HATCHING (2022) ****

A woman (Sophia Heilkila) is obsessed with her video blog showcasing her idyllic family.  After her young daughter Tinja (Siliri Solalinna) mercy kills a wounded bird, she brings its egg back home and tries to hatch it.  The egg grows exponentially and when it finally cracks open, a giant cute bird monster comes out.  The bird imprints itself on Tinja, who soon learns that motherhood isn’t all it’s… uh… cracked up to be.  In fact, it’s fucking disgusting. 

To reveal any more would do potential viewers a massive disservice.  One of the joys of Hatching is the way it dekes and dodges your expectations.  Its willingness to “go there” time and again also gives it the juice most Hollywood thrillers only dream of.  (It was a Finnish production.)

Hatching is one heck of a debut for writer/director Hanna Bergholm.  I especially liked the way she slowly draws the curtain back on the family’s life to reveal it’s not the picture-perfect existence the mother portrays online.  Not only that, but the way Bergholm contrasts Tinja’s mothering skills to that of her mom’s is downright savage.  While Tinja doesn’t shy away from the messier aspects of being a mom (like cleaning up all kinds of gross crap her “baby” leaves behind), her mother is “hands off” and “very online”. 

Now you may have preconceived notions about what a movie involving a young girl raising a bird monster should look like.  You’re probably thinking it’s going to be some Mac and Me bullshit or something.  Let me tell you something folks, this movie is deranged.  It fluctuates from cutesy stuff (like Tinja giving the bird a bath) to repugnant lunacy (the bird decapitates the neighbor’s dog) and you never know quite what you’re in for from scene to scene. 

You all know me.  You know how I earn my living.  You know I’ve been watching fucked up insane shit for decades with a cast iron stomach.  This may be the first time I ever dry-heaved while watching a movie.  I didn’t vomit, but I kinda wished I had a barf bag on hand just in case.  I won’t spoil it for you.  All I’ll say is that it’s going to be a long time before I feed a bird. 

If nearly making a dyed in the wool gorehound almost upchuck isn’t a recommendation, I don’t know what is. 

CROCODYLUS: MATING SEASON (2023) ****

Locals tell tales of the legendary “Crocodylus” that roams a lake in Florida.  Meanwhile, Allie (Rachel Comeau) contacts a sleazy detective (Chuck Fusca) to find her missing brother.  Seems he was dying of cancer and took an experimental drug laced with crocodile DNA and then suddenly disappeared.  Gee… do you think he could’ve turned into a crocodile man and gone on a rampage? 

Apparently, this is a sequel to Crocodylus, a movie I hadn’t seen before.  Luckily, there’s enough exposition by the characters that made me feel sufficiently caught up on things.  I mean, I guess I could’ve gone ahead and watched the first film beforehand, but I’m the kind of guy who sees the words “Mating Season” in the title of a creature feature and immediately hits PLAY on that sucker. 

I wasn’t expecting this to be so much fun, but it really is a breath of fresh air.  After so many SyFy Channel movies featuring shoddy CGI, it’s refreshing to find one where the monster looks like it came out of a Roger Corman movie… from the ‘50s.  (Actually, it looks like a pretty close replica of the monster from Track of the Moon Beast.)  It still contains all the green-tinted POV shots you’d expect from something like this, but Mating Season also has the novelty of including “Mouth Cam” during a scene where some swimmers are eaten. 

It’s also nice when one of these things doesn’t take itself too seriously.  It has some genuinely funny moments and memorable characters too.  From the boat captain who dresses and talks like a pirate to the down-on-his-luck private eye (who has a Jedi training certificate hanging in his office), nearly everyone in the cast is fun to watch.  Usually, with something like this, you’re laughing at how bad it is.  I was pleasantly shocked to find so many laugh-out-loud gags and gut-busting moments.  (Like the lovemaking scene between the two leads or when the monster interrupts a guy putting suntan lotion on a girl’s back.)  Sure, not all the jokes land, and it probably could’ve stood to be seventy-five minutes instead of eighty-five.  That in no way detracts from the fun.

So, if you like monster movies that take themselves way too seriously and are full of unnecessary CGI, then steer clear of Crocodylus:  Mating Season.  However, if you’re looking for a creature feature with a Zucker Brothers sense of humor and knowingly silly make-up and effects, you’re going to love it.  It’s one of the best of its kind and a certified modern classic. 

WATCHER (2022) **

Julia (Maika Monroe from Longlegs) is an American gal who moves to Romania with her husband (Karl Glusman).  Since he’s at work all day and she doesn’t speak Romanian, Julia mostly just hangs around her apartment all by herself.  Before long, she notices a man obsessively watching her from the apartment across the street.  She soon starts to suspect that her nosy neighbor just may be a local serial killer known as “The Spider”, who decapitates women.  Naturally, nobody believes her.  Is he really a killer, or it is all in her mind?

Most times when movies are made in Romania, the filmmakers bend over backwards to make you believe the action is actually taking place in America.  Very few films lean into their Romanian surroundings, so that at the very least, makes Watcher seem somewhat novel.  Speaking of novelties, we get a pretty good scene set inside a museum-turned-strip club where all the dancers strip behind glass cases.  I can honestly say I haven’t seen that before.

Since Monroe is a firmly established Scream Queen, we know she can act paranoid and scared.  However, she also does a good job of conveying her character’s sense of isolation and loneliness in the early going of the film.  Sadly, her performance is pretty much the whole show in this one. 

While the movie contains a few merits, it ultimately fails as a thriller.  That’s mostly due to the fact that the majority of the film is comprised of the watcher watching Monroe or Monroe watching the watcher.  I have to be honest:  Watching people watching other people can get a little tedious after a while.  It’s also one of those thrillers where you’re forced to wait until the final reel before something really happens, and when it finally does, it’s lackluster and anticlimactic. 

Unless you’re a fan of Monroe, then it’s probably hard to justify watching Watcher. 

THE INHERITANCE (2024) ** ½

Bob Gunton stars as a reclusive billionaire who invites his estranged children to his sprawling mansion under the auspices of celebrating his 75th birthday.  Once the clan has arrived, he tells them the real reason they’ve been drawn together:  Someone has put a hit out on him, and the deadline for the execution is midnight.  If his brood fails to stop the unknown assassin, they will all be effectively cut out of the will.  If, however, he manages to survive, his children may claim their hefty inheritance. 

This sort of set-up would feel right at home in a Hammer horror movie from the ‘60s.  Heck, I think it would be closer to say that it could’ve come out of an Old Dark House mystery from the ‘30s.  The Inheritance updates that bare bones structure with a modern sensibility and snark that’s comparable to other recent family horror flicks like You’re Next and Ready or Not (although it’s not nearly as funny or effective as those films). 

After a fine first act, the fun slowly begins to dwindle as the movie goes on.  The reveal that Gunton’s attacker is (mild spoiler) supernatural in nature is sort of a mixed blessing.  While this allows the assailant unique opportunities to sneak up on its intended victims (like the swimming pool murder), the body count is low, and the kills aren’t exactly bloody or suspenseful.  At least the filmmakers used some restraint when it came to the CGI. 

Director Alejandro (Juan of the Dead) Brugues gives the film a sense of style and atmosphere and should be commended for keeping things running at a tight clip.  Most of the time in these kinds of movies, the pacing tends to dawdle with a lot of Scooby-Doo scenes of people walking down dark corridors and finding secret passages.  Fortunately, Brugues keeps that shit to a minimum.  It’s a shame though that the hottest chick gets Janet Leigh’ed early on, but at least we have Rachel (P2) Nichols around as the ice queen sibling who’s all business.  Too bad she doesn’t last much longer. 

URGH! A MUSIC WAR (1981) ***

Urgh!  A Music War is a decent enough snapshot of punk, new wave, and rock bands of the early ‘80s.  Since Stewart Copeland’s brothers Ian and Miles produced it, The Police are featured more than any other band.  (They’re still pretty good though.)  Other highlights include Wall of Voodoo (“Back in Flesh”), Oingo Boingo (“Ain’t This the Life?”), Echo and the Bunnymen (“The Puppet”), The Dead Kennedys (“Bleed for Me”), DEVO (“Uncontrollable Urge”), and Gary Numan singing “Down in the Park” while riding around in a remote controlled throne on a stage that looks like it could’ve come out of Tron. 

Much of the concert footage leaves something to be desired as it is presented in a rather generic fashion.  The uninspired editing likewise causes many of the performances to run together without allowing the audience time to catch their breath.  Also, since the bands were captured on different stages throughout the world, there is very little cohesion from one performance to the next.  It is interesting to see some of the lesser-known bands singing obscure songs alongside Rock and Roll Hall of Famers and their all-time classics.  For example, Athletico Spizz 80’s “Where’s Captain Kirk?” is followed by The Go-Go’s singing “We Got the Beat” and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts (“Bad Reputation”) plays right before Magazine (“Model Worker”). 

It’s not bad or anything.  It’s just that there’s way too much filler in between the good stuff.  (Apparently there’s an alternate version that leaves some of the lesser-known bands on the cutting room floor.)

For me though the footage of The Cramps singing “Tear it Up” makes up for a lot of the criticisms.  The camera is right in front of Lux Interior’s mug during all his sweaty, microphone-swallowing antics.  There was a moment there when I actually thought he was going to jump out of his skintight leather pants.  I may be a little biased because I’m a huge fan of The Cramps, but it’s totally worth owning the movie just for their performance alone. 

THE TYPEWRITER, THE RIFLE AND THE MOVIE CAMERA (1996) ****

If you had the Independent Film Channel back in the ‘90s, then you probably remember this hour-long documentary about director Sam Fuller as it pretty much played on the channel non-stop.  I watched it a bunch of times back then and even after I saw it more than a few times, if it was on, I would still let it play out as background noise.  The use of clips from Fuller’s best movies and the scenes of Quentin Tarantino, Jim Jarmusch, and Martin Scorsese talking about Fuller were still entertaining, no matter how many times I saw it.  I actually hadn’t thought about it in a long time, so when I saw it listed as a special feature on the Criterion Collection DVD of Shock Corridor, I knew I had to check it out, if only for old times’ sake. 

Directed by Adam (Carnosaur) Simon and hosted by Tim Robbins, this is a compact, concise, and to the point documentary.  That style fits Fuller’s personality and approach to filmmaking perfectly.  The title is a reference to the three careers Fuller had:  A newspaper man, a soldier, and a director.  His first two professions not only informed his filmmaking style but forever shaped him as a man. 

Fuller himself is quite a character.  You can tell he’s a natural storyteller just from the way he stands around, chomps on a cigar, and shoots the shit.  That distinct voice and spirit carries over to his work, making his films and the man who made them one of a kind.  It’s almost a shame it’s only an hour long because I’m sure there’s plenty more entertaining B-roll footage somewhere of him just spinning yarns. 

The scenes of Robbins and Tarantino sorting through Fuller’s office and geeking out at all the memorabilia from his films are worth the price of admission.  I mean, as soon as they open the door, they find the steel helmet from The Steel Helmet!  How cool is that?  Speaking of which, Scorsese even admits he cribbed from Steel Helmet when he made Raging Bull! 

Even if you are unfamiliar with Fuller, this will make an excellent primer.  If you’re a fan of Tarantino or Scorsese, it’s worth watching just for their insights.  All in all, The Typewriter, the Rifle and the Movie Camera is one of the best documentaries about movies ever made. 

SHOCK CORRIDOR (1963) ****

The word “auteur” gets thrown around a lot when it comes to writer/directors.  Very few of them have a filmography infused with such a singular voice and vision that befits the term.  For me, Sam Fuller is one of the few definitive auteurs in film history and Shock Corridor very well may be his masterpiece. 

Peter (The Big Valley) Breck stars as a journalist with dreams of winning a Pulitzer Prize who goes undercover as a mental patient in an insane asylum to solve a murder.  The list of crazies/potential witnesses include an opera singing nut (Larry Tucker), a kook who thinks he’s a Civil War general (The Dukes of Hazzard’s James Best), a black Klansman (Hari Rhodes), and an infantile physicist (Fuller regular Gene Evans).  The only problem is the longer Breck stays in the asylum, the more the line between journalist and patient begins to blur. 

Shock Corridor has a hard-hitting pulpy style that is genuine.  Many directors try for this sort of larger than life feel and fumble it, but it comes naturally for Fuller.  While his westerns of the ‘50s are often very good, it’s his noirs from the ‘60s that remain touchstones.  Of all his films, this is probably his most cinematic and haunting, as it is a harrowing account of ambition and madness. 

At times, it feels like a genre-bending version of a detective story as it shares a similar structure, but the setting and unforgettable characters (especially Rhodes) make for an unshakable experience.  Other times, it feels like a nightmare you can’t wake up from.  In either case, Fuller’s blunt force trauma directing style makes it certain you’re in for one helluva ride. 

Breck (who also starred in The Crawling Hand, Hootenanny Hoot, and this, all in the same year) is excellent in the lead as he sways from “faking it” to becoming dangerously close to actual madness.  Constance Towers, who was also in Fuller’s equally memorable The Naked Kiss, does a great striptease dance number and looks especially terrific when she appears to Breck as a vision while in the nuthouse.  Their performances, along with Fuller’s unmistakable style, make Shock Corridor an all-timer.