POPEYE’S REVENGE (2025) ** ½

First, it was Winnie-the-Pooh.  Then, it was Mickey Mouse.  Now, it’s Popeye’s turn to star in his own low budget public domain slasher movie. 

Like Winnie-the-Pooh:  Blood and Honey, Popeye’s Revenge kicks off with a crummy animated backstory for our titular slasher.  And like Blood and Honey, it’s a British production.  I wonder how come it’s always the Brits who are getting first dibs on American public domain characters and turning them into low budget slashers.  Maybe it’s payback for that whole Revolutionary War thing.

Anyway, Popeye is born with freakish forearms.  As a child, he is bullied and kills his tormentor.  A mob soon forms and sends the little tyke scurrying to the bottom of a nearby lake.  Fifteen years later, a trio of YouTubers come to the lake to make a video about him and are promptly killed off.  Meanwhile, some teens head to Popeye’s house with the intention of turning it into a haunted attraction, unaware that he is lurking about. 

Well blow me down, this wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting. 

This version of Popeye is basically Jason in a sailor suit (and large forearms) as he kills anyone who fornicates around his lake.  Like Jason in Friday the 13th Part 3, he also crushes people’s skulls with his bare hands until their eyes pop out.  Popeye indeed.  Unlike other screen Popeyes, he doesn’t sing any Harry Nilsson songs, which gives him the slight edge over Robin Williams’ interpretation of the character. 

It may be a stupid public domain slasher, but it delivers on the gore and T & A, so what more can you really ask?  Popeye bludgeons people with an anchor, stomps on skulls, puts his fist through someone’s chest, and runs over someone with an industrial grade lawnmower.  He also does a little Predator style action when he rips someone’s spine out, and there’s a Zombie-inspired splinter in the eye gag too.  The standout scene though is when Popeye catches a dude jerking off and slams his anchor right into the poor guy’s junk mid-stroke. 

There’s another great moment where he kills Atlanta Moreno while she’s relaxing topless in a hot tub.  Moreno has one of the most memorable physiques I’ve seen in some time.  It’s just a shame she gets offed about halfway through.  Oh, and did I mention Olive Oyl is in it too?  She’s kind of like his groupie that hangs around and spooks the potential victims before Popeye shows up. 

The filmmakers did miss a bet by not making spinach an important plot point though.  Aside from finding an empty can, Popeye’s favorite vegetable doesn’t really come into play.  I was hoping he was going to get killed by the Final Girl but then ate some spinach and became freakishly strong or some shit.  Oh well. 

I did find it hilarious that when these filmmakers exploit a character that is in the public domain, they put their copyright in bold lettering on the title screen so no one can do the same thing to them for another ninety-five years. 

While it’s only seventy-nine minutes long, it does get a little bogged down in the final reel.  The last-minute backstory that cribs from A Nightmare on Elm Street was kind of unnecessary too.  Sure, Popeye’s Revenge isn’t exactly strong to the finish, but as far as these things go, you can do a lot worse. 

THE MONKEY (2025) *** ½

Osgood Perkins’ movies have always left me cold.  Nevertheless, I couldn’t help but be curious when I learned he was making a big screen version of the Stephen King short story, The Monkey.  The tale had already been (unofficially) adapted as notoriously shitty The Devil’s Gift, so even with Perkins at the helm, it had to be an upgrade from that flick.  The good news is The Monkey is a lot of fun.  Unlike Perkins’ previous efforts, it doesn’t take itself too seriously and has a dark sense of humor that’s often very funny.  Plus, it’s gory as all get out which is always welcome. 

Twin brothers Hal and Bill (Christian Convery) find a wind-up monkey in their dad’s closet and soon learn whenever it beats its drum, someone dies.  They quickly decide to get rid of it and throw it down a well.  Twenty-five years later, they grow up to be played by Theo James.  When a rash of ghoulish accidents plague their hometown, Hal returns to find Bill has been using the monkey to kill people. 

James is solid in the lead, but it’s the supporting cast who steal the show.  Adam Scott is funny as the father seen in flashback who frantically tries to get rid of the monkey.  Tatiana Maslany is also funny as the boys’ mother, Elijah Wood hams it up as a self-help guru, and Perkins himself gets some laughs as the boys’ creepy uncle. 

The death scenes have a Final Destination kind of vibe as they involve mishaps with a speargun, a hibachi chef, a gas stove, a swimming pool, a shotgun, a vape, and a hornets’ nest.  Guts are torn out, heads are lopped off, faces are set on fire, and bodies explode.  You know, the good shit.  There are also some funny scenes peppered along the way like a young priest giving a thoroughly awful eulogy. 

In short, The Monkey is gory, goofy fun from start to finish.  It’s easily Perkins’ best film by a country mile.  If he can turn out another banger like this one, I’d consider myself a fan. 

THE 15:17 TO PARIS (2018) **

In 2015, three American servicemen traveling through Europe stopped a terror attack aboard a train.  That’s the kind of story Hollywood loves to make a movie about.  Only a guy like Clint Eastwood would cast the real-life heroes as themselves. 

This sort of thing has a precedent, but you have to go back to the ‘50s when war hero Audie Murphy played himself in To Hell and Back.  (Something tells me these guys won’t have the same kind of career as Murphy had.)  The cheeseball sentiment that permeates the film feels like it came out of the ‘50s too.  All of this is well-intentioned to be sure, but it’s never quite successful. 

The first act flashbacks of the real-life heroes growing up play like a bad After School Special.  These scenes are oddly paced and feel more like filler than anything.  (The scenes with them in gym class where they wear camouflage shirts while everyone else wears a uniform so you can pick them out of the group are unintentionally funny.)  The second act is somewhat better, but it too often feels like an extended travelogue of Europe.  As noble and brave as these guys are, I don’t really need to see their vacation videos (and dramatized ones at that).

The act of heroism doesn’t occur till the very end and even then, it’s over pretty quickly.  I will say it is legitimately suspenseful, even if you know the outcome.  (What’s impressive is that the three friends spend more time tending to the wounded till help arrives than they do taking down the gunman.)  Until those closing moments, it’s kind of a slog. 

As far as the three stars go, I think I can give them a pass.  They equip themselves as well as can be expected, especially for nonprofessional actors.  While I’m sure “real” actors could’ve done it “better”, it’s easy to see why Eastwood thought they were the right men for the job.  However, the fact that we have recognizable stars like Judy Greer and Jenna Fischer playing two of their moms kind of throws off the “reality” Eastwood is trying to capture.  The rest of the supporting cast is mostly made up of actors known for their comic chops, which is kind of odd.  We have Thomas Lennon as the kids’ principal, Tony Hale as their gym teacher, and Jaleel White as their teacher.  I never thought I’d live to see the day when Dirty Harry directed Urkel in a movie, but here we are. 

SUPER SEX (1986) ***

A psychotherapist sets out to help women who can only achieve sexual fulfillment in their dreams.  By “help”, I just mean he listens to them talk about their dreams while we watch their fantasies come alive for the camera.  One gal gets banged in the shower by her boyfriend, another has a threesome with her parents, and there’s even a patient who dreams of possessing Nina Hartley so she can fuck her husband.  The doctor eventually hits on a surefire method to cure his patients of their dreams…  Bang them right on his couch!  (I wonder if it’s covered by insurance or not.) 

Directed by Carlos (Pulsating Flesh) Tobalina, Super Sex has a sturdy structure that’s ideal to frame several sex scenes upon.  In fact, Tobalina pretty much abandons the structure in the third act as most of the last twenty minutes or so is devoted to a string of scenes of the doctor and his colleagues balling their patients.  The scenes themselves vary in quality and almost all of them are way too brief to really build much momentum, but they more than make up for it in sheer volume.

The highlight is the finale where a shrink helps Jeannie Pepper find her ideal man.  The scene where Tobalina uses jump cuts to show the horny patient is inhabiting the body of Hartley is surprisingly well done too, especially given the limited means at his disposal.  (For whatever reason, the two biggest stars in the movie, Hartley and Pepper aren’t even listed in the opening credits.)  Also, the sex scenes include plenty of three-ways and if you’re a fan of that sort of thing (Devil’s Triangle or otherwise), you should enjoy it.  (If you have a couch fetish, this will easily get Four Stars as nearly all the sex scenes occur on the therapists’ couches.)

Overall, Super Sex doesn’t exactly live up to its title but it’s certainly a better than average fuck flick.  Plus, the scenes are all filmed and choreographed in a solid manner.  Well… for a Carlos Tobalina flick, that is. 

JOURNEY TO FREEDOM (1957) *

Before he collaborated with Ed Wood on the immortal classics, Orgy of the Dead and Fugitive Girls, Stephen C. Apostolof produced this boring refugee drama.  As a bonus, it also features another Ed Wood associate, Tor Johnson, in a small role.  It was also shot by Wood’s usual cinematographer, William C. Thompson. Robert C. Dertano was the director, but it’s a far cry from his fun wrestling women melodrama, Racket Girls. 

Stephan (Jacques Scott) is a political prisoner in Bulgaria who is jailed by the communist regime for inciting a riot.  With the help of some pals, he breaks out of prison and heads to Turkey where he gets a job playing piano in a dive bar.  Then, it’s off to Paris where he joins the Resistance by broadcasting on Radio Free Europe.  Eventually, he makes his way to America where he settles down and gets married, but it isn’t long before his old enemies rear their ugly heads and frame him for murder. 

The story no doubt resonated with Apostolof (he co-wrote the script) as he himself was a Bulgarian refugee.  However, he sorely misread the need for this film as Joe Average American moviegoer doesn’t give a fuck about Bulgaria.  Then again, it might’ve helped if Journey to Freedom was… you know… good. 

The overuse of stock footage for the opening riot is very Woodian, as is the constant (and sometimes confusing) narration supplied by the villain who drops in during nearly every scene to remind the audience he’s closing in on our main character.  Despite the Wood connection, the movie it reminded me the most of was Coleman Francis’ Red Zone Cuba, which is less than a ringing endorsement to be sure.  While that film was spectacularly inept, this one is mostly just deadly dull. 

Tor is memorable as an angry Turk who picks a fight with our piano playing hero.  He’s the only bright spot in an otherwise dreary and forgettable picture.  Too bad he’s only in one scene. 

In short, this is one journey not worth taking. 

BLACK BAG (2025) **

Michael Fassbender stars in this dreary spy thriller from director Steven Soderbergh as a government agent who is given one week to flush out a traitor in the organization.  He must proceed with caution when he learns that one of the suspects is none other than his wife (Cate Blanchett), who is also a spy in the same bureau.  He eventually comes to the conclusion that they are both pawns in a larger scheme. 

For a movie about a husband suspecting his wife of treason, there doesn’t seem to be much immediacy to the situation and there’s very little suspense to boot.  Soderbergh’s cold and detached handling of the material doesn’t do it any favors either as the film is a sterile and often joyless experience.  There’s something to be said for a spy picture with a dry sense of humor about it, but Black Bag is humorless and downright arid most of the time. 

It’s a shame Black Bag is such a dud because the pairing of Fassbender and Blanchett had potential.  They are thrilling to watch separately in other films.   While they have flashes of chemistry here and there; they never really connect with each other or the audience.  That’s more the fault of the script than anything as the flick is often a slow moving, lumbering slog.  The supporting cast including Rege-Jean Page and Naomie Harriis do what they can, but most of them never speak above a stern whisper.  It is cool seeing James Bond himself, Pierce Brosnan as Fassbender’s boss though, even if he’s not given much to work with. 

From Jurassic Park to Snake Eyes to Spider-Man, David Koepp’s scripts are usually crackling good, but this one is strangely inert and uninvolving.  Soderbergh gives the film a muted visual palate that is reminiscent of ‘70s thrillers.  The finished product comes off looking rather drab and unmemorable, much like the film itself.  Soderbergh and Koepp also collaborated on the ghost flick Presence (which was almost as blah as this one) the same year.  

Fassbender gets the best line of the movie while giving an associate a polygraph tests and asks her, “Will you please release your sphincter muscle?”

SUPERMAN (2025) ***

James Gunn’s Superman is an overstuffed reset of the DC Universe that suffers from trying to juggle too many balls at once, often at the expense of its title character.  That said, when Gunn threads the needle and brings the elements together, the results are great fun.  The film isn’t afraid to be goofy as it unabashedly embraces its comic book nature.  Whereas the Richard Donner original bent over backwards to ground itself in reality to make us believe a man could fly, here, a man flying around with superpowers is probably the least weird thing in the movie. 

Gunn eschews the standard origin story by dropping us right into the action.  (Although that often makes it feel like a sequel, which doesn’t help the overall feeling of déjà vu.)  Superman (David Corenswet) has ruffled the government’s feathers by taking sides in a war between two countries, if only because he was trying to save innocent lives.  Meanwhile, tech billionaire Lex Luthor (Nicholas Hoult) is using his seemingly unlimited resources in order to bring the Man of Steel down. 

The main drawback in Superman is that Superman often feels like a supporting player in his own movie.  Gunn is a veteran of the Guardians of the Galaxy and Suicide Squad, both known for their big, colorful casts.  It’s as if he felt more comfortable with a big cast and made Superman just another face in the crowd.  There’s “The Justice Gang” (who are not quite The Justice League yet), including Mister Terrific (Edi Gathegi), Green Lantern (Nathan Fillion), and Hawkgirl (Isabela Merced).  Metamorpho (Anthony Carrigan) is Superman’s cellmate when he’s imprisoned inside a “pocket universe”.  Luthor has other “Meta Humans” like The Engineer and Ultraman, whom he uses as bodyguards.  The various superhero battles are fine, but kind of pale in comparison to some of the other superhero movies we’ve seen lately.  (I also found it odd that the finale more or less rips off The Lego Batman Movie.)

The best part is Superman’s dog, Krypto, who steals every scene he’s in.  Gunn isn’t afraid to get weird with a major IP, which is refreshing.  Having a flying dog in the mix offers some levity to the film and gives it a personality that sets it apart from the rest of the pack. 

Corenswet is quite good as Supes, but you wish the film gave him more opportunities to show his stuff.  His Superman is blissfully naive and always does the right thing, even if his actions have consequences that he’s unprepared for.  He’s especially good in his scenes with Rachel Brosnahan as Lois Lane.  The scene where she interviews him is quite different than the one in the 1978 original as she mercilessly grills him for his actions.  It’s one of the bright spots in the movie and it’s a shame the duo didn’t share more scenes of this caliber together. 

In fact, it sometimes feels like Hoult is the real star as Lex Luthor probably gets as much, if not more screen time than Superman.  The good news is he’s excellent and his ruthlessness and single-mindedness makes him a detestable villain.  The scenes of him in his base of operations surrounded by techies trying to help him defeat Superman are unique and the ways he uses social media to discredit Superman is novel.  (The revelation of who is running his social media smear campaign is one of the biggest laughs in the movie.)  Sara Sampaio’s Miss Tessmacher is a lot of fun too. 

It’s 129 minutes but honestly, I wish it was longer.  It would’ve been nice had Gunn allowed the film to breathe a little bit here and there.  Even then, the prevailing sense of fun keeps it firmly in the win column.  While I kind of missed the sense of grandeur Donner and Snyder brought to the character, Gunn’s brand of earnest goofiness is spot-on for this interpretation of the character.  

Many of my quibbles might not even matter upon repeated viewings.  It’s just that there’s a lot to take in for a first-time watch (especially some of the tinkering of Superman’s backstory).  However, Corenswet is the goods, and I can’t wait to see him flying high again soon.