SHALLOW GRAVE (1987) ***

Shallow Grave kicks off with a fairly spot-on recreation of the famous shower scene from Psycho.  Unlike Alfred Hitchcock, director Richard Styles does not shy away from gratuitous boob shots, which makes him an even better director than Hitch in my book. 

Then… SURPRISE!  We learn it was all a prank.  (Exactly how I’m not sure, since the big-boobed girl clearly got stabbed in the opening, but oh well.)  After the Catholic School girls involved get a good tongue-lashing from the head nun, they head on down to Ft. Lauderdale for Spring Break!  Unfortunately, they get a flat tire along the way.  Stranded on the side of the road, one of the girls goes for help.  Meanwhile, another gal goes into the woods to pee where she accidentally witnesses a deranged sheriff kill his lover.  Naturally, he takes on after her, and from then on, it’s one relentless game of cat and mouse… err… mice. 

OK, so maybe Styles isn’t necessarily BETTER than Hitchcock, but you have to give him credit.  Like the Master himself, Styles does a good job blending chuckles and thrills.  Things quickly turn on a dime as the movie abruptly switches gears from a Spring Break comedy to a white-knuckle thriller.  Styles delivers some legitimately suspenseful sequences along the way.  Among them is a finely crafted scene where the girls arrive at an abandoned gas station to call for help only to slowly realize there’s a guard dog on the premises. 

The plot maybe twiddles its thumbs a bit too much in between the highlights, and the scenes of two guys looking for the girls kind of curtails the film’s momentum, especially in the second half.  However, this is a frequently surprising and entertaining thriller that is nastier and meaner than you might expect.  In short, Shallow Grave cuts deeper than most of the low budget flicks that flooded video store shelves back in the ‘80s. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: LEPRECHAUN: ORIGINS (2014) **

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As it appeared in my book, The Bloody Book of Horror)

As much as I love the Leprechaun movies and Warwick Davis’ performances in them, I went into this reboot/sequel with an open mind.  For one, it was produced by WWE Studios, who gave us the classic wrestler slasher movie, See No Evil.  Another reason was that the Leprechaun would be played by none other than Hornswoggle.  He’s not as well-known as some other wrestler-turned-actors like Kane, The Rock, or Rowdy Roddy Piper, but that’s okay.  Since his career has more or less been devoted to wrestling in a leprechaun outfit; Leprechaun:  Origins seemed like an ideal vehicle for him to make his dreams of movie stardom come true.

A bunch of American college students go to Ireland.  While drinking in a bar, some old dude offers to give them a ride to a cabin in the woods.  They soon find themselves locked in the cabin with a diminutive demon Leprechaun.

The opening scenes feature a lot of POV shots (gold-tinted of course) of the Leprechaun stalking his prey.  That led me to believe it would take a while before we actually got a good look at the new Leprechaun.  Surprisingly, it doesn’t take long to see the new Leprechaun in all its (gory) glory.  Oddly enough, it looks a lot like the Elf from Elves.  Disappointingly, he DOESN’T speak OR make goofy rhymes.

Okay, I get it.  They were trying to go the “serious” and “scary” route for this one.  However, making a “serious” and “scary” movie about a killer Leprechaun is just kind of stupid.  Sure, the other movies in the series were stupid too, but this is a different kind of stupid.  At least the Warwick Davis pictures were knowingly stupid.  This is the wrong kind of stupid.  

I really missed the original incarnation of the character.  This mindless monster could’ve been anything really as it doesn’t particularly resemble a Leprechaun.  I’m not even sure why Hornswoggle would’ve even wanted to be in this.  I mean he is completely silent and covered head to toe in make-up the whole time.  Not exactly the best way to get noticed in Hollywood.  Maybe he owed Vince McMahon a favor or something.

Leprechaun:  Origins is not supremely shitty or anything.  It’s “watchable” at best, but it never comes close to approaching “enjoyable”.  It’s just incredibly miscalculated.  

There are some okay moments.  I liked the part where the dumbass boyfriend falls asleep before getting it on with his hot girlfriend.  There’s also a great “Oh shit” scene where The Final Girl mistakes her friend for the Leprechaun and buries an axe in her face.  The gore is also decent as the Leprechaun rips out gold earrings and tongue piercings, and pulls out one guy’s spine.  (Maybe the guy had a gold plate in his back or something.)  There is a callback to the “Fuck you, Lucky Charms!” line from the original, but that’s about it in ways of connective tissue with the original films.

As bad as most of this is, I didn’t hate it.  I wouldn’t even mind a sequel with Hornswoggle in the lead.  Just… you know… next time make him an actual Leprechaun who says rhymes and kills people.  I’m sure it’s not much to ask, is it?

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: LEPRECHAUN BACK TO THA HOOD (2003) ***

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on October 24th, 2009)

You may think that the Leprechaun series had reached a creative low point since Leprechaun Back 2 Tha Hood recycles the same ghetto setting from the previous movie.  I have to disagree.  You can tell this flick is going to be pretty inventive just by looking at the title.  Most brain-dead horror sequels set in the hood would use the more traditional slang word “Da” in the title, but this one opts for the lesser known (and much more eloquent) “Tha”.  Just like the title, the film is slightly better than you’d expect. 

 

The plot is just like all the other Leprechaun movies.  Some people steal the Leprechaun’s gold and he wants it back.  For the Leprechaun, it’s the Same Shit Different Day Syndrome. 

 

The air of over-familiarity isn’t the only debit the film has.  It also gets off to a slow start as Leprechaun doesn’t start killing people until about a half hour into the flick.  Even after he shows up, there are still some considerable lulls in the action.  Plus, the characters aren’t nearly as likable as they were in the previous entry.  At least they are more fleshed out than most characters in horror sequels.

 

Despite its flaws, Leprechaun Back 2 Tha Hood is still quite a bit of fun.  Although there are a number of kills that are left off screen, the ones we do get to see are memorable.  Hearts are ripped out, legs are ripped off, and a guy gets a baseball bat IN the knee.  Easily the most outrageous kill is when one dude gets stabbed with a bong.  Leprechaun Back 2 Tha Hood also features a hilarious Lord of the Rings inspired pre-credits sequence that had me in stitches.

 

Warwick Davis gives yet another fine performance as Leprechaun.  Although I was somewhat disappointed by the conspicuous lack of funny rhymes, that was acceptable because he played the character as a much more malevolent monster this time around.  Just because he was a meaner greener killing machine didn’t mean he didn’t bring the funny.  Wait until you see him smoke a bong, get high, and get the munchies.  That shit was great.  Chaplin, eat your heart out.

 

Leprechaun also gets as good as he gives in this one.  In one scene, he takes an electric razor to the eye and in the end, he gets shot up by some shamrock filled bullets.  The highlight of the film though is when he hangs on to the bottom of the hero’s car and gets squashed by the hydraulics system.  That scene was tight.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: LEPRECHAUN IN THE HOOD (2000) ***

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on October 23rd, 2009)

Usually adding rappers to your horror sequel is a sure sign of creative bankruptcy.  If you don’t believe me, check out Busta Rhymes in Halloween:  Resurrection.  For the Leprechaun series, it actually makes a lot of sense.  I mean all the Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) knows is rhyming and killing.  The same could be said for most rappers.

 

The opening scene takes place in the '70s.  Ice-T (with the obligatory afro) finds Leprechaun’s pot of gold and uses the amulet to turn the irate Irishman into stone.  (“You midget Midas motherfucker!”)  When Ice-T blows on Leprechaun’s golden lute, he becomes a big-time rapper.  Cut to 2000 where a trio of up-and-coming rappers rob Ice-T’s office and accidentally set the Leprechaun free.  They get their hands on the lute and their career begins to take off, but Leprechaun is hot on their trail.  And he wants his gold!

 

Leprechaun in the Hood is the first film in the series that actually follows some sort of continuity.  Like Part 3, Leprechaun is encased in stone by the magical amulet in the beginning of the film.  There’s also a hilarious scene where he gets momentarily weakened by smoking a joint laced with four leaf clovers.  (Four leaf clovers as we all know, was the cause of his death in Part 1.)  Leprechaun also gets some funny rhymes this time out.  (“A lot of time has come and pass, but you’re still a big fat ass!”)

 

Speaking of rhyming, the scenes of the heroes rapping on stage are kinda lame (especially their “religious” rap in a church) and bog the film down.  I will give the filmmakers credit for taking their characters seriously though.  When one of them gets killed unexpectedly, the other two deal with it in an appropriate and believable manner.  I mean how many horror sequels do you know of where the characters actually take time out to mourn the loss of their friends? 

 

I’m not saying this flick is Sophie’s Choice or anything.  There is plenty of blatant ridiculousness here to please any self-respecting connoisseur of the Leprechaun franchise.  How about the subplot where Leprechaun possesses some skanky chicks and turns them into “Zombie Fly Girls”?  Is that weird enough for ya, folks?  The kills are of a fairly high quality and include death by electrified mike stand, heart ripping, and of course, popping caps in people’s asses.  The funniest death though is the throat slashing via afro pick.  And for some reason, a lot of the plot revolves around guys dressing in drag.

 

The highlight of course is when Leprechaun raps at the end.  (“Lep in the hood, come to do no good!”)  You may think that Leprechaun’s rap name “Lep” sounds stupid, but when you consider that other rapper names like Nas and Pras sound just as dumb, it’s kinda believable.  I also like the rap names for the main characters Post Master P (“I deliver a positive message!”), Stray Bullet, and Onassis (“He used to be a pimp; you know… he OWNED asses!”).

 

Warwick Davis gives another stellar performance as Leprechaun.  He seems to be having more fun here than he did in the last film, that’s for sure.  Ice-T is also pretty good and gives his best performance in a movie not named Ricochet.  If T’s presence wasn’t enough to give the movie “street cred”; Coolio also turns up in a cameo playing himself.

 

The pacing is erratic, the cinematography is cruddy, and most of the songs (with the exception of Leprechaun’s rap that is) are terrible.  That shouldn’t stop you from enjoying the flick though.  Leprechaun returned three years later with Leprechaun Back 2 Tha Hood.

 

Leprechaun (naturally) gets the best line of the movie when he smokes a fatty and says, “A friend with weed, is a friend indeed!”

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: LEPRECHAUN 4: IN SPACE (1996) **

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on October 22nd, 2009)

Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) is chilling out in space trying to marry a hottie Princess (Rebekah Carlton) so he can get his hands on her father’s gold.  Then a bunch of Space Marines show up, rescue the Princess, and head back to her home world.  Leprechaun stows away on board their ship and the mischievous munchkin murders the Marines one by one as he tries to reunite with his bride-to-be.

 

Director Brian Trenchard-Smith has the dubious distinction of directing the best (Part 3) and the worst (this one) Leprechaun movies.  I’m not saying that In Space is terrible or anything, it’s just sorta so-so.  Let’s take a look at the Stupid to Cool Ratio.

 

Let’s start with the Stupid Stuff first.  This flick has some of the worst CGI effects known to man.  I know that this is a low budget, straight-to-video Leprechaun sequel we’re talking about, but model spaceships being held up by strings would’ve been preferable to the Nintendo 64 graphics that are passed off as “effects”. 

 

Then there’s the atrocious performance by Guy Siner as the evil Dr. Mittenhand.  This guy is done up to look like some reject from a Dr. Who episode and he overacts like a sumbitch (he speaks in a mock Dr. Strangelove accent).  Later in the film, Leprechaun mixes this bozo’s DNA with a spider and a scorpion and turns him into a lame monster that wouldn’t have cut the mustard for one of those Roger Corman Presents remakes.  The Mittenhand scenes are annoying and take up too much of the flick’s running time; time that would’ve better spent on Leprechaun killing people.

 

Speaking of which, Leprechaun’s kills are kind of weak in this one.  I think the sorriest death came when he flattened a scientist’s face like a pizza.  What’s most depressing is that when Leprechaun murders someone in Part 4, he doesn’t say a funny rhyme afterwards.  The only rhyme he gets is, “Death and destruction is my game, agony is my name!”  Talk about pathetic.  This is especially disappointing considering that his limericks were so superb in the last film.  He does sing “Danny Boy” at one point though.

 

And I think that’s essentially my biggest beef with the movie:  It just doesn’t feel like a Leprechaun movie.  Sure, the setting is novel, but it doesn’t really enhance the whole premise of the series; namely people looking for Leprechaun’s gold who make wishes that get turned against them.  Nobody makes a wish in this movie and his gold is mostly forgotten about until the movie is almost over.  It also doesn’t help when most of the flick consists of boring ass scenes of cut-rate Space Marines walking down hallways looking for Leprechaun. 

 

Much of Leprechaun 4:  In Space is too stupid for words but I did laugh occasionally (admittedly not nearly as much as any of the previous films).  Which leads us to the Good Stuff.  I think the best thing this flick has going for it is The Resurrection Scene.  Most horror sequels have a scene where the killer comes back to life and Leprechaun 4 has a doozy.  In the opening scene, the Marines blow Leprechaun up and one of the soldiers pisses on his dismembered body parts.  While peeing, some of the Leprechaun’s essence jumps back inside the Marine’s dick.  Later, when the soldier is making out with a chick, the Leprechaun comes bursting out of his cock.  While this scene is hilarious to be sure, I think it would’ve been better if the special effect was something a little more extravagant than just Leprechaun rising out of a pair of pants lying on the floor.

 

As you all should know, I’m a sucker for a good jumping-on-a-grenade scene and this movie certainly delivers.  The scene in question comes when Leprechaun jumps on a grenade to save the Princess.  Sure, it’s not on par with the similar scene in Child’s Play 3, but it’ll do in a pinch.  While we’re on the subject of the Leprechaun’s fiancée, I have to commend Carlton for the excellent scene where she gratuitously whips out her titties.  (“When a woman of royalty shows her breasts, it means a death sentence!”)

 

Then there’s the ending.  Leprechaun gets hit with a laser beam and grows to enormous size and chases the soldiers around the cargo bay.  It’s pretty funny.  Then the heroes blast the giant Leprechaun out of the hatch and into space.  Since this movie has already ripped-off of Aliens so much by that point, I’m sure James Cameron didn’t mind them stealing the ending either.

 

And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the scene in which Leprechaun kills a guy with a lightsaber.  (What, you expect Warwick Davis to go all the way to outer space and NOT make a Star Wars in-joke?)  As funny as this scene is, I wish it wasn’t so brief and the effects so shitty.

 

As you can see, the Stupid to Cool Ratio is about an even 50/50.  That’s far below the norm for the series.  While Leprechaun 4:  In Space certainly has its share of Stupid Stuff, I can’t bring myself to give it any less than Two Stars.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: LEPRECHAUN 3 (1995) ***

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on October 21st, 2009)

When I was in high school, this was the first movie I ever reviewed for our school TV show.  I liked it back then, and it’s just as much fun now.  Leprechaun 3 is simply the best film in the franchise.  This is the Goldfinger of the series.  (I think Leprechaun would like that bit of praise because it has the word “Gold” in the title.)  This is the one where all the elements clicked.  The one that was more than the sum of its parts.  The one where they finally got the formula down pat.  It’s as if director Brian (Night of the Demons 2) Trenchard-Smith said, “The audience wants to see nothing but the Leprechaun killing people then saying funny rhymes afterwards, so by God let’s give it to them!”

 

3 finds Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) in Las Vegas.  Scott (John Gatins) loses his college tuition at the roulette wheel until he gets a hold of one of the Leprechaun’s gold coins.  He makes a wish on the coin to be on a winning streak and it comes true.  An incompetent magician (John DeMita) and a haggard looking casino worker (Caroline Williams from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2) quickly steal the coin to get their own wishes.  This of course doesn’t set well with the Leprechaun, and he makes sure that their wishes backfire drastically.

 

Leprechaun went to Hollywood in Part 2, so Vegas was a natural setting for the little bugger.  As with the previous installment, the rules are all different from the original.  This time instead of shamrocks or wrought iron being the bane of the Leprechaun’s existence, it’s his gold that is his Achilles Heel.  He also awakens from being imprisoned in stone by a magical amulet, which is different from his tree house prison from the last picture. 

 

In addition to the inconsistencies in the Leprechaun lore, the film also takes too long to get going.  Far too much time is spent on the Indian pawn shop owner who does battle with the Leprechaun in the first act.  I did like the part where he bit the guy’s ear off though.  (“I like Indian food… so spicy!”)  Once Gatins gets a hold of the Leprechaun’s loot, the film really starts to cook. 

 

What makes Leprechaun 3 so memorable is the rhymes.  This one has the best of the entire series.  (“With all of this killing, I’ve lost me schilling!”)  The funniest ditty comes right after Leprechaun kills Williams.  She wishes for a perfect body, and he makes her boobs, lips, and butt grow to enormous proportions until she literally explodes.  Afterwards, Leprechaun quips, “What a lovely lass, I had to blow up her ass!”

 

There’s also a lot of random bizarre shit in this movie that I enjoyed.  Like the CD-ROM program that tells the Leprechaun’s back story.  That was original.  There was also a quirky kill in which Leprechaun made a gangster’s fantasy dream girl turn into a cyborg with boobs.  It didn’t make a lick of sense, but it was cool nevertheless.  The weirdest thing about the flick though is the subplot involving the hero being bitten by the Leprechaun and becoming a Were-Leprechaun.  How much Mad Dog 20/20 do you have to drink before you come up with THAT idea?

 

I also liked how Leprechaun runs around Las Vegas (“Golden Nugget!  I’d like one of those!”) and nobody even blinks.  The best of these scenes comes when he runs into an Elvis impersonator who says, “Nice shoes, do they come in blue suede?”  These exterior shots also provide us with a good look at Las Vegas’s Fremont Street in the ‘90s.  I was there recently in ‘07 (when I got married) and the downtown section has definitely taken a turn for the worse, so it was nice to see the old part of Vegas perfectly preserved in time.

 

Leprechaun 3 delivers on the gore (the bloodiest scene is when he saws the magician in half), clever kills (he turns a guy into a human slot machine), and hilarious rhymes (“For that trick, I’ll chop off your dick!”).  The flick also contains some intentional humor that’s actually quite funny.  (Like the Mafiosos who have a debate about boxers vs. briefs.) What more could you possibly want from a Leprechaun movie?

 

Trenchard-Smith also directed the next installment in the series, Leprechaun 4:  In Space.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: LEPRECHAUN 2 (1994) ***

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on October 20th, 2009)

Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) is back.  This time he’s in Hollywood looking for a bride.  He sets his sights on the virginal teenaged Bridget (Shevonne Durkin), much to the chagrin of her boyfriend Cody (Charlie Heath).  Leprechaun chains her up in his magic tree house and prepares for his wedding while Cody desperately to convince his drunken Uncle Morty (Sandy Baron) that Leprechauns are real.

 

Leprechaun 2 is a step up from the first film in terms of production design.  It’s a lot slicker looking and actually feels like a real movie.  I can’t really say it’s traditionally what we would call a “good” movie, but I’ll be damned if it didn’t have me in stitches.

 

I think what makes Leprechaun 2 work is Baron’s performance as the drunken Uncle Morty.  This guy is great.  He looks and acts like George Carlin’s evil twin or something.  His best scene comes when he tries to cheat Leprechaun out of his gold.  (“I could ask for a million dollars… I could ask for a BILLION dollars… but no!  I want your crummy pot of gold!”)  Leprechaun gives him what he wants and makes his pot of gold magically appear in Morty’s belly!  There are a lot of negative things you can say about this movie, but they are easily forgivable because the sight of a crock of gold magically appearing inside of an old dude’s stomach is fucking hilarious. 

 

There’s also a great scene earlier in the picture where Morty gets into a drinking contest with Leprechaun.  Afterwards, Leprechaun crawls into a coffee bar and drinks a bunch of java to sober up.  When the obnoxious barista gets on his nerves, Leprechaun scalds him to death with an espresso machine!

 

Another death scene that gets some laughs, both intentional and otherwise comes when Leprechaun makes one of Cody’s friends think that Bridget is seducing him.  She rips off her shirt and the guy moves in closer to her chest, unaware that it is just one of Leprechaun’s illusions and he is really putting his face into some whirring lawnmower blades.  While this scene is funny enough as is, what makes it downright hysterical is the fact that it features what has to be hands down the worst body double in film history.  Durkin obviously has pale skin and small breasts, but when she takes off her shirt, she miraculously has a dark tan and huge silicone implants.  It becomes even more apparent when the editor keeps cutting back and forth from her face to her tits.  Of course, her boobs are merely an illusion created by the Leprechaun, so it kinda makes sense that her tits wouldn’t match her body.  Because of that, I guess I can give this scene a Mulligan.  That still doesn’t mean it isn’t uproarious.

 

As you can tell, most of this movie is entertainingly stupid.  Some of it is downright disturbing.  Like the scene where Leprechaun threatens to consummate his wedding with Bridget and licks her face.  (“Kiss me, I’m Irish!”)  Then there’s one part that will just make you want to puke.  Leprechaun he tells her, “We’ll have to make many changes to your face.  The wee ones won’t suckle if you don’t look like them!” 

 

Be glad this movie spared you the sight of Leprechaun babies suckling at the teat.

 

For whatever reason, Leprechaun 2 makes up a whole bunch of new rules regarding the Leprechaun.  For example, he can only be killed by wrought iron, but in the first film it was a four-leaf clover that did him in.  Leprechaun even has some stupid rules regarding marriage.  He’ll only marry a woman who sneezes three times without someone saying, “God bless you”.  (“She sneezes one, she sneezes twice; she’ll be my slave when she sneezes thrice!”)

 

The filmmakers also made some glaring continuity errors too.  In the beginning, Leprechaun gets trapped inside a magic tree for a thousand years.  But the first movie ended with him being trapped inside a well!  He also said in the original that he was 600 years old, but he claims to be 2000 in this one.  I hate it when they do shit like that.

 

A couple of inconsistencies aside, Leprechaun 2 is fun for the most part.  The series was really gathering steam at this point, with Part 3 being the crown jewel of the franchise.  It’s even better when you play this Suggested Drinking Game:  Take a shot of Irish Whisky every time Leprechaun says, “I want me gold!”