HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: SCREAMBOAT (2025) ** ½

This is the second public domain slasher flick I’ve seen starring Mickey Mouse.  This one is from Steven LaMorte, the director of The Mean One and features that film’s star, David Howard (Art the Clown) Thornton as Mickey.  While it is a step up from that flick, it never quite lives up to its potential. 

After an inspirational quote from “Walt D.”, the plot begins.  People aboard the Staten Island ferry are being picked off one by one by a whistling minuscule murderous mouse named Screamboat Willie (Thornton).  Among the doomed passengers are a bunch of women having a birthday party who are dressed up as Disney princesses.  This is probably the most inspired touch in the movie, and some of the in-jokes are pretty funny.  (At one point, Ariel says, “I wanna be where the people are!”)

The gore is pretty good too.  A nose is bit off, a person gets stabbed through the head, there are decapitations, a pretty good double kill involving a forklift, a broomstick through the throat, electrocution, head crushing, spearing, face melting, and immolation.  The standout moment is when Willie cuts off a guy’s dick mid-blowjob.  Uncle Walt would be proud. 

All of this is fun up to a certain point.  (I liked the moment that cribbed from Deep Blue Sea.)  The problem is the bloated running time.  There’s no reason a slasher movie based on a public domain cartoon character needs to be one-hundred-and-two minutes long.  Heck, seventy-two minutes would’ve been pushing it.  Having not one but two characters playing up to the title mouse’s affections in the third act was a bit much too. 

Making Willie a small mouse (he’s about the size of a stuffed animal) was kind of an odd choice.  It doesn’t help that some of the forced perspective shots to make him look tiny don’t really work.  They should’ve just made him a human-sized character; logic be damned. 

Day of the Dead’s Jarlath Conroy gets the best line of the movie while relating Screamboat Willie’s origin story:  “Things get recycled over and over again.  It saves money!”

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: SCREAMTIME (1984) ** ½

I always try to sneak in an anthology horror flick during The 31 Days of Horror-Ween/Halloween Hangover.  I’m especially a sucker for one from the ‘80s.  While not exactly a memorable addition to the subgenre, Screamtime is nevertheless a breezy way to kill eighty-nine minutes. 

In the wraparound segments (***) a couple of friends steal some horror tapes from a video store on 42nd Street.  The movies wind up being the “stories” that make up the anthology.  It’s kind of a neat wraparound for something like this.  I just wish the camera stayed a bit longer on the old theater marquees and on the shelves of the video store.  While these segments are short, they manage to tie everything together in a fun way at the end. 

The first tale (** ½) is about an old puppeteer who is perpetually henpecked by his wife and picked on by his crazy stepson.  Shortly after the punk kid sets fire to his puppets, people who’ve wronged the puppeteer begin dying.  But who’s getting revenge?  The puppets, or the puppeteer?  This is a solid if unspectacular little chiller.  The close-ups of the puppets during the murder scenes are fairly effective even if the kills themselves aren’t all that great.  While the set-up is sound, the finale ends abruptly.  Overall, it’s not bad though. 

The next story (** ½) revolves around a married couple who are gifted a rundown old house.  Before long, the wife is seeing ghost kids playing in the backyard and finding bloody knives in the kitchen.  She gets in contact with a kooky psychic (“Some of my best friends are ghosts!”) who unfortunately is unable to help.  This one starts off slow, and while it suffers from some unnecessary stalling tactics, the ending works rather well. 

The final segment (**) is about a young handyman who goes to work for a pair of eccentric old women who have a bunch of garden gnomes in their yard.  When he sees how much money the ladies keep around, the handyman decides to rip the place off.  Little does he know the gnomes also act as a deadly means of home security.  While no means “bad”, this tale suffers from similarities to the first story (young hooligans doing wrong to elderly people who have diminutive creatures defending them).  I’ll admit, the sight of a little person dressed as a garden gnome attacking people is pretty funny.  However, the everything-but-the-kitchen-sink ending (which includes a nod to Carrie and a zombie attack) is way too uneven to be successful. 

Due to their very nature, horror anthologies tend to be uneven.  Screamtime is surprisingly consistent in terms of quality from story to story.  The biggest difference is that the tales feature a British cast and the wraparounds star Americans.  (One of our American couch potatoes says, “This is a British movie!  I can tell by the way they talk!”) 

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: 555 (1988) ***

A psycho dressed as a hippie is going around murdering couples while they are in the throes of passion.  Afterwards, he has sex with his female victims.  As it turns out, every five years, for five nights, the killer murders five couples.  With the cops unable to crack the case, a nosy reporter named Susan Rather (Mara Lynn Bastian) sticks her nose into the investigation. 

555 is one of the quintessential shot-on-video slashers of the ‘80s.  Most times, SOV horror flicks are perfectly content being SOV horror flicks.  When they do have aspirations of trying to approximate a “real” movie, the results can be disastrous.  This one is much more successful than many others that aim to give you low budget thrills on less than a shoestring. 

555 represents writer/director Wally Koz’s only attempt at filmmaking.  It’s kind of a shame he didn’t do more stuff.  Not many directors can give us the sight of a topless woman being covered in blood before the opening credits have finished rolling, but Koz manages to do just that. 

Speaking of which, the gore is excellent.  While the various stabbing scenes are well done, it’s the decapitated head gag that’s the most impressive.  SOV or not, big budget horror movies would be hard pressed to replicate the effect.  (It’s so good that the head is even on the poster.)  The gore scenes are repeated at the end, mostly as a way to pad out the running time, but it’s a nice little curtain call all the same. 

The admittedly not bad ‘80s video cinematography and the point-and-shoot sex scenes kind of makes this feel like a porno with the penetration cut out and blood and gore added in.  (Instead of the traditional “money shot”, we have shots of blood splashing on the women’s breasts.)  The narrative is similar to a porno too. Sex.  Plot.  Sex.  It also kind of reminded me of Blood Feast, what with all the scenes of the exasperated cops trying to crack the case.  The scene where the way-past-her-prime reporter tries to seduce a witness for information is also pretty amusing. 

The acting is a little better than you might expect (depending on your expectations for something like this), but the dialogue contains some real howlers like, “One doesn’t come across decapitation and mutilation every day!”  My favorite line though comes when one of the cops hits on the reporter and she snaps, “I’d close it up with Super Glue first!”

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: VAMPIRES VS. ZOMBIES (2004) *

This was released by The Asylum back before their mockbuster days.  It’s supposedly based on the vampire classic Carmilla.  I haven’t read the story, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t have scenes where the title character argued with greasy gas station clerks about using the bathroom. 

During a zombie outbreak, a concerned woman (Brinke Stevens, the lone star of the film) asks Travis (C.S. Munro) and his daughter Jenna (Bonny Giroux) to take her daughter Carmilla (Maritama Carlson) to safety.  Little do they know Carmilla is actually a vampire who is looking to put the bite on Jenna.  After a series of setbacks, the group presses on and eventually makes their way to an abandoned convent where they are attacked by a horde of zombies. 

Basically, Vampires vs. Zombies boils down to a bunch of driving scenes.  Whenever our main characters stop for gas or break down on the side of the road, they are attacked by zombies in bad make-up.  This quickly gets monotonous.  The useless dream scenes only add to the running time (and confusion).  It’s also annoying that when the big confrontation finally happens, the camera cuts away and/or dissolves once bodies start getting chainsawed.  Not only that, but it gets even more confusing once the movie tries to pull off multiple “it’s all a dream/hallucination” scenes.  Just because your lead character is trapped in the nuthouse and dreaming the whole thing (or is she? Argh!) doesn’t mean you can just cobble a bunch of nonsensical unrelated scenes in the last five minutes and call it an “ending”. 

More than likely what happened was the filmmakers had a Carmilla short they couldn’t sell, so they added a bunch of zombie footage to it (zombies became highly marketable at the time thanks to the success of 28 Days Later and the Dawn of the Dead remake) and The Asylum picked it up for distribution. 

Stevens also shows up as a State Trooper at one point.  I thought it was going to be revealed that she was actually her evil vampire character in disguise, but nope.  She’s just playing another role.  While she easily gives the best performance(s) in the movie, Brinke fans are bound to be disappointed. 

On the bright side, the lesbian scenes between Giroux and Carlson, while short, are decent.  Both ladies also appear topless, which prevents it from being a total waste of time.  Ultimately, Vampires vs. Zombies winds up being a losing battle on all fronts. 

AKA:  Carmilla, the Lesbian Vampire.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE CURSE OF THE VAMPIRE (1972) *** ½

A blood disease breaks out in a small European hamlet.  Naturally, the superstitious locals believe it’s caused by a vampire.  The new doctor in town sets out to get to the bottom of things. 

In most vampire movies, the doctor would’ve been played by Peter Cushing or somebody.  In this one we get the voluptuous blonde bombshell Diana (Dracula vs. Frankenstein) Sorel.  The film is also surprisingly progressive for the time as none of the characters seem shocked that the new doctor is a woman. 

Anyway, the doctor is called to give care to a sickly old baron (Antonio Jimenez Escribano) at his mansion.  Afterwards, he invites the good doctor and her hot nurse Erica (Beatriz Elorrieta from Blood Hunt) to spend the night.  As it turns out, the baron’s son Karl (Nicholas Ney) is a bloodsucker looking to put the bite on the ladies. 

I was worried when I saw the running time on IMDb was listed at 102 minutes as my copy was only 85.  According to the site, there’s a longer version that has more blood and nudity.  Well, if this is the “tame” version, the hot and spicy version must be guaranteed to knock your socks off.  This one was pretty damned hot. 

The highlight comes when the Baron’s niece Margaret (Loreta Tovar) has a lesbian vampire sex scene with a servant girl played by Maria Tovar.  If you’re wondering why they have the same last name, well… it’s because they’re real-life sisters!  If this is indeed the cut version, I can’t imagine what was taken out since this scene doesn’t leave much to the imagination.  This leads me to suspect that despite the running time discrepancy, this is probably the unexpurgated cut.  (It would make a good double feature with Twins of Evil.) 

I mean I guess this could be the edited version.  There are some scenes where the camera cuts away before the women start undressing.  But damn son, the camera doesn’t turn away for an instant during the incestuous lesbian vampire sex scene. 

The lore is kind of strange and confused as the people only turn into vampires during the full moon.  I don’t know if the screenwriters got their wires crossed or what.  Still, you probably won’t care, thanks to the copious amounts of vampire T & A.  (Not to mention all the scenes of women running around in see-thru nightgowns.)

In fact, there’s so much sexuality on display, you may even forget that there’s some quality filmmaking going on here and there as the film has its fair share of atmospheric moments, particularly near the end.  The scenes of the hot vampire women frolicking around the castle grounds look as though they may have inspired Vampyres.  But yeah, it’s that lesbian scene between actual sisters that you’re going to remember The Curse of the Vampire for.  It’s one for the books.  

There are probably too many characters (although I did like that the servants seem to know a helluva lot more about vampire hunting than the main characters), but it’s not to the point where it gums up the works.  I could get nitpicky about other shit, but I’m inclined to love any movie that ends with a vampire bondage orgy in a dungeon.  This scene is so crazy that one of the characters is driven insane just from taking part in it.  You may feel the same way. 

AKA:  The Curse of the Vampyr.  AKA:  Horrortrip.

THE RUNNING MAN (2025) ***

2025 has been a pretty good year for Stephen King adaptations.  We had The Monkey, The Long Walk, and this remake of the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger classic.  This is the weakest of the three, and a noticeable step down from the original, but it’s a fun flick, nevertheless.  (It’s also been a good year for Schwarzenegger reboots of movies from 1987 after this and Predator:  Badlands.)

In a dystopian future, out of work family man Ben Richards (Glen Powell) is faced with getting medicine for his sick daughter.  He signs up for the nation’s biggest game show, The Running Man where he must elude a team of “Hunters” who will kill him on sight.  Adding to the danger is the fact that citizens are encouraged to call in to the network and report his whereabouts for cash prizes. 

Director Edgar (Shaun of the Dead) Wright’s remake is an entertaining melding of the original film and the King’s source material.  It uses the same structure of the reality show from the novel (the hunt lasts thirty days instead of over the course of one broadcast) while still adopting the iconography of Paul Michael Glaser’s movie.  Wright injects some of his personality into the proceedings (where else are you going to see a Home Alone-style action scene involving Michael Cera set to The Rolling Stones’ “Heartbreaker”?), although admittedly not as much as I was expecting.  (The promos for the other reality shows are pretty funny too.)

The set-up is well executed.  You really root for Richards, and Powell is great.  (His word association test offers some huge laughs.)  Wright does a fine job at setting the stakes early on and delivers a few impressive action scenes. 

Ultimately, trying to be faithful to the book comes with a big disadvantage.  By stretching the hunt out for an entire month, the action ebbs and flows as a consequence.  The third act is easily the weakest as the social messaging becomes way too on the nose and gets in the way of the action.  Fans of the book will probably have mixed feelings about how they try to remain faithful to the downbeat climax of the novel while still opting for a safe Hollywood ending. 

Overall, it’s a fine vehicle for Powell and a good showcase for his action chops.  Josh Brolin (who looks like he’s trying to imitate Timothy Olyphant) puts in a solid turn as the steely producer of the show.  (No one could ever top Richard Dawson though.)  Katy O’Brien is also fun as a fellow contestant and Cera gets some laughs as a meek revolutionary who helps Richards beat the odds. 

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE SEX SERUM OF DR. BLAKE (1973) ***

I’ve wanted to see this ever since I read about it in the Psychotronic Encyclopedia of Film.  (Where it was listed under its original title, Voodoo Heartbeat.)  It was considered a lost film for decades until it was recently rediscovered by Vinegar Syndrome who put it out as part of their Lost Picture Show collection. 

Government scientists are hard at work perfecting a fountain of youth serum.  After some enemy agents are killed trying to steal the formula, Dr. Blake (producer Ray Molina sporting some of the sickest sideburns I ever did see) stumbles upon the serum.  Naturally, being a man of science, the first thing he does is run home and try it out on himself.  Unfortunately, the serum has one tiny side effect:  It turns him into a psycho rapist vampire!

Directed by Charles Nizet, who made the incredible Help Me… I’m Possessed, The Sex Serum of Dr. Blake starts off with a lot of long-winded exposition and a seemingly endless scene of natives walking through the Serengeti.  Just when you begin to get restless in your seat, along comes a great scene where a scientist witnesses an African tribe performing an eternal youth rite where the women dance naked around an old guy and he magically becomes young again.  Then, of course, they bone him.  Sadly, it ends with the gals cutting his heart out.  I guess all good things must come to an end, but what a way to go!   This scene has some real Manos vibes to it… If Manos had an all-black softcore orgy, that is. 

Later on, we get a decidedly unsexy sex scene where a fat guy gets a massage from his hot Asian wife before they get it on.  I’m not saying this scene is cringe, but it’s about as hot as Bat Pussy.  Thankfully, the scene ends before things begin to get too graphic. 

Just so we are clear:  This isn’t what we would traditionally refer to as a “good” movie.  The rating is for pure entertainment value.  We have actors clearly reading from their scripts and flubbing lines, completely random and wholly unnecessary sex scenes (including one in the desert where a couple drives a pun about “skindiving” into the ground), and some OK gore (there’s a cool bit with a hacked off hand).  Sure, there may be some gaps in between the highlights and a few lulls in the action, but more often than not, the film delivers a memorable and/or downright silly payoff.  Whether it’s worth the wait or not, I’ll leave up to you. 

I guess you’re either the kind of person who is chomping at the bit to see a previously lost horror skin flick or you aren’t.  I mean any movie that brings to mind Manos AND Bat Pussy is worth a look.  I don’t know if it lived up to the poster I saw in Psychotronic all those years back, but I still kinda dug it. 

AKA:  Voodoo Heartbeat.