TRAVELIN’ (1974) **

Travelin’ kicks off with what is possibly the shortest sex scene in recorded history.  A guy tells a woman, “Let’s do it,” and they bang in the middle of a field.  She is understandably perplexed when he cums almost immediately, gets dressed, hops on his motorcycle, and then heads on down the road.  Girls, it be like that sometimes. 

After riding around for a bit, our hero finally stops off on the side of the road where he watches a couple fuck in broad daylight.  This guy, while no means the world’s greatest lover, lasts way longer than our hero.  He then stumbles upon a “stud farm” where a bunch of horny hippie chicks hang around and wait for guys to bang them.  Once the biker gets his nut, he heads on down the highway once again. 

All of this is shot with the same cinematic flair of the Zapruder film, and it’s just about as sexy too.  Directed by “Bob” Insert, Travelin’ is shoddy and cheap in just about every way.  It doesn’t help that most of the women in the cast are less than photogenic and the print is extremely jumpy. 

It’s possible to make a decent biker porno with little to no money.  (Just check out Teenage Bikers.)  However, Insert never really makes full use of the motorcycle gimmick.  On the plus side, we do get some truly awful, poorly dubbed dialogue (“That’s a fucking cute clit you’ve got there, my dear!”) that’s good for a laugh or two.  There’s also one funny scene where a fly keeps interrupting a couple while they’re fucking and a dubbed voice says, “Hey, get that fly off my ass!”

Fortunately, it’s only forty-six minutes long and it’s pretty much over before it really gets going.  If you like outdoor sex scenes, you may enjoy it as most of the action takes place in the desert or in the middle of a field.   There’s also a heavy concentration of oral scenes, if that’s the sort of thing that floats your boat.  Most of the time though, Travelin’ really doesn’t go anywhere. 

TALK TO ME (2023) **

Talk to Me is an Australian horror flick that acts as a sort of allegory about the perils of teenagers trying stupid viral internet stunts.  Because of that, it’s certainly timely.  However, it’s much too uneven to really click. 

Teens get in on the latest internet craze of filming themselves while performing an occult ritual where they hold a severed hand and say, “Talk to me”, which allows a spirit to possess them.  The only rule is you can’t let the ghost in for longer than ninety seconds.  Things end tragically when a chick’s younger brother plays the game and winds up permanently possessed.  After he is hospitalized, the friends sneak into his room and try to find a way to reverse the curse. 

The scene where our heroine volunteers to be a part of the ritual is fairly strong.  The game itself is kind of like a supernatural version of the Tide Pod Challenge as the possessed teens contort and twitch while their friends stand around laughing and filming everything with their phones.  There’s also a weird scene where the spirit of an old woman sneaks into the bedroom and starts sucking on a guy’s foot. 

The first half-hour is engaging and entertaining, but it quickly goes off the rails in the second act.  Despite strong individual moments, the lows ultimately outweigh the highs.  It doesn’t help that the whole thing plays like a short film that’s been padded out to feature length.  The subplot where the dead mother of our heroine tries to warn her from the other side kind of reinforces that idea as it feels like it was only tacked on to beef up the running time.  The abrupt ending is also the sort of thing that would work in a short film but when viewed as the finale of a feature, it kind of leaves you pissed off.  It’s a shame too, especially when the first half hour or so held so much promise. 

EAT AT THE BLUE FOX (1983) **

Ron Jeremy runs a strip club called The Blue Fox in a sleazy border town.  When he’s unable to make payoffs to the local police, the greedy sheriff has the place shut down.  Eventually, Ron reopens the joint with a new angle:  A live sex show.  The sheriff once again sets out to ruin Ron’s livelihood, but he makes a play to get rid of the crooked copper once and for all.  

Ron Jeremy’s performance is pretty much the whole show in this one.  He appears in most of the sex scenes and his stand-up act eats up a lot of screen time too.  I’m a fan of Ron (his recent legal troubles notwithstanding), but this is really far from his best work.  His usual mugging can’t save the rather tepid sex scenes, which are mostly forgettable and interchangeable; nor can it liven up his unfunny stage show. 

The other attempts at humor are pretty dire, like when the evil sheriff feeds the nightclub patrons chili, which makes them all shit their pants.  Actually, the biggest laugh comes from the opening titles that humorously misspell the word “beginning”.  That pretty much is the tip-off that this one is going to be a dud.  The total non-ending doesn’t really help matters either. 

Also on hand is Herschel Savage, who plays a good ol’ boy who double teams a hooker in one scene.  Pamela Mann looks pretty hot as Jeremy’s former flame/lady of the evening, but her sex scenes are rather ho-hum.  The most memorable moment comes from Kitten Natividad as the cigarette girl who says, “For $200, you can shit on my face!”  It’s a shame her role is basically a cameo because she really brightens up the movie whenever she’s on screen.  Oh, and to add insult to injury, she doesn’t get in on the bedroom antics (and she remains fully clothed to boot).

So, if you have an appetite for a fun ‘80s porno, then you may want to skip Eat at the Blue Fox. 

HERETIC (2024) *** ½

Sister Barnes (Sophie Thatcher) and Sister Paxton (Chloe East) are two hot Mormon missionaries going door to door and spreading their gospel.  They meet a seemingly kind man named Mr. Reed (Hugh Grant) who is anxious to hear about their religion and invites them into his home for pie and spiritual discussion.  Slowly, it becomes apparent that he has not been entirely truthful and is using his religious debate as a pretext for something diabolical.  Before long, he puts their beliefs to the test as he forces them to participate in a deadly game. 

Grant deftly warps his rom-com leading man persona into something sublimely sinister in Heretic.  He channels his typical stuttering deference into a superficial facade that makes his usual Cheshire Cat grin feel vaguely threatening and creepy.  His performance is among the many joys of the film. 

Thatcher is the hottest actress in horror right now after starring in this, The Boogeyman, and Companion in the span of three years.  She turns in yet another fine performance here as she is fun to watch as the skeptical missionary.  East is quite good too as the more polite and mannered sister of the pair. 

Heretic was the brainchild of writers/directors Scott Beck and Bryan Woods.  I run hot and cold on their stuff.  While I pretty much despised Haunt, I found their cheesy Sci-Fi flick 65 to be semi-amusing.  I’m happy to say that this is their best effort yet.  The claustrophobic setting paired with Grant’s dynamic performance makes for a truly captivating film.  I especially like the way Grant arced his religious thesis into an all-encompassing message about pop culture as he compares various religions to different iterations of Monopoly board games and covers of rock songs.  Although it kind of runs out of steam in the third act and has a predicable conclusion, the set-up is aces and the cast is terrific. 

In short, Heretic was good enough to make me a believer.

THE NAKED GUN (2025) *** ½

The Naked Gun (and The Naked Gun 33 1/3) is one of my favorite comedies of all time, so rebooting it without the original ZAZ team could’ve been a disaster.  Having director Akiva Schaffer from The Lonely Island and producer Seth (Family Guy) MacFarlane combining forces behind the scenes was an inspired choice.  The same goes for putting Liam Neeson in the lead.  The reason the casting works as well as it does is that instead of trying to recreate the feel of the original movies (and the Police Squad! TV show), it’s more or less a spoof of your typical Liam Neeson vehicle.  Neeson doesn’t try to mimic Leslie Nielsen either.  He just acts like he’s in a MAD magazine version of a Liam Neeson movie.  This approach yields plenty of laughs while keeping the same brand of humor that made the original Naked Gun films classics. (“Cigar?”  “Sure looks like it!”)

The plot (not that it needs one) has detective Frank Drebin Jr. (Neeson) investigating a murder.  He gets unwanted help from the dead man’s sister (Pamela Anderson, who seems to be enjoying her recent career resurgence thanks to her performance in The Last Showgirl), who wants justice.  The trail eventually leads to an evil tech billionaire (Danny Huston) who has invented a device that will turn average citizens into crazed killers. 

The film contains plenty of hearty laughs sprinkled throughout the first hour or so.  Sadly, it starts to run out of gas in the last twenty minutes.  It’s here where the filmmakers seem to take the plot a little too seriously and try to wrap things up a little too neatly.  That said, there is one scene in this movie that is without a doubt one of the funniest sequences of the 21st century.  I wouldn’t spoil it for you for a million bucks.  All I’ll say is that it’s quite possibly the most hysterical romantic interlude montages of all time.  If that doesn’t make you want to see it, I don’t know what to tell you. 

NO HARD FEELINGS (2023) ***

Strapped for cash, Maddie (Jennifer Lawrence) answers an odd online ad placed by a wealthy couple to “date” their awkward virginal teenage son Percy (Andrew Barth Feldman) in exchange for a car.  When Maddie sets out to seduce him, she is surprised that Percy actually wants to get to know her first before they seal the deal. 

I’ve long admired Lawrence for her fearlessness.  Her performance in mother! is among my all-time favorites.  In No Hard Feelings, she gives us one of the most memorable nude scenes in recent history.  Things begin innocently enough with her and her young suitor skinny-dipping when some drunk teens decide to steal their clothes.  Up until now, we have only seen her bare back and shoulders.  However, when the kids begin to run off with their clothes, she comes storming off the beach full frontal and proceeds to kick their ass.  It’s not only one of the best nude scenes in the past few years, it’s also one of the best fight sequences. 

Like the best raunchy comedies, there are genuine character moments here that help endear our heroine to the audience.  She just wants to save her house.  Since she is a local in a resort town, the rich assholes who summer there are driving up the property taxes, which is relatable to me as someone who lives in a summer town year-round.  That sentiment is a nice reworking of the traditional slobs vs. snobs mentality of many ‘80s comedies. 

The fact that you have a woman in her thirties hanging out with a teenager also opens up some funny generation gap comedy.  One of the many highlights is when Lawrence crashes a high school party and the parents of the teen try to kick her out.  (“Do you think my son would have a party without our consent?”)  While the film follows the well-worn path of these kinds of sex comedies (it becomes more predictable in the third act once the kid eventually catches on that his parents put her up to it), it offers plenty of laughs along the way. 

Lawrence’s performance also helps to make it memorable.  Even if she didn’t have a nude fight scene, it would be still worth watching just for the scenes of her trying to pick up the hopelessly clueless kid.  Feldman is quite good too and the chemistry between the pair is genuine.  Because of that, No Hard Feelings is hard to resist.

THE LAST SHOWGIRL (2024) ***

The Last Showgirl is sort of like a blend of The Wrestler and Showgirls.  Pamela Anderson stars as an aging Vegas showgirl who receives word that the show she’s been a part of for so many years is coming to a close.  She uses the occasion to try to reconnect with her estranged daughter (Billie Lourd) and must eventually come to grips with her not-so promising future. 

Director Gia (Palo Alto) Coppola aims to give the audience an intimate portrait of an older woman at a turning point in her life.  She favors handheld camerawork and uses a lot of over-the-shoulder shots that lend the film a documentary feel.  The frank and claustrophobic backstage scenes also help take any kind of glamour you may associate with the occupation out of the equation. 

With her foul mouth and weathered, sun-damaged skin, Jamie Lee Curtis is a hoot as Anderson’s haggard looking best friend.  Even though Anderson got tons of glowing notices for her work here (and rightfully so), Curtis threatens to steal the movie out from under her at nearly every turn.  The hilarious/pathetic highlight is when she gets up in the middle of the casino and does an impromptu dance to “Total Eclipse of the Heart”.  She also gets some great lines like, “I’m not irresponsible.  I’m thinking about opening up an IRA!”  Dave Bautista is also quite good as the soft-spoken gentle giant backstage manager of the show, as is Kiernan Shipka as a young dancer who sees Anderson as a maternal figure.  Lourd gives a fine performance as well as her actual daughter, and Jason Schwartzman is great in a cameo as a sleazy director. 

Anderson is the heart of the movie.  This is easily her best performance, and proof she could be entering a new stage of her career.  It’s always nice to see someone the industry has more or less written off making a comeback like this and she deserves any accolades she gets. 

The movie itself is a little thin in spots.  Since it’s more of a slice of life kind of thing, it’s fairly easy to overlook.  It’s slight, but well-observed.  However, the performances are so good that it holds everything together.