LET’S GET PHYSICAL: THE COCAINE FIENDS (1935) ***

FORMAT:  DVD (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on August 17th, 2007)

A sweet young girl named Jane (Lois January) gets seduced by a drug pushing thug named Nick (Noel Madison) who gives her “headache powders” which is actually cocaine. Nick (notice how all the pushers in these old drug movies are always called Nick) brings her to “the big city” and gets her hooked on coke. He keeps her locked up in a hotel room with another hooker and takes her out to schoolyards to push the stuff on kids. Nick also makes her push the dope at the “Dead Rat Café”. Her brother Eddie (Dean Benton) comes to the city looking for her and also becomes a “hophead” and his new fiancée is reduced to prostitution so he can get his fix. Eddie ends up in an opium den and Jane (now calling herself “Lil, the discarded gangster’s moll!”) tries to help him.

This ‘30s drug scare film is more serious and believable (and depressing) than most and is closer in tone to Marihuana than Reefer Madness. Although too much time is spent on the musical acts at the Dead Rat Café, this is probably the most realistic depiction of addiction seen on the screen at that time. The print is pretty jumpy and scratchy but shouldn’t detract from your enjoyment.

AKA: The Pace That Kills.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: CHAINED FOR LIFE (1952) ** ½

FORMAT:  DVD (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on August 17th, 2007)

The Siamese Hilton twins Daisy and Violet from Freaks return to the screen nearly 20 years later in this film loosely based on their own lives. Their real-life story was much more dramatic than this fluff, but Freaks fans will want to check this, their only other film appearance, out.

They star as “The Hamilton Sisters”, Dorothy and Vivian who are on trial for murder! They’re questioned by the prosecutor and tell their life story in flashbacks. They once starred in a vaudeville show where their manager schemed to have Dorothy married to a sharpshooter for publicity. Dorothy actually falls in love with him though and predictably gets her heart broken by the no-good louse. In the end though, it’s Vivian who pulls the trigger! The film leaves us with the question should Dorothy also be punished for Vivian’s crime since they’re Siamese twins?

The film’s best scene is a fantasy sequence in which Dorothy imagines that she becomes separated from Vivian and gets to frolic around with her new love. The effects in this scene are pretty low-grade (Vivian is either hidden behind a tree or a sheet and Dorothy’s obvious stand in is only photographed from far away), but the scene remains oddly effective. There’s as an odd but interesting scene where the sisters go to a helpful blind preacher for guidance, and he talks a lot of gobbledygook about “God’s mysterious ways.” The Hilton sisters are pretty good and do several numbers, but other acts (plate jugglers, accordionists, bicyclists, etc.) take up too much time though. It’s not as exploitative as you might expect, but it suffers from comparison to Freaks. The Hiltons died penniless fifteen years later.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: CHILD BRIDE (1938) ***

FORMAT:  DVD (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on August 17th, 2007)

Kroger Babb produced this eye-opening, jaw-dropping Roadshow production. A crusading schoolteacher in a backwoods community tries to get the practice of underage marriage abolished. “Child Marriage must go!” She gets her square-jawed boyfriend to help her, and he even goes to the Governor about it. The hillbilly menfolk don’t take kindly to her jabbering and want to protect their right to statutory rape, so they put on hoods and kidnap her. They aim to tar and feather her, but she’s rescued by a dwarf (perennial dwarf actor Angelo Rossito) and the village idiot named Happy. The leader of the mob gets what he wants though by blackmailing his way into marrying little Jennie (Shirley Mills). Don’t sweat over them consummating the marriage, because everything gets worked out in the end as Jennie gets an impromptu divorce.

Like most Roadshow movies, this was sort of a bait and switch. It was advertised as anti-child marriage propaganda, but more time is spent on hillbilly drama than jailbait courting. ‘30s theatergoers sat through all the hillbilly shenanigans to see the much-publicized skinny dip by twelve-year-old Shirley Mills. The scene will actually disappoint perverts who dig that sort of thing because it’s actually filmed (SHOCK!) rather tastefully. This relic remains entertaining as all get out, both from a cult movie standing as well as an “Oh know they didn’t” viewpoint, and is recommended for everyone who thinks they’ve seen it all.

AKA: Child Brides. AKA: Child Bride of the Ozarks. AKA: Dust to Dust.

THE MYSTERIANS (1959) ***

A giant alien named Moguera comes to Earth causing destruction and wreaking havoc.  Its creators, the Mysterians, a race of aliens who wear cool motorcycle helmets on their heads, call off the monster and offer mankind a truce.  They say they won’t instigate war with the earthlings as long as they can mate with our women!  Well, we can’t have that now, can we!  Earth’s best scientists then set out to find a way to use the Mysterians’ advanced weapons of war against them. 

The Mysterians is a lot of fun, mostly because Moguera is a cool monster.  He has a robot body, a large anteater-like snout, and he shoots lasers from his glowing eyes.  I kind of wish he had a little more screen time, but luckily the flick continues to be quite entertaining even in his absence. 

Directed by Ishiro (Godzilla) Honda, The Mysterians is like getting three films for the price of one.  The first act is like your typical Japanese monster movie as it features Moguera doing some first-rate monster mashing.  The middle section plays like a goofy sci-fi flick full of cool aliens in spiffy colorful outfits.  Things more or less turn into a war picture by the end, and although some of the military action in the third act tends to get repetitive, it’s nevertheless a lot of fun.  Heck, even the human drama is fast-paced and engrossing. 

Akira Ifukube delivers another fine score too.  There are definitely elements of his iconic score to Godzilla at work here, but the music still has its own vibe and style.  Overall, any fan of kaiju cinema should check it out.  It’s another winner from Toho that may not be as well-known as Godzilla, but it definitely deserves a look. 

A sequel titled Battle in Outer Space followed. 

AKA:  Defense Force of Earth.  AKA:  Phantom 7000.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: DELINQUENT PARENTS (1938) ***

FORMAT:  DVD

Shortly after WWI, a young couple are forced to give their daughter up for adoption.  Years later, the mother (Helen MacKellar) becomes a judge presiding over a juvenile court.  Meanwhile, Carol (Doris Weston), the daughter she gave away becomes infatuated with a boy who’s constantly in trouble with the law.  When her cousin gets jealous, she breaks the news that Carol was adopted.  Reeling from the revelation, she tries to make it on her own in the world and gets a job as a nightclub singer.  Carol soon gets mixed up with gangsters and the judge tries to help her out.  However, the question remains:  Will Carol learn the identity of her mother?

Directed by Nick Grinde (who went on to make a bunch of Boris Karloff thrillers), Delinquent Parents begins like a juvenile delinquent movie.  Since this was an early example of the genre, that means instead of teens running around town with leather jackets and switchblades, the teens just drink alcohol and jitterbug into the night.  Heathens! 

However, as the movie progresses, a funny thing begins to happen.  You start to care about the characters and get caught up in the drama.  I wasn’t expecting that from a set of films that featured wild-eyed reefer smokers and test tube babies.  

In fact, of all the films in the Exploitation Madness box set, Delinquent Parents feels the closest to an actual movie that a studio would put out, despite its low budget.  While it’s not nearly as tawdry as some of the flicks featured on the set, it’s briskly paced, well-acted, and entertaining.  Although the stuff involving the gangsters is wrapped up a little too pat, the drama between the judge and Carol is surprisingly compelling.  Their relationship is what makes this flick a cut above the rest and the bittersweet finale ends things on just the right note.  

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: GAMBLING WITH SOULS (1936) ** ½

FORMAT:  DVD (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on August 18th, 2007)

A happily married woman named Mae (Martha Chapin) gets bored of dull bridge parties and gets sucked into the world of underground gambling. Slowly but surely, she becomes indebted to the seedy gangster Lucky Wilder (Wheeler Oakman) and she’s soon reduced to becoming an escort girl to pay off her gambling debts. Wilder also lures her sister into the gambling racket and when she ends up dead under mysterious circumstances, Mae guns down Lucky while the place gets raided by the cops. This flick is more realistic and believable and is more stylish than most “educational” exploitation fare of the time. It also has considerable skill in front and behind the camera, but that doesn’t necessarily make it “better”. The main problem with the film is that gambling isn’t as taboo or shocking as say sex and drugs. It’s also padded with too much footage of boxing, wrestling and chorus girls to boot. Oakman also starred in such Adults Only films as Escort Girl and Slaves in Bondage.

AKA: The Vice Racket.

THE BOOGEYMAN (2023) **

Lester Billings (David Dastmalchian) is a disturbed patient obsessed with the Boogeyman.  He comes to the home of widowed therapist, Dr. Harper (Chris Messina) for help.  Before his time is up, Lester hangs himself in a closet.  Soon, the doctor’s kids begin seeing the spectral Boogeyman lurking in their closet.  Naturally, dumbass dad doesn’t believe them, and it’s up to the kids to kill the Boogeyman once and for all. 

Directed by Rob Savage, this is a sharp U-Turn in terms of style and substance from his previous film, the manic minor classic Dashcam.  Too bad Savage couldn’t inject the picture with a little of Dashcam’s fun.  If any movie needed it, it was this one.

Based on a short story by Stephen King, The Boogeyman is a watchable, but watered-down PG-13 horror flick.  It’s definitely closer in tone to a Japanese horror movie as the Boogeyman looks like the offspring of Samara from The Ring and Gollum from Lord of the Rings.  (Hey, they’re both into rings, so it might work out for them.)  It doesn’t help that the titular monster is a lackluster CGI creation.  This Boogeyman is more like a bargain bin Babadook.  (And like many Japanese horror films, this is also one of those flicks where the appearance of mold on the wall is supposedly to be “scary”.) 

Despite a strong performance by Sophie Thatcher as Messina’s teenage daughter, atmospheric cinematography, and slick production values, The Boogeyman never quite comes together.  The small stretch that adapts the King story is fine, even though it ditches its memorable ending.  Whenever the filmmakers start spinning the story into their own directions (it was co-written by the writers of A Quiet Place), the movie falters. 

One thing is for sure, The Boogeyman will make you sleep with the lights on… as in you’ll probably start watching it with the lights on and then fall asleep before the movie is even over.