BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE (2024) ***

It took them thirty-six years to come up with a sequel to Beetlejuice.  After decades of false starts, Tim Burton, Michael Keaton, and the gang have finally reunited (along with producer Brad Pitt!) with decidedly uneven (but mostly enjoyable) results. 

After the death of her father, Lydia (Winona Ryder) returns home for the funeral with her daughter Astrid (Jenna Ortega) and boyfriend Rory (Justin Theroux) in tow.  Meanwhile, Beetlejuice (Keaton) is busy ducking his evil ex-wife (Monica Bellucci) who wants to suck his soul.  When Astrid gets stuck in the afterlife, Lydia grudgingly turns to Beetlejuice for help. 

Burton’s M.O. for this movie seems to have been “Turn on the juice and see what shakes loose”.  There are way too many characters, subplots (there’s enough plot here for three movies), and random asides.  It also suffers from some abrupt changes in tone (especially the stuff with Astrid’s boyfriend).  Then again, the original wasn’t exactly a model of coherence. 

The film is at its weakest when it’s making callbacks to the original.  (The “Day-O” inspired scene featuring “MacArthur Park” comes to mind.)  However, the random bits of sheer lunacy have Tim Burton’s fingerprints all over them.  I mean, how many thirty-six years later sequels have a scene inspired by Mario Bava (in Italian no less!), a stop-motion cartoon, and a tribute to It’s Alive?  Because of that, it’s kind of hard to be too picky.

Keaton easily slips back into the iconic role and sure enough, the striped suit still fits him like a glove.  Ortega is fine, and Ryder is pretty good too, but it’s Justin Theroux who steals the movie as her New Agey boyfriend.  Willem Dafoe gets some laughs too as an afterlife cop.  Bellucci looks amazing as Beetlejuice’s stapled together bride, but unfortunately there are long stretches of the movie where the plot kind of forgets about her.  

The funniest running gag though has got to be the extreme lengths they go through to include Jeffery Jones’ character from the original without actually including him. 

SPEAK NO EVIL (2024) ****

Speak No Evil is a horror film of manners.  It’s rare that a movie works on this sort of level.  We are not dealing with a killer in a hockey mask.  This isn’t about a monster on the loose.  It’s about people who don’t pick up on social cues.  It’s about people who are borderline obnoxious, but they are still kind of funny and just fun enough to be around.  So much so that when they invite you to stay at their beautiful home in the country, you agree.  You hesitate at first, but you know, that house looks pretty cool.  And once you get there, it’s fun for a day or so.  You try to ignore their occasional crude comments or awkward conversations because, hey, you know… they make great homemade cider.  When things start getting uncomfortable, you try to be nice and grin and bear it.  Force a smile or two.  You want to go, but there’s this great restaurant they want to take you to.  So, out of obligation, you go, and the dinner is freaking great.  Still, they still act a little odd.  Maybe we can leave first thing in the morning, then?

Have you ever tried to make an exit from a party, but your host keeps the conversation going far past its expiration date?  Even after you’ve said “that’s crazy” four times, he keeps you there locked in conversation.  Manners dictate you should oblige him and keep talking, even when your gut instinct is to run, civility reigns and you acquiesce. 

That’s how the tension mounts in Speak No Evil.  It shows us that the line between a perfect host and a perfect nightmare is very thin. 

Speak No Evil is kind of like those ‘90s “From Hell” thrillers like Single White Female.  If that was about the Roommate from Hell, this is the Weekend Hosts from Hell. 

I mean we’ve all been guests for the weekend at someone’s house.  We’ve also entertained guests in our home too.  What’s so deft about the film is that it would’ve been so easy to make the crazy family the guests.  Then, it would’ve just been a tweak on the home invasion genre.  The clever twist here is that the loonies are the hosts.  There are several instances where our poor family could pack up and run, but… Honey, that would be rude!  They just cooked a nice meal.  Babe, you can’t complain the sheets are stained with a mystery substance because that would make them feel bad. 

I’m not trying to spoil the plot specifics of the film.  I’m just trying to evoke the feeling of watching it.  It really kicks into gear when the nice family realizes their hosts are crazy and try to make an exit WHILE STILL BEING POLITE AND CIVIL.  It’s like a horror movie version of an Irish Goodbye.  And when that mask of civility breaks… oh, boy… all bets are off. 

Scoot McNairy and Mackenzie Davis are great as the nice couple, but it’s James McAvoy who takes the acting honors as the demented host.  He has moments here that will remind you of Jack Nicholson in The Shining.  Yes, I said it.  He’s that freaking good.  He sets the kettle to boil early on and we the whistle blows… look out. 

There are also some brilliant needle drops in this.  You’ll never listen to “Cotton Eye Joe” the same way again.   Or The Bangles’ “Eternal Flame”. 

I didn’t realize director James Watkins was also responsible for Eden Lake.  That totally jibes.  This guy knows how to get under your skin.  And then some. 

In short, you’re gonna be talking about Speak No Evil for years to come. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: THE A-B-C’S OF LOVE (1953) **

FORMAT:  DVD

Things kick off with a song introducing the dancing girls by assigning each of them a letter of the alphabet.  The first strip solo is by an energetic jiggly blonde.  Some lucky projectionist must’ve taken scissors to the reel and added it to his personal collection since a good chunk of the number is missing.  After that is a comedy skit about a businesswoman trying to get rid of pushy salesmen.  Then Bebe, a bubbly brunette, does a lively striptease number.  That leads into a comedy song about a maid, and a sketch about a drunk trying to sell some hats.  Then, a blonde named Jill does a tapdancing routine and a duo does a bit about a bet gone awry.  That’s followed by a comedy dance routine of a woman impersonating a flapper and a sketch about an arguing married couple.  Next is a striptease performed by the wonderfully named “Blaza Glory”.  After that we get a comedy routine about how to kill your wife with kindness and a brief can-can number.  Finally, the headliner Gilda performs a briskly paced striptease. 

After sitting through a bunch of Burlesque movies this week, I have to say that this one is frankly kind of ho-hum.  The comedy sketches in between the strip routines are longwinded and get pretty tiresome after a while, and the non-strip scenes don’t really add much to the overall experience.  At least the strippers have a lot of energy.  Bebe is really animated and takes to her routine with gusto.  Blaza Glory is aptly named as she is quite hot and is gloriously jiggly.  Despite an occasional bright spot here and there, there’s ultimately too much filler that gets in the way of the good stuff.  

The A-B-C’s of Love is at least notable for having former Little Rascals star Shirley Jean Rickert (using her stage name “Gilda”) appearing at the end.  Fortunately for the audience, she really knows how to shake her Little Rascals.  Ultimately, that’s not quite enough to make it all worthwhile. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: “B” GIRL RHAPSODY (1952) ***

FORMAT:  DVD

The opening title card (which misspells “comedians” as “commedians”) invites us to the front row of the New Follies Theatre in Los Angeles for a Burlesque show.  The chorus girls (affectionately known as “The Nudy Cuties”) come out on stage in bathing suits armed with beach balls and do a synchronized dance routine that resembles a Busby Berkeley version of a low budget beach movie.  Then we get a sketch about two yutzes trying to join a nudist camp.  Next up, a dancer named Frenchy does a suggestive jitterbug routine, followed by a blonde bombshell named Nona who strips out of some elegant formal wear, and a sketch about a guy telling the story of how his parents met.  (The print gets awfully jumpy during this scene.)  “The South American Cyclone” Chilli Pepper follows that up with a Carmen Miranda inspired striptease.  Afterwards is a comedy routine about a cowboy trick shot artist.  Ginger, “The Atomic Blonde” takes the stage next and performs a sultry routine that begins with her wearing a spangly black dress until she gets down to a pair of bejeweled pasties.  That’s followed by a chorus line routine accompanied by a songstress doing a so-so number.  Then, blonde Crystal Starr (who was also in French Follies) does a nice little strip where she starts slow and steady and gradually incorporates more grinding and jiggling as she goes on.  Next is a sketch about Russian soldiers taking over a home during wartime.  Finally, the star of the show, Lily performs “The Dance of the B Girl”. 

Directed by Lillian (Everybody’s Girl) Hunt and shot by Ed Wood’s regular cinematographer William C. Thompson, “B” Girl Rhapsody is a better than average Burlesque flick.  The dance numbers are unique, and the stripteases have a lot of energy.  Chilli Pepper’s dance is appropriately spicy.  Once she takes off her bananas, she shows that she can really shake her melons.  Ginger’s routine is quite lively too as she shakes everything her mother gave her and then some.  Lily’s number is a real doozie as well.  She bumps and grinds all over a saloon set as she smokes and drinks and writhes around on top of a piano.  She may be a “B” Girl, but I give her act an “A”. 

The comedy sequences are surprisingly solid and feature some mildly risqué material, although it is strictly PG-13 stuff by today’s standards.  (The Russian solider is named “Sonavitch”.)  All in all, this is one of the best Burlesque films I’ve ever seen. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: FRENCH FOLLIES (1951) ***

FORMAT:  DVD

This surprisingly fun Burlesque act movie begins with a musical number that introduces all the ladies in the cast.  Mary Andes from Everybody’s Girl then takes the stage doing a Spanish inspired striptease with castanets.  Then, there’s a comedy bit about a doctor whose latest invention transfers his patients’ ailments to a “dummy”.  After that, we are treated to a striptease by the curvy Jennie Lee, followed by a sketch about two guys who take two hot girls out for dinner and can’t pay the check.  Then, a cute blonde does a hip-shaking strip number followed by more comedy, this one about a guy trying to make time with his girlfriend under her grandpa’s nose.  Next, a brunette does a short strip number before another comedy bit about a doctor running a nuthouse. Afterwards, there’s a song called “Pucker Up” featuring the ladies in the cast coming onstage and looking on as a brunette performs a striptease.  Then there’s a comedy sketch about a drunk that buys whisky from a pretty blonde.  Finally, the headliner, Val de Val (who has a great nickname, “The H-Bomb of Burlesque”) closes the show. 

I don’t know if Val de Val really lives up to her nickname, but she's sure fun to watch.  Her performance starts slow, and eventually builds with her jiggling and wiggling.  For me, Jennie Lee was the real star of the show.  She does a great tassel twirling routine and ends her act with a lot of cartwheels.  The print unfortunately gets very jumpy near the end of her performance, which can mean one of two things:  Some lucky protectionist made a couple of snips for his own collection, or the censors had to cut some bits since her pubic hair is visibly creeping up above her undies as her act goes on.  Either way, the footage that remains in the flick is hot enough to keep your pulse racing. 

Another plus is that the comedy sketches don’t wear out their welcome as is usually the case with these sorts of things.  I can’t say they were laugh-out-loud funny or anything, but at least they had a beginning, middle, and end.  It all adds up to a briskly paced and entertaining Burlesque revue film. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: EVERYBODY’S GIRL (1950) ** ½

FORMAT:  DVD

Here’s another filmed burlesque movie from director Lillian (Too Hot to Handle) Hunt.  Things kick off with the chorus girls performing a high energy matador inspired number.  The first featured dancer performs a striptease dressed as a harem girl.  Then, we get a comedy skit about a guy who sees invisible people before a cute blonde (who really knows how to move her hips) takes the stage for a striptease in a sheer white number.  That’s followed by another chorus line number, a brunette acrobatic routine, and a sexy blonde in a black sequin get-up.  The next comedy skit is about a social reformer trying to discourage men from checking out a nudist camp.  Then, “The Blonde Bombshell” Charmaine bares her bosom for a saucy little dance.  That’s followed by a gal in a harem girl outfit performing a dance routine (with a brief belly dancing interlude) and a slinky brunette doing a striptease out of a classy evening gown.  Next up is a comedy skit about a teacher dealing with a class clown.  Afterwards, “The Sex Atomic Sweetheart” Sylvia does a high energy strip number.  Another comedy sketch about ethnic girls selling dishes from their homeland follows.  The headliner, Gay Dawn closes the show with a routine that starts off balletic and classy and ends with her standing on her head and shaking her ass upside down.  I don’t know about you, but I consider that a solid way to end the movie. 

Everybody’s Girl is a shade or two better than your average filmed Burlesque flick.  It also shows a little bit more skin than some of the other Burlesque revue movies I’ve been watching lately.  Although quite honestly, it’s all harmless and tame and wouldn’t rate higher than an R (or maybe a generous PG-13).  Heck, even the comedy sequences aren’t too shabby in this one, which makes the whole thing go down smoother.  The invisible sketch is moderately clever (even if it goes on too long) and the nudist segment has a couple of amusing bits. 

AKA:  Hollywood Peep Show.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: MIDNIGHT FROLICS (1949) ** ½

FORMAT:  DVD

Before the film begins, we get a title card assuring us that this is producer Dan Sonney’s attempt to recreate “the bygone era” of Burlesque.  The art form was already prehistoric at the time of release, but there are a few moments sprinkled throughout that prove there were still some fleeting signs of life in the old gal. 

First up is a trio of ladies who perform a Spanish themed song called “Maracas from Caracas”.  Then, a brunette does an energetic striptease before some comedians put on an unfunny sketch about a dimwitted ice cream salesman.  That’s followed by a gymnastics act where the performer does a lot of cartwheels, backflips, and contortionist maneuvers.  Then, the sexy Aleene does a hot number slowly stripping out of her slinky black evening gown.  More lame comedy follows with a skit about a cop harassing a couple of street musicians.  Next is a musical number, the chorus line doing some fan dancing, and a ballroom dancing duo.  Then (sigh) some more comedy with a guy with a Chico Marx accent trying to teach his pal how to play the violin.  Things perk up once again though when a bubbly blonde named Ginger does a high energy striptease.  She does this great bit where she stands on her head and shakes her ass.  Then, the chorus line returns to perform a gypsy inspired routine.  Finally, the headliner Sunny Knight performs a classy striptease number. 

While there are some real dull spots here (I’m speaking directly about the comedy bits), Midnight Frolics is a sporadically entertaining hodgepodge.  In fact, it’s worth sitting through the lame sequences just to see Aleene.  She’s quite memorable with her gothy appearance and devilish demeanor.  I know this was made seventy-five years ago, but if I was alive back then, and OnlyFans was a thing, I would definitely be one of her subscribers.  Heck, if Aleene had an OnlyFans now, I’d probably be a member! 

AKA:  Midnite Follies.