THE MUMMY (2017) *** ½

Critics had their knives out for this one from the get-go, but The Mummy is just about as enjoyable as any of Tom Cruise’s past summer action tentpoles.  It won’t erase memories of Boris Karloff or Christopher Lee or even Arnold Vosloo any time soon, but it’s enormously entertaining and just plain fun.  It’s just different enough (the Mummy is a vengeful princess this time out) and at the same time familiar (the movie borrows elements from everything from An American Werewolf in London to Lifeforce) to make fans of both Tom Cruise and Mummy movies alike happy.

The idea of a Cruise/Mummy mash-up works better than you think.  The typical big budget action sequences are a lot of fun and are enhanced by some creepy atmosphere (especially early on).  The zero-gravity scene in the crashing plane is great and would feel right at home in a Mission:  Impossible movie.  There’s also a badass car chase in which Cruise’s truck is beset by an army of squishy mummy minions.  The various fight scenes in which Cruise dukes it out with various mummified monsters are pretty cool too.

In some ways, The Mummy is a deft deconstruction of your average Tom Cruise vehicle.  While he is still very much the star of the movie, Cruise is almost continually bested, shown up, and one-upped by his female adversary (and love interest), which is a nice touch.  Since The Mummy is in his head for nearly the whole picture, Cruise is incredibly susceptible and vulnerable to her charms, which also acts a neat reversal on the usual Mummy lore. 

The thing I liked best though was the promised Expanded “Dark” Universe that teases the appearance of more interconnected monsters in upcoming movies.  Some have decried this as nothing more than a cheap rip-off of the Marvel Cinematic Universe with Russell Crowe’s Dr. Jekyll acting as sort of a Nick Fury to a new generation of monsters.  I dug it though.  Crowe’s performance is actually one of the best things about the film.  In fact, I’d say he probably needs his own Agents of SHIELD spin-off TV show.  I mean just the stuff that was teased in his elaborate monster warehouse alone is promising enough to sustain at least one season of episodes.

Cruise equips himself well as the roguish thief who passes himself off as a derring-do adventurer.  He isn’t simply just coasting on his talent here as he makes his character quite likeable and charming, even when he’s being a total dick.  He especially does well late in the game when he must pull off the old “tortures of the damned” routine that Lon Chaney used to do so well.

Sofia Boutella does a fine job as the new Mummy.  Like in Star Trek Beyond and Kingsmen:  The Secret Service, she proves to be a formidable fighting talent.  What I wasn’t expecting was the tenderness she brought to the role.  Even when she’s doing terrible things, you can’t help but feel a tinge of sympathy for her, which is the hallmark of all the great Universal monster movies.

If there is a flaw, it’s that director Alex Kurtzman isn’t much of a stylish.  The film really needed someone with more flair to make the action sequences cook.  Kurtzman presents the material capably and competently enough, but he lacks the zest of someone like Christopher McQuarrie (who co-wrote the screenplay). 

There was a big to-do recently when Kurtzman said he didn’t make his film “for the critics”.  Although I think that’s a bit of a cop-out, I can see his point.  This is a big budget summer movie we’re talking about, but one that does have enough ghoulish (PG-13) moments to make it worthy of the Universal name.  Regardless of who Kurtzman made it for, my daughter, whose favorite monster is the Mummy, loved it, and for that, it’s OK by me.

I for one look forward to more interconnected Mummy movies.  I particularly hope that the upcoming Mummy sequels will be interconnected to previous Tom Cruise vehicles.  I can’t wait to see Mummy:  Impossible, The Color of Mummy, or Jerry Maguire 2 where Jerry signs a mummy to play football and shouts, “Show me the mummy!”  Of course, if that all pans out, it will eventually lead to the biggest Tom Cruise monster movie of them all:  Jack Reacher from the Black Lagoon.  

THE ASSIGNMENT (2017) ** ½

Remember when Walter Hill fucked up The Warriors with that terrible director’s cut that was filled with unnecessary comic book panels and crummy looking pop art?  Well, sad to say, he uses that same style with The Assignment.  If I told you the plot, I’d be spoiling the film’s best aspect:  The anything-goes nuttiness that makes it almost worth watching.  (Imagine if Robert Rodriguez had directed The Skin I Live In and that might give you an idea of what to expect.)  However, Hill’s use of lame comic book panels is just way too on-the-nose.  It’s like he doesn’t want us to take it seriously. 

Well, why not?  Why wouldn’t we take it seriously?  Why make a balls-out crazy movie like this if you want it to be merely dispensable entertainment?  Can’t it be a wild, tasteless action flick AND a well-crafted motion picture?  Why purposefully dumb it down like that?  Maybe if Hill concentrated on developing his characters a bit more and less about the schlocky comic book style, it could’ve been a winner.

The film is divided into two distinct parts.  There are the scenes of the quack surgeon (Sigourney Weaver) being interviewed in a nut house by a doctor played by Tony Shalhoub.  The other half of the movie is devoted to a hitwoman (Michelle Rodriguez) on a quest for revenge.  While both sections have their charms, neither is wholly successful.  It never quite meshes in the end, but the performances (especially by Weaver and Shalhoub) keep it grounded even while the whole thing threatens to veer off the tracks at any given moment.

Still, warts and all, it all feels very much like a Walter Hill movie, which is a good thing.  It is very much like a spiritual successor to Johnny Handsome, one of Hill’s more underrated works.  Both feature characters that go under surgical procedures and have to readjust to their new lives, often while mired in violence.  Johnny Handsome is clearly the better film, but the sheer audacity of The Assignment’s plot alone makes it worth a look. 

AKA:  (Re) Assignment.  AKA:  Tomboy.  AKA:  Revenger.

TERMINAL ISLAND (1973) ***

Before Escape from New York and before No Escape, there was Terminal Island, the original Stick-a-Bunch-of-Prisoners-on-an-Island-and-Let-Them-Kill-Each-Other movie.  Since the prison island is co-ed, it’s much more interesting than your usual prison flick.  Because of the presence of beautiful (but still capable and deadly) women, the film also falls into the Women in Prison genre.  Unlike most of those pictures, the men who try to humiliate and brutalize them aren’t guards or wardens; they’re fellow inmates.

Another reason that makes Terminal Island stand out from the rest of the pack was that it was directed by a woman.  Stephanie (The Working Girls) Rothman handles the action with an assured hand.  The finale, in which stuff blows up real good, is solid and proves that she can deliver the goods as well as her male counterparts. 

Rothman also takes time to establish and build both the male and female characters alike.  While Phyllis Davis and Barbara Leigh do some fine work as two of the busty female prisoners, it’s a pre-Magnum P.I. Tom Selleck who takes the acting honors as a junkie doctor who kicks the habit in order to help the women rise up against their male oppressors.  What makes it even more fun is the presence of Magnum’s Roger E. Mosley as one of the barbaric badasses who rule the island with an iron fist.   

The film is also filled great music.  The soundtrack is really funky and adds to the gritty atmosphere.  Plus, the theme song “It’s Too Damn Bad” is thoroughly awesome and is sure to be stuck in your head for days after.

Although Terminal Island is consistently entertaining throughout, it’s not quite sleazy enough to be considered a classic.  We do get a healthy dose of nudity (including a solid skinny dipping scene) and a funny scene involving some bees.  However, those expecting a more exploitative type of Women in Prison picture might walk away a tad disappointed. 

AKA:  Knucklemen.

22 JUMP STREET (2014) ***

Having successfully infiltrated a high school in the first movie, undercover cops Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum graduate and go to college to stop more drug dealers in this solidly entertaining sequel.  Most sequels are content to do the same thing all over again, just in a different location.  The smart screenplay knowingly accepts this and has a lot of fun playing with the conventions of a sequel. 

It helps that Hill and Tatum willingly accept the ridiculous premise and embrace it.  We also get a pretty funny subplot where Hill gets in hot water with his boss, Ice Cube when he hooks up with his daughter.  (Cube does a fine job yet again as basically the Yelling Captain of the piece.)  The new players, which include Wyatt Russell and Jillian Bell also get some laughs and make the most of their screen time.

22 Jump Street is at its best when it’s satirizing the art of fast-buck sequels.  It’s less interesting (and funny) when it allows Hill and Tatum to split up and “investigate other people”.  While that scene itself is funny, it quickly becomes obvious that they work better together as a team and not so much as two separate solo acts.

Make sure you stick around for the end credits, because it’s easily the best thing about the movie.  It’s here where we get to see trailers for the next ten installments of the series (including a video game).  This section also features some great cameos too (one in particular made me applaud), so keep your eyes peeled.  I don’t know if the team of Lord and Miller will ever get around to directing all (if any) of these future installments, but the clips alone were enough to put a smile on my face. 

WARLORDS OF THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY (1982) * ½

“After the Oil Wars”, Corlie (Annie McEnroe) escapes the clutches of the post-apocalyptic warlord, Straker (James Wainwright) and his armor-plated truck.  She takes up with a motorcycle-riding loner named Hunter (Michael Beck), which sends Straker in a tizzy.  He then sends his goons after Hunter and they proceed to get their butts whipped.

Warlords of the Twenty-First Century isn’t the worst of the post-apocalyptic action movies that came out in the wake of Mad Max, but it definitely belongs on the lower rungs of the genre.  I will praise director Harley Cokliss on the camerawork, which is often quite good, especially during the high-speed chase scenes.  Too bad the rest of the movie is so slow moving and not very exciting.

It doesn’t help that Hunter isn’t much of hero.  Beck isn’t given much to do, except to ride around on a motorcycle while wearing a goofy helmet.  He isn’t bad or anything, it’s just that he gets lost in the shuffle of his own movie.  If anything, Warlords of the Twenty-First Century is just further proof that Beck isn’t much without someone like James Remar (or heck, even Olivia Newton-John for that matter) backing him up.  The flick also suffers from the oddly low key villain turn by Wainwright, who underplays the character’s wickedness a bit too much.

As far as motorcycle-themed post-apocalyptic action flicks go, I’d say you’re better off with something like Warrior of the Lost World than this dull, lethargic, and forgettable programmer.

AKA:  Battle Truck.

RULES DON’T APPLY (2016) *** ½

This was a big box office dud for Warren Beatty (bigger than Ishtar in some regards), but Rules Don’t Apply is a sweet and absolutely winning comedy drama that is anchored by some great performances.  The chemistry between Alden Ehrenreich and Lilly Collins, who play star-crossed lovers who both work for Howard Hughes, is genuine.  Ehrenreich in particular is excellent and I for one can’t wait to see how he’ll fair playing a young Han Solo.  

However, it’s the dynamite performance by Beatty as the eccentric Howard Hughes that dominates the film.  He is clearly having a blast playing the increasingly crazy billionaire.  Beatty gets a lot of mileage out of Hughes’ bizarre quirks and his antics are often fun to watch.  

Yes, the love triangle that develops between the three leads is predictable.  Yes, you can already probably guess how it all will turn out.  Still, the charm and wit in which Ehrenreich, Collins, and Beatty play their characters really resonates with the audience.  The supporting cast, which includes Martin Sheen, Annette Bening, and Matthew Broderick is also stellar.

Overall, Rules Don’t Apply is much more successful at capturing the nostalgia, glamour, and romanticism of the Golden Age of Hollywood than La-La Land.  While that film felt like it was pre-fabricated and homogenized, Beatty captures Tinsel Town in a much more interesting and captivating way.  Also, Collins’ title song is a heck of a lot better than the ones Emma Stone sang, that’s for sure.

BACK FROM THE DEAD AND READY TO PARTY

After dealing with various blogging problems, not to mention the recent death of my laptop, it seemed like The Video Vacuum was going to be yet another movie blog that unceremoniously bit the dust.  Fear not, VV fans, for like the mighty Phoenix, I’ve returned from the ashes to continue to review more celluloid masterpieces and disasterpieces.  Even though I was without a laptop for a few months, I kept up with the movie reviews, which I hope to post here and there until I eventually get caught up.  I hope you all will enjoy them.  Until then, you can still check out my old reviews from LiveJournal here: http://thevideovacuum.livejournal.com/ and continue following me on Letterboxd (https://letterboxd.com/TheVideoVacuum/) and on Twitter (https://twitter.com/TheVideoVacuum).  Thanks to all the loyal fans of the Vacuum for your unending support.

See you at the movies,

Mitch