CAPTAIN MARVEL (2019) ***

Captain Marvel does not deviate from the tried-and-true Marvel formula.  It tells a predictable, well-worn superhero origin story with just enough flourishes to make it still feel somewhat fresh.  The big difference is that it’s a woman in the cockpit this time out.  The fact that Brie Larson arrives locked and loaded, ready to rock, kick ass, and takes names certainly helps.  She was already a star and an Oscar winner, but if this doesn’t put her over the top, nothing will.

Larson is an amnesiac Kree solider fighting in the ongoing intergalactic Kree-Skrull War.  While hunting a green-faced war criminal (Rogue One’s Ben Mendelsohn), she winds up crash landing on Earth in the mid-‘90s.  S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) gets swept up in her pursuit for the shapeshifting villains and tries to help jog her memory for clues to her past. 

Some of this is predictable and rote.  The seams are starting to show on the whole amnesiac hero plot and the big villain turn at the end of the second act will come as a surprise to no one who has ever seen a comic book movie.  However, it’s the way directors Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck color outside the lines that makes Captain Marvel soar. 

Brie carries the film with charm and swagger and makes it all look easy.  She finds a great partner in the (two-eyed) Jackson.  Their banter is often very funny, but it’s her pet cat, Goose who winds up stealing the movie.  In an age where nearly every comic book character gets their own spin-off, Goose is about 90% more deserving than most.

Speaking of the ‘90s, the nostalgia factor is high.  As someone who lived through the ‘90s, I can say they were pretty much accurately represented.  The good-to-bad ratio for song choices was about 50/50, which isn’t too shabby as far as these things go.  (If anything, the box office success of Captain Marvel will lead to a resurgence in the popularity of Elastica.)  Naturally, all this only served to make me feel old. 

There are also some great Easter eggs for the fans.  I won’t spoil how it all connects back to the other films, but it’s most satisfying.  We also get what is probably the best Stan Lee cameo of all time, which takes some of the sting out of his recent death. 

The action is kind of spotty.  The various car chases and fight scenes feel a tad familiar.  However, once Captain Marvel realizes her true power and singlehandedly takes on a fleet of alien warships, it’s one of the best sequences of carnage we’ve seen in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Luckily, we don’t have to wait very long to see Captain Marvel kick ass again as Avengers:  Endgame is a mere seven weeks away.

Marvel Cinematic Universe Scorecard:

Avengers:  Age of Ultron:  ****
The Incredible Hulk:  ****
Iron Man:  ****
Thor:  Ragnarok:  ****
Ant-Man and the Wasp:  ****
Spider-Man:  Homecoming:  ****
Iron Man 3:  ****
Captain America:  Civil War:  *** ½
Ant-Man:  *** ½
Guardians of the Galaxy:  *** ½
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½ 
Avengers:  Infinity War:  *** ½
Black Panther:  *** ½ 
The Avengers:  ***
Captain America:  The First Avenger:  ***
Captain America:  The Winter Soldier:  ***
Captain Marvel:  ***
Thor:  ***
Thor:  The Dark World:  ***
Iron Man 2:  ***
Doctor Strange:  ** ½ 

2019 Comic Book Movie Scorecard:

Alita:  Battle Angel:  *** 
Captain Marvel:  ***

DOOMED! THE UNTOLD STORY OF ROGER CORMAN’S THE FANTASTIC FOUR (2015) *** ½

Roger Corman’s The Fantastic Four is an immortal bad movie.  So bad, the legend goes that it never saw the light of day.  Some claim it was never intended to be shown anyway.  It was locked away in the vaults (or presumably burned) and soon became the stuff of legend.  Luckily, SOMEONE made a copy of it somewhere and it became a fixture on the bootleg market.  That meant fans who wanted to see it finally could.  

Knowing that the movie was made long before a “Marvel Cinematic Universe” only existed in a fanboy’s wet dream makes Corman’s version an interesting curio.  (Trust me, it’s only worth watching as a curio.)  As bad as it is, it’s only marginally worse than Josh Trank’s version.  Anyone who always wondered how Corman’s film came together (and subsequently fell apart) will want to seek Doomed! out.

Many of the principal actors, crew members, and even Corman himself are interviewed.  We get a few interesting details on the pre-production (some of the names of actors who auditioned for the Four will be familiar) and get a good idea of what filming was like.  Even as someone who has seen the movie and thinks it sucks, I still admire the spunk of the cast and crew.  They kind of had an inkling it was going to suck, but they all put forth their best effort.  There’s a lesson there.  It’s easy for someone like me to make fun of the shitty effects.  Once you realize how bad the production got conned by the shady backstage machinations that were beyond their control, and the fact that many of the crew members and technicians put their own money into the film, you sort of how a new appreciation for it.  (It’s still terrible though.)

As a fan of Marvel movies, Corman’s Fantastic Four, has always been an interesting what if.  Many interviewees assert that maybe it was better like this.  Perhaps it will have a longer shelf life as an underground bootleg flick than as a legitimate production.  No one is going to be tape-trading for Trank’s version any time soon, that’s for sure.

THE DEVIL’S ROCK (2012) **

Ben (Craig Hall) and Joe (Karlos Drinkwater) are two Kiwi soldiers who sneak onto the beach at Normandy to make preparations on the eve of D-Day.  While scouring the underground tunnels, they discover many German corpses and stumble upon a cult of Nazis who are ready to unleash a demon on the world.  Ben also finds his wife (Gina Valera) chained up in the catacombs.  The only problem, she’s been dead for a few years.

Nazi horror is a durable genre.  I’m not saying it always works, but the horrors-of-war motif certainly has a kick to it.  I mean, ever since Raiders of the Lost Ark, filmmakers have been combining Nazis and the occult to varying degrees of success (there’s even a Lost Ark reference here).  The Devil’s Rock is among the middle rungs of the ladder.  

The set-up had potential.  However, after the soldiers make their way into the bunker it becomes one of those slow burn deals.  That wouldn’t have been a problem if the burn hadn’t been so damned slow.  (Things get awfully talky in the middle section.)  Director Paul Campion (who got his start at Weta Workshop) does a good job stretching out the low budget (filming in a dark catacomb with only a handful of actors will do that), but he ultimately can’t pull it off.  

Another problem is Valera’s performance.  She’s just a little too wholesome to be an effective temptress.  She fares slightly better when playing the red-faced demon.  (She kind of looks like something Darkness from Legend would’ve saw on Demon Tinder and immediately swiped right on.)  Without a sizzling central performance, The Devil’s Rock sort of crumbles.

If anything, the gore is solid.  Even if the film isn’t entirely successful, the red stuff flies freely.  I mean any movie in which a guy’s guts are collected off the floor with a shovel is OK by me.  

AKA:  Nazi Bitch:  War is Horror.  

THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES (2013) ****

The Place Beyond the Pines is a taut drama about the legacy of violence.  It’s structured in three distinct acts.  The first details a carnie (Ryan Gosling) trying to set up roots the only way he can, by robbing banks to provide for his infant son.  The second act follows a young cop (Bradley Cooper) killing the thief and being haunted by the fact he’s left his young son an orphan.  Sickened by the corruption in his police department, he vows to root out the crooked cops.  The third act....  Well… that would be telling.

The all-star cast is stellar.  What I liked most about the movie was that when you saw a big name show up, it wasn’t just stunt casting.  When you see Ray Liotta playing an unhinged dirty cop, it isn’t just a cinematic shorthand; he’s given a layered, three-dimension character to play.  The whole cast is like that.  When you see Dane DeHaan playing a seemingly typical high school kid, you know he’s going to be anything but.  Ben Mendelsohn at first glance looks to be nothing more than a white trash crook, but he reveals a surprisingly tender side to him as the film goes on.  Eva Mendes is heartbreaking as Gosling’s baby mama and Mahershala Ali is excellent as her new man.    

The first act is quite strong.  It’s anchored by a dynamite performance by Gosling.  Even though he’s reckless and potentially unstable, you can’t help but sympathize with his predicament.  The middle section is a harrowing bit of police drama.  The sort of movie Sidney Lumet used to make.  I can honestly say it got so intense that at one point I had a knot in my stomach.  The final act ties the two plots together beautifully.  It’s easily the weakest of the three, but that in no way means it’s not effective.  Some may call the ending predictable.  Inevitable is more like it. 

Writer/director Derek Cianfrance previously collaborated with Gosling on Blue Valentine.

UPGRADE (2018) ***

The future.  When?  It’s hard to say.  Self-driving cars are commonplace.  So are operations that can give you cyborg attachments like handguns.  I don’t mean like a pistol.  I mean, like you can have a hand that shoots bullets.

Grey (Logan Marshall-Green) and his wife Asha (Melanie Vallejo) are on a night out when their self-driving car malfunctions in the bad part of town.  A gang of muggers descend upon them, killing Asha and shooting Grey in the spine.  Grey is paralyzed and left sulking miserably in a wheelchair.  After a failed suicide attempt, a brilliant tech geek (Harrison Gilbertson) offers to give him STEM, a new technology that will allow him walk again.  Grey eventually uses all of STEM’s vast capabilities to track down the men who murdered his wife.

Leigh (Insidious:  Chapter 3) Whannell’s Upgrade feels like a low-fi mash-up of Death Wish and Robocop, with a little bit of 2001 thrown in for good measure.  The little voice inside Marshall-Green’s head sounds very much like HAL, which should’ve been an immediate red flag for him.  Then again, it’s hard to dislike STEM, especially when he can download Kung Fu moves into your brain that would make Neo from The Matrix envious.  

Upgrade announces Logan Marshall-Green’s arrival as a physical comedian.  Sure, he’s good when he’s brooding over his wife’s death, but he levels up once STEM takes over.  He’s especially great during the fight scenes where he’s not in control of his own body.  He has some moments here that would make Jackie Chan himself smile. 

Whannell delivers a film that is down and dirty fun.  He does a particularly great job with the inventive fight sequences and fills the movie with gory kills and crowd-pleasing moments.  I can only imagine what he could’ve done with a bigger budget.  Although I wonder if the film would’ve been able to retain its scrappy charm had Whannell been given more money to work with.  

Sure, there’s some cheesy moments here (like the killer sneeze scene).  The bad guys are kind of boring too and some of their gimmicks are lame.  The finale plods a bit as well, but there’s more invention and fun here than most action/horror hybrids.  

Marshall-Green gets the best line of the movie when he says, “Have it your way, cock snot!”

THE LEGACY OF A WHITETAIL DEER HUNTER (2018) ***

Josh Brolin stars as manly man Buck Ferguson, the star of a deer hunting show.  He’s looking forward to his next episode in which he’ll take his son Jaden (Montana Jordan) on his first deer hunt.  He’s especially reliant on his trusty cameraman Don (Danny McBride) to capture this special moment and preserve it forever on film.  I guess it goes without saying it does not go as expected.  

Director Jody (Observe and Report) Hill (who also co-wrote the script with McBride) stops short of making his characters exaggerated goofballs.  If they knew they were funny, it wouldn’t work.  Watching Brolin trying to passionately impart wisdom to his indifferent son while counting on McBride to get it all on film is a quite often a thing a beauty.

The Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter is a funny meditation on the ever-growing generation gap.  If you ever tried to share something with your child, you’ll feel a pang of recognition here.  The scenes the kid putting on his ear buds, zoning out, constantly being on his phone, and talking incessantly in the deer stand while Brolin begs him to be quiet is a recipe for hilarity.  

The snippets of Brolin’s deer hunting show are spot-on.  If you’ve ever seen a hunting video, you’ll recognize they’re lovingly done.  Hill isn’t making fun of hunters, just painting a funny portrait of them.  I also loved the scenes where McBride and Brolin capture footage for their “reality” show.  The way they stage events so they feel more spontaneous often leads to laughs.  

Brolin and McBride (who dials his usual schtick down) are in fine form.  It’s Jordan who steals the movie though.  He’s a good foil for his more seasoned co-stars and it’s fun to see him take the wind out of their sails every chance he gets. 

There’s nothing revelatory here.   The Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter is admittedly predictable, and a tad slight.  It’s a simple story, well told, and provides plenty of laughs.  So, in that regard, it hits the bulls’ eye.

AKA:  My Deer Hunter Dad.

GODS OF EGYPT (2016) *

Are there two Alex Proyas or something?  One who makes dark and broody movies like The Crow and Dark City, and another who makes head-scratching disasters like Knowing and this unmitigated turd?  It’s hard to believe the guy who made atmospheric and creepy Dark City made this shiny, noisy, lousy, CGI-laden abomination.

Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) is about to be crowned God of Egypt when his two-faced brother Set (Gerard Butler) shows up to challenge him to the throne.  They then turn into shiny monsters that look like end-level bosses in a Sega Saturn game and do battle.  Set takes his brother’s eyes and Horus leaves in disgrace.  A young thief (Brenton Twaites) tries to steal them from Set’s palace to return Horus’ power in exchange for bringing his true love (Courtney Eaton) back to life.  

The rampant overuse of cheesy CGI almost singlehandedly sinks the whole deal. We’re talking Greenscreen City. From the thousands of CGI extras stumbling around a phony backdrop that looks like cut scenes from a video game to the wonky monsters that look like they came out of an Asylum movie, the effects in Gods of Egypt are a fucking joke.  Whenever the actors run (or more accurately pretend to run) against the obvious greenscreen, it never once feels like they’re in any real danger.  

Sure, the monster effects are too clean and/or gaudy, but the script is even worse.  It feels like it was written and rewritten again and again till the whole thing reached the point of incoherence.  Our hero tries to save girlfriend.  Then he learns he can’t save her.  Well, maybe we can save her.  It’s like it’s making up its own rules as it goes along.  Whenever things get too stupid, Proyas will cut to something even stupider (like a flying chariot driven by a giant fly) in a futile effort to distract you from the overwritten script. 

Proyas throws us from one shitty CGI battle sequence to the next so fast that you become almost instantly numb to it all.  I mean I wanted to like it.  I can’t tell you how much it pains me to say that a movie containing women riding giant fire-breathing snakes is terrible, but here we are.

Butler skates by unscathed, mostly by acting as if he’s still in 300.  Twaites and Coster-Waldau get lost in all the ones and zeroes though.  Even the usually charismatic Chadwick Boseman becomes engulfed in all the CGI lunacy.  

AKA:  Kings of Egypt.