SWAMP COUNTRY (1966) *

Dave (Dave DaLie) is passing through the Okefenokee and stops to spend the night at a motel.  He finds the woman in the room next door strangled to death, and he is predictably wrongfully accused of murder.  Dave quickly takes off into the swamps and is pursued by sheriff Rex Allen.  Along the way, he bumps into a local girl (Carolyn Gilbert) who agrees to help him nab the real killer and clear his name.

There’s a lot of other subplots that gum up the works.  We also have to deal with a running feud between a mother and daughter (who look about the same age) and endless scenes of the sheriff’s love life, as well as some business with an unsavory gangster.  The scenes of DaLie struggling to survive in the swamp should’ve been the main thrust of the story.  I mean he saves a man from a grizzly bear, rescues a little girl from a panther, and almost gets bit by a snake.  This stuff should’ve taken center stage.  However, director Robert Patrick seems to rush through this stuff.  It’s almost as if he couldn’t wait to get back to the various love triangles and family squabbling.  All this shit really does is bring the movie down.  Heck, the long stretches of people slowly slogging through the swamp are preferable to much of the human drama in the film.

For a low budget, homegrown hicksploitation picture, Swamp Country has a pretty good cast.  In addition to Allen, we also have Lyle (Wonder Woman) Waggoner making his film debut as the deputy.  The best performance though is by Baker Knight (the songwriter responsible for “Lonesome Town”) in his only acting role, who sings a couple of songs in a Johnny Cash-type drawl.  His songs are pretty much the best thing about the movie, which is odd when you consider they’re only there to pad out the running time.

VIGILANTE FORCE (1976) **

George (Miami Blues) Armitage wrote and directed this muddled tale of a small southern California town overrun with crime.  With their police force depleted, they turn to a former war hero named Aaron (Kris Kristofferson) and his buddies to patrol the streets.  They clean up the place in no time at all, but they soon prove to be even worse than the criminals they ran out of town.  It then falls on Aaron’s brother (Jan-Michael Vincent) to set things right.

Vigilante Force plays almost like a remake of Bucktown.  Unlike that film, it’s awfully slow-moving and has very little drive.  It’s ninety minutes, but it feels much longer than that.  Folks expecting nothing more than standard issue Drive-In fare will probably enjoy it.  As a fan of Armitage’s work, I’m sad to report that Vigilante Force lacks the flare Armitage usually brings to his movies.  

A lot of that has to do with the clunky plot.  The big twist seems more random than anything.  When Kristofferson makes the switch from Good Ol’ Boy to villain it feels like he only does so because the plot needs him to; not necessarily because his character wants to.  Also, Kristofferson seems too nice to be a villain.  He would go on to play good villains later in his career, but he just seems too affable to be menacing here.  When he kills someone in cold blood, it just feels off.  

Jan-Michael Vincent is a bit bland for a leading man and can’t command the screen.  Since he’s unable to wrangle the movie away from Kristofferson, we’re really left with no one to root for.  At least the supporting cast is a veritable who’s who of exploitation stars and ‘70s personalities.  Victoria Principal, Bernadette Peters, Paul Gleason, and Andrew Stevens have some fine moments, and there are bits by Charles Cyphers, Dick Miller, and Loni Anderson too.

The bulk of Vigilante Force is lazily plotted and lackadaisically paced, but the last reel is really something.  The final showdown between the two brothers features lots of shit blowing up and plenty of guys falling out of high-story windows.  If only the rest of the movie had the same amount of energy.

THE TUNNEL (1935) ** ½

Richard Dix stars as an engineer who makes a proposal to build an underwater tunnel to connect England and America.  A group of millionaires decide to back the project and he devotes himself fully to the job.  As a result, it ruins his marriage.  Distraught, Dix plunges himself into his work.  When his estranged son joins the team, it’s an opportunity for Dix to mend fences with his family.  However, tragedy strikes when a disastrous accident claims the life of Dix’s son, along with many others.

Written by Curt (The Wolf Man) Siodmak, The Tunnel takes place in the then near future.  I liked that the futuristic look was grounded and seemed (at the time anyway) almost practical.  The scenes of the tunnel being constructed are impressive and some of the special effects and set design are reminiscent of Metropolis and Things to Come.  The “futuristic” technology, like the telephone TVs are pretty cool too.  

The potentially boring scene of Dix’s proposal is offset by some occasionally funny humor.  The part where they are forced to listen to Beethoven before the meeting is good for a laugh.  Unfortunately, the relationship drama that comes out of Dix’s obsession with building the tunnel is hit and miss.  Sometimes the film begins to veer into melodrama and when it does, it drags a bit.  There’s also a lot of rigmarole involving the state of the stock market and Dix having to appease the tunnel’s shareholders.  While this stuff would certainly occur if such an endeavor happened, it doesn’t exactly make for riveting cinema.

AKA:  Transatlantic Tunnel.

LADY BLOODFIGHT (2017) ***

Amy Johnston is the real deal.  She’s been a stunt double in many comic book movies, but with her starring role in Lady Bloodfight she proves she is ready for the big time.  In addition to her considerable martial arts skills, she has a likeable screen presence.  The film itself is worthy of her talents.  It’s a strong enough vehicle to make you want to see her kicking ass again real soon.

It’s essentially an all-women version of Bloodsport.  Johnston is a tough American woman who goes to Hong Kong to find out what happened to her father years ago.  Inevitably, she gets roped into fighting in a Kumite tournament, the very same one her father died participating in.  

The story is an old hat, but writer Bey (The Medallion) Logan and director Chris (Kiss of the Dragon) Nahon hit all the right notes in a competent and entertaining fashion.  I particularly liked the training montage in which Johnston uses a large bell as a punching bag.  I guess the message is that she has to ring the bell literally in order to ring her opponent’s bell figuratively.  

The fights are well-choreographed and efficiently edited.  There are only a couple of instances where the camera is a bit too shaky or too close to the action.  Nahon is smart enough to keep the camera back when Johnston does her spin and flip kicks so you can see them in their full glory.

Much of Logan’s script is straightforward and predictable.  However, the film has fun playing with some of the expected conventions of the fighting tournament genre.  For instance, when her teacher abandons her, it’s the villain who winds up giving Johnston a big pep talk before a crucial match.

Although her character is a bit one-note, Johnston still does a terrific job.  The fact that she can take a thinly-written character and make you care about her speaks volumes to her talent.  The scene where she confronts the thieves who stole her purse is particularly well done.  She doesn’t want the money back, only her last remaining photo of her father.  Johnston is so good in this scene that from then on, we’re totally with her on her journey.  Not only was I was rooting for her character, I will be rooting for her as an actress as well.  I for one think she’s destined to breakout and become a star.

CREATURE OF DESTRUCTION (1967) * ½

Creature of Destruction was the last of four made-for-TV remakes of AIP movies Larry Buchanan directed in the ‘60s.  It’s his version of The She-Creature.  If you’re a fan of that picture, you might enjoy seeing the way Buchanan restages some of its most memorable scenes.  Fans of cheesy monster flicks will get a kick out of the awful green-skinned, bug-eyed lizard monster, although it will probably make you yearn for Paul Blaisdell’s original She-Creature creation.

Les (The Slime People) Tremayne has the Chester Morris role of the hypnotist whose stage act concludes with him predicting murder.  When his predictions come true, a huckster (Neil Fletcher) tries to promote his act and milk it for all its worth.  A skeptic (Aron Kincaid) is roped into the act, which revolves around Tremayne doing a lot of past-lives hypnotism on his assistant (Pat Delaney).  He sees that she is being held against her will and he tries to free her from Tremayne’s clutches.

Creature of Destruction copies The She-Creature nearly scene for scene during some stretches.  The biggest difference is that it features a gratuitous (though not-bad) rock band who are very much a time capsule.  (They even sing a song about Batman!)  Their performances, along with the endless shots of teens dancing, help to pad out the running time.  

From a technical standpoint, the movie is all over the map.  The cinematography is great, and Buchanan’s use of color is sometimes eye-popping.  The sound is another story as there are some scenes in which the dialogue is poorly dubbed.  Tremayne is a bit miscast as the psychic, but he’s fun to watch.  Aron Kincaid is pretty horrible though as the romantic lead.  If you thought Lance Fuller was boring in The She-Creature, wait till you get a load of this guy.  Delaney is quite fetching as the lovely Doreena, although she spends most of the movie in a trance.

The silly songs and stupid monster can only take this thing so far.  For most of the running time, it’s a chore to sit through.  The scenes of Tremayne negotiating his contract are especially dull.  By the time he starts putting Delaney into a deep sleep, you’re liable to follow her.

THE CREMATORS (1972) *

If you thought director Harry Essex’s Octaman was bad, wait till you get a load of The Cremators.  It makes that film look like The Creature from the Black Lagoon by comparison.  Oh, did you know Essex also wrote Creature from the Black Lagoon?  He certainly was a better writer than director, that’s for sure.

The monster in Octaman was silly to be sure, but the monster in The Cremators takes the cake.  It’s nothing more than a glowing beach ball that rolls over its victims, turning them into a pile of human-shaped ash.  You won’t fucking believe it.

Still, that shit is a hell of a lot more entertaining than anything else in the movie.  The scenes that don’t involve the alien beach ball are unbearable.  Much of it is devoted to some scientist guy futzing around in his cheap-looking lab that looks suspiciously like the director’s living room where the most notable “scientific” instrument is a fish tank.   

The funniest part is the overly bombastic score by Albert (The Amazing Colossal Man) Glasser.  Every little scene is punctuated by BOM-BOM-BAH-DAH-DAH in an effort to make the most trivial events on screen seem larger than life.  The results are often hilarious.

“Star” Marvin Howard looks and acts like a wax figure of Roddy McDowall.  I’m sorry, that’s an insult not only to Roddy McDowall, but to wax as well.  At least leading lady Maria De Aragon went on to better things.  Would you believe she later played Greedo in Star Wars?  You can’t make this shit up.  

BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 (2017) ****

I was a fan of S. Craig Zahler’s Bone Tomahawk, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the awesomeness that is Brawl in Cell Block 99.  I love it when a director shows me something I haven’t seen before.  In this case, it’s Vince Vaughn being a total badass.  As much as I like Vaughn, he never really struck me as the badass type.  Cocky and likeable, sure, but not a hulking, scary, bringer-of-death.  Now that I have seen him in this, I am perfectly okay with the idea of Vaughn playing Jason in the next Friday the 13^th movie.

Zahler is a novelist, and he approaches his films as he would a book.  Structurally, they’re very similar.  He also spends a lot of time on establishing his characters and developing their relationships before turning the screws to them.  While some may find the first half of Brawl in Cell Block 99 slow, it’s here where Zahler is allowing the meat to marinate.  The last half hour is when he fires up the grill, and it is a gloriously bloody, insanely gory buffet of brutality.  (Imagine if Sam Peckinpah and Herschell Gordon Lewis had a baby out of wedlock.)  Without the character-driven first half, the movie would’ve come off as a nasty, but effective piece of exploitation filmmaking.  With it, the film is elevated to high art.

I will avoid plot specifics, as some of the plot turns are deliciously disgusting and downright wrong.  Not matter how pulpy it gets, you’re emotionally invested, thanks to Vaughn’s performance.  Vaughn is a revelation.  I can’t stress this enough.  Halfway through, you kind of forget it’s him.  Shaved completely bald and stomping around the place like a freight train on two legs, Vaughn has transformed himself into a beast of a man.  Even though he’s a physical monster, his moral compass is so strong that you are with him every step of the way… or I should say, every stomp of the way.  Every time he puts a boot down on some miserable bastard’s head, it’s cause for celebration.

The eclectic supporting cast is equally fine.  Jennifer Carpenter is excellent as Vaughn’s pregnant wife.  At first glance, her role is a thankless one, but she proves to be more resilient and savvy than what she appears to be.  

My jaw dropped when Udo Kier showed up.  I totally wasn’t expecting him at the party.  The wonderful thing is, Zahler knows exactly how to use Udo.  How many movies have you seen where the director thoroughly wastes Kier?  Not Zahler.  He gives Udo what might be his Udo-iest role yet.

Then there’s Don Johnson.  Holy Hell.  He gives what is probably the most sinister performance in a movie rife with sinister performances.  How come it seems like only Tarantino, Rodriguez, and Zahler are giving him roles like this?  As much as I liked his work on Miami Vice, I have to say he’s never been better.

By all means see this movie.  This is truly something special.  Everyone involved is at the peak of their powers.  I just read that Zahler’s next movie features much of the same cast AND Mel Gibson.  I don’t know about you, but I can’t fucking wait to see what he has up his sleeve.  (Not only that, but he’s apparently written the next Puppet Master movie too!)