MUTE (2018) **

Mute offers us an interesting bit of futurism we haven’t seen before.  We’ve had futuristic movies ask interesting questions in the past.  Duncan Jones’ new one asks:  “What would Amish people look like in the future?”  It’s a cool idea, but sadly, that’s just about where the inspiration ends.

Alexander Skarsgard stars as an Amish guy who works as a bartender in a swanky nightclub.  When his girlfriend (Seyneb Saleh) goes missing, he searches the seedy underbelly of the giant megalopolis to find her.  Paul Rudd and Justin Theroux co-star as back alley doctors who work for gangsters that just might have something to do with her disappearance. 

The most interesting aspect of the movie is having a futuristically impaired man trying to navigate a futuristic backdrop.  Not only that, but since he can’t speak, he must write everything down in order to communicate, making him even more alien in the situation.  I also liked that being Amish in the future means you can still listen to records and have running water (although they are still far behind on the times).

Other than the futuristic Amish hero, there’s very little here to make it memorable.  Mute’s biggest inspiration is of course Blade Runner, but there are also direct visual references to A Clockwork Orange, Walking Tall, and even MASH.  Fans of Jones’ Moon will get a nice little nod to that film too.  While it’s fun spotting how and where Jones takes his inspiration, in the end, like its hero, the movie has very little to say.

The big problem is the fractured narrative.  Half the running time is devoted to Skarsgard’s looking for his girlfriend.  The other half focuses on Paul Rudd trying to get his papers to get out of the city.  The Skarsgard plot is a lot more interesting.  The Rudd scenes aren’t bad, but they are hampered by a subplot involving Theroux’s predilection for young girls.  These scenes not only get in the way of Rudd’s plotline, but they also take away from the immediacy of Skargard’s quest for revenge.  It’s not Rudd and Theroux’s fault.  They’re both great, it’s just that their scenes lack the urgency of the Skarsgard stuff.  By the time he goes on a rampage with a big stick a la Joe Don Baker, it’s lacking in impact since he’s been absent from the plot for so long.

Like Bright, there’s a cool world here with its own set of eccentricities, but there’s not enough meat to flesh out a story worth telling.

Rudd gets the best line of the movie when he tells a Russian gangster:  “I’m AWOL.  You’re an A-Hole!”

BRIGHT (2017) ** ½

Bright works under the assumption that elves, fairies, and orcs are real and have been around for thousands of years.  It almost plays like a remake of Alien Nation written by J.R.R. Tolkien.  It’s a clever twist on your typical cops and robbers story; almost clever enough for you to overlook its weaknesses.  Almost.  

Will Smith plays a cop who is saddled with an orc partner (Joel Edgerton).  Since he’s the first orc cop on the force, he faces orcism on a daily basis.  When the duo finds a magic wand that grants wishes, dirty cops, gangbangers, street orcs, and a team of elf assassins come out in droves to steal it.  It’s then up to Smith and Edgerton to put their differences aside and protect the wand at all costs.

The best parts of Bright are the early scenes that sets up the characters and the world they inhabit.  I liked the class elements at play.  Elves were the rich and elite while the orcs were mostly portrayed as the common street thug.  I appreciated Edgerton’s predicament of being torn between two worlds and Smith’s struggle to protect his partner from harm while dealing with his own trust issues.  Both Smith and Edgerton give fine performances and have chemistry to spare.

Once the magic wand is introduced, the fun drains out of the movie.  Then it becomes one interchangeable scene of the duo narrowly avoiding one group of corrupt beings after the other.  It also doesn’t help that the villainess (Noomi Rapace) is about as boring and personality-free as they come.  

To his credit, director David Ayer (who previously collaborated with Smith on Suicide Squad) films the action crisply.  He just seems a little out of his element during all the magical shit.  It’s a shame too because there was some potential here.  Too bad Max Landis’ script runs out of invention (and gas) about halfway through.

RUPERT PUPKIN SPEAKS

Hi, everyone. I wanted to let you know I have a new list of Favorite Film Discoveries up at Rupert Pupkin Speaks.  Check it out here:  http://www.rupertpupkinspeaks.com/2018/03/film-discoveries-of-2017-mitch-lovell.html

PREDATOR: THE QUIETUS (1988) ½ *

“The Beast of Exmoor” goes around killing people in a small English hamlet.  An American reporter goes to Exmoor to do a story on the slayings and teams up with a big game hunter to track the beast.  Meanwhile this sallow dude goes around the forest reciting poetry.  Could he be the one transforming into a werewolf and killing people?  Or could someone else be the culprit?

Despite the title, this has nothing to do with the Predator movies.  It’s a slow and talky low budget British horror movie that relies heavily on POV stalking shots in lieu of actual horror.  In fact, we don’t get a good look at the thing until the film is just about over.  No wonder they were hiding the damned thing because it looks like something out of a Howling sequel.  The transformation scene is even worse.  The guy turns into a werewolf via jump cut.  You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

If you like long, slow scenes of people talking in pubs, this is the flick for you.  The bulk of the movie consists of our intrepid reporter interviewing citizens in a bar about the so-called Beast.  Most of these are deadly dull.  The scenes in the woods aren’t much better, but at least you can get a chuckle out of the fact that most of the forest scenes seem to take place in front of the same couple of trees.  Add in a climax that’s so dark you can hardly see anything (although it’s probably better that way), a droning soundtrack that’s liable to put you to sleep, and a lead actress so wooden she could be Pinocchio’s sister and you have a recipe for some dopey lycanthropy.

AKA:  Moon Stalker.

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THE MERCENARY: ABSOLUTION (2015) ** ½

The Mercenary:  Absolution is a sequel to Steven Seagal’s A Good Man.  (By the clunky title, you’d think it would be a sequel to Mercenary for Justice, but you’d be wrong.)  Other than his character having the same name, I don’t think they ever reference anything that happened in that movie.  Because of that, there’s no reason to see A Good Man for you to enjoy this. 

Seagal plays an assassin who is lured out of retirement to take out an Islamic terrorist.  While waiting for his superiors to extract him and his team, Seagal saves a battered woman from a group of armed men in a nightclub.  Haunted by his past, Seagal decides that saving the woman’s life will make up for a lifetime of violent misdeeds.

It’s cracked me up just how much Seagal has been sitting down in his movies lately.  That’s not tantamount to phoning it in, mind you.  I just get a kick out of how many scenes require him to sit down and do nothing more than listen to other people talk.  In fact, if you play a drinking game while watching The Mercenary:  Absolution and take a shot every time Seagal is seen sitting down, you’ll probably be in a coma before the film is halfway over.

Of course, by that time, Seagal is up and walking around.  In fact, he spends most of the second half standing up, if you can believe it.  If you’re still hurting for a drinking to play, you can take a shot every time he calls Vinnie Jones a “bitch”. 

Another motif that has weaved itself into Seagal’s work of late is the use of the phrase, “Watch your six”.  It comes into play late in the game when Seagal talks to the villain on the phone.  It doesn’t have much bearing on anything.  It’s just one of those little touches that Seagal fans appreciate.

The Mercenary:  Absolution was directed by Seagal’s frequent collaborator Keoni Waxman.  He films the action in a crisp manner, and there's plenty of it.  I can't say it ever comes close to matching the films from Seagal’s heyday, but as far as his recent stuff goes, you can do far worse. 

AKA:  Absolution.

ACTS OF VENGEANCE (2017) ** ½

Antonio Banderas stars as a hotshot attorney whose world is shattered when his wife and daughter are brutally murdered.  As penance, he gets drunk and wanders into underground fight clubs where random bare-knuckles brawlers beat the shit out of him.  One day it finally dawns on him to actually train himself to fight so he can use his newfound skills to take down the bad guys who killed his family.  He then takes a vow of silence and refuses to speak until he finds the murderers.

On the surface, Acts of Vengeance feels like a generic revenge thriller.  It has all the scenes we’d expect from the subgenre.  We have workaholic Banderas missing his daughter’s talent show, the obligatory funeral scene, and the part where he dogs the detective on the case to find the killers.  Since it was directed by Isaac (Undisputed 3) Florentine, there are plenty of random kickboxing sequences.  Although they don’t feel particularly organic to the story, it’s an oddball touch that helps to make the movie memorable.

Another weird touch:  Banderas taking his vow of silence.  (I guess it would make a good double feature with Cockfighter.)  The way he comes about it is even funnier.  He gets thrown through a book store window and uses a book of Marcus Aurelius to stop the bleeding.  He sees finding the book as a sign and takes Aurelius' teachings to heart.  You don’t see shit like that every day.  

One strike against it:  It’s pretty easy to tell who the killer is going to be.  Since there are only two or three other name stars in the cast (each of whom get very little screen time), the suspect list isn’t hard to whittle down.  Speaking of the supporting cast, Robert Forster has a great scene as Banderas’ grieving father in-law where he chews him out at his wife’s grave.  Jonathon Schaech does a fine job as a detective and Karl Urban lends solid support as a cop.

HELLRAISER: JUDGMENT (2018) ½ *

Poor Pinhead has had it rough since we saw him last.  Instead of chilling in Hell, he’s living in a house with a couple of guys.  As far as roommates go, they're not so bad.  One guy hooks people up to his typewriter and interviews them using their blood as ink.  The other guy douses those pages with the tears of children and eats them before barfing it up into a funnel so some S & M babes with pieces of their faces missing can run their hands in the puke and make judgment on them.  

Yeah, I didn't get it either. 

The pre-credits sequence is full of a lot of WTF for WTF’s sake nonsense.  It’s not good or scary.  It’s just WTF and gross. 

If it wasn’t for the occasional cutaway shot to Pinhead, this wouldn’t even feel like a Hellraiser movie.  The new hellish characters like “The Auditor” and “The Assessor” don’t feel like true Cenobites.  In fact, The Assessor is just a fat dude who wears a sports coat with no shirt underneath.

When the plot finally does occur, it’s a blatant rip-off of Hellraiser 5.  That’s right, we’ve got to put up with another drug-addled alcoholic cop hunting down a serial killer.  It was pretty terrible the first time around and things haven’t improved since.  (I guess the filmmakers feel they have to rehash this plotline every five sequels.)  As boring as this shit is, at least there is one gnarly scene where a dog is stitched inside its owner.  That’s the only memorable part though.

The new guy they got to play Pinhead isn’t bad.  He’s a HELL of a lot better than the dude who played him last time around.  Gary J. Tunnicliffe (who’s handled the special effects on the series since Part 3 and also directed this turd) and John Gulager (the director of the Feast movies) fail to make much of an impression as The Auditor and The Assessor respectively.  A Nightmare on Elm Street’s Heather Langenkamp has a bit part as a landlady, but her appearance is too brief to be of much use.

Like most shitty DTV Hellraiser sequels, you have to wait until the very end before you finally get to see some proper Hellraiser shit.  It takes about seventy minutes for them to go to Hell.  Trust me, you'll tell this movie to go to hell a lot sooner than that.