PERILS OF THE SENTIMENTAL SWORDSMAN (1982) **

Ti Lung returns for the third and final Sentimental Swordsman movie.  It’s not really a sequel because Lung seems to be playing an entirely different character this time around.  While it has some cool cinematography and goofy moments, it’s definitely a step down from Return of the Sentimental Swordsman.

Ghost Mansion is a mysterious fog-shrouded den of villains and thieves.  It’s Lung’s mission to infiltrate the mansion and take down the bad guys.  Along the way, he gets caught up in an assassination attempt and must do battle with several colorful and bizarre characters.

Perils of the Sentimental Swordsman contains much more violence than the first two entries in the series.  The deaths are gorier too (a guy stabs someone with a handful of chopsticks) and some parts look like they came out of a horror movie.  That doesn’t necessarily make it better though.  

The fights are a lot more stylized this time around, but many of the fighters’ gimmicks are just plain silly (like the killer bell).  There’s also a gay fighter called “Kissing Cousin” that’s supposed to be funny.  There are other moments of comic relief (like a “ghost” moving a piece of chicken around), but they aren’t very funny either. 

The good news is that Perils features characters with cool names.  This was an area in which Return was sorely lacking.  There were a lot of good names to choose from in this one, but I think my favorite was “White-Haired Devil”.

RETURN OF THE SENTIMENTAL SWORDSMAN (1981) ** ½

Return of the Sentimental Swordsman has a cool gimmick that makes it fresher and livelier than its predecessor.  Every fighter in the film is judged by a harsh ranking system and they are all well aware of their standing.  This gives them a drive to challenge and defeat any fighter they come across who happens to have a higher rank.

Ti Lung once again stars as The Sentimental Swordsman.  He is ranked third in the world for his abilities.  Although he is happily retired, that doesn’t stop every swordsman with a lower rank (not to mention a chip on their shoulder) from challenging him.  When he learns that the devious Money Clan are terrorizing the countryside, he teams up with an old buddy to stop them. 

The Sentimental Swordsman was overlong and dull and had a hard-to-follow convoluted plot.  This one threatens to follow in its footsteps early on.  Luckily, it settles down soon after and becomes a more straightforward adventure tale.  It’s not great or anything, but it’s a lot more entertaining than the first one.  It also helps that there’s a lot more fights this time around.  While the choreography is sound, the endless series of duels inevitably get a bit repetitive after a while.  

The film is seriously lacking in the cool character names department.  A name like “Silver Spear” is just too generic-sounding next to someone like “Mr. Iron Flute” from the first movie.  Fu Sheng shows up playing a guy named “Right Arm”.  Although he has a lame name, he does have a decent gimmick:  He tattoos the names of all the men he’s killed on his right arm.  Sheng also gets the best line of the movie when he tells a drunk:  “You can’t drown your sorrows; they stay afloat!”

WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES (2017) *** ½

War for the Planet of the Apes suffers from a misleading title as there’s not a whole lot of war to go around.  Actually, the big battle was already fought in the last installment, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.  Even though there’s not much war to be found, it’s still a lot of fun. 

Echoes of the war movie genre permeate the film, most notably, Apocalypse Now.  (There’s even a graffiti tag that reads “APE-pocalype Now” in case you didn’t get the hint.)  The villain, played by Woody Harrelson, is also a bald Colonel, just like Marlon Brando in that film.  He even gets a lot of long, weird monologues like Brando did.  

Basically though, the film is really more in line with The Great Escape.  (The Great Esc-APE?  The Great APE-scape?)  You see, the Ape leader Caesar (once again wonderfully portrayed by Andy Serkis) winds up being captured along with his Ape brethren by the Colonel, who forces them into slave labor.  Eventually, Caesar and his loyal band of Ape renegades plan a big bust-out.

Another unexpected motif:  The western.  The early scenes in which Caesar saddles up and goes out looking for the men who killed his family has a distinct John Ford vibe to it.  Think The Searchers, but with Apes.

Serkis is great and all, but it is Steve Zahn who steals the movie as “Bad Ape”.  The film might have been a depressing slog if it wasn’t for his character.  He brings much needed levity and warmth to the movie and he really makes you care about his character.  If Serkis is the soul of the movie, Zahn is the heart.

The second act lacks the punch of the early going.  That’s because these scenes are mostly a rehash of Rise of the Planet of the Apes as Caesar leads another uprising of Apes.  However, the finale packs a wallop.  If this is indeed the end of the road for the new Apes series, it ends on a fitting note, but there is still PLENTY of room to explore.

Overall, this is the second-best Apes as a Metaphor for Vietnam movie of 2017, trailing closely behind Kong:  Skull Island.

THE SENTIMENTAL SWORDSMAN (1977) **

Ti Lung is looking for the devious Plum Blossom Bandit.  When he is accused of being the bandit himself, Ti sets out to clear his name.  While he’s at it, he also tries to win back the hand of his former flame.

Much more stuff happens throughout the film’s overlong running time, but I’m just hitting the highlights here.  A lot gets thrown at you during the course of the movie.  I have to admit that it was kind of hard to keep up with the growing cast of characters, not to mention their various machinations, checkered histories, and ulterior motives. 

Although a lot goes on in The Sentimental Swordsman, nothing much ever really HAPPENS.  Ultimately, all we are left with is a bunch of long-winded conversations that are occasionally punctuated by a few swordfights here and there.  I guess you could say that about any Kung Fu movie, but director Chor (Killer Clans) Yuen does little to make the fight sequences pop.

I will say that a lot of the characters have funny and/or amusing names.  Some of my favorites include Mr. Iron Flute, Five Poisons Kid, and Gold Threaded Vest.  The screenwriters obviously had a lot of fun coming up with silly names for their characters.  If only they put as much thought into the characters’ actions.

AKA:  Sword of Emotion.

GREEN ROOM (2016) ****

A punk rock band strapped for cash agrees to play in front of a group of Neo-Nazis.  To show that they don’t cotton to their audience’s ideals, they do a cover of The Dead Kennedys' “Nazi Punks Fuck Off”.  Lots of bottles are thrown and obscenities are shouted, but miraculously the audience doesn't harm the band.  However, once a band member witnesses a Nazi punk murder someone backstage, all bets are off.  The Nazi punks hold the band in the green room against their will and eventually they realize the punks are planning a way to dispose of the band permanently.

From then on, things turn into a siege movie.  As far as the subgenre goes, Green Room has moments that rank right up there with the great siege flicks of all time like Assault on Precinct 13 and Night of the Living Dead.  This isn’t exactly a horror film, but it did contain at least one moment that made my stomach turn.  As a lifelong horror buff, I can’t even remember the last time a movie had that effect on me.

I won’t ruin the best moments for you.  Just know that once the film takes off, it never looks back.  This is one harrowing and suspenseful movie.  They way director Jeremy Saulnier puts the audience through the wringer is worthy of both Hitchcock and Carpenter.

I haven’t even mentioned the cast yet.  Anton Yelchin, in one of his final roles is excellent as the guitarist who must overcome impossible odds to stay alive.  His Fright Night co-star Imogen Poots also delivers a fine performance as the Nazis’ next intended target.  I must admit that it was awesome seeing Patrick Stewart essaying the role of the cold and calculating Nazi leader.  His ruthless demeanor and strategic cunning is part of what makes the heroes’ plight so intense.  His character is a guy you’ll love to hate.

Also, Star Trek fans get an added bonus of seeing Chekov matching wits with Captain Picard, so it has that going for it.

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING (2017) ****

As a lifelong Spider-Man nerd, it warms my heart to say that Spider-Man:  Homecoming pretty much gives you everything you would hope to see in a Spider-Man film.  In fact, it gave me the one scene I've always wanted to see in a Spider-Man movie.  I always liked the fact that Spider-Man had to change into his outfit in alleys or behind dumpsters, but I don’t think we’ve ever seen him having to stash his clothes and then go back for them later.  Even as a kid I always wondered what happened if someone stole his clothes?  Director Jon Watts gave me the answer and it put a big stupid grin on my face.  (ANSWER:  Spider-Man loses a LOT of clothes that way.)   

Homecoming hits a lot of the same notes the previous big-screen versions have hit, but I loved the ways Watts and his screenwriters chose to focus their attention.  When we meet Peter Parker (Tom Holland), he’s still relatively inexperienced at being Spider-Man.  He’s also struggling to balance, school, family, and his superhero antics, all the while trying to impress Tony Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.) so he can earn a spot on the Avengers.  It’s that drive to better himself that really spoke to me.  I mean, there’s no reason to push yourself, dude.  You’re Spider-Man!  The thing is, he’s striving to better himself all the while not realizing that he’s already there.  However, it’s his need for approval from Tony that I found to be moving

The Vulture is also a worthy adversary.  As portrayed by Michael Keaton, The Vulture is kind of like a blue-collar version of Tony Stark, who is pillaging the alien tech leftover from the Avengers’ battle and selling them on the black market.  Plus, when Spider-Man goes toe to toe with The Vulture, it’s basically like watching Spider-Man fight Batman, and it doesn’t get any cooler than that.

Speaking of cool shit, how awesome is it to see Spider-Man in the Marvel Cinematic Universe?  I’m not going to spoil some of the best cameos in the film, but just seeing Peter Parker interacting with all the other Marvel characters is truly a joy to behold.  Of course, we already know Downey is going to be great as Tony Stark, but he shows a much more paternal side to his character here, which is a nice maturation.  Not only is he Spidey’s makeshift father figure, he also acts as his conscience.  It’s also great to see Jon Favreau getting the most screen time of any Iron Man movie as Happy Hogan, who Stark has relegated to being Peter’s contact man.

Holland continues to impress as Spider-Man.  He was a blast to watch in Civil War and he shows that he is ready for the big time here.  He handles the quips particularly well.  I especially loved the scene where he hides out in the shadows and practices his banter before he says it to the bad guys.  He also has a terrific rapport with Jacob Batalon who plays his best friend.

If there is a flaw, it's that the final fight between Spidey and The Vulture is a bit lackluster.  Honestly, I was happier just seeing Spider-Man stopping presumed car thieves and giving directions, but hey, that’s just me.  The use of The Ramones during this montage was an especially inspired touch.  I sincerely hope that we will get to hear their rendition of the Spider-Man theme in the next movie.

In fact, the scene of Holland and Keaton matching wits in the car while out of costume is much more intense than the scenes of them battling above the streets.  The tension between hero and villain is just as good as the scenes between Tobey Maguire and Willem Dafoe in the first Spider-Man.  In the end, I think I’m still a bit partial to Sam Raimi’s original trilogy, but Spider-Man:  Homecoming is still a rather incredible (make that amazing) achievement and is one of the best films of the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Marvel Cinematic Universe Scorecard:

Avengers:  Age of Ultron:  ****

The Incredible Hulk:  ****

Iron Man:  ****

Spider-Man:  Homecoming:  ****

Iron Man 3:  ****

Captain America:  Civil War:  *** ½

Ant-Man:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½

The Avengers:  ***

Captain America:  The First Avenger:  ***

Captain America:  The Winter Soldier:  ***

Thor:  ***

Thor:  The Dark World:  ***

Iron Man 2:  ***

Doctor Strange:  ** ½

2017 Comic Book Movie Scorecard:

The LEGO Batman Movie:  ****

Spider-Man:  Homecoming:  ****

Logan:  ****

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½

Wonder Woman:  *** ½

Ghost in the Shell:  *** ½ 

A BIGGER SPLASH (2016) ** ½

If you’re a fan of Ralph Fiennes then A Bigger Splash will give you plenty to enjoy.  His exuberant performance dominates this uneven and overlong tale of an outrageous music producer (Fiennes) inviting himself to stay for the weekend with a former flame (Tilda Swinton) and her meek hubby (Matthias Schoenarts).  When Ralph is front and center getting high, dancing around, and ranting and raving about The Rolling Stones, the movie has an undeniable charm and bite.  When he is absent from the screen, the rest of the cast fail to generate much sizzle on their own.  (Having Swinton play a character who can only speak in whispers was a huge miscalculation.) 

The film also suffers from a weird and awkward structure.  For three-fourths of its running time, it plays like a slacker Hang Out Movie.  Think a Richard Linklater version of a Cameron Crowe flick as told by Merchant Ivory.  Then, things go off the deep end when the picture inexplicably turns into a Patricia Highsmith style thriller. 

Still, even when the flick flounders and Fiennes is nowhere to be found, his character still lingers on the minds of the other characters (and the audience).  I mean the scene where he dances wildly to Emotional Rescue alone is worth the price of admission.  He also shows his dick so much that his member probably deserved its own billing.