THE IRON DRAGON STRIKES BACK (1979) **

Bruce Li goes scuba diving with some friends and finds a cache of gold.  He suggests they leave it right where it is and not get involved.  One of his friends doesn’t heed his warning and takes it for himself.  He gets caught trying to fence the loot and a gang of Vietnamese villains soon follow in hot pursuit.  It’s then up to Bruce to settle the matter with his fists and feet.

The Iron Dragon Strikes Back was directed by Kuei Chih-Hung, who’s best known for his comedies (like Coward Bastard) and horror movies (like The Boxer’s Omen).  Usually, whenever he makes a more “typical” Kung Fu picture, the results are often uneven.  This is no exception.

The plot takes a while to gather momentum, but once it starts, the action is virtually non-stop.  Ordinarily that would be good news.  However, the fight scenes themselves leave something to be desired.  Most of them are lively.  Others border on chaotic.  I’ll admit, there are a handful of good moments here (like when Bruce does some fancy gymnastic work or when an actor uses a real weapon during filming).  It’s just that the repetitive nature of the fights soon become numbing.

There’s a nasty streak to the film that’s dark and weird enough to make it memorable.  I mean the scene where the bad guys grab Bruce’s buddy and literally hook his ass up to a car battery is a pure slice of Chih-Hung insanity.  However, that’s not quite enough to push this one into the win column.

AKA:  The Gold Connection.  

MOM AND DAD (2018) ****

Mom and Dad is basically Night of the Living Parents.  It seems like the start of an idyllic school day when without warning, parents around the globe snap and kill their kids.  It’s not one of those Biblical things, I don’t think.  It’s not one of those meteor showers deals either.  Or global warming.  It just happens.

I know every parent feels like strangling their kid, especially once they become a teenager, but this is ridiculous.

For Anne Winters and Zackary Arthur, that means trouble.  Why?  Because their mom and dad are played by Nicolas Cage and Selma Blair.  

People talked up Mandy all year saying how great it was, but this just blows it out of the water.  Cage, whether singing the hokey pokey or giving tweaked line readings of simple compound words like “motherfucker”, is badass.  This is truly one of his best performances in a long time. 

We all know how crazy Cage can get when he goes into a full-on Cage Rage (and he does so once again here), but Blair is the real revelation.  She firmly sheds her “good girl” image, first by playing it up like it’s a typical Blair performance and then getting down and twisted with it.  We’ve seen Cage go nuts before.  One of the many joys of the movie is that Blair keeps up with him and never misses a beat.

What makes their performances so great are the little flashbacks that hammer home the stress, frustration, and heartbreak that go into being a parent.  Cage and Blair were people once living their own lives.  Now, they’re just somebody’s parents.  Their children basically erased their identity and have dominated their very existence.  There’s a ring of painful truth to that.  When they go after their young, I can’t say we’re rooting for them, but we see where they’re coming from. 

Right from the ‘70s-style opening credits sequence, you know you’re in for something special.  Directed by Brian Taylor of Neveldine/Taylor (Crank) fame (who also directed Cage in Ghost Rider:  Spirit of Vengeance), Mom and Dad is one gloriously fucked-up movie.  It commits to its zany premise wholeheartedly, going the whole nine yards every step of the way.  The scenes of the kid-killing carnage sweeping the town are fun, but it’s even more effective once the gears shift and the film becomes a taut home invasion thriller in the end and a damn fine one.

Oh, and kudos to the person who dreamt up casting Lance Henriksen as Cage’s dad. 

In a crisis, one’s natural inclination is to get in touch with their parents to reassure them everything’s going to be okay.  Mom and Dad cleverly subverts that instinct and turns it into something truly harrowing.  Taylor takes the most heinous act imaginable and makes it all horrifying, hilarious, and dare I say, somewhat touching.  This is truly a special movie; one of the year’s best.

Oh, and bonus points for having Dr. Oz be the one to explain the plot. 

ANGEL OF VENGEANCE (1987) * ½

Tina (Jannina Poynter) goes to a cabin in the woods where she is harassed by the rapey Manny (Macka Foley).  Manny belongs to a group of trigger-happy survivalist nut bags who are stationed nearby.  These half-assed militants have a run-in with a biker gang, which leads to a shootout.  They then execute the remaining bikers and take the lone female captive.

I guess I should say a word or two about these bikers, so you can completely get the picture.  This gang isn’t the usual Harley-riding guys in leather jackets.  They’re just regular-looking bozos on dirt bikes.  That’s right, dirt bikes!  They even wear T-shirts with their gang name on them.  (“The Thrill Killers.”)  

Anyway, later, Manny goes back, catches Tina, and kidnaps her too.  He ties her up and the men have their way with her.  The survivalists eventually decide to turn her loose, but it’s merely a ploy.  They really want to hunt her in the woods. 

It’s here where the film turns into a half-assed hodgepodge of The Most Dangerous Game and First Blood.  The scenes of the survivalists tracking Tina through the woods are largely interminable, but there are a few highlights here.  The big moment comes when Tina shoves sticks into an assailant’s eyes, although really, it’s too little too late. 

Angel of Vengeance isn’t nearly as exploitative as it could’ve been.  During the rape scenes, director Ted V. (Astro-Zombies) Mikels fades to black before you see anything.  I guess he should be commended for his restraint, but aside from the aforementioned eyeball scene, there’s very little here that would jump out at exploitation movie fans. 

I guess Angel of Vengeance is more memorable for its behind the scenes drama.  Filming began with Ray Dennis (The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies) Steckler as director.  Three days into production, he was fired and replaced by Mikels.  That at least explains two things.  First, it explains why it has none of the oddball charm of most Mikels movies as he was essentially a gun for hire.  The second, it explains the T-shirts, which was clearly a nod to Steckler’s 1964 opus, The Thrill Killers.

AKA:  War Cat.  

THE VEIL (2016) **

Sarah (Lily Rabe) is the sole survivor of a Jonestown type mass suicide.  Years later, a filmmaker (Jessica Alba) convinces her to return to the abandoned compound with a film crew for a documentary.  There, they find lost footage of the deranged cult leader (Thomas Jane) using a serum to bring his followers back from the “veil” of death.  

Man, I didn’t know how much I needed Thomas Jane as a Jim Jones inspired cult leader in my life.  He’s positively magnetic and is almost as good as Powers Boothe was when he played the real Jones in Guyana Tragedy.  Unfortunately, we only see Jane in flashbacks preaching to his congregation and performing miracles.

Once the film crew arrives at the compound, things degenerate quickly.  The dynamite setup gives way to thoroughly generic scenes of people splitting up and being picked off one by one.  It also suffers from being way too dark.  The daytime scenes have a cool, washed-out, desaturated look that almost looks like a black and white movie.  These early sequences are atmospheric, but the bulk of the second half is bathed in so much darkness that a lot of the action is just plain hard to see. 

The Veil comes to us from the odd pairing of director Phil (Heaven’s Prisoners) Joanou and writer Robert Ben (Night at the Museum) Garant.  They do a good job at setting the mood, but the second and third act are mostly reserved for endless jump scares, dream sequences, and long scenes of people watching creepy videotapes.  The ending is crummy too.

Another problem is that the characters never rise above their potential victim status.  Even the usually engaging Alba seems pretty lost.  Rabe does what she can, but her predictable character arc doesn’t do her any favors.  

Jane is awesome though.  His scenes set the bar so high that the rest of the movie never had a chance to catch up.  With his crusty swagger, odd accent, and big ass sunglasses, he’s so charismatic that it’s easy to see why people would want to follow him to their death.  Hell, I followed him till the end of the movie, which is kind of the same thing. 

TOP FIGHTER (1995) ***

Top Fighter is one part Kung Fu documentary and one part chopsocky compilation clip show.  It begins with the history of martial arts in China as a monk from India brings over his unique form of Buddhist teachings, which lays the groundwork for the Shaolin Temple.  All of this is played out using clips from various Kung Fu flicks.  Hey, if you’re going to give a history lesson, you might as well show a bunch of guys getting their ass beat.

From there, the film turns its attention to Kung Fu movies.  Various martial arts screen legends are interviewed and/or profiled.  Gordon Liu talks about the challenge of accurately relating his Kung Fu knowledge to the screen.  Jet Li deals with enormous success and a rabid fan base.  Jimmy Wang Yu’s quick-fisted persona spills into his personal life. 

One of the longest segments is devoted to the impact of Bruce Lee.  Several of his students including Leo Fong and Joe Lewis are interviewed.  His untimely death is also discussed, which naturally slides into a segment on Bruce Li.  Li is very forthcoming and honest in his interview saying that producers gave him the name Bruce Li against his wishes.  (“I can act him, but I can’t be him!”)  Other imitators (like Larry Lee) are profiled, but honestly, I wish this segment was longer. 

Jackie Chan gets the most interview time.  He talks about his dedication to doing his own stunts and his past in Chinese opera school.  This is a perfect set-up to give his classmates and longtime friends Sammo Hung and Yuen Biao their own segments.

There are a lot of lesser known names who are brought up in passing.  Some of these guys I never heard of, but it was good seeing time spent on the likes of Casanova Wong and Hwang Jang Lee.  While I’m sure a few of the more obscure stars could’ve been edited out, there are still enough nuggets of knowledge dropped (like the revelation that John Liu beat Chuck Norris in a tournament) to make it worthwhile.

During the segment on Bolo Yeung, they show the trailer for Chinese Hercules in its entirety.  It’s really cool and makes you wish there were more trailers throughout.  Jean-Claude Van Damme’s former trainer is interviewed, and he shows lots of pics of JCVD as a kid.  We also see clips from No Retreat No Surrender and Monaco Forever, but it’s the behind the scenes footage from Universal Soldier that’s the most interesting.  The final segment focuses on Blaxploitation stars such as Ron Van Clief and Jim Kelly, but honestly, this section could’ve been a lot longer and more in-depth.

I guess I could complain about some aspects of Top Fighter.  It’s overlong, uneven, and they don’t always use the best clips for their featured star.  Still, there’s enough variety and insider info here to make it worth a look for Kung Fu fans.

MAY THE DEVIL TAKE YOU (2018) ** ½

A bankrupt man resorts to having a mystic do an incantation to reverse his fortunes.  The ritual is successful, but as time goes by the man becomes ill and falls into a coma.  After visiting him in the hospital, his family returns to his old, rundown house.  While cleaning up, they disturb a restless spirit which tries to possess and kill the family.

The specter sort of looks like something out of a Japanese horror movie.  Pale face, messy hair, the whole nine yards.  There are even scenes of characters being forced to eat hair and/or hair attacking people, which are big in those kinds of films.  Despite that, the ghost has a funky, unique vibe to it that helps separate it from other similar spirits we’ve seen.  

Writer/director Timo (The Night Comes for Us) Tjahjanto gives us a lot of Sam Raimi-inspired shots of possessed people floating, puking blood, and attacking loved ones in gory ways.  There’s even a book of creepy drawings just like the Necronomicon.  In fact, the beginning has a Drag Me to Hell feel to it, which makes me think May the Devil Take You would’ve never existed had it not been for Raimi's influence.

It’s sort of more fun picking out where Tjahjanto steals his inspirations from than anything.  I mean you’ve got to do something to help you get past the overlong running time and deliberate pacing.  The family drama stuff isn’t all that involving either and seeing how the whole thing hinges on their dislike and distrust of each other makes the various backstabbing (and frontstabbing) lose a little of its bite.  

There are just enough gruesome moments here to qualify it as a near miss.  The face-ripping gag alone is enough to earn the film an extra ½ *.  I just wish that some of the voodoo doll-centric kills weren’t so cartoony.

KISS OF THE TARANTULA (1976) ** ½

Susan (Suzanna Ling) is a little girl who dotes on her mortician father (Herman Wallner) and has an unnatural love of spiders.  When she overhears her spider-hating mother (Beverly Eddins) plotting to murder her father, she unleashes her killer tarantula on her.  Susan soon grows up and learns the best way to deal with people who mistreat her is to sick her killer pets on them.

Kiss of the Tarantula is a fitfully amusing, sporadically effective Willard knockoff.  It starts out in fine fashion as the scene of little Susan killing her mother is a lot of fun.  My favorite sequence though is when she gets revenge on the assholes who stomped on one of her spiders.  She follows them to a drive-in where she turns a bunch of tarantulas loose inside their car.  The best part is that the people die not from the spiders, but because they panic inside the car and wind up killing each other in various Final Destination-esque sorts of ways.

After that great sequence, it sort of goes downhill from there.  The subplot with Susan’s lecherous uncle (Eric Mason) covering up her crimes and blackmailing her is decidedly less successful than all the spider shenanigans.  His final comeuppance is certainly novel, although it feels like it came from an entirely different movie.  It’s also novel that Susan (spoiler) lives and gets off scot free (I guess they were hoping for a sequel), but the drawn-out (and spider-less) conclusion winds up feeling a tad anticlimactic.

One subplot that should’ve been beefed up:  Susan’s father’s career shift.  As the film goes on, he becomes more and more invested in a political career.  Not many people could go from mortician to politician and make it work.  

AKA:  Shudder.