CHANCE (1990) ** ½

Lawrence-Hilton Jacobs stars in the fourth and final Jon Chance movie.  This time, he’s helping a friend in trouble.  Dan Haggerty plays his pal Zach, an ex-cop drunk-turned-repo man.  When Zach repos a car with millions in diamonds belonging to a crime kingpin stashed inside, he quickly becomes a wanted man on both sides of the law.  Chance soon finds himself up to his elbows in crooked cops and trigger-happy thugs who want the stones for themselves. 

Chance is a solid little cop thriller for the most part.  Jacobs once again turns in a fine performance as Chance.  If you enjoyed him in the other Chance films (L.A. Heat, Angels of the City, and L.A. Vice), you’re sure to be entertained by this one.  Haggerty is great too, and he and Jacobs have a lot of chemistry together.  It would also make a good double feature with Elves as both movies feature Haggerty playing ex-cops struggling with sobriety.  

The big drawback is that it’s relatively light on action compared to the rest of the PM Entertainment catalogue.  (It often feels more like the pilot of a TV show than a DTV action flick.)  One or two more action sequences, or even the addition of a little sleaze would’ve perked things up considerably.  Ultimately, it comes up a tad short thanks to the uneven pacing and the lack of big action sequences, but whenever the movie is coasting on the charm of its two leads, Chance is worth taking a gamble on.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: CANNIBAL GIRLS (1973) **

Eugene Levy and Andrea Martin come to a small town to hook up in a motel room.  There, they learn the local legend about an old house inhabited by beautiful women who like to eat people.  Naturally, they decide to stick around and check the place out.  Predictably, the couple wind up being their guests and end up on the menu. 

Cannibal Girls was originally released with a great gimmick.  A “Horror Horn” would sound to alert the audience something gruesome was about to happen.  Unfortunately, I didn’t see that version, so I can only imagine how awesomely it played. 

Even though I’m sure the Horror Horn would’ve sounded often, Cannibal Girls is ultimately an unsuccessful mix of horror and comedy.  Perhaps the heavily improvised script was to blame.  (It’s even acknowledged in the credits that the cast developed their own material, which is something I’ve never seen before.)  While Levy and Martin are a fine duo, they feel like they’re in a different movie than the rest of the cast.  Their film is somewhat amusing, albeit slight.  The other flick isn’t great either, but at least it has some gore and T & A.  It’s enough to make you wish director Ivan (Ghostbusters) Reitman went all in on the exploitation elements.  It probably could’ve worked as the gore scenes are effective, and Reitman does know how to create an appropriately sleazy Grindhouse atmosphere. 

The biggest stumbling block is the twist that occurs about 2/3 of the way through.  I won’t spoil it for you, but it heavily involves déjà vu, not to mention a fair amount of gaslighting.  Had the movie ended at about the seventy-minute mark, it would’ve been just fine.  However, the final fifteen minutes or so drags things down considerably. 

Levy and Martin later went on to star on SCTV where Dr. Tongue’s 3-D House of Stewardesses spoofed the genre to much better success.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: ANNA AND THE APOCALYPSE (2018) **

Anna and the Apocalypse is a high school comedy musical zombie Christmas movie.  It’s probably the best one in existence.  Just because something is the only one of its type doesn’t mean it works.

Anna (Ella Hunt) is a teenage girl who gets into a tiff with her dad because she doesn’t want to go to college.  While she’s trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life, zombies attack.  She then has to band together with her schoolmates to stay one step ahead of the zombie horde, singing and dancing all the while.

The movie wants to be a half-assed combination of La La Land and Shaun of the Dead.  I’ll be the first to admit that musicals (especially modern-day ones) aren’t really my thing.  There are one or two catchy tunes here, but not nearly enough to make the musical sequences work.  Still, it’s better than your average episode of Glee, I suppose. 

A big problem is that the cast spend the first half-hour of the movie singing and dancing before the zombies even show up.  Once they do, things improve slightly.  The zombie scenes are better than the typical gut-muncher (characters battle the undead with seesaws, toilet lids, and bowling balls), which only makes you wish the filmmakers favored the horror genre over all the musical shit. 

Hunt has a winning screen presence.  She’d probably fare well in a straight zombie movie (or heck, even a musical).  She really keeps your attention, even when the movie itself starts to dawdle.  The rest of the cast, not so much.  

I wanted to like Anna and the Apocalypse more than I ultimately did.  It plays all its cards too soon and runs out of gas way before it crosses the finish line.  Sure, there are a few clever moments here, but being clever alone isn’t quite enough to get the job done. 

THE MAN WHO KILLED HITLER AND THEN THE BIGFOOT (2018) * ½

The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot plays like a serious version of an Asylum movie.  If you’re going attempt such an undertaking, you have to find the right tone.  Unfortunately, that’s something writer/director Robert D. Krzykowski never does.  

Here’s a fine example of how the tone doesn’t work:  The film expects us to believe Sam Elliott and Larry Miller are brothers.  Can I believe the same man could assassinate both Adolf Hitler and then the Bigfoot?  Sure, why not?  What I can’t believe is that Sam Elliott and Larry Miller sprung from the same loins.  

Another clue as to how off the production is:  It was produced by the trio of John Sayles, Lucky McKee, and Douglas Trumbull.  That alone is enough to make you stop and say... what?

Elliott plays a former super soldier who is remorseful for killing Hitler back in WWII, even if “he had it coming”.  He tries to go on with his life but discovers there is not outrunning his past.  Eventually, the government, who are well-aware of his past deeds, comes knocking at his door, asking him to kill the Bigfoot.  And not just “Bigfoot”.  “The” Bigfoot. 

The guy they got to play the younger Elliott in the WWII flashbacks is a dead ringer for him.  Too bad the flashbacks are easily the weakest parts.  It also keeps going back and forth in time, which gets annoying too.  It also ruins the momentum of the film.  To make matters worse, just when you think it’s over, it plods on needlessly for another twenty minutes.

At one point, Elliott says, “It’s not the comic book you want it to be”, almost as if he’s talking to the audience and making excuses as to why the movie sucks.  I mean, it didn’t have to be a comic book to work.  Then again, that approach would’ve been better than what the filmmakers came up with.  Krzykowski treats the material as a meditation on the legacy of violence and regret of misdeeds of long ago.  He thinks it's Unforgiven or something.  Except.  You know.  With the Bigfoot.

I admire an honest attempt to blend a serious message inside of B (or in this case, D) movie trappings, but it just never clicks.  Of the cast, only Ron (Loudermilk) Livingston hits the right note of serious and the absurd as the government agent who hires Elliott.  I just wish I could watch the film he thinks he’s in.

A CLOSE CALL FOR BOSTON BLACKIE (1946) ***

Chester Morris returns as reformed jewel thief-turned-sleuth Boston Blackie in his tenth big screen adventure.  (This was the first of three Boston Blackie movies he made in 1946 alone.)  This time out, Blackie tries to help a former flame evade her jealous jailbird husband.  When her hubby catches them alone together, he mistakes her baby for Blackie’s, and pulls a gun on them.  Before the hotheaded husband can pull the trigger, he winds up getting gunned down by a shadowy figure.  Blackie is blamed for the crime by his old nemesis Inspector Farraday (Richard Lane) and with the help of his faithful sidekick Runt (George E. Stone), he sets out to clear his name. 

Director Lew Landers (a veteran of several other Boston Blackie adventures) ensures A Close Call for Boston Blackie gets off to a crackling good start.  The mystery is solid and twisty, and there’s a handful of humorous moments to keep things moving along at a steady clip.  Landers gets a lot of mileage out of the cute baby, not to mention a pack on ornery dogs that cause quite a commotion in one of the movie’s best scenes.  My favorite moment though involves Blackie disguising himself as an old man to pull the wool over the villains’ eyes.  

These little asides help to balance out some of the plot hiccups that occur in the third act.  The climax lacks sparks too, but fans of the series will be pleased by the breezy pace, snappy banter, and energetic performance by Morris.  He’s in fine form once again and his verbal sparring with Stone and Lane is often amusing, making this one of the better Boston Blackie adventures.

AKA:  Lady of Mystery.

THE OUTLAW (1943) * ½

The Outlaw was eccentric billionaire Howard Hughes’ second and final film.  Like Hell’s Angels, the story surrounding the making of the movie is more interesting than the movie itself.  Hughes found his lusty, busty leading lady Jane Russell during a nationwide talent search, and her two big talents were the main reason why the flick was such a sensation.  Hughes openly defied The Hays Code, which forbade depicting implied sexuality, and because of that, it couldn’t legally be shown in respectable theaters.  It later wound up playing on the roadshow circuit for years and went on to become a cult item.  Seeing it now though, it’s hard to tell what the fuss was all about. 

The Outlaw depicts the meeting of Wild West legends Doc Holliday (Walter Huston) and Billy the Kid (Jack Buetel).  They make an uneasy alliance as Doc helps Billy perpetually evade capture by his good friend, sheriff Pat Garrett (Thomas Mitchell).  Trouble brews once Billy becomes enamored with Doc’s best gal Rio (Russell). 

Despite all the hubbub Russell’s bustline caused, this is a drab, dreary, and slow-moving oater in just about every way.  You know you’re in trouble when the great Gregg (Citizen Kane) Toland is your cinematographer and the film still looks blah.  The listless performances and terrible score (which often fluctuates from whimsical to comedic to melodramatic, sometimes within the same scene) further hamstring the experience.  Then there’s the clunky revisionist finale, which throws all historical accuracy out the window and only succeeds in making the whole thing that much more laughable.

Russell’s cleavage is best thing about the otherwise forgettable film.  Sure, the scene where Buetel gives her a roll in the hay was shocking for the day.  That doesn’t make it worth sitting through all the stilted dialogue scenes and forgettable shootouts.  Speaking of rolling, Hughes might’ve been rolling in the dough, but he sure isn’t much of a director.  At least Hell’s Angels had the benefit of some great aerial dogfight footage.  While Russell’s rack might be an impressive sight, The Outlaw is a big bust. 

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: BLUE DEMON (1965) ***

Blue Demon makes his second screen appearance and has his first starring role in this fun Mexican monster movie.  A mad scientist (Mario Orea) is on the loose turning people into werewolves via injection.  Professor Carral (Jaime Fernandez) decrees he must be stopped and turns to the great luchador, Blue Demon for help.

What makes the monster scenes so much fun is that they blatantly rip off the old Universal monster movies.  The transformation scenes are a lot like The Wolf Man and the professor is clearly modeled on Edward Van Sloan’s Van Helsing in Tod Browning’s Dracula.  The filmmakers probably wanted their werewolf to resemble the Universal pictures, but it winds up looking more like the one in the 1956 flick, The Werewolf. 

Things kick off immediately with a great werewolf attack.  What I liked about the werewolves in this movie is that they revert back to human form not when they are shot by a silver bullet, but when Blue Demon body slams them.  That right there tells you it’s going to be a better than average werewolf flick.

The film contains two wrestling scenes.  The first one is pretty ordinary.  In fact, the camera is stationary for much of the time.  The second match is great though.  It’s here when the mad scientist dopes Blue Demon’s opponent with wolf juice and he turns into a werewolf right in the middle of the match, causing pandemonium in the arena!  

So what if things get a little dull whenever Blue Demon isn’t on screen?  That kind of goes with the territory when it comes to these things.  Besides, it’s hard to hate any movie that combines Mexican wrestling, werewolves, mad scientists, a haunted castle (that looks like it came right out of the bottom of a fishbowl), and a mob of angry torch-wielding villagers.  All I know is that when Blue Demon is body slamming lycanthropes, it’s damned good times.