WATCHER (2022) **

Julia (Maika Monroe from Longlegs) is an American gal who moves to Romania with her husband (Karl Glusman).  Since he’s at work all day and she doesn’t speak Romanian, Julia mostly just hangs around her apartment all by herself.  Before long, she notices a man obsessively watching her from the apartment across the street.  She soon starts to suspect that her nosy neighbor just may be a local serial killer known as “The Spider”, who decapitates women.  Naturally, nobody believes her.  Is he really a killer, or it is all in her mind?

Most times when movies are made in Romania, the filmmakers bend over backwards to make you believe the action is actually taking place in America.  Very few films lean into their Romanian surroundings, so that at the very least, makes Watcher seem somewhat novel.  Speaking of novelties, we get a pretty good scene set inside a museum-turned-strip club where all the dancers strip behind glass cases.  I can honestly say I haven’t seen that before.

Since Monroe is a firmly established Scream Queen, we know she can act paranoid and scared.  However, she also does a good job of conveying her character’s sense of isolation and loneliness in the early going of the film.  Sadly, her performance is pretty much the whole show in this one. 

While the movie contains a few merits, it ultimately fails as a thriller.  That’s mostly due to the fact that the majority of the film is comprised of the watcher watching Monroe or Monroe watching the watcher.  I have to be honest:  Watching people watching other people can get a little tedious after a while.  It’s also one of those thrillers where you’re forced to wait until the final reel before something really happens, and when it finally does, it’s lackluster and anticlimactic. 

Unless you’re a fan of Monroe, then it’s probably hard to justify watching Watcher. 

THE INHERITANCE (2024) ** ½

Bob Gunton stars as a reclusive billionaire who invites his estranged children to his sprawling mansion under the auspices of celebrating his 75th birthday.  Once the clan has arrived, he tells them the real reason they’ve been drawn together:  Someone has put a hit out on him, and the deadline for the execution is midnight.  If his brood fails to stop the unknown assassin, they will all be effectively cut out of the will.  If, however, he manages to survive, his children may claim their hefty inheritance. 

This sort of set-up would feel right at home in a Hammer horror movie from the ‘60s.  Heck, I think it would be closer to say that it could’ve come out of an Old Dark House mystery from the ‘30s.  The Inheritance updates that bare bones structure with a modern sensibility and snark that’s comparable to other recent family horror flicks like You’re Next and Ready or Not (although it’s not nearly as funny or effective as those films). 

After a fine first act, the fun slowly begins to dwindle as the movie goes on.  The reveal that Gunton’s attacker is (mild spoiler) supernatural in nature is sort of a mixed blessing.  While this allows the assailant unique opportunities to sneak up on its intended victims (like the swimming pool murder), the body count is low, and the kills aren’t exactly bloody or suspenseful.  At least the filmmakers used some restraint when it came to the CGI. 

Director Alejandro (Juan of the Dead) Brugues gives the film a sense of style and atmosphere and should be commended for keeping things running at a tight clip.  Most of the time in these kinds of movies, the pacing tends to dawdle with a lot of Scooby-Doo scenes of people walking down dark corridors and finding secret passages.  Fortunately, Brugues keeps that shit to a minimum.  It’s a shame though that the hottest chick gets Janet Leigh’ed early on, but at least we have Rachel (P2) Nichols around as the ice queen sibling who’s all business.  Too bad she doesn’t last much longer. 

URGH! A MUSIC WAR (1981) ***

Urgh!  A Music War is a decent enough snapshot of punk, new wave, and rock bands of the early ‘80s.  Since Stewart Copeland’s brothers Ian and Miles produced it, The Police are featured more than any other band.  (They’re still pretty good though.)  Other highlights include Wall of Voodoo (“Back in Flesh”), Oingo Boingo (“Ain’t This the Life?”), Echo and the Bunnymen (“The Puppet”), The Dead Kennedys (“Bleed for Me”), DEVO (“Uncontrollable Urge”), and Gary Numan singing “Down in the Park” while riding around in a remote controlled throne on a stage that looks like it could’ve come out of Tron. 

Much of the concert footage leaves something to be desired as it is presented in a rather generic fashion.  The uninspired editing likewise causes many of the performances to run together without allowing the audience time to catch their breath.  Also, since the bands were captured on different stages throughout the world, there is very little cohesion from one performance to the next.  It is interesting to see some of the lesser-known bands singing obscure songs alongside Rock and Roll Hall of Famers and their all-time classics.  For example, Athletico Spizz 80’s “Where’s Captain Kirk?” is followed by The Go-Go’s singing “We Got the Beat” and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts (“Bad Reputation”) plays right before Magazine (“Model Worker”). 

It’s not bad or anything.  It’s just that there’s way too much filler in between the good stuff.  (Apparently there’s an alternate version that leaves some of the lesser-known bands on the cutting room floor.)

For me though the footage of The Cramps singing “Tear it Up” makes up for a lot of the criticisms.  The camera is right in front of Lux Interior’s mug during all his sweaty, microphone-swallowing antics.  There was a moment there when I actually thought he was going to jump out of his skintight leather pants.  I may be a little biased because I’m a huge fan of The Cramps, but it’s totally worth owning the movie just for their performance alone. 

THE TYPEWRITER, THE RIFLE AND THE MOVIE CAMERA (1996) ****

If you had the Independent Film Channel back in the ‘90s, then you probably remember this hour-long documentary about director Sam Fuller as it pretty much played on the channel non-stop.  I watched it a bunch of times back then and even after I saw it more than a few times, if it was on, I would still let it play out as background noise.  The use of clips from Fuller’s best movies and the scenes of Quentin Tarantino, Jim Jarmusch, and Martin Scorsese talking about Fuller were still entertaining, no matter how many times I saw it.  I actually hadn’t thought about it in a long time, so when I saw it listed as a special feature on the Criterion Collection DVD of Shock Corridor, I knew I had to check it out, if only for old times’ sake. 

Directed by Adam (Carnosaur) Simon and hosted by Tim Robbins, this is a compact, concise, and to the point documentary.  That style fits Fuller’s personality and approach to filmmaking perfectly.  The title is a reference to the three careers Fuller had:  A newspaper man, a soldier, and a director.  His first two professions not only informed his filmmaking style but forever shaped him as a man. 

Fuller himself is quite a character.  You can tell he’s a natural storyteller just from the way he stands around, chomps on a cigar, and shoots the shit.  That distinct voice and spirit carries over to his work, making his films and the man who made them one of a kind.  It’s almost a shame it’s only an hour long because I’m sure there’s plenty more entertaining B-roll footage somewhere of him just spinning yarns. 

The scenes of Robbins and Tarantino sorting through Fuller’s office and geeking out at all the memorabilia from his films are worth the price of admission.  I mean, as soon as they open the door, they find the steel helmet from The Steel Helmet!  How cool is that?  Speaking of which, Scorsese even admits he cribbed from Steel Helmet when he made Raging Bull! 

Even if you are unfamiliar with Fuller, this will make an excellent primer.  If you’re a fan of Tarantino or Scorsese, it’s worth watching just for their insights.  All in all, The Typewriter, the Rifle and the Movie Camera is one of the best documentaries about movies ever made. 

SHOCK CORRIDOR (1963) ****

The word “auteur” gets thrown around a lot when it comes to writer/directors.  Very few of them have a filmography infused with such a singular voice and vision that befits the term.  For me, Sam Fuller is one of the few definitive auteurs in film history and Shock Corridor very well may be his masterpiece. 

Peter (The Big Valley) Breck stars as a journalist with dreams of winning a Pulitzer Prize who goes undercover as a mental patient in an insane asylum to solve a murder.  The list of crazies/potential witnesses include an opera singing nut (Larry Tucker), a kook who thinks he’s a Civil War general (The Dukes of Hazzard’s James Best), a black Klansman (Hari Rhodes), and an infantile physicist (Fuller regular Gene Evans).  The only problem is the longer Breck stays in the asylum, the more the line between journalist and patient begins to blur. 

Shock Corridor has a hard-hitting pulpy style that is genuine.  Many directors try for this sort of larger than life feel and fumble it, but it comes naturally for Fuller.  While his westerns of the ‘50s are often very good, it’s his noirs from the ‘60s that remain touchstones.  Of all his films, this is probably his most cinematic and haunting, as it is a harrowing account of ambition and madness. 

At times, it feels like a genre-bending version of a detective story as it shares a similar structure, but the setting and unforgettable characters (especially Rhodes) make for an unshakable experience.  Other times, it feels like a nightmare you can’t wake up from.  In either case, Fuller’s blunt force trauma directing style makes it certain you’re in for one helluva ride. 

Breck (who also starred in The Crawling Hand, Hootenanny Hoot, and this, all in the same year) is excellent in the lead as he sways from “faking it” to becoming dangerously close to actual madness.  Constance Towers, who was also in Fuller’s equally memorable The Naked Kiss, does a great striptease dance number and looks especially terrific when she appears to Breck as a vision while in the nuthouse.  Their performances, along with Fuller’s unmistakable style, make Shock Corridor an all-timer. 

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE BEAUTIFUL (1970) **

Bruce Harrington (Harold Herbsman) is a politician who is leading in the polls and is a shoo-in to win the election.  People attribute his popularity to the fact his wife Helen (Janis Young) is super-hot.  Trouble brews when a guy who calls himself “The Flying Man” (Osgood Scott) shows up with incriminating pictures of Helen and threatens to expose her sordid past of drinking, drugs, wild parties, and even her short trip to the booby hatch.  With her husband’s election at stake, Helen has no choice but to pay him off.  However, when he returns later and tries to force himself on her, Helen fights back and the Flying Man winds up dead.  That REALLY puts the future senator’s political career in jeopardy. 

This New York City-lensed sexploitation drama feels a little too much like a soap opera in some places to really work as smut.  The blackmail subplot is kind of dull too and gets in the way of the sex scenes.  The long flashback sequence set at an orgiastic party goes on forever.  Although this scene does provide the film with some glimpses of much needed T & A, it pretty much stops the narrative cold right in the middle of the movie.  The open-ended ending is a little frustrating as well.  This sort of coda may have worked for a plot that was more fanciful, but when it’s used for this kind of realistic drama, it falls flat. 

That’s not to say that The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful doesn’t have its moments.  In fact, it’s at its best when it’s focusing on the subplot surrounding the sexual hang-ups of the politician’s servants.  I mean what other movie gives you a scene where the wonderful character actor Allen Garfield plays a horny chauffeur who bangs a hot maid (Jennifer Welles, a veteran of many Joe Sarno movies) in the middle of the woods?  Welles also gets a hot scene where she turns into a dominatrix, grabs a whip, and flogs the naughty politician.  If Young and Herbsman had the same kind of chemistry that Garfield and Welles shared, the film would’ve been much steamier.  The music is pretty good though, as is the black and white cinematography. 

ROBOCOP: DARK JUSTICE (2001) **

After three theatrical films, a cartoon, and a TV show, Robocop was once again resurrected for television as Robocop:  Prime Directives, a series of four Made for TV movies.  This was the first entry.  Page Fletcher plays Robocop, who is down in the dumps because it’s his (tenth) birthday.  He soon finds himself at a moral crossroads when someone messes with his programming and orders him to kill his former partner John Cable (Maurice Dean Wint).  Meanwhile, Cable’s ex-wife Sara (Maria del Mara) has created a cabal of executives within OCP and plots an overthrow of the company. 

Sure, it’s a low budget TV show, but a lot of it still seems relevant today with the anti-AI sentiment and the fact that the yuppie corporate guy’s plan is more or less like Elon Musk’s DOGE bullshit.  It’s also interesting that the police have been defunded so they only carry non-lethal alternatives like mace and tasers, but Robo is still able to pack heat.  That said, if you were unhappy with the watered-down cartoonish world of Robocop 3, you’ll probably hate this.  There’s a laughable villain called “Bone Machine” that looks ridiculous and says stupid shit like, “You’re boned, baby!”  Plus, many of the attempts at satire fall flat.  (There’s a bank called “Chelsea Clinton Savings and Loan”.)  The “Media Break” moments are kind of fun though.  This time they are updated for the World Wide Web and feature pop-up ads selling things like DVDs of “Robocop’s Greats Hits” and an all-John Malkovich Channel (not a bad idea).

Fletcher (who starred in the HBO series, The Hitchhiker, a show that original Robocop director Paul Verhoeven helmed a few episodes for) isn’t all that great in the lead and his Robo voice takes some time getting used to.  The constant flashbacks of him before he became Robocop seem less like character development and more of a cost cutting measure.  (You know, so they don’t have to haul out the Robo suit.)  Speaking of the suit, it’s a definite downgrade from the theatrical movies, but I did like the way they dinged it up to make it seem lived in. 

All in all, Robocop:  Dark Justice is what it is:  An inferior TV version of an all-time classic hard-R movie.  If you can come to grips with that you might like it.  Ultimately, it’s one of those “good news, bad news” scenarios.  For every fun moment or semi-interesting element (like Robocop’s now grown son working for OCP), there’s at least one or two corny bits that throw cold water on everything.  I’ll probably return to the series and watch the rest of the movies eventually, but I can honestly tell you I’m in no particular rush to do so. 

AKA:  Robocop:  Prime Directives:  AKA:  Robocop:  Prime Directives:  Dark Justice.