If
you thought director Harry Essex’s Octaman was bad, wait till you get a load of
The Cremators. It makes that film look
like The Creature from the Black Lagoon by comparison. Oh, did you know Essex also wrote Creature
from the Black Lagoon? He certainly was
a better writer than director, that’s for sure.
The
monster in Octaman was silly to be sure, but the monster in The Cremators takes
the cake. It’s nothing more than a
glowing beach ball that rolls over its victims, turning them into a pile of
human-shaped ash. You won’t fucking
believe it.
Still,
that shit is a hell of a lot more entertaining than anything else in the
movie. The scenes that don’t involve the
alien beach ball are unbearable. Much of
it is devoted to some scientist guy futzing around in his cheap-looking lab
that looks suspiciously like the director’s living room where the most notable
“scientific” instrument is a fish tank.
The
funniest part is the overly bombastic score by Albert (The Amazing Colossal
Man) Glasser. Every little scene is
punctuated by BOM-BOM-BAH-DAH-DAH in an effort to make the most trivial events
on screen seem larger than life. The
results are often hilarious.
“Star”
Marvin Howard looks and acts like a wax figure of Roddy McDowall. I’m sorry, that’s an insult not only to Roddy
McDowall, but to wax as well. At least leading
lady Maria De Aragon went on to better things.
Would you believe she later played Greedo in Star Wars? You can’t make this shit up.
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