THE HOT PEARL SNATCH (1966) *** ½

A drunk stumbles into a bar showing off some precious pearls.  He brags to the guy next to him and makes the mistake of showing him a map to where he found them.  The dude naturally steals the map, but as it turns out, he has a bad heart, so he can’t dive underwater.  He then hooks up with a desperate woman to find the pearls, but she is predictably out for herself. 

This sounds like a decent plot to a movie.  Heck, it even sounds like an actual movie.  However, The Hot Pearl Snatch is anything but.  I mean, it’s technically a movie as it shot on film, has actors, and is in focus (most of the time).  This is a film that blurs the lines between “good” and “bad” and “art” and “crap” as it is as confounding, confusing, and perplexing a nudie as you’re likely ever to see.  It is so inept that it manages to be enormously entertaining.  It features dubbing that makes a Doris Wishman film look technically proficient, and there are long stretches where the sound drops out entirely.  The editing is atrocious too as there are jump cuts in nearly every other scene or moments where scenes end abruptly for no reason whatsoever. 

The highlight is the mind-boggling scene where a lesbian painter forces herself on her sexy model.  The fact that the actresses keep giggling and wantoning kiss while acting (poorly) like they are fighting one another on a ratty pull-out sofa bed adds to the overall bizarreness.  Oh, and once the model is seemingly okay with everything, she consents to body painting!

But wait, there’s more.  This movie also contains gratuitous Mardi Gras footage, topless dancing, topless native dancing, topless phone calls, random bondage scenes, interracial lesbians, and the shortest doctor’s appointment in screen history.  It really is an action-packed way to spend fifty minutes.

If you can find The Hot Pearl Snatch, snatch it up!

THE NUN AND THE DEVIL (1973) **

When the Mother Superior of a convent dies, various nuns vie to succeed her, including the crafty Mother Giulia (Anne Heywood).  In the midst of the drama, Giulia’s wild niece (Ornella Muti from Flash Gordon) comes to stay at the convent.  Naturally, she wants to run off and be with her boyfriend, not realizing Giulia has plans to pawn her off on a rich nobleman in exchange for her new role as head penguin.  Meanwhile, a church official (Torso’s Luc Merenda) arrives on the scene hoping to weed out the corrupt Giulia. 

The Nun and the Devil is a bit more plot heavy than your typical Nunsploitation fare.  The early scenes of the power struggle within the convent and the hypocrisy and corruption in the church is a bit on the bland side.  Yes, Heywood’s character is devious and shrewd as far as real nuns go, but she’s small potatoes compared to other nuns in these kinds of films.  She’s more of a plotting and scheming nun than the sexy and naughty ones I prefer. 

There is some sex, nudity, and torture here, but honestly, not as much as I was expecting/hoping for.  The moments that flirt with sleazy Nunsploitation territory (like the part where Heywood has to do a virgin check on Muti before she can enter the convent) have potential.  It’s just that the filmmakers never quite lean into the tawdrier aspects of the story. 

When it comes time for the inquisition scenes, they are surprisingly decent and easily the best thing in the movie.  The most memorable part has an inquisitor lowering a straddling nun onto a sharpened V.  Still, it’s a long time coming, and it ultimately lacks the punch of say… Mark of the Devil or something. 

Being a fan of Muti and Nunsploitation in general, The Nun and the Devil was worth a look just to see her in a nun’s habit.  As far as genre efforts go, it was a rather middle of the road entry.  There are some scenes that will placate devotees of the genre, just not enough to make it an essential watch. 

AKA:  Innocents from Hell.  AKA:  Sisters of Satan.  AKA:  The Nuns of Saint Archangel.  

ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER (2025) ****

Paul Thomas Anderson is one of my favorite filmmakers working today and One Battle After Another is proof that he makes one winner after another. 

Leonardo DiCaprio stars as a burned-out revolutionary trying to raise his teenage daughter (Chase Infiniti) all the while staying under the radar of the Man who still wants him incarcerated for all the chaos he caused back in the day.  A sadistic colonel (Sean Penn), who has a vested interest in putting Leo away, comes after his daughter.  It’s then up to Leo to save her. 

Somewhat inspired by Thomas Pynchon’s “Vineland”, One Battle After Another is a fast, fun, and funny thrill ride.  It has a lot to say about the current state of our country, but it does so in parentheses, as the heart of the film is always the relationship between Leo and his daughter.  Yes, Anderson is making sharp commentary on the sides of the action, and yet it’s never at the expense of the drama. 

We always knew he could do movies about strained relationships between fathers and their kids, but with this film, Anderson proves he can do action too.  He does an especially fine job with the final car chase, which is really saying something since the chase occurs on a straight stretch of road unobstructed by other vehicles. 

Leo gives one of his best performances here.  One of the fun aspects of revolutionary movies are the scenes where the freedom fighters have to say a codeword to be recognized by their brothers in arms.  The scene where Leo calls into the freedom fighters’ headquarters and struggles in vain to remember the right codeword is freaking hilarious.  The part where he turns into a total Karen and asks to talk to the guy’s supervisor will have you in stitches.  Yes, that sort of power move even works on Antifa, apparently. 

The supporting performances are equally fine.  Penn makes for a disgusting villain and infiniti is also quite good as Leo’s daughter.  Benicio Del Toro puts in an amusing turn too as Infinit’s karate teacher who is also a part of the underground movement.

GOOD BOY (2025) **

A guy moves into his grandfather’s old house in the middle of the woods with his trusty dog by his side.  Almost immediately, the dog begins seeing ominous, human-shaped shadows lurking around the property.  It’s then up to the courageous canine to protect his master at all costs. 

Good Boy is basically a haunted house movie from the dog’s point of view.  It’s an intriguing concept, but one that has to thread a very thin needle.  If you lean too heavy in one direction it might wind up being like The Incredible Journey.  Go too far in the other direction and it could end up with Look Who’s Talking Now.  It’s a tricky balancing act to be sure.  However, the filmmakers are only intermittently successful at executing their admittedly high concept idea.  

The way director Ben Leonberg puts the humans in the background, makes them out of focus, or keeps their heads out of frame is reminiscent of how Spielberg filmed the adults in E.T.  It’s also similar in some ways to Steven Soderbergh’s Presence, which was a ghost story but seen through the eyes of the ghost.  Because of the dog’s acute senses, he can hear and see things his human master can’t.  (Conversely, we are privy to information the dog doesn’t have, like text messages.)  It’s all clever enough to work, but not quite smart enough to make it a classic or anything. 

Leonberg does everything he can to squeeze every last drop from the slim scenario.  Even at a relatively scant seventy-three minutes it still feels padded, especially when the dog starts having nightmare scenes.  I mean one doggy dream would’ve sufficed, but we’re talking multiple dreams here.  It probably would’ve worked better as a short, although I can’t quite fault everyone involved for trying to milk a feature length movie out of it. 

It does have at least one effective jump scare, but it basically falls apart in the third act.  The non-existent finale is especially weak.  Had there been a bit more action (or chills) in the home stretch, it might’ve skated by with ** ½.  Still, it has its moments.

In short, Good Boy isn’t a complete dog. 

THE NOTORIOUS DAUGHTER OF FANNY HILL (1966) ***

If you loved her in A Smell of Honey, a Swallow of Brine, you owe it to yourself to check out Stacey Walker in The Notorious Daughter of Fanny Hill.  Whereas Honey was a down and dirty, black and white New York roughie, this is a classy, respectable (and at times a bit too respectable) costume drama nudie in full color.  This just shows her incredible range.  It’s a shame she only made two features because she was an amazing beauty with considerable screen presence. 

I’ve long held the opinion that the true test of an actress’s screen sexuality is her ability to pull off a reverse striptease.  That is to say, is she just as sexy putting her clothes on as she is taking them off?  Walker answers that query in the very first scene as she wakes up, gets out of bed, and puts on her nylons.  All I can say is… Yowza!

Walker is Kissey, who works in a high-class brothel that caters to noblemen.  The film is essentially comprised of her various dalliances with her clientele.  There’s one scene where Walker nibbles seductively on carrots and bananas, and all I can say is if that doesn’t get your blood pumping, you might have to check for a pulse.  One of Kissey’s clients is none other than the Marquis de Sade himself who amusingly turns out to be a whimpering masochist.  Seeing Walker play dominatrix is one of the many joys of the film. 

After about a half-hour or so of Walker’s rampant sensuality, I was ready to label The Notorious Daughter of Fanny Hill a bona fide classic.  However, the third act pales in comparison with the rest of the film.  Once we get to meet the other ladies of the night who inhabit the brothel, the movie begins to lose some of its luster.  It also doesn’t help matters that Walker becomes more of a spectator of the action than a participant during this stretch of the proceedings.  Things finish strong with Walker having a sexy bubble bath, even if the tragic ending is out of step with the rest of the picture. 

Neither The Notorious Daughter of Fanny Hill nor A Smell of Honey, A Swallow of Brine are perfect.  Since they are the only two films Walker starred in, they deserve their rightful place in sexploitation history.  Watching these two films you can only imagine the career she could’ve had if she stuck with acting.  Come back Stacey, we miss you. 

THE PRINCESS AND THE MAGIC FROG (1965) *

A little boy gets lost in the woods on St. Patrick’s Day and stumbles upon a leprechaun that has gotten his beard stuck in a log.  He agrees to help him out of his predicament in exchange for his bag of magic gold coins.  The coins can be used to make wishes, but the catch is the wishes must help other people and not the person doing the wishing.  Luckily for him, the woods is crawling with assorted oddballs (knights, Gypsies, puppeteers, etc.) and even inanimate objects (a talking signpost) that need the kid’s help.  Oh, and there’s also an evil wizard running around the forest because… of course there is. 

The Princess and the Magic Frog is interesting in that the princess only appears for like two minutes and there isn’t a magic frog to be had.  (There is a toad however, but it’s really just the knight who was transformed by the wizard.)  My favorite part takes place in a desert where the kid and the knight meet a genie, and the boom mike is visible throughout the entire scene.  Now that I think about it, the boom mike gets more screen time than the princess… or the frog… er… toad.  Go figure. 

I’ve seen some bad kids’ movies in my day and that certainly describes The Princess and the Magic Frog.  It features some lame costumes, dumb characters, and puzzling logic (or lack thereof).  Like most low budget WTF kiddie matinee fodder, it does have some bizarre moments, albeit not nearly enough to make it worth watching. 

The most memorable scene centers around the puppeteer.  When he laments his hands are too old to control the puppets, the kid wishes to make them come alive.  You’ll instantly regret his decision, especially when the puppets in blackface start dancing about.  Then there’s the creepy bit when some dancing girl puppets that look like they came out of the Follies Bergere show up and flash the audience with their can-can dancing.  This scene will definitely raise an eyebrow or two, but there’s just too much boring shit with the kid and the dumb knight traipsing through the forest to hold your interest.  The seventy-eight-minute running time drags like a son of a bitch too. 

AKA:  At the End of the Rainbow.  

THE ADVENTURES OF LUCKY PIERRE (1961) ***

Before they made the iconic gore trilogy, director Herschell Gordon Lewis and producer David F. Friedman teamed up for this fun nudie cutie.  It follows the antics of Pierre (Billy Falbo) and his various run-ins with naked women.  The vignettes almost play like a nudie version of comedy one-reelers from the silent era.  Except… you know… with tits. 

“Prologue” (***):   A comedian introduces the picture and makes jokes before finally being taken away by the men in white coats.  Afterwards, there’s a skit in a shrink’s office that plays like a filmed version of a Playboy cartoon.  Both have obvious but amusing set-ups and punchlines, which give you a taste of things to come. 

“Pardon My Pigments” (***):  Pierre paints three nude models in the forest who wind up not appreciating his art style.  This segment is kind of funny and the models are cute.  The annoying calliope music is the only real debit. 

“The Plumber’s Friend” (***):  A man hires Pierre to fix his shower… while his wife is taking a bath!  The set-up for this one is so much fun that you can forgive it for the predictable payoff.  It also earns points for having Lewis’ Blood Feast star, William Kerwin as the husband. 

“For the Birds” (***):  Pierre goes birdwatching in the woods.  And I don’t mean like… robins and shit.  I mean like, cute girls who get naked.  This is essentially a one-joke premise, but Lewis is able to wring that one joke for all it is worth. 

“The Photographer’s Apprentice” (** ½):  This time, Pierre is working as a janitor in a photographer’s studio when three nude models mistake him for the photographer.  He takes their pictures, not realizing he has a magic camera that makes its subjects disappear.  This segment starts off with a lot of promise.  It’s just a shame it doesn’t go anywhere. 

“Drive-In Me Crazy” (***):  Pierre drives over a hundred miles to a drive-in playing a nudist double feature.  Fortunately for him (and the audience), the employees are all sexy nudists too.  This sketch is a bit long-winded, but it’s hard not to like a scene that combines drive-in theaters and naked women.  The film within a film, “Picnic at the Playground” is also amusing. 

In short, if you liked Benny Hill, you’ll probably dig The Adventures of Lucky Pierre.  Is it funny?  Kinda.  Is it sexy?  Sorta.  Is it entertaining?  Heck yeah!