GREEN ROOM (2016) ****

A punk rock band strapped for cash agrees to play in front of a group of Neo-Nazis.  To show that they don’t cotton to their audience’s ideals, they do a cover of The Dead Kennedys' “Nazi Punks Fuck Off”.  Lots of bottles are thrown and obscenities are shouted, but miraculously the audience doesn't harm the band.  However, once a band member witnesses a Nazi punk murder someone backstage, all bets are off.  The Nazi punks hold the band in the green room against their will and eventually they realize the punks are planning a way to dispose of the band permanently.

From then on, things turn into a siege movie.  As far as the subgenre goes, Green Room has moments that rank right up there with the great siege flicks of all time like Assault on Precinct 13 and Night of the Living Dead.  This isn’t exactly a horror film, but it did contain at least one moment that made my stomach turn.  As a lifelong horror buff, I can’t even remember the last time a movie had that effect on me.

I won’t ruin the best moments for you.  Just know that once the film takes off, it never looks back.  This is one harrowing and suspenseful movie.  They way director Jeremy Saulnier puts the audience through the wringer is worthy of both Hitchcock and Carpenter.

I haven’t even mentioned the cast yet.  Anton Yelchin, in one of his final roles is excellent as the guitarist who must overcome impossible odds to stay alive.  His Fright Night co-star Imogen Poots also delivers a fine performance as the Nazis’ next intended target.  I must admit that it was awesome seeing Patrick Stewart essaying the role of the cold and calculating Nazi leader.  His ruthless demeanor and strategic cunning is part of what makes the heroes’ plight so intense.  His character is a guy you’ll love to hate.

Also, Star Trek fans get an added bonus of seeing Chekov matching wits with Captain Picard, so it has that going for it.

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING (2017) ****

As a lifelong Spider-Man nerd, it warms my heart to say that Spider-Man:  Homecoming pretty much gives you everything you would hope to see in a Spider-Man film.  In fact, it gave me the one scene I've always wanted to see in a Spider-Man movie.  I always liked the fact that Spider-Man had to change into his outfit in alleys or behind dumpsters, but I don’t think we’ve ever seen him having to stash his clothes and then go back for them later.  Even as a kid I always wondered what happened if someone stole his clothes?  Director Jon Watts gave me the answer and it put a big stupid grin on my face.  (ANSWER:  Spider-Man loses a LOT of clothes that way.)   

Homecoming hits a lot of the same notes the previous big-screen versions have hit, but I loved the ways Watts and his screenwriters chose to focus their attention.  When we meet Peter Parker (Tom Holland), he’s still relatively inexperienced at being Spider-Man.  He’s also struggling to balance, school, family, and his superhero antics, all the while trying to impress Tony Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.) so he can earn a spot on the Avengers.  It’s that drive to better himself that really spoke to me.  I mean, there’s no reason to push yourself, dude.  You’re Spider-Man!  The thing is, he’s striving to better himself all the while not realizing that he’s already there.  However, it’s his need for approval from Tony that I found to be moving

The Vulture is also a worthy adversary.  As portrayed by Michael Keaton, The Vulture is kind of like a blue-collar version of Tony Stark, who is pillaging the alien tech leftover from the Avengers’ battle and selling them on the black market.  Plus, when Spider-Man goes toe to toe with The Vulture, it’s basically like watching Spider-Man fight Batman, and it doesn’t get any cooler than that.

Speaking of cool shit, how awesome is it to see Spider-Man in the Marvel Cinematic Universe?  I’m not going to spoil some of the best cameos in the film, but just seeing Peter Parker interacting with all the other Marvel characters is truly a joy to behold.  Of course, we already know Downey is going to be great as Tony Stark, but he shows a much more paternal side to his character here, which is a nice maturation.  Not only is he Spidey’s makeshift father figure, he also acts as his conscience.  It’s also great to see Jon Favreau getting the most screen time of any Iron Man movie as Happy Hogan, who Stark has relegated to being Peter’s contact man.

Holland continues to impress as Spider-Man.  He was a blast to watch in Civil War and he shows that he is ready for the big time here.  He handles the quips particularly well.  I especially loved the scene where he hides out in the shadows and practices his banter before he says it to the bad guys.  He also has a terrific rapport with Jacob Batalon who plays his best friend.

If there is a flaw, it's that the final fight between Spidey and The Vulture is a bit lackluster.  Honestly, I was happier just seeing Spider-Man stopping presumed car thieves and giving directions, but hey, that’s just me.  The use of The Ramones during this montage was an especially inspired touch.  I sincerely hope that we will get to hear their rendition of the Spider-Man theme in the next movie.

In fact, the scene of Holland and Keaton matching wits in the car while out of costume is much more intense than the scenes of them battling above the streets.  The tension between hero and villain is just as good as the scenes between Tobey Maguire and Willem Dafoe in the first Spider-Man.  In the end, I think I’m still a bit partial to Sam Raimi’s original trilogy, but Spider-Man:  Homecoming is still a rather incredible (make that amazing) achievement and is one of the best films of the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Marvel Cinematic Universe Scorecard:

Avengers:  Age of Ultron:  ****

The Incredible Hulk:  ****

Iron Man:  ****

Spider-Man:  Homecoming:  ****

Iron Man 3:  ****

Captain America:  Civil War:  *** ½

Ant-Man:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½

The Avengers:  ***

Captain America:  The First Avenger:  ***

Captain America:  The Winter Soldier:  ***

Thor:  ***

Thor:  The Dark World:  ***

Iron Man 2:  ***

Doctor Strange:  ** ½

2017 Comic Book Movie Scorecard:

The LEGO Batman Movie:  ****

Spider-Man:  Homecoming:  ****

Logan:  ****

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½

Wonder Woman:  *** ½

Ghost in the Shell:  *** ½ 

A BIGGER SPLASH (2016) ** ½

If you’re a fan of Ralph Fiennes then A Bigger Splash will give you plenty to enjoy.  His exuberant performance dominates this uneven and overlong tale of an outrageous music producer (Fiennes) inviting himself to stay for the weekend with a former flame (Tilda Swinton) and her meek hubby (Matthias Schoenarts).  When Ralph is front and center getting high, dancing around, and ranting and raving about The Rolling Stones, the movie has an undeniable charm and bite.  When he is absent from the screen, the rest of the cast fail to generate much sizzle on their own.  (Having Swinton play a character who can only speak in whispers was a huge miscalculation.) 

The film also suffers from a weird and awkward structure.  For three-fourths of its running time, it plays like a slacker Hang Out Movie.  Think a Richard Linklater version of a Cameron Crowe flick as told by Merchant Ivory.  Then, things go off the deep end when the picture inexplicably turns into a Patricia Highsmith style thriller. 

Still, even when the flick flounders and Fiennes is nowhere to be found, his character still lingers on the minds of the other characters (and the audience).  I mean the scene where he dances wildly to Emotional Rescue alone is worth the price of admission.  He also shows his dick so much that his member probably deserved its own billing.

THE SKYDIVERS (1963) *

The Skydivers would’ve been just another forgettable, dull relationship drama if it wasn’t directed by Coleman (The Beast of Yucca Flats) Francis.  It’s full of his weird little fetishes and ticks and often feels like a really bad art film desperately failing at being arty.  I’m not saying it’s good.  In fact, it’s pretty terrible.  What I am saying is that it’s probably his most coherent work, which I realize isn’t saying much.

Tony Cardoza and his wife (Kevin Casey) own their own recreational skydiving business.  He’s secretly been seeing a cheap floozy (Marcia Knight) behind her back and when he finally breaks it off with her, she vows to get even.  She eventually gets her new boyfriend (Titus Moede) to put acid in one of their parachutes in hopes of killing them.

Hitchcock had the “Ticking Bomb” theory of creating suspense.  He said suspense is created by showing a ticking bomb under a table and then cutting to two people talking at the table unaware the bomb is about to go off.  Coleman Francis’ version of this theory is the “Acid Parachute”.  I guess I don’t have to tell you who is more successful at creating suspense.

However, Francis does give us a LOT of scenes of two people sitting at a table and talking.  They don’t have to deal with a ticking bomb though.  Instead, they mostly drink coffee.  In fact, the long, odd scenes of people drinking coffee are the most endearing thing about the movie.

The skydiving sequences are OK for its time.  The scenes of the skydivers’ cheeks flapping in the wind provide a lot of unintended chuckles.  When the movie is on the ground though, it’s pretty dreadful. 

AKA:  Fiend from Half Moon Bay.  AKA:  Panic at Half Moon Bay.

SUNSHINE (2007) *

Danny Boyle’s Sunshine is like Solaris and Alien minus the cinematic flair of Solaris or the alien of Alien.  It does have the glacial pacing of Solaris, though.  Unfortunately that’s all it’s got.

The sun is dying.  The spaceship, Icarus I went up to restart the sun and failed.  So the crew of Icarus II follows in their footsteps to complete the job.

They also waste a good cast in the process.  Cillian Murphy, Chris Evans, Michelle Yeoh, Rose Byrne, and Cliff Curtis are given virtually nothing worthwhile to do.  Of the cast, Evans comes off as the most likeable (I liked the scene where he is forced to apologize to Murphy), but everyone else pretty much blends in with the futuristic wallpaper.

Sunshine has a slow burn type of build-up.  As their flight goes on, the crew deals with one mishap or another.  Fire, lack of oxygen, and a crew member going mental are all perils they wind up facing.  None of them are particularly involving or scary.

Boyle’s pacing is painful.  Even though the fate of the Earth is on the line, it all seems rather dull and boring.  There’s no real drive here and the whole thing just feels inert and uninteresting. 

At times Sunshine feels like a Syfy Movie with better actors.  Boyle handles what action there is in such an indifferent manner that it’s hard to be engaged.  The characters are so flatly written that it’s hard to care about them or their many perils. 

Things get odd in the last act when the movie ditches the whole slow, thoughtful approach for a straight-up horror film angle.  It’s here where a crazed, naked crew member goes nuts and starts slashing people up.  This idea might’ve worked if it was played out throughout the flick.  Having it tacked on in the last half hour just makes it feel like it came out of an entirely different picture.  The blurry, quick-cutting editing of the killer’s actions is also quite headache-inducing.

Basically, two hours of darkness would’ve been preferable to 107 minutes of Sunshine.

WORLD GONE WILD (1988) ***

World Gone Wild is basically Seven Samurai, Mad Max style.  Bruce Dern lives in a post-apocalyptic hippie wasteland community that has the only known water source.  Adam Ant is the psycho cult leader who quotes Manson and commands an army of poncho-wearing machine-gun-toting brainwashed minions.  He raids the camp and says he’ll come back in a week to finish the job.  Dern then goes and gets Michael Pare (with Wolverine sideburns) and an assortment of warriors to defend the town in exchange for as much water as they can drink.

This had the potential to be awful, but the great cast anchors the film and makes you care about their characters.  Catherine Mary Stewart does a fine job as the post-apocalyptic teacher who teaches school out of an old school bus.  (Only four books survived the apocalypse.)  Julius J. Carry III (as a magician who uses smoke bombs) and Rick Podell (as a gunslinger not unlike Robert Vaughn’s character in The Magnificent Seven) also make memorable impressions given their brief screen time.  Speaking of The Magnificent Seven, Dern and Pare are awesome.  They act very much like post-nuke versions of Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen and they have a lot of chemistry together.

It’s not perfect though.  Some of the movie looks unfinished.  There are long scenes of cars driving while poorly-dubbed, exposition-heavy dialogue drones over the soundtrack.  Some of it looks cheap too, especially the scenes inside the desolate city. 

What World Gone Wild lacks in polish, it makes up for in charm.  The action is competently handled by TV vet Lee H. Katzin.  The battle scenes are pretty cool and there are enough novel death scenes (like the death by exploding moonshine still) to keep you thoroughly entertained.  I mean how can you not love a movie in which Dern sharpens a hubcap and uses it as a deadly Frisbee? 

The post-apocalypse movies of the ‘80s were basically the westerns of their day.  Part of the fun is seeing the way the filmmakers update the timeless western clichés of yesteryear and relocate them in a futuristic setting.  (Instead of cowboys circling the wagons on the plain, our heroes circle the cars in a junkyard.)  It’s no Seven Samurai, or The Magnificent Seven, or heck Battle Beyond the Stars even, but World Gone Wild should fit the bill for any fan of the post-nuke genre.

Dern, naturally gets all the best lines like, “Does Pinocchio have a wooden dick?”

THE BRAVEST FIST (1974) **

Two convicts escape prison while shackled together.  When the one good-natured convict won’t go along with his cellmate’s criminal schemes, they get into a big Kung Fu battle.  He then strangles the goody-two-shoes and takes off.

This scene is easily the best part of the movie.  From then on, the film switches focus to a humble, but badass dock worker trying to help an owner of a rice house from getting pushed around by bad guys.  This stuff is fairly standard in just about every way and is indistinguishable for dozens of other Kung Fu flicks I’ve seen in the past year.  The rest of the picture was bad enough for me to wish that the whole thing had been about the two convicts.  I mean imagine how great a Kung Fu remake of The Defiant Ones would’ve been.  Sigh.  

Sure, there’s plenty of Kung Fu action and chopsocky carnage, but although there are a lot of fights, nothing much ever really happens.  Also, the choreography is less than stellar and the editing is often herky-jerky.  I watch a lot of these things and even though it was action-packed, it still left me cold.  I honestly had trouble remembering much about it shortly after I watched it.

Outside the opening fight scene, the film really doesn’t feature anything you haven’t already seen before.  Even though it’s only 73 minutes, it feels much longer than that.  Your mileage may vary of course, but for me, the rest of the movie just couldn't live up to the promise of that opening scene.