THE RAGE OF WIND (1973) **

During the Japanese occupation of China, there is an increased tax on the local fisherman, which causes much strife.  The Japanese also go around beating the tar out of hapless fisherman, just to throw their weight around.  Chen (Shanghai Massacre) Sing is a Chinese boxer who returns to his home in China with his Caucasian bride in tow.  He killed a guy in the ring back in America, so he vows never to use his fists again.  If you can’t already predict, the Japanese push him to his limit until he breaks his promise and starts kicking ass again.

The Rage of Wind isn’t bad, but it suffers from some considerable lulls in the action.  Most of the lulls are devoted to showing how bad the Japanese were.  They’re pretty much assholes in this.  They hassle random passersby and hang up dead people as a warning to others.  These sequences are necessary I suppose.  However, they do have a tendency to get repetitive after a while.

Once Chen finally says enough is enough, the action is decent, although it’s really nothing out of the ordinary.  The finale where he fights the villain on the beach and does some Steven Seagal moves while waves crash in the background is OK, but it’s just a day late and a dollar short. 
 

The plot is standard issue and the fights are mostly unmemorable.  What is memorable is the music score.  And by “music score”, I mean that they just steal Isaac Hayes’ music from Shaft at inappropriate times.  Sadly, they don’t use any of the vocals.  If there was a part where Hayes sang, “They say this cat Chen is one bad mother…” it might have been all worthwhile.  Alas, it was not to be.

SWISS ARMY MAN (2016) * ½

 

 

I had no idea that The Beach Boys biopic Love and Mercy was part of the Harry Potter Extended Universe.  It seems like an unlikely pairing, but you know me.  I’ll watch just about anything.  Since everyone was falling all over themselves to praise Swiss Army Man, I thought I’d check it out. 

I wish Harry Potter could cast a spell on me so I’ll forget I even saw it.

This is the story of how Brian Wilson got shipwrecked and became the original Beach Boy.  One day while in the midst of a suicide attempt, he decides to befriend the bloated, farting corpse of Harry Potter.  Desperate for company, he keeps the dead wizard around and at various times uses him as a jet ski, a water fountain, a razor, and a projectile gun to kill small animals. 

 

I know what you’re thinking.  There is no way a corpse can do all of that.  However, since this is Harry Potter’s corpse, it can do magic and shit.

The premise is unlikely, but there are stretches where it works.  The early scenes are full of promise and there are a handful of funny scenes.  Most of it goes out the window once Harry Potter’s dead body inexplicably starts talking. 

All of this seems more like a calculated oddity than the genuine article.  Take for instance the scene where Harry Potter gets a magic boner that takes on a life of its own.  Even the King of Filth, John Waters would’ve probably written this scene out because it’s just too dumb.  Or the scene in which Brian Wilson dresses up in drag to teach the corpse about dating. 

The ending may come as a surprise to some people.  I had it figured out pretty early on.  I mean in Love and Mercy we learned that Brian Wilson had a long history of mental illness.  All this movie does is confirms just how far gone he really was.

I’m not sure how this all fits into the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them series.  Or maybe this is in fact secretly The Deathly Hollows Part 3.  I guess you’d have to find someone at a Harry Potter convention to get an answer to that one. 

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2 (2017) *** ½

The opening scene of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is one of pure joy.  The adorable Baby Groot (Vin Diesel) does a toe-tapping dance number to ELO’s “Mr. Blue Sky” while Star Lord (Chris Pratt), Gamora (Zoe Saldana), Drax (Dave Bautista), and Rocket Raccoon (Bradley Cooper) fight a giant space squid.  Most directors would make the space squid battle the center of the action.  Thank God director James Gunn isn’t most people.  Instead, he focuses on Baby Groot’s dance moves while all the space action happens in the background.

This is truly one of the best moments in a Marvel movie thus far.  The only problem is that Gunn tries this same ploy of keeping the action obscured while something humorous is happening in the foreground a little too often.  Each time he does so, it’s with diminishing returns.  Since the first time he did it was unadulterated cinematic bliss, I can’t say I really blame him for trying to recapture that feeling.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is a sequel set in The Empire Strikes Back mode.  I don’t mean that it’s a particularly darker movie, although there is some dark stuff in it.  What I mean is that it is steeped in Daddy Issues and that half of the team is split up for most of the running time.  It also has a bit of a Wrath of Khan vibe as there is at least one touching death scene.

As you can see, just by throwing out Empire and Khan in conjunction with this movie, you can already tell it’s a pretty good one.  I can’t say it’s quite as good as the first one, but that’s mostly because it lacks the freshness and invention of the original.  Things really sizzle when Rocket and Baby Groot have to team up with their former foe Yondu (Michael Rooker) to escape the clutches of some space pirates.  In fact, Yondu’s whole character arc is one of the genuine surprises of the entire flick.  We all know that Michael Rooker is a national treasure.  It’s just that he has been woefully underutilized for decades.  Here, Gunn gives him a golden opportunity to do what he does best and Rooker hits it out of the park.

Going into the film, I was the most hyped about seeing Kurt Russell.  He is a great addition to the Marvel Universe and he does a fine job with his role.  There really isn’t anything wrong with his character arc, except that it’s predictable.  (I mean, his name is Ego, which pretty much tells you that he’s only looking out for himself.)  The way he plays it though, with that unmistakable twinkle in his eyes, keeps it from feeling stale.

Even though the film mostly centers around Pratt, it still feels like he gets the short end of the stick.  He was a revelation in the first movie.  You could see a movie star in the making.  Here, he’s mostly a dick to his friends until he learns the error of his ways.  Like Russell, he’s not exactly bad or anything, it’s just that the writing is a bit flat (and the final superhero battle looks like it came right out of Man of Steel).

Luckily, Drax is even more hilarious this time out.  Once again, Dave Bautista steals scene after scene from his more prestigious co-stars.  I also liked the interplay between Gamora and her sister Nebula (Karen Gillan). 

So yeah, it may not entirely be successful, but it’s amazing just how good Vol. 2 is.  I can’t say it’s as good as the first one.  I can say it comes damned close.

If anything, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is the second best sequel starring Vin Diesel and Kurt Russell about a makeshift family unit engaging in crazy action sequences where the villain from the last one is a good guy in this one I’ve seen in the past month.

 

Marvel Cinematic Universe Scorecard:

Avengers:  Age of Ultron:  ****

The Incredible Hulk:  ****

Iron Man:  ****

Iron Man 3:  ****

Captain America:  Civil War:  *** ½

Ant-Man:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½

The Avengers:  ***

Captain America:  The First Avenger:  ***

Captain America:  The Winter Soldier:  ***

Thor:  ***

Thor:  The Dark World:  ***

Iron Man 2:  ***

Doctor Strange:  ** ½

 

2017 Comic Book Movie Scorecard:

The LEGO Batman Movie:  ****

Logan:  ****

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½

Ghost in the Shell:  *** ½

EMPIRE STATE (2013) ** ½

Chris (Liam Hemsworth) wants to be a cop so he can support his family, but he just isn’t cut out for it.  Instead, he gets a job as a security guard for an armored car company.  He quickly realizes that the company doesn’t give a shit about anything.  The security is lax, the cameras are broken, and the entry code is 1-2-3-4.  After Chris’ partner (Michael Rispoli) is killed during a hold-up, the company refuses to pay his widow a proper settlement.   So Chris decides to steal a bunch of money and give her the bulk of it.  Unfortunately, he blabs about it to his hotshot friend (Michael Angarano from Sky High) who tells some local thugs just how easy it is to steal from the place, and they pressure Chris into planning another heist.  Naturally, the robbery doesn’t go as planned, and a badass cop (The Rock) starts needling Chris to find the missing loot.

Empire State starts off with great promise, but it peters out about halfway through.  The film is at its best when it focuses on the relationship between Hemsworth and Angarano.  You get a definite Mean Streets vibe from their characters.  Angarano is particularly great as the slimy loudmouth best friend and Hemsworth does a good job as the straight arrow whose one lapse in judgment leads to an unending shit storm.

Unfortunately, once he robs the place, there’s really nothing left for his character to do.  Most of the time, he stands idly by, sulking as his friend, the Greek mob, and some Colombian drug dealers worm their way into the mix, all trying to get a cut of the money.  It’s here where the picture starts to get muddled.  I think director Dito (Fighting) Montiel was going for a slow burn type of deal, but the finale suffers from a so-so shootout and a couple of obvious plot twists.

At least the picture is anchored by a great supporting turn by The Rock.  He’s so good that you’ll wish his role was bigger.  He exudes attitude and swagger as the ball-breaking cop on the case.  Whether he’s playing mind games with Hemsworth or talking shit to gangsters, the film really comes alive whenever he’s on screen.  Even when the movie is going south, The Rock keeps you watching. 

GAMERA THE BRAVE (2006) ** ½

A little boy is having trouble coming to grips with his mother’s death.  One day he finds a baby turtle and makes it his pet.  He soon learns that this is no ordinary turtle as it can fly around his room.  At first, he is able to keep Gamera out of sight, but that becomes a problem once it starts growing rapidly.  Meanwhile, a lot of ships begin disappearing off the coast of Japan.  Do you think a giant monster could be responsible for the disappearances?  You bet.  Do you think Gamera is going to grow up and kick the monster’s butt?  Damn right!

The scenes of the kid bonding with the little Gamera are the best ones in the movie.  Usually in these films we have a giant turtle befriending a little boy, but in this one, they reverse their roles.  It’s a clever little twist on the conventions of not only the Gamera series, but of giant monster flicks as a whole.

My favorite scene directly rips off E.T. where the kid is out and about while Gamera stays at home and whatever happens to the kid happens to Gamera at the house.  While he’s out skateboarding in a skating bowl, Gamera is narrowly avoiding being cooked alive in a wok.  It’s corny, sure, but I dug it.

The monster fights are solid.  The villain looks like a reptilian version of the bad guys from The Dark Crystal and he has a retractable tongue like the Alien.  I also liked the new Gamera costume.  He looks more wide-eyed and spry, a look that was perhaps inspired by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

The movie itself never really takes off and achieves the heights of the newer Godzilla movies, but it’s fun for the most part.  While the ‘90s Gamera series was highly touted, they more or less left me cold.  This one is an improvement in just about every way.  I’d say it’s about on par with the ‘60s Gamera films.  While it’s not exactly impressive or memorable, it gets the job done.  Gamera fans will be pleased, although others may be left wanting more.

A DANGEROUS METHOD (2011) *** ½

Even when he isn’t working in the horror genre, David Cronenberg’s movies are overtly psychological and sexual.  That makes him an ideal director for this story about Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender) and Sigmund Freud (Viggo Mortensen).  Jung heals a young patient (Keira Knightley) using Freud’s “Talking Cure” and soon finds himself head over heels in love with her.  Even though he is a married family man, he still feels compelled to continue with his risky, kinky relationship with his patient.  Freud begins to take a personal interest in Jung’s work, although they often find themselves at odds with one another’s ideas.

Cronenberg, for better or worse, has given up mutant flies and rage babies in his work, but it’s fun seeing his themes melding nicely into what is (on the surface, at least) a period drama.  Make no mistake, this is a monster movie.  It’s just that the monster in this one is repression.  Jung holds back his feelings for his patient because it’s not “proper” while she freely gives into any temptation that comes her way.  It’s Jung’s need to repress his emotions that ultimately leads to the crumbling of their relationship.   

The triumvirate of performances anchors the movie, even when the script threatens to go off the tracks (things jump around a lot in the third act).  Fassbender is terrific as Jung.  He does a nice balance of a scholarly doctor and chronic horndog.  His scenes with Knightley bristle with sexual tension and the pair have a lot of chemistry together.  Mortensen is equally great as Freud.  He is smug and self-satisfied whenever Jung toes the line and accepts his theories, but broods with wounded pride and heartless contempt whenever they don’t see eye to eye.  Still, their friendship endures throughout the years (there’s a lot of letter-writing in this movie) and together, they laid the groundwork for psychoanalysts everywhere.

TABOO 3 (1984) **

Kay Parker has to deal with her son leaving home after he is unable able to continue their incestuous relationship.  Before long, she starts having sexual feelings for her younger son, Jerry Butler.  Kay feels guilty about having such taboo desires, but she quickly gets over it once she finds out her girlfriend is having an incestuous relationship of her own.

Taboo 3 is a mediocre ‘80s XXX flick in just about every regard.  Unlike its predecessors, the performances just aren’t very good.  Parker in particular is uninspired and her flat line readings of bland dialogue like, “I hate this incest thing!” are not up to the standards she set for herself in the previous films.  Another stumbling block is the fact that there aren’t really any sparks between her and Butler, which makes their final scene anticlimactic.

Speaking of Butler, his character is a manager of a lame British rock band whose singer looks like Rod Stewart.  Because of that, the running time is padded with performances by the band (they are rather terrible).  That really wouldn’t matter too much if the sex scenes were hot.  Unfortunately, they are all rather tepid.  The only one that really stands out is the big orgy scene (which prominently features Ron Jeremy), and even then, it isn’t nearly as steamy as the similar scenes in the previous films in the series.

AKA:  Taboo 3:  The Final Chapter.