THE ORACLE (1985) ***

An old medium mysteriously disappears without a trace.  A young woman named Jennifer (Caroline Capers Powers) moves into her apartment at Christmastime and finds her automatic writing planchette.  Before long, she’s receiving messages from beyond the grave from a ghost who wants her to avenge his death.  Meanwhile, a killer is stalking the streets of New York and preying on prostitutes. 

The Oracle was directed by Roberta Findlay, who had an interesting career.  She went from making roughies in the ‘60s with her husband Michael to hardcore movies in the ‘70s to horror and exploitation in the ‘80s.  If you dug this one, you should also check out Findlay’s Tenement and Blood Sisters, which were made around the same time. 

This would make a great horror flick to watch around the holidays.  There’s an effective scene where the killer cleans himself up after slaughtering a sex worker while an instrumental version of “Silent Night” plays on the soundtrack.  We also get a fun bit when our heroine is attacked during the New Year’s Eve countdown.  Findlay gives us some cool nighttime footage of 42nd Street in the ‘80s too. 

The… shall we say… “identity” of the killer is obvious from the get-go, and while it probably wouldn’t fly today, it feels right at home in a skeevy ‘80s horror flick.  Other oddball touches include the gnarly scene when the automatic writing board gives birth to creatures that look like a mutant version of those monster pencil toppers we used to have back in elementary school.  There’s plenty of blood and gore too, including a knife in the eye, decapitation, and face melting, which means it’s almost always entertaining. 

Powers is good as the hysterical woman haunted by spirits who dresses like a late 19th century candy store operator.  Roger Neil is especially memorable as her asshole husband who constantly belittles and condescends to her.  His beleaguered reactions to the supernatural shenanigans give the movie its biggest laughs.  Chris Maria De Koron is also amusing as the ill-fated Greek maintenance man. 

Apparently, Findlay wanted to use a Ouija board instead of the automatic writer, but Parker Brothers (who owned the copyright) wouldn’t let her!

DREAM SCENARIO (2023) ***

Nicolas Cage stars as a perfectly ordinary professor stuck in a rut.  His life changes drastically when for some mysterious reason he begins appearing in the dreams of perfect strangers.  As more and more people see him in their dreams, Cage becomes something of a minor celebrity.  Things take a turn for the worse for Cage when people’s dreams of him start turning into nightmares. 

Cage has been giving quirky and idiosyncratic performances for decades, so it’s nice when he finds a project just as quirky and idiosyncratic as he is.  He seems to be channeling the same energy he had in Adaptation for his sad sack loser character.  In fact, the whole thing kind of plays like Charlie Kaufman Lite.  The dream scenes are very well done as the little oddball details make most of the sequences feel like the real McCoy and not so much a movie version of a dream.  Cage also seems to be having a blast playing such a schlub, even if his character is a bit one-note (although that’s kind of the point).  He’s especially good in the later scenes when everyone (including his family) turns on him. 

The supporting cast is good too.  Julianne Nicholson makes for a fine contrast to Cage’s off-kilter energy as his bewildered wife.  I also enjoyed Tim Meadows as Cage’s boss as well as Michael Cera as his image consultant who tries to get him hired for Sprite commercials. 

Dream Scenario is at its best when Cage is dealing with his newfound fame since virtually everyone is dreaming of him.  The scenes of him being wooed by a woman (Dylan Gelula) who has explicit sexual dreams about him are particularly amusing.  The movie also plays with themes such as celebrity in the smartphone age, reality never meeting expectations, and cancel culture, although it stops short of making a big statement about any of them. 

It would’ve been nice if the film was a bit meatier and/or if Cage’s character had been more complex.  However, like dreams themselves, it’s odd and amusing.  And maybe a little forgettable. 

WINNIE-THE-POOH: BLOOD AND HONEY II (2024) ** ½

After Pooh and his demented “friends” committed the “100 Acre Wood Massacre”, Christopher Robin (Scott Chambers) is blamed for the murders and becomes a pariah in the town.  Through therapy, Christopher eventually remembers his long-forgotten past with Pooh.  Meanwhile, hunters try to kill Pooh, Piglet, and Owl, forcing them into hiding.  Eventually, the animals say enough is enough and go on another rampage.

I thought the first Winnie-the-Pooh:  Blood and Honey was bloody awful (no pun intended) and unbearable (pun intended).  This one is a bit more tolerable thanks to the gore.  I mean, if you’re going to make a slasher movie sequel using a beloved public domain character, you might as well deliver on the blood and guts.  I don’t know if I can quite go to bat for this one, but it almost singlehandedly skates by on gore.  Things kick off with Pooh and the gang terrorizing some women in a camper which includes a gnarly bit where Pooh breaks a gal’s arms and legs to immobilize her before shoving her face into a bear trap.  From there, we have exploding heads, a shotgun through the skull, face melting, an amputated arm down the throat, and a face full of knives.  The highlight comes when Pooh crashes a rave and decapitates, crushes, and generally eviscerates dozens of partygoers.  Somewhere, Herschell Gordon Lewis is smiling. 

The new additions include Owl, who talks (way too much) and Tigger (who unfortunately is mostly saved for the finale).  Changes to the lore, like the monsters being the result of a doctor performing Island of Dr. Moreau-style experiments, are kind of odd, but they make more sense than the first film did.  Speaking of which, there’s a meta aspect going on as Christopher has to deal with the bad publicity from a slasher movie that’s been made about his plight, which is called… you guessed it... Winnie-the-Pooh:  Blood and Honey.  I wish more was done with the idea as it’s really only introduced to (I think) explain the lapses in continuity. 

It’s still pretty wonky though.  It also gets rather sluggish when the monsters aren’t on screen.  I could’ve done without the animated interludes too.  Still, it is much better than the original.  By the time Pooh took after Christopher Robin with a flaming chainsaw, I had to admit, I was sort of having fun. 

Overall, Winnie-the-Pooh:  Blood and Honey II isn’t great, but it’s not a steaming pile of Pooh either. 

ARCADIAN (2024) **

Nicolas Cage stars in this ho-hum mash-up of A Quiet Place and I am Legend.  Cage plays Paul, who along with his sons Joseph (Jaeden Martell, who played the young James McAvoy in It) and Thomas (Maxwell Jenkins, who played the young Alan Ritchson on Reacher) spend their nights hiding in their home from monsters and their days making repairs to fortify their compound.  When Thomas neglects his duties to go to a nearby farm to flirt with a girl, he winds up stuck in the woods after curfew.  It’s then up to Paul to rescue him from the nocturnal beasties. 

Directed by Benjamin Brewer (who previously worked with Cage on The Trust), Arcadian works in fits and starts.  It’s more intriguing when it is contrasting the lifestyle of Cage and his sons with the ritzier farm community just over the hill.  It’s less effective when it leans into its horror sequences as they essentially play like Night of the Living Dead with lame CGI monsters. 

These creatures are probably the weakest aspect of the film.  In fact, the movie works just fine when they are kept hidden in the shadows.  Once we finally get a look at them, all bets are off as they are cheesy looking as all get out and poorly rendered to boot.  (They look like a cross between an emaciated monkey and a duckbill platypus.)  They especially look goofy when they mass and form into a giant ball that rolls around.  (I guess you can add Critters 2 to the ever-growing list of movies this flick rips off.)  Their lackluster appearance is especially disappointing given Brewer’s background in special effects. 

Arcadian also suffers from a noticeable lack of Cage in the second half of the film.  I don’t want to spoil anything, but I have to wonder if Nic had the same agent that Eric Stoltz did when he starred in Anaconda.  While the movie is far from bad, it certainly loses much of its appeal once Nic is out of commission.  (He only has one single line of dialogue in the second half.  Scratch that.  One single WORD of dialogue.)  Martell and Jenkins do what they can.  It’s just that the two of them are not an equitable trade-off for one Cage. 

ALADDIN (1990) *

Two years before Disney made the animated classic Aladdin, they produced this cheap ass live-action version for The Disney Channel directed by none other than former Monkee, Micky Dolenz!  Normally, I would never have bothered to watch something like this, but since it was made fun of by the guys at Rifftrax, it had to be seen to be believed.  As usual, Mike, Kevin, and Bill have snuffed out a real doozy of a bad movie. 

Aladdin (Brent Sudduth) is a poor boy living in China who, by chance, happens to meet the emperor’s daughter, Mei Ling (Susan Egan).  Naturally, it’s love at first sight, but the emperor will only allow her to marry the richest man in China.  Opportunity presents itself when a slimy magician (Richard Kiley) manipulates Aladdin into stealing a magic lamp.  When he rubs it, a genie (Barry Bostwick) comes out and grants him wishes, and of course, he wishes for riches so he can get Mei Ling’s hand in marriage.  The villain then schemes to get the lamp back and ruin Aladdin’s wedding. 

This is a real jaw dropper.  I have seen plenty of bad kids’ movies before (Super Buddies, anyone?), but this is truly… something.  First of all, it’s Aladdin, but it takes place in… China?!?  It’s like they built all the sets for a Mulan movie and then decided at the last minute to make it an Aladdin flick instead.  The results are perplexing to say the least.  Also, all the Chinese and (a handful of) Arabian characters are played by Caucasians.  This isn’t so much politically incorrect as it is baffling. 

The movie really belongs to Barry Bostwick.  Watching him mince around in a turban singing dinner theater level songs for an hour will test the most ardent fan of bad movies.  Even weirder is the fact that he shows up late in the picture playing the genie’s twin brother as sort of a cross between a gangster and a used car salesman. 

That’s not to mention the awful early ‘90s computer effects.  Or the horrible songs.  It’s tempting to blame Dolenz for a lot of this, but I don’t know if Spielberg himself could’ve saved this mess.  It’s all enough to make you want to grab a magic lamp and wish you never saw it. 

BARBIE AND KENDRA CRASH JOE BOB’S DRIVE-IN JAMBOREE (2024) ** ½

Cody Renee Cameron and Robin Sydney return for their fourth Barbie and Kendra movie for Charles Band’s Full Moon Features.  This time out, Barbie (Cameron) and Kendra (Sydney) grow restless with their nonexistent love life and wonder if the perfect man even exists.  When they see Joe Bob Briggs on TV, they know what they have to do:  Hop on their motorcycle, drive to Vegas, and meet him at his third annual Drive-In Jamboree. 

Joe Bob has appeared in cameos in various movies and TV shows as himself, but he probably deserves his own movie by now.  (Hogzilla notwithstanding.)  Although he’s usually a blast to watch, I have to say poor Joe Bob looks slightly bewildered by all this.  I know he officiated Band’s marriage to Sydney during an episode of The Last Drive-In, which makes me wonder if having him starring in this movie was part of the prenup.  Darcy the Mail Girl (Diana Prince, who also appeared in Band’s famous T & A 2) seems to be having fun though. 

The movie is at its best when it’s taking humorous jabs at the horror convention crowd.   Sleepaway Camp’s Felissa Rose is funny as the bitchy developer who wants to tear down the drive-in and put up a golf course who is disgusted by the “sea of black t-shirts”.  Scary Movie’s Dave Sheridan also pops up playing himself signing autographs. 

Acting as filler is a mash-up of Ruby and Turkish Exorcist that’s been given a new What’s Up Tiger Lily-style comedic soundtrack.  This stretch of the film is the weakest as the jokes are lame and obvious.  Everything from Me Too to Jeffrey Epstein is namedropped, but it doesn’t exactly translate into laughs.  I did like the part when Stuart Whitman drives a car through the drive-in screen playing the Exorcist rip-off and said, “The power of Chrysler compels you!”

Thankfully, at fifty minutes, it all runs rather smoothly.  In fact, this is easily the best of the Barbie and Kendra movies.  That’s not exactly a ringing endorsement to be sure, but it’s probably worth watching once if you’re a fan of Joe Bob and/or The Last Drive-In. 

SANCTUARY (2023) *** ½

Hal (Christopher Abbott) is a rich dude who regularly sees a sexy dominatrix named Rebecca (Margaret Qualley) to help get his rocks off.  When he learns he’s going to take over his father’s company, he tries to break off their arrangement.  Not one to be brushed aside, Rebecca comes back at him with both barrels.  Thus begins a cat and mouse battle of wits, submission, and dominance. 

Qualley is smoking hot in this.  My favorite scene comes when she makes Abbott get down on his hands and knees and clean the bathroom floor.  While she remains fully clothed at all times, the stimulation she creates is more mental than physical, and seeing her assert herself over the weak-willed Abbott is a lot of fun.  This is easily one of her best performances.  While I haven’t been impressed by Abbott in the past (he made for a wimpy Wolf Man), his blank expression and nominal screen presence really helps to sell his sad sack submissive character. 

Sanctuary is a chamber piece with two characters in one location.  When you have Qualley playing a dominatrix that’s all you really need.  What’s interesting is how the power dynamic shifts throughout the movie.  The first act is essentially their (no contact) sex game.  Afterwards, Abbott tries to buy her off with a fancy watch and tells her not to contact him again.  Knowing her worth, Qualley begins to negotiate a sum that reflects her true value.  It’s like the dude is okay with being submissive in the bedroom, but when it comes to the real world, he tries to alpha her using his wealth and position and she isn’t having any of it.  Ultimately, it’s a metaphor for equal gender pay. 

However, the third act is when things really sizzle as it’s here where the film begins to dig deeper and finds what’s really at the center of Abbott’s troubles.  Most S & M dramas are content to deal with the superficial allure of the lifestyle and be done with it.  Because Sanctuary has the heart to explore the characters’ psychological underpinnings, it makes it much more complex and compelling.