SHOCK FESTIVAL: THE ULTIMATE EXPLOITATION TRAILER MARATHON (2010) ***

Shock Festival is a two-disc DVD set containing multiple trailer compilations.  The first one was for a collection of amateurish looking fake Grindhouse trailers, so I skipped that one and went right to the second disc that contained “real” trailers.  This compilation is subtitled “The Ultimate Exploitation Trailer Marathon.”  I’m not quite sure it lives up to the title, but it is a lot of fun and features a good cross section of subgenres.  Among them are ‘80s action (Treasure of the Four Crowns and Vice Squad), Blaxploitation (Cornbread, Earl, and Me, Black Samurai, and Black Heat), Sexploitation (Grimm’s Fairy Tales for Adults, Flesh Gordon, and Cinderella 2000), and Roger Corman movies (Beyond Atlantis, Space Raiders, and Cannonball).  There’s even a trailer for a straight-up porno (Titillation, which is hosted by Little Oral Annie) that also contains a plug for Cheri magazine. 

Typically, I like it when trailer compilations run a bunch of similarly themed previews in one big block.  With Shock Festival, a lot of the fun comes from the sharp contrast in tone from trailer to trailer.  In some cases, it’s so extreme that it’s liable to cause cinematic whiplash.  The biggest head-spinning contrast in content comes from the one-two combo of Jess Franco’s notorious sex flick Sadomania and the G-rated wilderness adventure, Challenge to Be Free.  The juxtaposition of the kinky sexploitation flick The Female Animal and the kiddie matinee movie 7 Dwarfs to the Rescue is also worth a howl of laughter, as is the pairing of King Kong vs. Godzilla and Africa:  Blood and Guts, which concludes the collection.  (The inclusion of the teaser for Albert Pyun’s Captain America is pretty random too.)

Honestly, I could’ve done without some of the tamer trailers.  The previews for war movies like Raiders of Leyte Gulf and The Fighting Rats of Tobruk didn’t do much for me.  The good news is there’s still plenty of jaw dropping stuff here to satisfy fans of trailer tapes like me.  The previews for Amazon Jail, Raw Force, and Fight for Your Life are a lot of fun, and the ad for Avalanche Express (which is nothing more than a series of stills of Lee Marvin and Robert Shaw) is pretty unique.  All and all, it makes for a fine party tape to watch with a big group of friends. 

The complete line-up includes:  The Treasure of the Four Crowns, Vice Squad, Cornbread, Earl, and Me, Black Samurai, Grimm’s Fairy Tales for Adults,  Flesh Gordon, Conquest, Delirium, Amazon Jail, Beyond Atlantis, Sadomania, Challenge to Be Free, Venom, Raw Force, Gone with the Pope, Black Heat, Starstruck, The Last Days of Man on Earth, 1990:  The Bronx Warriors, The Late Great Planet Earth, Avalanche Express, Cinderella 2000, Titillation, Flesh and Lace, The Mysterious Island of Captain Nemo, Circle of Iron, Smithereens, Fantastic Planet, The Loveless, The Sexy Dozen, 2069:  A Sex Odyssey, Raiders of Leyte Gulf, Scum of the Earth, Venus in Furs, The Female Animal, 7 Dwarfs to the Rescue, The Fighting Rats of Tobruk, Fight for Your Life, Fast Company, Grand Slam, Space Raiders, The Final Countdown, Cannonball, Killer Force, King Kong vs. Godzilla, and Africa:  Blood and Guts. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: BIOTHERAPY (1986) ***

A group of scientists are hard at work perfecting “GT Medicine” which cause goldfish to grow exponentially.  After a successful test, a glowing alien from the future shows up and begins killing off the scientists one by one.  Seems he wants to use the formula to speed up the evolutionary process so he and his race can take over the Earth. 

Biotherapy is a weird Sci-Fi/gore/time travel movie.  It clocks in at a scant thirty-five minutes, which is honestly the perfect length for something like this.  It cuts out all the crap that would usually slow a movie like this down, namely unnecessary subplots, romantic interludes, and scenes of character development in favor of an accelerated plot and show-stopping gore sequences.  And for the most part, it all works rather well. 

The villain is pretty cool.  He kind of looks like a cross between Darth Vader and your typical killer from a giallo.  He sure knows how to put a hurting on scientists too.  One guy gets his eyeball ripped out for the opening credits can even begin.  Another poor gal is repeatedly stabbed with broken test tubes before the alien pulls out her tongue.  One schmo has his front teeth knocked out with a pistol before getting his brains blown out by the baddie.  I think my favorite scene though is when the alien rips the one scientist’s guts out, but the guy keeps on fighting.  I guess what they say is true.  No guts, no glory.  Some of the poorly translated subtitles are good for a laugh too, my favorite being, “You remember him, the killer from before.”

The abbreviated running time winds up being sort of a mixed blessing at the end when it comes time to wrap the story up.  The final confrontation with the killer is a bit rushed, but the big issue is that the “twist” ending lands with a thud, mostly because it honestly needed more time to be properly fleshed out.  Despite that, whenever the gore is flowing and the body parts are flying, Biotherapy is a bloody good time. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: BLOODY AXE WOUND (2024) **

Abbie (Sari Arambulo) is the daughter of Roger Bladecut (Billy Burke), a prolific serial killer with dozens of horror sequels to his name.  Abbie is convinced it’s time to inject the series with some new blood and tries to convince her dad to let her take up the mantle.  Once she is locked in as the new killer, she realizes the kids she’s supposed to brutally murder aren’t all that bad.  Complicating things further is the fact that she has a crush on the dope smoking drummer (Molly Brown) who’s next on her victim list. 

A lot of the humor in Bloody Axe Wound is right on the nose and not particularly funny.  It’s also hard to figure out the “rules” of the in-movie universe.  I mean Bladecut owns a video store that rents out his horror movies.  That makes me wonder who’s filming and releasing the videos?  Do other serial killers have rival stores that only stock their films?  How did they get Jeffrey Dean Morgan to star in one of these things?  It brings up more questions than it answers, and what intriguing ideas the filmmakers do introduce are almost immediately forgotten.  Because of that, the whole thing winds up being more frustrating than fun. 

The gore is over the top though.  Too bad the various stabbings and hackings are mostly done for comedic effect.  Usually, these excesses turn out to be not very funny, especially when the extreme bloodletting just goes on and on without much of a payoff. 

The performances are a mixed bag at best.  Brown is good as the sexy drummer.  She kind of has a Kristen Stewart quality about her that works for the Final Girl role.  Arambulo on the other hand is grating as the serial killer with second thoughts.  You never really buy her transformation from killer to the potential victims’ ally.  Then again, that’s more of the script’s fault than hers.  As the serial killer Bladecut, Burke doesn’t get much to do aside from wear some bad prosthetics and imitate Thomas Jane’s gravelly delivery. 

There is an idea or two that may have worked if the filmmakers fleshed it out a little.  Ultimately, the movie winds up feeling more like a rushed first draft than a polished final product.  Because of that, Bloody Axe Wound doesn’t cut too deep. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: CUCKOO (2024) **

Gretchen (Hunter Schafer) moves to the German Alps with her family where her young sister is being treated by a smarmy doctor (Dan Stevens).  The odd doctor gets her a job working at his resort where she begins experiencing weird déjà vu like flashes before something bad happens.  Gretchen also suffers a series of accidents which everyone seems to blame on her.  Also troubling is the random appearances of a crazy looking lady who may be the cause of her hallucinations. 

Schafer gives an excellent performance in Cuckoo and it’s a shame the movie itself never matches her energy.  Even when everything is circling the drain, she remains a charismatic presence on screen and gives 110%.  I want to see the film she thinks she’s acting in.  I’m sure it’s great.  Stevens is amusing as the geeky German goofball who runs the resort who brings a much-needed kooky vibe to the proceedings.  Sadly, they are about the only bright spots to be found.

The remote lodge in a foreign country is a great location for a horror flick, as it heightens our teenage heroine’s sense of isolation.  The problem is writer/director Tilman (Luz) Singer never complements the setting with anything remotely horrific.  In addition, the central mystery never really becomes all that intriguing, and the suspense and/or horror scenes mostly land with a big shrug.  The biggest bust is the oddball lady who is at the center of everything.  She just seems more like a case of the filmmakers coming up with a bunch of weirdness for weirdness’ sake than trying to create a mysterious supernatural entity to base a movie around.  (It kind of reminded me of It Follows as the scenes of the old bag randomly appearing, screaming, and running towards the characters have a similar vibe.)

Ultimately, aside from the performances by Schafer and Stevens, there’s not much here to go cuckoo about. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: THE DELIVERANCE (2024) ***

When Lee (Precious) Daniels makes a horror movie, you know you’re in for… well… something.  Ebony (Andra Day) moves her family into a new house and before they can even get settled in, cliched horror shit starts happening left and right.  Flies are buzzing around like it’s The Amityville Horror and her young son is talking to ghosts like in The Sixth Sense.  Pretty soon, the kids are winding up with mysterious bruises, and CPS starts making calls to the house, but is Ebony the one putting hands on her kids?  Or is there a demon possessing them?

Glenn Close is the MVP here.  She gamely chews the scenery as Day’s feisty mother who lives with the family and wears a rather hilarious collection of meemaw attire.  She doesn’t even let the fact that she’s going through chemotherapy stop her from trying to pick up men half her age. 

Knowing that this was directed by Lee Daniels, you may be tempted to think it’s going to be Precious Meets the Exorcist.  While that’s not quite the vibe, it’s pretty darn close.  The early scenes of parental neglect and abuse are like Precious, but with a bunch of supernatural occurrences. 

Even as far as cheesy Exorcist rip-offs go, there is some crazy shit here.  Remember that scene in The Exorcist when Regan was sleepwalking and peed herself?  Daniels ups the ick factor by having one of the possessed kids take a shit in the middle of class and THROW it at his teacher.  Ellen Burstyn got off light. 

Speaking of The Exorcist, here’s another tweak on the usual formula:  Remember the infamous spider walk scene?  Well in this one the kid walks up the walls like Spider-Man!  Another hilarious wrinkle comes during the “deliverance” when the kid takes the form of Close who starts cursing like a sailor. 

It’s moments like this that make The Deliverance trashy fun.  Some may take issue with the way Daniels portrays casual child abuse, but the undiluted depiction is what makes it work.  I don’t think we’ve seen a haunted house/possession flick like this since Amityville 2 (minus the incest angle). 

I also liked the way Daniels kept it real.  Like, in most possession movies when the mom consults a priest, they meet in a church or something.  In The Deliverance, they meet at a McDonald’s.  I’m loving it. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: PETER PAN’S NEVERLAND NIGHTMARE (2025) ½ *

Disfigured child abductor Peter Pan (Martin Portlock) kidnaps a young boy named Michael Darling (Peter DeSouza-Feighoney).  Soon after, he comes for Michael’s older sister Wendy (Megan Placito).  She then must rescue her brother before the evil Peter takes them both to “Neverland” forever.

Set in the same shared “Twisted Childhood Nightmares” universe as Winnie-the-Pooh:  Blood and Honey (which I assume will eventually lead to an Avengers-style team-up at some point), Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare is a mess.  For some reason, in the early scenes, Peter Pan looks like Tiny Tim dressed up as The Crow, which I’m sure isn’t quite the way J.M. Barrie originally imagined him.  He also lures kids in a manner that is not too different than Pennywise.  All the clown imagery makes me suspect that this version of the character is less inspired by Peter Pan and more of a cash-in on Art the Clown. 

What’s odd is that later in the film they drop the Art the Clown shtick as Peter dons a blank, expressionless mask and starts driving around in a work van kidnapping “lost boys”, effectively turning himself into a low rent version of The Grabber from The Black Phone.  Why did the filmmakers get so hung up ripping off current releases instead of relying on their public domain mascot?  It’s probably due to the fact that the character of Pan doesn’t really lend himself to a horror flick.  Even then, they should’ve at least tried to do something novel with the concept.  Unless you count the scene where Peter shoots “pixie dust” (heroin) into his arms which makes him “fly”. 

Maybe it wouldn’t have even been a problem if the movie had been… you know… good.  However, it makes Winnie-the-Pooh:  Blood and Honey look like Winnie-the-Pooh:  Blood and Honey 2 in comparison.  (A character is seen wearing a Blood and Honey T-shirt at one point.)

Oh, and did I mention that Tinker Bell (Kit Green) is Peter’s trans companion?  (“I’m a fairy!”)  Wow.  The briefly seen, terribly underutilized Captain Hook character is a big letdown too.  Maybe they were saving him for the sequel.  I won’t be holding my breath for that one, that’s for sure. 

The gore is the sole saving grace here.  We get a foot being cut in half, scalping, neck gouging, a knife through the chin, arm hacking, finger biting, and eye gouging.  You may be gouging your own eyes out before it’s over. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: THE INVITATION (2022) * ½

Struggling to make ends meet in the big city and yearning for a sense of family, Evie (Nathalie Emmanuel) takes one of those online DNA tests and happens to find a long-lost cousin from England (Hugh Skinner).  After a brief meeting, he invites her across the pond to a posh wedding so she can meet the family she never knew she had.  There, she is wooed by a suave Count (Thomas Doherty) who sweeps her off her feet.  Of course, he’s hiding a big secret from Evie. 

The set-up is fine, and the follow-through is mediocre.  After about the halfway point though, it gets progressively worse as it goes along.  It also doesn’t help that it’s painfully obvious from the jump what the big secret Evie’s new beau is hiding.  Unless you’ve only seen like… ten horror movies in your life, you’ll know exactly where this thing is going the second he appears on screen.  (Especially when it’s revealed that he owns “Carfax Abbey”.)  Another problem is it takes seemingly forever to get to the twist as the pacing really drags. 

Hell, once the twist is finally sprung, the ensuing horror is tepid at best.  I could’ve probably dealt with the ho-hum suspense scenes if they had a strong payoff, but they often conclude with offscreen kills and/or shitty CGI deaths, which is frustrating to say the least.  To top it all off, there’s not much style on display as the film feels like a bland CW show a lot of the time. 

Emmanuel is okay in the lead, but she’s not given much to work with and her chunky nose ring is distracting to boot.  There is some chemistry between her and Doherty.  However, the dialogue and drama are about on par with a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie.  Stephanie Corneliussen is kind of fun to watch as the bitchy cousin who has a funny/awkward encounter with Emmanuel during their “spa day”.  Whenever she’s on screen, the movie shows sign of a pulse.  It’s a shame she’s the only one who seems to enjoy a chance to vamp it up. 

Overall, this invitation isn’t worth an RSVP.