SWISS ARMY MAN (2016) * ½

 

 

I had no idea that The Beach Boys biopic Love and Mercy was part of the Harry Potter Extended Universe.  It seems like an unlikely pairing, but you know me.  I’ll watch just about anything.  Since everyone was falling all over themselves to praise Swiss Army Man, I thought I’d check it out. 

I wish Harry Potter could cast a spell on me so I’ll forget I even saw it.

This is the story of how Brian Wilson got shipwrecked and became the original Beach Boy.  One day while in the midst of a suicide attempt, he decides to befriend the bloated, farting corpse of Harry Potter.  Desperate for company, he keeps the dead wizard around and at various times uses him as a jet ski, a water fountain, a razor, and a projectile gun to kill small animals. 

 

I know what you’re thinking.  There is no way a corpse can do all of that.  However, since this is Harry Potter’s corpse, it can do magic and shit.

The premise is unlikely, but there are stretches where it works.  The early scenes are full of promise and there are a handful of funny scenes.  Most of it goes out the window once Harry Potter’s dead body inexplicably starts talking. 

All of this seems more like a calculated oddity than the genuine article.  Take for instance the scene where Harry Potter gets a magic boner that takes on a life of its own.  Even the King of Filth, John Waters would’ve probably written this scene out because it’s just too dumb.  Or the scene in which Brian Wilson dresses up in drag to teach the corpse about dating. 

The ending may come as a surprise to some people.  I had it figured out pretty early on.  I mean in Love and Mercy we learned that Brian Wilson had a long history of mental illness.  All this movie does is confirms just how far gone he really was.

I’m not sure how this all fits into the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them series.  Or maybe this is in fact secretly The Deathly Hollows Part 3.  I guess you’d have to find someone at a Harry Potter convention to get an answer to that one.