titular villain does cut a striking image though.  Looking like a suit of armor on steroids and wielding a giant lightning powered trident, he sure does give the Ultramen a run for their money.  The final battle where Hikari and Mebius join forces to become one superpowered Ultraman is fun and together, they give Armored Darkness a pretty good butt kicking.  I just wish he had a better vehicle for his talents than just a two-part TV show.  

Unfortunately, the stuff with the GUYS team flying their spacecraft around isn’t nearly as engaging or memorable, but I did like the one scene with the downed ship that blatantly stole from The Empire Strikes Back.  Overall, Ultraman Mebius Side Story:  Armored Darkness is kind of slight and inessential.  The flip side is that it gives you a quick Ultraman fix in half the usual time and delivers what you came to see (namely cool monsters getting the snot rocked out of them by Ultraman).  Because of that, it’s hard to be too critical.

AKA:  Ultraman Mebius Gaiden:  Armored Darkness.

TUBI CONTINUED… ULTRAMAN MEBIUS SIDE STORY: HIKARI SAGA (2006) ***

Ultraman Hikari visits a harmonious crystal planet called Arb.  There, he learns the planet is prophesied to perish by an alien menace, and he flies across the galaxy to train as a warrior to stop it.  After doing everything he can, he still winds up getting there too late.  Hikari then vows to get revenge on the monster before it reaches its next target:  Earth.

This is essentially just an origin story of Ultraman Hikari, but it gives him a fully formed character arc that serves as a fine story basis for all the monster mashing.  I liked that Hikari starts out as more of an inquisitive scientist than a fighter for justice.  Once he trains in the Ultraman arts, he is given an awesome lightsaber-inspired weapon.  It’s also interesting that he is prone to fits of rage that could potentially jeopardize his standing as an Ultraman.  (This, along with the lightsaber, makes it clear the filmmakers were more or less riffing on Star Wars:  Episode III:  Revenge of the Sith for inspiration.)

After the bloated and overlong Superior 8 Ultra Brothers, it was nice seeing something short and sweet.  Broken up into three parts, this was originally a web series, so maybe I shouldn’t technically be counting it as a “movie”.  Then again, seeing how I watched and reviewed the other Ultraman Side Stories, I think I’ll allow it.

Even if you don’t know much about the character, you still might enjoy Ultraman Mebius Side Story:  Hikari Saga.  It moves at a brisk pace and features lots of monster brawls.  Heck, even the CGI space battles are a lot of fun as Hikari’s fight with a bird monster in an asteroid field is the highlight.  We also get a sweet duel between Hikari and an evil version of himself (which acts as a none too subtle metaphor that’s he’s his own worst enemy).

AKA:  Ultraman Mebius Gaiden:  Hikari Saga.

TUBI CONTINUED… SUPERIOR 8 ULTRA BROTHERS (2008) **

This Ultraman flick is a little bit different from the rest because it takes place in “the real world”.  Three friends do everything together, including watching the first episode of Ultraman when it premieres.  Thirty years later, they grow up and get real jobs.  One day, a mirage of a mysterious city appears over Yokohama Bay.  The mirage turns out to be the Ultraman Universe where the battle from the last movie, Ultraman Mebius and Ultraman Brothers is still playing out.  During the battle, Mebius winds up in the real world and has to recruit help from the real Ultraman Brothers who have no idea they possess superpowers.

Although Superior 8 Ultra Brothers is more or less a middling effort, there are still a few worthwhile moments.  I enjoyed the opening with the kids rushing home in time to watch Ultraman on TV.  It was also neat that the heroes knew how to defeat all the monsters, just because they saw it on the show.  I also dug the Back to the Future 2-style scenes of characters interacting with events from the previous movie, although this concept is almost immediately dropped as soon as it’s introduced. 

While this installment has some good ideas, it ultimately takes a long time to get the ball rolling.  There are also way too many subplots as each of the three friends have a lot of emotional baggage that needs to be unpacked before we can get to the monster mashing.  The scenes of them being unhappy in their lives and stuck in a rut with their frustrated girlfriends is a bit much.  One of these plots would’ve been okay, but three is pushing it.  Ultraman? More like MidLifeCrisisman.

Even with all that going on, there’s still an outrageous amount of padding.  (Did we really need a Hawaiian luau musical number?)  The scenes of Ultraman Mebius’ avatar trying to convince the brothers that they’re really Ultramen get repetitive too.  Also, it runs a bloated ninety-seven minutes, and honestly it could’ve ended twenty minutes sooner.  However, there are so many subplots that the movie is forced to wrap up at the end that it rivals Lord of the Rings:  Return of the King for the sheer amount of false start endings. 

The film also opens up a can of worms that it never properly deals with.  If Ultraman enters the real world where he only exists as a TV show character, can he sue for back royalties?  Or can Tsuburaya Studios sue him for copyright infringement?  You know the movie isn’t working when you start focusing on shit like this instead of the plot. 

The good news is the model work of the city is impressive.  It’s full of elaborate details and is epic in scale.  The monsters are also quite intricately designed.  It’s a shame they kinda wind up getting lost in the shuffle.  Some of the CGI is a little chintzy in the final battle too, but honestly, that’s the least of this movie’s problems. 

There were seven Ultramen in the last movie.  This one has eight.  Sometimes, less is better.  For a movie called Superior 8 Ultra Brothers, it’s inferior to Ultraman Mebius and Ultraman Brothers in just about every way.

AKA:  Great Decisive Battle!  The Super 8 Ultra Brothers.  AKA:  Superior Ultraman 8 Brothers.

TUBI CONTINUED… ULTRAMAN MEBIUS AND ULTRAMAN BROTHERS (2006) *** ½

The Ultraman Brothers use their last bit of energy to imprison a monster who’s trying to destroy the Earth.  Powerless, the four superheroes separate, get regular 9 to 5 jobs, and blend in with society.  Years later, the monster escapes and it’s up to the new Ultraman, Ultraman Mebius (Shunji Igarashi) to take it down.  When he is captured by the beast, the Ultraman Brothers go on one final quest to save him. 

The pre-title battle where the Ultraman Brothers open up a cosmic can of whoop ass on a killer kaiju is among the best action sequences I’ve seen in an Ultraman movie.  Another great fight occurs when Ultraman must do battle with an evil imposter version of himself.  We also get a cool scene where he is crucified in a giant crystal (crystalfied?), prompting the Brothers back into action to save him. 

The council of evil aliens who are plotting to destroy Earth are equal parts goofy and awesome.  I particularly liked the one that looked like a mutant snow owl who had little ghost birds circling his head when he got knocked silly by the Brothers in battle.  The villain’s final form is also very cool, even if some of the CGI is a little wonky.  The finale is a nice blend of old school men in rubber suit monster mashing mixed with CGI battling.  When not one, not five, but SEVEN Ultramen unite to kick the bad guy’s ass, it’s sheer Tokusatsu heaven.  

Now, I could nitpick some aspects of the flick if I really wanted to.  (Mebius’ friendship with a little kid kind of slows things down.)  However, I’ll just say that overall, this is definitely one of the best Ultraman movies ever made.  Even if you’re unfamiliar with the various iterations of the character, this is one heck of a fun ride.

AKA:  Ultraman Mebius and the Ultra Brothers.