Tuesday, January 4, 2022

BODY ARMOUR (2007) ** ½

Body Armour is a perfectly acceptable albeit kind of forgettable action drama that boasts a better than average hook.  Til Schweiger stars as a bodyguard who is unable to save the governor when she is assassinated by master criminal Chazz Palminteri.  He spends the next three years sulking before finally agreeing to his next assignment.  It seems his top-secret client is about to blow the whistle on a vast criminal underworld, and Schweiger’s mission is to keep him alive for the next three days so he can testify in court.  Schweiger is inflamed when he eventually learns his mystery client is none other than Palminteri himself.  

The neat hook and the playfulness of Palminteri’s performance sets this apart from other DTV actioners.  The movie is at its best when Palminteri is needling Schweiger and goading him into a confrontation.  While It’s reasonably fun and clever whenever the two leads are at each other’s throats, it’s noticeably less successful once they call a détente and decide to work together.  I could’ve also done without the generic scenes of Schweiger’s cliched burnout character moping around and feeling sorry for himself in the early going.  The stuff involving Palminteri trying to reconnect with his estranged daughter (Cristina Brondo) kind of feels like padding too.

Despite those little hiccups, director Gerry (The Art of War 3) Lively does a decent job for the most part.  The shootouts and fight scenes are competently handled, if a little on the unspectacular side.   On the plus side, the script by Ken Lamplugh and John Weidner (who also wrote C.I.A. Code Name:  Alexa together) is a tad smarter than it needs to be, which helps it overcome the occasional lull.  Whenever Schweiger and Palminteri are bickering, the picture has a certain spark and charm to it.  The rest has enough moments to make it an agreeable action flick for the indiscriminate DTV fan.

Monday, January 3, 2022

TIME WARP: THE GREATEST CULT FILMS OF ALL-TIME: VOL. 3: COMEDY AND CAMP (2020) ***

There really isn’t anything wrong with doing a documentary about cult comedies.  It’s just that it doesn’t have the same allure to it as midnight movies, horror flicks, and schlock favorites.  This third installment in the Time Warp series devotes more time to comedies than it does campy movies, which to me, was a bit of a miscalculation.  

The comedies featured are Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Rock n’ Roll High School, Valley Girl, Napoleon Dynamite, Clerks, Office Space, Best in Show, Kingpin, Super Troopers, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  In the camp… uh… camp is Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, Showgirls, Plan 9 from Outer Space, Glen or Glenda, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Female Trouble, Eating Raoul, and The Room.  Honestly, I probably could’ve done with half the amount of comedies.  While I like nearly all the movies featured, they sort of spend too much time on them.  I mean I like Valley Girl and all, but I wouldn’t put it in the same league as Plan 9 or anything as far as a “cult” movie.  Also, you have to wonder why The Big Lebowski was included in the first part of the series if the third volume was going to be mostly all comedies.  

I also kind of take issue with them lumping together “Comedy” and “Camp”.  Yes, Plan 9 is hilarious, but unintentionally so.  It really belonged in the second volume, Horror and Sci-Fi, but I guess they had to pad out the series somehow.  Speaking of padding, this is by far the longest entry in the series (over two hours), and it really could’ve used some trimming.  That said, it’s enjoyable enough, and the variety of interview subjects is once again tip-top.  I still liked it.  It’s just that it’s a definite step down in quality from the other documentaries in the series. 

THE LAUGHING, LEERING, LAMPOONING LURES OF DAVID F. FRIEDMAN (1992) ***

The Laughing, Leering, Lampooning Lures of David F. Friedman is a feature-length trailer compilation of exploitation pioneer Friedman’s films.  It is a bonus feature on Something Weird and AGFA’s Blu-ray release of She Freak.  I’m not the world’s biggest fan of She Freak, but I do love me a good trailer compilation, so if you enjoy Friedman’s work as much as I do, you’ll definitely want to pick up the disc just for this bonus attraction.  

The best trailers display Friedman’s gift for ballyhoo and sensationalism.  Many play up the lavish budgets and production values (although the results usually look like your typical low budget sex flick).  Such trailers are the ones for A Smell of Honey a Swallow of Brine (which plays up the search to find the perfect starlet to play such a sleazy leading role) and The Lustful Turk (which is comprised mostly of outtakes and behind the scenes footage playing up the fact it was allegedly a bigger production than most skin flicks of the era, which of course was probably a bogus claim).  

Some of the trailers are fun (like the preview for The Defilers, which is comprised solely of still photographs), but many of the longer ones have a tendency to wear out their welcome.  (The one for Love Camp 7, while well-done, clocks in at a whopping eight minutes!)  Another debit is the fact that while the trailers are shown in chronological order, there are many glaring omissions.  While I’m sure you could see trailers for Blood Feast, 2000 Maniacs, and Color Me Blood Red in many other trailer comps, this collection kind of feels incomplete without them, seeing as they rank among Friedman’s most famous work.  On the other hand, it does contain a lot of his lesser-known titles, which I guess is an acceptable trade-off.  

The complete trailer rundown is as follows:  The Defilers (“Everything they touch is stained!”), The Notorious Daughter of Fanny Hill, A Smell of Honey a Swallow of Brine, She Freak, The Acid Eaters, The Lustful Turk, The Head Mistress, Brand of Shame (a nudie western), A Sweet Sickness, The Pick-Up, Thar She Blows, The Ramrodder, Starlet, Love Camp 7, The Master Piece, Trader Hornee, The Long, Swift Sword of Siegfried, The Suckers, The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hide, and The Erotic Adventures of Zorro.

TIME WARP: THE GREATEST CULT FILMS OF ALL-TIME: VOL. 2: HORROR AND SCI-FI (2020) *** ½

This second volume of musings and ruminations on the most beloved cult films of all time falls just short of the heights that its predecessor hit.  That comes as a bit of a disappointment too, seeing how it focuses on my favorite genre, horror (and sci-fi, too).  Still, there’s plenty of good stuff here to keep you watching, even if some of the stories behind the films feel a tad overly familiar this time around.  

The horror films showcased are Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Evil Dead, The Devil’s Rejects, The Human Centipede (First Sequence), Re-Animator, and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.  Sci-fi is represented by the likes of Death Race 2000, A Clockwork Orange, Blade Runner, Brother from Another Planet, Liquid Sky, and Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension.  Other than maybe Brother from Another Planet and Liquid Sky, this is a pretty solid list.  Some may bitch about the inclusion of such recent fare like The Devil’s Rejects and The Human Centipede, but there is no denying they will have staying power among cult movie fan circles for years to come.  It also helps that directors Rob Zombie and Tom Six make for enlightening and entertaining interview subjects.  

While this collection is a little uneven in places, it should still be a fun time for horror and sci-fi enthusiasts.  The film also serves as a nice tribute to the late masters of horror, Tobe Hooper and George Romero, who were both interviewed here shortly before their death.  As with the first installment, the big-name commentators offer lots of insights.  Sure, you might’ve already heard Bruce Campbell’s stories about the making of Evil Dead a hundred times if you’re a fan, but the way he tells them is never less than entertaining.  Besides, hearing Malcolm McDowell telling tales about Kubrick on the set of A Clockwork Orange and Jeff Goldblum criticizing his own performance in Buckaroo Banzai are worth the price of admission.  

TIME WARP: THE GREATEST CULT FILMS OF ALL-TIME: VOL. 1: MIDNIGHT MADNESS (2020) ****

Usually, these nostalgic documentaries on cult movies are empty, clip-driven affairs that play like a greatest hits compilation of memorable and iconic moments from the films featured.  Either that, or they employ a lot of talking heads that really have nothing to do with the movie and offer very little insight and/or regurgitate stuff you already knew about said pictures.  What makes Time Warp:  The Greatest Cult Films of All-Time:  Vol. 1:  Midnight Madness a treat for fans is that they were able to convince a LOT of the major players to come onboard and reminisce about the making of some of your favorite films.  I’m sure you would expect a movie like The Big Lebowski to be on a list like this.  However, the fact they got The Dude himself, Jeff Bridges to wax philosophical about the movie and the character really sets this compilation apart from other similar ventures.  

I also liked the framing sequences that feature the host, Gremlins director Joe Dante and a panel of guests that include Illeana Douglas, Kevin Pollack, and the incomparable John Waters who give commentary and lend their expertise to the films.  Their participation further cements Time Warp’s place among the premiere cult movie documentaries of all time.  Heck, I could’ve just listened to Waters all by himself gushing on and on about the movies.  

This first (of three) entry focuses primarily on Midnight Movies.  Many of the inclusions aren’t surprising, but there’s a lot more attention paid to what makes these movies so special to their particular audience than most docs provide.  The movies include The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Big Lebowski, Coffy, Foxy Brown, Reefer Madness, Freaks, Eraserhead, Pink Flamingos, Harold and Maude, This is Spinal Tap, Faster, Pussycat!  Kill!  Kill!, The Decline of Western Civilization, Assault on Precinct 13, The Naked Kiss, The Warriors, and Point Break.  The only one I really scratched my head at was Point Break, but other than that, Time Warp is a great primer for viewers looking to get into cult movies as well as fans who know most of these classics by heart.  

SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME (2021) ****

I’m going to try to be as non-spoilery as possible here.  Just know that this is the Spider-Man movie you’ve been waiting twenty years to see.  I can’t imagine any Spider-Man fan walking away disappointed from this one as it gives you enough Spider-Man action for three movies.  For my money, it is the best MCU flick of all time and is just as good, if not better than the Raimi sequels.  If it isn’t the best Spider-Man movie ever made, it’s certainly the most fun.  

This movie does what Into the Spider-Verse flirted with, but didn’t quite accomplish.  It embraces the legacy of Spider-Man and takes the previous installments of the past franchises and melds them perfectly together.  The previews already showed you footage of the Spider-villains from the Raimi and Webb series crossing over through the multiverse and into the MCU.  That’s really the tip of the iceberg.  I don’t want to spoil what happens in the second half of the film, but what I can tell you is that what you think is probably going to happen happens and it’s just as good, if not better than you’d expect.  

In the last film, Mysterio blew the whistle on Spider-Man and told the world he’s really Peter Parker (Tom Holland).  This makes his life a living hell, and in perfect Peter fashion, he tries to fix things and only winds up making it worse for himself.  He asks Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) to cast a spell to make everyone forget his alter ego, but when he tampers with the incantation, it causes a rift in the multiverse and everyone who’s ever known Spider-Man’s true identity crosses over.  

If there is one minor quibble it’s that it takes a while to get going.  I have a feeling director Jon Watts is really invested in the Peter/MJ/Ned triumvirate and wants to continue their storyline.  All that is fine, but their friendship scenes early on get the movie off to a slow start.  Once the action gets going though, it never stops, and their banter and interactions with Peter throughout his trials are sweet, so it’s easy to overlook the pokier scenes early in the film.  

Once Strange casts his spell, buckle up.  There’s a whole lot of Spider-action here as Spider-Man battles foes with familiar faces (although not to him).  During the most chaotic of action sequences, one thing stands out:  Tom Holland is a terrific Spider-Man.  He holds the movie together whenever it threatens to veer off path, and the empathy he shows to even the most dastardly of villains is touching.  Like the best Spider-Man movies, Peter gets kicked down and still manages to find the will to keep fighting back.  This movie really has an emotional core that Far From Home lacked and that Homecoming hinted at.  I’m not saying I got choked up or anything, but okay, it choked me up.  

And the parts I can’t talk about?  They will leave you cheering, applauding, and pumping your fist triumphantly.  In short, this Spider-Man is amazing.

Marvel Cinematic Universe Scorecard: 
Spider-Man:  No Way Home:  ****
Avengers:  Age of Ultron:  ****
The Incredible Hulk:  ****
Iron Man:  ****
Thor:  Ragnarok:  ****
Avengers:  Endgame:  ****
Ant-Man and the Wasp:  ****
Spider-Man:  Homecoming:  ****
Iron Man 3:  ****
Captain America:  Civil War:  *** ½
Ant-Man:  *** ½
Guardians of the Galaxy:  *** ½
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½ 
Avengers:  Infinity War:  *** ½
Black Panther:  *** ½ 
The Avengers:  ***
Captain America:  The First Avenger:  ***
Captain America:  The Winter Soldier:  ***
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings:  ***
Captain Marvel:  ***
Spider-Man:  Far from Home:  ***
Thor:  ***
Thor:  The Dark World:  ***
Iron Man 2:  ***
Doctor Strange:  ** ½ 
Black Widow:  ** ½  

Sunday, January 2, 2022

BLOOD TRACKS (1985) * ½

I’m always up for a good rock n’ roll-themed horror flick.  This is not a good one.  Heck, it can’t even deliver on the basic thrills the subgenre has to offer.  

Swedish rock band Easy Action goes to a snow-covered mountaintop to shoot a rock video.  There’s an avalanche, and the film crew is stuck snowbound on the mountain.  Eventually, they are attacked by a crazed mountain family.  

The first big miscalculation here is that Easy Action isn’t the main focus.  They lip synch half a song (the title tune) during the video shoot, but it’s not goofy enough to be fun and not good enough to be legitimately entertaining.  They look like decent enough guys.  I can only imagine how cool it would’ve been if the whole movie revolved around them in the snow in their big hair and spandex outfits fighting off the hillbilly killers.  

Another misstep is the fact that the action shifts from the snowbound cabin to a nearby abandoned factory about halfway through.  While Blood Tracks isn’t good, at least the snowy location set it apart from other rock n’ roll horror flicks.  Having the bulk of the film take place in a thoroughly generic warehouse just makes the second half even more of a chore to get through.  Very few horror films seem to take place in wintry climates.  Maybe Blood Tracks is proof there’s a reason why more horror flicks aren’t set in a winter wonderland.  

You can tell the filmmakers were going for a rock n’ roll Hills Have Eyes kind of vibe.  The problem is the characters are closer to Pod People than Trick or Treat.  The endless scenes of them scouting locations, wandering around in the snow, and splitting up to look for other crew members who have already been killed off are dull and repetitive.  The prologue explaining the killer family’s origins was totally unnecessary too, and the tacked-on narration to further connect the flashback to the events in the present day is laughable.  

There’s an OK severed head, but for the most part, the gore is weak.  Sometimes, it looks like it was trimmed to receive an R rating.  Other times, it’s just too dark to see what the hell just happened (which goes for many of the stalking and/or would-be suspense scenes).  The one legitimately cool moment happens at the very end when the main killer has his hand chopped off and as the heroes make their getaway, he cauterizes his stump on a red-hot shovel, effectively setting things up for a sequel that thankfully never happened.  

AKA:  Heavy Metal.  AKA:  Shocking Heavy Metal.