THE CAPITOL CONSPIRACY (1999) ***

When Don “The Dragon” Wilson was a kid, the government stuck him in a lab and experimented on his brain.  Now a federal agent, he uses psychic powers to hunt down criminals.  The persons of interest on his latest assignment seem to have similar powers of ESP.  When they all wind up dead under mysterious circumstances, Don begins to suspect someone is trying to cover up the top-secret project… and that he might be the next victim.  

Directed by Fred Olen Ray and produced by Roger Corman, The Capitol Conspiracy delivers just about what you would expect from a Don “The Dragon” Wilson movie directed by Fred Olen Ray and produced by Roger Corman.  There are plenty of fight scenes, gratuitous nudity, and well… that’s about it.  Then again, that’s about all you need.

Since this is a Ray picture, it’s fun seeing his usual cast of cohorts popping up here and there.  Richard Gabai turns up as a Fed, Robert Quarry is a senior agent, and best of all, Wendy Schumaker (using the name Alexander Keith) is Wilson’s busty partner.  We also get Jim Wynorski favorite, Arthur Roberts as one of Wilson’s superiors, Skinamax legend Paul Michael Robinson as an assassin, and none other than Barbara freakin’ Steele as Wilson’s boss.  Say what you will about the film’s shortcomings, but I say anytime you get to see Barbara Steele barking orders at Don “The Dragon” Wilson, it can’t be all bad.  

The surprisingly sturdy script keeps finding ways for Wilson to kickbox his way out of one predicament or the other, which helps keep things moving at a steady clip.  (Drunken wrestlers sexually harassing stewardesses on a plane, surly bikers in a bar finding out he’s a cop, etc.)  I also liked the fact that Wilson’s psychic tendencies help him out of a couple of jams, like when he is able to jump over (and under) a speeding car during a big chase scene. 

Ray (who also turns up in a cameo as a gunman) brings his usual proficiency to the Skinamax-style sex and nude scenes, which further help to liven up the proceedings.  The only real debit is the constant use of black and white flashbacks to Wilson being experimented on as a kid.  They’re mostly only there to pad out the running time, but they aren’t too intrusive overall.  Too bad the ending just sort of fizzles out.

Wilson is his usual charismatic self, but it’s Wendy Schumacher who steals the movie.  She looks great and is equally impressive while toting a gun as she is participating in nude scenes.  This was her last major role and it’s a shame she didn’t stick around in the business because she was always a welcome presence in these kinds of films.

AKA:  Prophet.  AKA:  Fist of Doom.

REVENGE OF THE SHOGUN WOMEN (1982) ****

From the makers of the excellent 3-D Kung Fu flick, Dynasty comes another awesome chopsocky classic that utilizes exploitation pioneer Michael Findlay’s “Super Depth” 3-D process.  It’s chockfull of stuff flying out of the screen.  Usually, whenever I review a 3-D movie, I give a rundown of all the 3-D effects that leap out at the audience.  If I did that for Revenge of the Shogun Women, this review would be ten-thousand words long.  Just know that tons of swords, fireballs, spears, arrows, sticks, lanterns, and poles jut out of the screen at a breakneck pace.  Many of these effects occur during a scene transition, which effectively works as a jump scare.  (I jumped more than once.)  If that isn’t a recommendation, I don’t know what is.  

Like Dynasty, Revenge of the Shogun Women is a rather typical Kung Fu movie that is enhanced by the omnipotent 3-D effects.  This one has an added dose of the rape n’ revenge genre, which gives it a little bit more of a nastier edge than Dynasty.  There’s also a terrific synthesizer score that sounds like something John Carpenter would’ve cooked up, which helps heighten the tension.

Bandits roam from village to village, ransacking homes, killing men, and raping women.  The rape victims are then sent to convents where their heads are shaved, and they are taught Kung Fu.  When the bandits interrupt a doctor and his bride’s nuptials, they turn to the Shogun Women for help.  The bald Buddhist babes eventually agree to help battle the bandits. 

The effects are gratuitous.  If you’re one of those people who like 3-D movies to admire the depth and scope of the frame, then this isn’t the flick for you.  If you’re like me and want to see a 3-D film that takes full advantage of the medium and constantly bombard the audience with stuff popping out at the screen, then this is the movie you’ve been waiting for.  This is the kind of 3-D film where a character says they’re going to a carnival, and it doesn’t advance the plot at all.  It just gives the filmmakers an excuse to film sword swallowers, knife throwers, and flame eaters hurling more crap at the audience’s eyeballs.  There’s also a great moment when the main Shogun Woman reveals her identity to the villain, triggering a rapid-fire array of flashbacks that play like a greatest hits compilation of all the 3-D effects that previously occurred in the film.  That is to say, it’s awesome.

AKA:  13 Golden Nuns.  AKA:  Revenge.  AKA:  13 Nuns.

THOR: LOVE AND THUNDER (2022) ***

While the God of Thunder, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is having out-of-this-world adventures with the Guardians of the Galaxy, back on Earth, his former flame, Jane (Natalie Portman) is fighting Stage 4 cancer.  With her prospects looking grim, she resorts to stealing Thor’s hammer, which not only keeps the cancer at bay, but turns her into a hammer-wielding goddess superheroine.  Meanwhile, Gorr, the God Butcher (Christian Bale) is going around the galaxy slaying gods left and right and seeks to make Thor his next victim.  

Returning Thor:  Ragnarok director Taika Waititi once again infuses the Thor brand with his style of irreverent humor.  While Love and Thunder doesn’t soar quite as high as the last entry, it’s a thoroughly entertaining outing, and is certainly more fun than the God of Thunder’s first two adventures.  Some of the running gags work better (the love triangle between Jane, Thor, and his old hammer) than others (the screaming goats).  I especially liked the goofy scenes of Thor fighting alongside the Guardians of the Galaxy in the early going.  (Would that make them the Asguardians of the Galaxy?)  This section of the film feels like a filmed version of a Marvel Team-Up comic.  

It feels a little choppy in places, mostly because the film keeps shifting gears from genre to genre.  (We get everything from space adventure to black and white horror movie to Terms of Endearment-style dramady.)  Although it lacks the confidence and freshness of Ragnarok, it hits some surprising emotional beats along the way, which really can’t be said about many of the MCU movies.  I wish the tone had been a little bit more consistent, but overall, it works more often than not.  

Returning stars Hemsworth and Portman once again display a lot of chemistry.  Hemsworth is particularly winning whenever he leans into the goofier aspects of the character.  (I loved the Jean-Claude Van Damme homage during the opening battle.)  The new cast members are inspired.  Bale gives it all he’s got as the tortured, brooding villain, and is given a better arc in one film than most Marvel heroes get in one “Phase”.  It was also fun seeing Russell Crowe turning up as Zeus and playing him as an obnoxious Greek stereotype.  (I almost expected him to say “Cheeseburger… cheeseburger… cheeseburger…” at one point.)

Marvel Cinematic Universe Scorecard: 

Spider-Man:  No Way Home:  ****

Avengers:  Age of Ultron:  ****

The Incredible Hulk:  ****

Iron Man:  ****

Thor:  Ragnarok:  ****

Avengers:  Endgame:  ****

Ant-Man and the Wasp:  ****

Spider-Man:  Homecoming:  ****

Iron Man 3:  ****

Captain America:  Civil War:  *** ½

Ant-Man:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½ 

Avengers:  Infinity War:  *** ½

Black Panther:  *** ½ 

The Avengers:  ***

Captain America:  The First Avenger:  ***

Captain America:  The Winter Soldier:  ***

Thor:  Love and Thunder:  ***

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness:  ***

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings:  ***

Captain Marvel:  ***

Spider-Man:  Far from Home:  ***

Thor:  ***

Thor:  The Dark World:  ***

Iron Man 2:  ***

Doctor Strange:  ** ½ 

Black Widow:  ** ½  

Eternals:  * ½ 

BAD GIRLS IN THE MOVIES (1986) ** ½

Bad Girls in the Movies is a compilation flick clocking in at just under an hour that showcases clips, scenes, and trailers for exploitation movies featuring bad girls, tough dames, racy women, and hot harlots.  

The framing device revolves around a bad girl named Tina (Ella Fial) being thrown in jail.  She gets sent to see the prison shrink (Ann Sherwood) who demands to know what being a bad girl is all about.  Tina gives her a lot of lip before eventually making with the clips.  Segments are devoted to movies about prostitutes, bad things happening to “good” girls, worthless men, and women who can fight and shoot.

The wraparound scenes with the babe behind bars are pretty unnecessary and feel like padding more than anything else.  Because of the prison motif used in the framing device, I thought they’d at least show some clips from juvenile delinquent or at the very least, Women in Prison movies, but unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.  If they cut back on all that jazz and stuck to playing B-movie clips, it might’ve been a real winner because there is some great stuff here.  

Fans of Al Adamson and Doris Wishman will be happy as many snippets of their films are featured.  My favorite moments include highlights from the trailer for Wishman’s Another Day, Another Man and the great “Want to see some boobies?” scene from Adamson’s Angels’ Wild Women.  Most of the scenes are taken from films from the ‘70s, but I liked that it also showed a lot of newsreel footage and scenes from “Scare” films of the ‘30s.  

For whatever reason, the scenes from Wishman’s movies are taken from the trailers.  Personally, I would’ve liked to have seen them in their entirety.  (The only one that’s shown in its complete form is, appropriately enough, Bad Girls Go to Hell.)  Fortunately, the best parts from the trailers are often used.  

Writer/director Domonic Paris made another compilation (that also had way too many wraparound scenes), Film House Fever, the same year.  

JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION (2022) ** ½

Well, it finally happened.  They made a Jurassic Park movie where the dinosaurs are more interesting than the human characters.  That’s perfectly acceptable though.  I mean, if you’re going to watch a dinosaur flick just to see dinosaurs stomping and chomping, you might as well care about them as characters.  

The script is a little rickety though.  It seemed like they wanted to bring back all the old characters from the Jurassic Park saga, but the filmmakers still felt obligated to continue the storyline from the last movie, Jurassic World:  Whatever the Hell They Called That One, so they just sort of split the difference.  That flick at least ended on a tantalizing note:  Dinosaurs cohabitating with humans.  This one kind of wraps up that storyline with a lame internet news video about the aftermath of the last one before doing its own thing.  Since “its own thing” features scenes of cowboys lassoing dinosaurs (which has major Valley of Gwangi vibes), raptors teaching their babies to hunt, and an underground dinosaur fight club, I can’t be overly critical about it.  

The scenes between Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are rather meh.  Pratt in particular just seems to be going through the motions, as he displays little of the spark and charm that he brought to the previous movies.  It’s hard to entirely blame him though since the screenplay gave him next to nothing to do.  

The stuff with the O.G. J.P. crew work slightly better.  The “getting the band back together” scenes between Sam Neill, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum are kind of fun, but it often seems like it came out of a completely different movie.  It’s almost as if they duct-taped two scripts together in an effort to appease the old school Jurassic Park fans and the newfangled Jurassic World fans.  That wouldn’t have been so bad if the film didn’t wait until the last twenty minutes to bring the new and old characters together.  Even then, it might’ve been forgivable had the script given the two crews any memorable interactions.  Like most of these legacy sequels, it just kind of reeks of missed opportunities.  

Human drama was never the series’ strong suit, so it’s sort of easy to write off a lot of the screenplay’s shortcomings.  Individual action sequences work as fun, mindless popcorn fodder, and the film is more entertaining than not.  Scenes of characters evading dinosaurs on a cracking frozen lake and parachuting into a swarm of flying dinosaurs pack a punch.  Ultimately, these moments feel more like levels in a video game than a movie.  It’s never dull; I’ll give it that.  It just feels a bit half-baked and forgettable.

EXPENSIVE TASTES (1978) *** ½

Maria Lease (using the pseudonym Jennifer Ray) directed this notorious roughie that still has the power to shock more than forty years after its original release.  It’s startlingly effective, not only because of its grungy grindhouse aesthetic, but because it’s a damned good movie too.

Joey Silvera and his girlfriend (Chrissy Peterson) are enjoying a nice evening in when a gang of masked home invaders tie him up and rape her.  As it turns out, this is just the sick way Joey and his buddies get their kicks.  A detective then hires a sexy call girl (Phaery Burd) to trap Joey and his rapist buddies.  

Although the opening gang scene is grueling, nasty, and long (almost twenty minutes), it does have a cinematic quality to it that makes it effective.  Lease does an equally impressive job during the scene where Silvera and his lover (Elaine Wells) get it on while a dirty movie is projected onto their bodies.  As this scene suggests, Expensive Tastes is in turns arty and exploitative, and sometimes works on both levels simultaneously.  It also earns points for focusing on the main character’s trauma.  Because of that, the film is not a mere catalyst for titillation, but also a psychological examination of emotional turmoil.  

Even the so-called “normal” sex scenes have a sleazy edge to them.  I’m thinking specifically of the scene where a hooker licks a guy’s hairy asshole.  Lease also made the Little Girls Blue movies (under her more well-known name, Joanna Williams), and they couldn’t be any more different.  Much of the film is definitely depraved and bawdy, but since it is taken from the female gaze, it has a touch of pathos and sympathy for the characters that are rarely found in the roughie genre.  

It's not quite perfect though.  The ending is awfully pat, and the plot is wrapped up way too quickly.  Still, if you’re looking for a Golden Age porn flick that has something more to offer than just cheap smutty thrills, then Expensive Tastes will fit the bill nicely.

AKA:  Expensive Taste.

SHANTY TRAMP (1967) ***

K. Gordon Murray, the American distributor best known for importing Mexican horror flicks stateside (not to mention the WTF children’s classic, Santa Claus) produced this sleazy southern fried sexploitation shocker.  If you love your smut with overexaggerated southern accents, beat-up film stock, ADHD camerawork, AND pointed anti-racist social commentary, then Shanty Tramp is for you!  Still not convinced?  Then the kick-ass theme song (which will live rent-free for days after you see it) will definitely change your mind.  

Eleanor Vaill stars as Emily, the titular tramp with a reputation.  She even openly flirts with the holy rolling preacher (Bill Rogers) after his sermon.  When her biker client gets too rough with her, a young black man (Lewis Galen) steps in and saves her.  Naturally, Emily thanks him the only way she knows how… with her body.  Predictably, her drunkard father (Otto Schlessinger) finds them in the throes of passion, and to save what little reputation she has, Emily claims she was raped.  Soon, the whole town is in an uproar.  

Shanty Tramp is sleazy, skeevy, and stupid, but the fact that it managed to tell its message so brazenly within the confines of a sexploitation movie makes it kind of special.  I mean, no one will mistake it for In the Heat of the Night or anything.  You just have to admire the way it wears its social consciousness on its sleeve.  While much of the technical merits are dubious at best, the editing is often dynamic and effective.  

Vaill is a hoot and a holler while delivering her sassy monologues.  She chews the scenery admirably and has several nude scenes too.  The real reason to see Shany Tramp though is for the theme song.  It is, as the kids say nowadays, a banger.  Too bad they play an annoying rendition of “When the Saints Come Marching In” three times as much.  

Future Porky’s director Bob Clark was the assistant director, and Vaill and Rogers also starred in Herschell Gordon Lewis’ A Taste of Blood the same year.