GOOD-BYE CRUEL WORLD (1982) *

When I was a kid, the video box for Good-Bye Cruel World scared the shit out of me.  I had no idea what it was about, but the image of a hand coming out of a toilet was enough to instill fear in little Mitchie.  Now that I finally have seen it, the only thing scary about it is how bad it is. 

Good-Bye Cruel World has an admittedly cool gimmick of being filmed in “Choice-A-Rama” where the audience can choose what happens next.  However, it’s all obviously rigged.  While initially amusing, these scenes wear out their welcome fast and eventually reveal their true purpose:  To pad out the running time.  The only good part is when Angelique Pettyjohn performs a striptease dressed as a nun.  Other than that, the gimmick gets old quick. 

Dick (Angel) Shawn is a news anchor who has an on-air breakdown.  He then decides to commit suicide, but before that, he sets out to make a documentary about his life.  Along the way, there are Kentucky Fried Movie-style commercial spoofs (Sledgehammer creator Alan Spencer appears as Norman Bates for “Psycho Soap”), fake movie trailers (An Officer and an Elephant Man), and news reports, most of which are painfully unfunny. 

Directed by David (C.H.U.D. 2:  Bud the C.H.U.D.) Irving, Amy Irving’s brother and Steven Spielberg’s former brother in-law (there’s an E.T. joke), it’s basically a mess from start to finish.  Whenever Shawn’s story threatens to gain any momentum, the Choice-A-Rama guy will pop up or the fake commercials intrude and take the wind out of the movie’s sails.  A funny film could’ve been made about suicide.  (Just watch Burt Reynolds’ The End.)  However, it just seems like all involved didn’t have enough confidence in the material and cheapened everything with all the useless fake commercials instead.  The ending is really stupid too, as it’s a total cop-out, which makes the whole enterprise even more infuriating. 

Co-starring Priscilla Pointer (the director’s mother), Chuck (Porky’s) Mitchell, and Darrell (Men at Work) Larsen as Shawn’s family. 

AKA:  S.L.U.R.P.  AKA:  Up the World.