MITCH ON THE DTV CONNOISSEUR PODCAST

This week, I was a guest on Matt’s DTV Connoisseur Podcast.  We had a great talk about all things Dolph Lundgren, including my in-depth thoughts on Altitude.  Our Dolph discussion can be found here: https://www.talkshoe.com/episode/8308715?fbclid=IwAR2ZQf92_CtPZzqm5DC1JEqN_UJcw4BZzNf2sgiW_WC4RyJA0aS5kE1fJ3Q

NIGHTMARE AT NOON (1988) **

If Mutant left you wanting to see another movie where Wings Hauser and Bo Hopkins team up to save a small town from a zombie outbreak, then Nightmare at Noon has you covered.  In addition to Video Vacuum favorites Wings and Bo, we have Brion James as the albino villain, Friday the 13^th Part 4’s Kimberly Beck as Wings’ infected wife, Laserblast’s Kim Milford as… well… somebody, and George Kennedy as the sheriff.  Now, I know what you’re thinking:  SHOULDN’T BO HOPKINS BE THE SHERIFF?!? WHAT THE HELL KIND OF OPERATION IS DIRECTOR NICO MASTORAKIS RUNNING?!?

The plot has Wings and Kimberly driving across the desert on their vacation.  Along the way, they pick up Bo hitchhiking and decide to stop off in a small town for some breakfast.  That of course just so happens to be the place where Brion James has tainted the water supply so he can monitor what happens when everybody turns into green-faced, kill-crazy, super-strong, mindless killers who bleed green and are annoyingly hard to kill.

Nightmare at Noon would make a good double feature with Mutant as it often feels like a sloppy remake of that flick.  It’s more like The Crazies than Night of the Living Dead and contains way more action than horror as the emphasis is on stunt work (there are shootouts, car chases, and motorcycle crashes aplenty), rather than the zombies.  Leave it to Mastorakis to take a fairly straightforward idea and make it just plain weird.  

Nightmare at Noon certainly has its moments, most of which come from watching the cast bounce of each other.  Hopkins’ knack of saying the word “shit” as three syllables is exploited to its fullest.  Although he and Hauser make for a great team, it’s hardly one of Wings’ best performances.  You know Wings is going to be a bit subdued in this one when one of his first lines is, “I hate microwaved croissants!”   

After an OK set-up and a chaotic middle section, the movie kinda runs out of steam in the third act.  Once the action goes beyond the town limits and Hopkins tracks James on horseback through the desert, the film becomes increasingly dull.  To make matters worse, Wings disappears from the last third of the picture and the elongated helicopter chase that serves as the climax is utterly pointless.

Still, this is the only movie I know of in which a doctor jabs an infected person with a tranquilizer and then blows on the syringe like a cowboy with a pistol, so it has that going for it.

AKA:  Death Street, USA.  AKA:  Maniac City.

THE KILLING OF A SACRED DEER (2017) **

Colin Farrell stars as Dr. Murphy, a heart surgeon who forms a strange bond with an awkward teenager named Martin (Barry Keoghan) whose father died on his operating table.  Dr. Murphy welcomes the boy into his home with open arms and gives him extravagant gifts.  His family also takes to the kid, even if their relationship seems a tad inappropriate.  Soon, Dr. Murphy’s son is struck by an inexplicable bout of psychosomatic paralysis.  As his condition worsens, his daughter is also stricken by the disease.  Are their ailments just unfortunate occurrences, or are they somehow linked to Martin’s presence?   

Yorgos Lanthimos’ The Killing of a Sacred Deer sort of has a Kubrickian feel.  It’s populated with cold and detached characters, contains a lot of “Eye of God” camerawork, is full of slow zooms, and features a droning soundtrack.  Lanthimos also utilizes odd camera angles during the long tracking shots to put audience in a state of unease. 

The combination of the deliberate pace, aloof characters, and off-putting subject matter eventually take its toll.  While I applaud the director and performers’ commitment to tone, it doesn’t exactly make it a fun ride.  The film is better in the first half when we don’t quite know the score as Lanthimos effectively doles out information sparingly.  However, it’s decidedly less effective once all the cards have been played.  After a long slog, the movie eventually lumbers towards an unfulfilling finale, which isn’t exactly worth the slow burn. 

There are a few bright spots along the way.  I especially liked the bedroom game Farrell and his wife (Nicole Kidman) play.  There’s no explanation or kink-shaming to their little tryst, and I kind of dug that.  It’s Alicia Silverstone (yes, THAT Alicia Silverstone) who steals the movie as Keoghan’s horny mother who has a finger-sucking fetish.  These moments are amusing, but there aren’t enough of them to make The Killing of a Sacred Deer worth sacrificing two hours of your time. 

THE 2019 VIDEO VACUUM AWARDS

Friends of The Vacuum.  It’s time once again for The 13^th Annual Video Vacuum Awards.  It’s a most cherished time indeed.  It’s a time when we get to see who fed it and who ate it in the world of cinema.  Today, I’ll be naming the nominees of the prestigious Viddies, and in a week or so (you know, when that OTHER award show is happening), I’ll announce the winners.  So, without further delay, here are your nominees for this year:  

Best Picture

Dolemite is My Name

Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood

Rambo:  Last Blood

Star Wars:  Episode IX:  The Rise of Skywalker

3 from Hell

Worst Picture

Black Christmas

Godzilla:  The Planet Eater

In the Tall Grass

Trading Paint

Triple Frontier

Best Director

J.J. Abrams (Star Wars:  Episode IX:  The Rise of Skywalker)

Craig Brewer (Dolemite is My Name)

Martin Scorsese (The Irishman)

Quentin Tarantino (Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood)

Rob Zombie (3 from Hell)

Best Actor

Leonardo DiCaprio (Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood)

Jake Gyllenhaal (Velvet Buzzsaw)

Eddie Murphy (Dolemite is My Name)

Joaquin Phoenix (Joker)

Brad Pitt (Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood)

Best Actress

Karen Gillan (Avengers:  Endgame)

Linda Hamilton (Terminator:  Dark Fate)

Scarlett Johansson (Marriage Story)

Margot Robbie (Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood)

Sheri Moon Zombie (3 from Hell)

Best Horror Movie

Crawl

Godzilla:  King of the Monsters

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

3 from Hell

Velvet Buzzsaw

Worst Horror Movie

Black Christmas

Doctor Sleep

Godzilla:  The Planet Eater

In the Tall Grass

Pet Sematary

Best Action Movie

Cold Pursuit

Fast and Furious Presents:  Hobbs and Shaw

John Wick:  Chapter 3:  Parabellum

Rambo:  Last Blood

Shaft

Best Comic Book Movie

Alita:  Battle Angel

Avengers:  Endgame

Captain Marvel

Joker

Teen Titans Go! vs. Teen Titans

Best Sci-Fi Movie

Alita:  Battle Angel

Avengers:  Endgame

Captain Marvel

Star Wars:  Episode IX:  The Rise of Skywalker

Terminator:  Dark Fate

Best Sequel

Avengers:  Endgame

Rambo:  Last Blood

Shaft

Star Wars:  Episode IX:  The Rise of Skywalker

3 from Hell

Best Drama

Dragged Across Concrete

The Irishman

Joker

Marriage Story

Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood

Best DTV/Streaming Movie

Dolemite is My Name

The Irishman

Marriage Story

Teen Titans Go! vs. Teen Titans

Velvet Buzzsaw

Worst DTV/Streaming Movie

Godzilla:  The Planet Eater

The Highwaymen

In the Tall Grass

Triple Frontier

Trading Paint

Best Kids’ Movie

The Addams Family

Dumbo

The LEGO Movie 2:  The Second Part

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Teen Titans Go! vs. Teen Titans

Best Fight Scene

Godzilla vs. Ghidrah in Godzilla:  King of the Monsters

Kylo Ren vs. Black Widow in Marriage Story

Cliff Booth vs. Bruce Lee in Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood

Cliff Booth vs. the Manson Family in Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood

Kylo Ren and Rey vs. The Emperor in Star Wars:  Episode IX:  The Rise of Skywalker

Best Scene I Could Not Make Up

Jeff Fahey playing a grizzled cowboy cyborg with a pack of pet robot hunting dogs in Alita:  Battle Angel

John Wick putting two dozen knives into the same guy in John Wick:  Chapter 3:  Parabellum

Cliff Booth vs. Bruce Lee in Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood

Cliff Booth vs. the Manson Family in Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood

Rambo pulling out a man’s collarbone in Rambo:  Last Blood

Best Dialogue

The Fanatic for “I can’t talk long.  I got to poo.”

Joker for “My mom died.  I’m celebrating.”

Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood for “Anybody accidentally kills anybody in a fight, they go to jail.  It’s called manslaughter!”

Rambo:  Last Blood for “You can’t change.  All you can do is put a lid on it”

Shaft for “Can’t we just send him a tersely worded text?”

THE GOOD STUDENT (2006) ** ½

Tim Daly stars as Mr. Gibb, a shy, lonely, sexually repressed teacher who has a crush on his prize student, a perky blond cheerleader named Ally, played by Hayden Panettiere.  After Ally has a fight with her boyfriend, Mr. Gibb agrees to give her a lift home, even though he knows it goes against professional ethics.  When she vanishes without a trace, he quickly becomes the prime suspect in her disappearance.  Mr. Gibb then takes it upon himself to look for her, which only makes him appear guiltier than before.

The Good Student was produced by Kevin Spacey (which explains A LOT, actually), and it’s anchored by a solid cast.  Daly delivers a fine performance and makes his sad sack character likeable, even if he’s tempted by questionable desires.  The supporting players are equally good.  Panettiere is ideally cast as the object of his affection, even though she doesn’t stick around for very long.  I also enjoyed seeing Dan Hedaya as a nosy janitor.  It’s William Sadler who steals the show though as Panettiere’s sketchy father who uses his daughter’s disappearance as a marketing ploy to drum up business for his used car lot.  If you’re like me and believe the world needs more movies in which William Sadler plays a sleazeball, then this one has you covered, even if it isn’t completely successful.  Also, speaking as a huge Wings fan, it was fun to see Daly once again in a leading role.  

Sure, the story itself is rather thin, and the tone is a little funky too.  (It often plays like a cross between a Lifetime Movie and a Coen Brothers knockoff.)  The cheap production values don’t do it any favors either.  However, the cast alone makes The Good Student is an agreeable, if a tad forgettable comic thriller. 

AKA:  Mr. Gibb.

THE FIGHTER (2010) ***

David O. Russell’s The Fighter is less a biopic of real-life boxer Mickey Ward (Mark Wahlberg) and more of a white trash slice of life piece.  While it hits all the notes of your typical sports movie (bloody boxing scenes, training montages, romantic subplots, etc.), it seems like there’s more focus on Mickey’s family squabbles than his boxing career.  The title makes you think about his rise to prizefighting glory, but it’s more about him dealing with his crackhead brother Dicky (Christian Bale), his overbearing manager mother (Melissa Leo), and his loudmouth sisters.  Meanwhile, his new girlfriend (Amy Adams) fights to make her voice heard throughout all the familial screaming and shouting.  

Your enjoyment of The Fighter may hinge on your tolerance of Mickey’s annoying dysfunctional family unit.  His mother’s meddling and his sisters’ screeching are bound to grate on the nerves.  You have to wonder if he was adopted because he’s so reserved next to his feral siblings.  (He’s actually their half-brother, which I guess is about the only explanation.) 

Despite the film’s flaws, Bale is electric.  He handily steals the movie from Wahlberg with his heartbreaking performance of a former champion (who once knocked out “Sugar” Ray Leonard) turned crackhead.  It’s one of his all-time best.  In fact, they probably could’ve made a whole movie about his character appearing in a crackhead documentary, which seriously takes away from the boxing sequences.  Even though the scenes of addiction are often hard to watch, it’s impossible to take your eyes off Bale.

So, therein lies the conundrum.  Do I take points off because of the revolting characters and unpleasant subject matter?  Or do I recommend it solely based on the performances alone?  I think I’ll go with the latter.  As long as you don’t expect a heck of a lot of boxing, you might enjoy it.  Otherwise, the bulk of the film feels like you’re trapped at someone else’s family reunion and can’t escape. 

MARRIAGE STORY (2019) ****

Noah Baumbach’s gripping, engrossing, devastating Marriage Story is reminiscent of a John Cassavetes movie.  At times it feels like a documentary.  You’re like an invisible observer on the frontlines of a family in crisis.  You get to see the implosion of a marriage firsthand and witness all the little painful details that most movies leave out.  This is one of the best films of the year.

It starts out with Charlie (Adam Driver) and Nicole (Scarlett Johansson) in therapy.  There’s an argument, and she storms out of the office.  They know the marriage is over and decide to do things amicably and not hassle with lawyers.  Then she decides, well… maybe I’ll get a lawyer.  Charlie, perplexed by her decision, scrambles to get a lawyer of his own.  As with any fight, whether it takes place in the kitchen or the courtroom, things escalate, and Charlie and Nicole try to figure out how to carry on with their lives as they drift apart from each other.  

This is the most realistic depiction of divorce I have ever seen in a motion picture.  It almost plays like a how-to manual on what to do the moment you and your spouse separate.  Honestly, Baumbach should’ve called this Divorce Story.  I imagine it will hit close to home for a lot of people.  I know there will be a lot of triggering elements here for many viewers, but if you need a good, cathartic, ugly cry, Marriage Story will do the trick.

The film is often painful, uncomfortable, and cringe-inducing, but then again, so is real life.  The big fight scene between Charlie and Nicole feels spontaneous, unscripted, natural, and organic.  You never see the acting or hear the dialogue.  You’re just watching two people you’ve grown to care about having mutual meltdowns.  Driver and Johansson are stellar throughout the movie, but they are truly next level in this particular sequence.

My favorite scene though comes when Johansson gets her sister to serve Driver the divorce papers.  This sequence is constructed like something out of a horror movie and is just as effective.  The tension builds and builds, and the punchline is unexpected and devastating.  

The supporting cast is aces too.  Ray Liotta is great as Driver’s pit bull of an attorney, as is Alan Alda as his congenial first lawyer.  Julie Hagerty gets a lot of laughs as the mother in-law who plays both sides.  It’s Laura Dern who steals the movie though as Johansson’s ball-breaking attorney.  Remember in The Last Jedi when she kamikazed herself into Kylo Ren’s fleet?  This time out, she does a Holdo Maneuver on his finances.  

The only debit to an otherwise perfect film is Randy Newman’s intrusive musical score.  It rarely fits the scene and often threatens to drown out the dialogue.  Other than that, Marriage Story is, for me, Baumbach’s best work.