SHOCKING DARK (1989) *

At a time when ripping off James Cameron’s The Abyss was all the rage, Italian schlock director Bruno (Night of the Zombies) Mattei took it upon himself to rip-off not one, but TWO of Cameron’s other movies.  You might not believe it, but Shocking Dark is Mattei’s blatant low budget rip-off of Aliens and The Terminator.  If only Mattei tossed in some flying piranha as a tribute to Cameron’s Piranha 2, he could’ve made it a hat trick. 

Instead of going to a distant planet to fight monsters, like in Aliens, a group of soldiers go into the caverns of Venice on a rescue mission.  The only survivor is a little girl (Dominica Coulson) who latches onto the head researcher Sara (Haven Tyler) in a way very reminiscent of Newt and Ripley in Aliens.  It doesn’t take long for the creatures to start picking off the soldiers, but Sara soon finds herself with another problem to contend with:  A murderous android who has infiltrated their group.

There are many moments here that egregiously copy from Aliens.  We have a scene where the soldiers find humans cocooned into the wall (it looks like dime store Halloween cobweb decorations), a part where the Ripley and Newt copycats are stuck inside a locked room with a murderous alien, and a sequence where the troops use a tracking device (it looks like a pocket calculator) to find the monsters.  A lot of these bits are ripped off beat by beat from Aliens.  The big difference here is that it sucks big time.

While the bad movie lover in me loved seeing Cameron’s work so mercilessly aped, the fact of the matter is most of this is just too boring to work as an effective rip-off.  Haven Tyler is no Sigourney Weaver either.  Heck, her character is often frightened and needs the men in the group to constantly save her.  The rest of the acting is awful, and the hyperventilating histrionics and terrible dialogue aren’t even loopy enough to muster any so-bad-it’s-good laughs.  The production design is crummy too as most of the movie takes place in a series of boiler rooms and basements, and the monsters are inconsistent, non-threatening, and thoroughly stupid looking.  (They all look like props left over from other movies that have been hastily repurposed.)

That’s not even bringing up the Terminator rip-off aspects, which are half-assed at best and are relegated to the last twenty minutes or so of the movie.  Plus, you also have to deal with the annoying kid who screams, “Sara!” every forty-five seconds or so.  Speaking of annoying, there’s also a constant beeping sound effect that plays throughout the film that sounds like a dump truck backing up.  

In short, Shocking Dark deserves to be nuked from orbit.  It’s the only way to be sure.

AKA:  Terminator 2.  AKA:  Alienators.  AKA:  Aliens 2.

THE SEARCH FOR WENG WENG (2014) ***

Australian video store owner Andrew Leavold’s obsession with Weng Weng, the diminutive star of such WTF Filipino exploitation films as For Y’ur Height Only and The Impossible Kid, leads him to travel to Manila to find out the story of Weng’s rise and fall.  Early in his journey, Leavold learns Weng passed away some time ago, but undeterred, he presses on.  As chance would have it, he bumps into the editor of Weng’s films in a parking lot, and he just so happens to know where all the old timer Filipino stuntmen hang out.  There, he finds many of Weng’s former costars and directors, all of whom are more than eager to tell all about his story.

The Search for Weng Weng works not only as a heartfelt tribute to the smallest star of the big screen (at 2’ 9”, he’s in the Guinness Book of World Records for shortest leading man), but it’s also a bizarre and sometimes surreal documentary in its own right.  Much of the fun comes from seeing how sheer dumb luck keeps propelling Leavold forward on his filmmaking quest.  He even winds up getting a face to face interview with former Filipino First Lady, Imelda Marcos, who had Weng as her guest many times.  (She even invites the documentary crew to visit her husband's perfectly preserved corpse in the family crypt!)  

The biggest takeaway from all this (which is also evident in Weng’s films) is that Weng had a genuine screen presence and charisma.  Yes, the productions were often slipshod, and many of the jokes were aimed at him, but he did a great job within the confines of those movies, which had their own unique quirky charm.  Plus, Weng did all his own amazing stunts!  I mean, of course he did.  At 2’ 9”, who could possibly double for him?  The Search for Weng Weng is further proof good things come in small packages.

THE LEGEND OF THE RED DRAGON (1994) ***

I always say, “If you have to steal, steal from the best”.  Well, The Legend of the Red Dragon opens with a scene that directly rips off Lone Wolf and Cub!  That right there was a clue this movie was going to kick some ass.

Jet Li returns home and finds his family murdered.  The only survivor of the slaughter is his little baby.  Knowing he’ll be on the run from his enemies for the rest of his life, Jet gives the kid a choice:  The sword or his toys.  If his son chooses the toys, that means he’s too young to follow him on his adventure.  If he chooses the sword, that means the kid is ready for a life of violence and mayhem.

He wisely chooses the sword. 

Almost immediately, they are jumped by Ninjas.  An all-out badass brawl ensues, culminating with an awesome fight scene where Jet squares off against the villain, who is brandishing a giant flaming timber.  It’s truly an applause-worthy sequence and a heck of a way to kick off a Kung Fu flick. 

After that, Jet takes the kid and hides out from his enemies.  Unlike Lone Wolf and Cub, he doesn’t push the tyke around in a booby-trapped, heavily armored baby carriage.  Instead, a few years pass, and he and his son (who has religiously trained with his father over the years to become something of a Kung Fu expert himself), travel through the countryside incognito.  Facing starvation, the proud Li lowers himself by accepting work as a bodyguard for a rich braggart as a way to put food on the table.  His new boss is about to marry a woman who only wants to steal his riches. Naturally, she and Jet kind of develop a thing for each other.  Before long though, Jet’s enemies show up looking for him and his kid, leading to more Kung Fu madness.

The Legend of the Red Dragon contains many wild, energetic, and memorable fight scenes.  Among my favorites, Jet’s fight with his master’s fiancée (who uses knitting needles, thread, and measuring tape as weapons) and his son’s brawl with a bunch of streetwise brats.  The villain is also something else.  He rides around in a metallic death machine that looks like something from Wayne Enterprises.  There’s even a scene where he rips a dude in half.  LENGTHWISE.  WITH HIS BARE HANDS.

Unfortunately, the movie starts to run out of steam as it enters the third act.  I mean it couldn’t possibly maintain the energy of the early action sequences, but it certainly tries.  Also, the action in some sequences is so hectic that it becomes a bit numbing after a while.  A lot of the humor falls flat too (like when the master’s future mother in-law accidentally doses herself with aphrodisiac).  Those qualms aside, The Legend of the Red Dragon is a rip-snorting buffet of asskickery.  Any Jet Li fan worth their salt should check it out.

AKA:  The New Legend of Shaolin.  AKA:  Master of Shaolin.  AKA:  Legend of the Future Shaolin.  AKA:  The Legend of Red Dragon.  AKA:  Legends of Shaolin.  

THE GENERAL (1926) ***

Buster Keaton stars as a man who tries to enlist in the Confederate Army and is denied because his services as a train engineer are considered too valuable to let him go to war.  When his best girl (Marion Mack) is kidnapped by Yankee spies, he hops in his train and tries to get her back.  He succeeds, and together, they head for home in his trusty locomotive with the Northern Army breathing down his neck.

I’m familiar with the works of silent comedy legends Charlie Chaplin and Harold Lloyd, but somehow, I haven’t seen any of Buster Keaton’s films.  I had always heard The General was a great movie, and yet I just never got around to seeing it.  I thought I’d rectify that, seeing as I really could use a good laugh these days.  Even though I had always wanted to see the flick, I didn’t really know much about the plot.  I was a little taken aback by the Confederacy angle, especially given the current circumstances.  I guess it’s just a case of poor timing. 

I know there are probably many people out there who won’t watch this because the hero is Confederate, and that is okay.   Then again, there are probably just as many people who won’t watch it just because it’s a silent movie.  That’s unfortunate too, because while I didn’t like it quite as much as some of Chaplin and Lloyd’s stuff, it’s full of laughs, terrific stunt work, and some amazing set pieces. 

You can see The General’s influence throughout cinema history.  Keaton performs some leaps and bounds here that probably inspired Jackie Chan.  The scene where he narrowly avoids the shit thrown at him by the villains is very much like a Looney Tunes cartoon.  It’s also easy to imagine George Miller taking notes while watching this as the action in both Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome and Mad Max:  Fury Road owe a huge debt to this film. 

The train chase scenes occur at a breathless pace.  What makes them particularly noteworthy is that most of the action takes place on a speeding train as it’s barreling down a set of railroad tracks.  It’s ingenious how the film piles up the peril and Keaton is somehow always able to slip out of danger. 

The General is not a perfect movie though.  Even at 78 minutes, it feels much too long.  The final battle sequence between the North and South was superfluous and pales next to the railroad chase scenes.  However, the exploding bridge scene is a jaw-dropper.  I mean, they really blew up a bridge while a speeding train was on the tracks, and it is nothing short of spectacular.  Seriously, fuck CGI. 

US (2019) ***

Lupita Nyong’o stars as a woman who had a traumatic incident in a funhouse as a child.  Years later, she and her family vacation in the same seaside resort town and are besieged by creepy mirror image versions of themselves.  They try to escape, but soon discover they can’t outrun their deadly doubles forever.

Us is Jordan Peele’s follow-up to his smash hit Get Out.  I must say I liked it even more than Get Out.  While that film had promise, it ultimately felt like an overlong Twilight Zone episode.  Us has some of the same weaknesses that flick had (it runs on too long and suffers from a predictable twist ending), but unlike Get Out, Us has a handful of genuinely suspenseful sequences, some big laughs, and a creepy atmosphere that surrounds the entire picture. 

Overall, Us is probably about twenty minutes too long (it’s nearly two hours), but when it hits its sweet spot, it’s a crackling good time.  The middle section of the film is gripping as Hell as it brims with tension as the family fights back against their disturbed doppelgängers.  The scene where they take refuge with a family friend is equally intense and contains at least one big belly laugh courtesy of an Alexa type device.  

The cast are all strong and do a fine job playing both their evil twins and their normal selves.  Lupita is particularly good in the lead, and Winston (Spenser:  Confidential) Duke has several funny moments as her disbelieving husband.  Elisabeth (The Invisible Man) Moss also gets a memorable scene when her psychotic double flips her shit.

Peele once again shows he is a filmmaker who is unafraid to take the horror genre into new places.  At first glance, there’s not as much social commentary here as there was in Get Out.  Then again, those scenes of the family sitting around the TV watching in shock as the world goes to Hell in a handbasket hit kinda close to the mark these days.  

COME OUT AND PLAY (2013) **

Come Out and Play is a dull, dreary, and completely unnecessary remake of Who Can Kill a Child?  It’s sort of reminiscent of the Cabin Fever remake in that there is no real drive to the movie.  There’s also no real point to it either.

A vacationing couple are annoyed that there’s a big festival in town, so they rent a boat to visit a nearby island.  They soon discover the place is completely deserted, save for a bunch of miscreant children.  Eventually, the killer children come after the couple and they’re forced to fight for their lives.

Like Who Can Kill a Child?, the first half of the movie is extremely slow moving.  The original’s use of real newsreel footage of children suffering worldwide was grotesque and disturbing, but at the very least, it was memorable.  That footage is nowhere to be seen in this version.  Without that nasty kick, Come Out and Play is about as generic and hollow a remake as they come.

I did enjoy the fact that Vinessa Shaw played the very pregnant wife.  Her performance in Ladybugs left a lasting impression on me when I was a teenager, so I never miss an opportunity to see her in a film.  Unfortunately, she isn’t given much to do.  Ebon Moss-Bachrach is thoroughly unmemorable as the husband too.  Without compelling leads, it’s hard to care what happens to them.  You know you’re in trouble when you start rooting for the bloodthirsty brats.

Writer/director “Makinov” goes for the same slow-burn type of suspense of the original, and likewise comes up short.  The pacing is sluggish, and the suspense sequences quickly fizzle out.  These scenes rarely escalate.  Instead, it just kind of flatlines.  There aren’t any real scares either.  Things just sort of happen.  The final reel where our hero starts socking kids left and right has a little oomph to it, but it’s not nearly enough to justify the slower-than-slow slow burn beginning.

AKA:  The Child.

BACKTRACE (2018) **

After making a successful getaway, Matthew Modine and his bank robbing cohorts meet to split up the cash in the middle of the woods.  There is a disagreement about how to divvy up the loot, a shootout unfolds, and Modine is shot in the head and left for dead.  He winds up going to prison for the crime but is sprung by a young thief (top-billed Ryan Guzman) who wants to know where the money is hidden.  The only catch is Modine’s brain injury causes him to have severe amnesia. Luckily for him, the thieves have an advanced super drug that can help jog his memory.  

This is an okay set-up for a crime thriller.  The follow-through is a bit lackluster though.  The twist ending is decent, but it’s not enough to really make or break it.

I’ve always been a big Matthew Modine fan, so it was fun for me to see him matching wits against Sylvester Stallone.  I mean who would’ve thought we’d ever see Louden Swain go up against Rocky Balboa?  (Or, if you prefer, Private Joker versus Rambo.)  Too bad they only share one brief scene together.

Oh yeah, Stallone is in this movie.  It’s a shame his character is a supporting player, even though he gets second billing.  He seems disinterested most of the time, probably because he knows literally anyone could’ve played this nothing role.  (He spends most his screen time standing in front of a police peg board talking to Christopher McDonald and trying to figure out Modine’s next move.)

If you haven’t already guessed, this is one of those Grindstone Entertainment movies in which the filmmakers get a big name star to work a day or two, then they build a plot around them that only makes occasional use for their character.  I’m not a fan of this filmmaking process, but we are treated to a funny shootout scene in the end where Sly is never in the same frame as the guys he’s shooting.  Obviously, they filmed the bad guys getting shot on one day and the scenes of Sly firing the gun was added in later.

I could’ve enjoyed all this if the film had more of those corny touches.  However, the annoying shaky-cam scenes of Modine clutching his temples and trying to remember something during a blue-tinted flashback really tested my patience.  The action isn’t bad either, but it’s limited to the opening and closing scenes, which makes the second act a bit of a chore to sit through.  

In short, you may need some of Modine’s super memory drug by the time all is said and done, because Backtrace is thoroughly forgettable.

AKA:  Flashback.  AKA:  Amnesia.