HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: DEMONOID (1981) ** ½

Samantha Eggar and her husband do a little digging in the Mexican Mummy mines and accidentally unleash a centuries-old killer hand.  Before long, it possesses her hubby and he takes off for Vegas.  Samantha follows in hot pursuit until the hand decides it likes her better, kills the husband, detaches itself, and comes after her.  She then turns to priest Stuart Whitman to help destroy the hand once and for all.

Say what you will about this movie, but the opening is amazing.  A priest hacks off the hand of a topless woman and it runs around all by itself while a devil that looks like something out of an ‘80s heavy metal album cover subliminally flashes on screen. You have to wonder if it was added after the fact to beef up the running time (it’s only 79 minutes long), or at the very least add a little T & A to the mix.  Whatever the case may be, I loved it.  

The scenes of people voluntarily hacking their hands off have a certain kick to them (like the part where someone is forced to use a blowtorch on their wrist to free themselves of the hand).  I also liked the part where the hand fakes out a victim out by using a mannequin hand as bait.  Unfortunately, everything in between almost feels like something out of a TV Movie of the Week.  Even with the brief running time, there are still several lulls during the handless stretches of the film.  Still, it’s better than Oliver Stone’s similarly-themed The Hand. 

AKA:  Devil’s Hand.  AKA:  Demonoid:  Messenger of Death.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: MALATESTA’S CARNIVAL OF BLOOD (1973) *

Here’s a jaw-dropping slice of homegrown, regional, low-budget ‘70s hokum.  Your jaw won’t drop because it’s particularly gruesome or scary or anything.  It’ll drop because of how cheap (and bad) it is. 

The idea is sound.  Who wouldn’t want to see random people getting bumped off in a carnival setting?  Too bad the production values are so poor that even the simplest of scenes are awfully unconvincing.   

For starters, there’s hardly anyone ever at the carnival.  At all times it looks like it was filmed at a carnival after closing time with background extras being precious and few.  When someone finally does get killed, they aren’t even missed, which doesn’t help to generate suspense.  There is one potentially great scene where a guy is decapitated on a rollercoaster, but the effects are so shoddy, and the editing is so haphazard that the payoff is basically ruined. 

Speaking of editing, the whole movie feels slightly off-kilter because of the way it’s assembled.  Scenes come and go with little bearing on what happened before.   Often, the film is choppy and incoherent.  In other places it feels unfinished, almost as if it was cobbled together after the fact.  Because of that, it feels much longer than the seventy-three-minute running time suggests. 

The subplot about the horde of cannibals that lurk below the carnival works the best.  The scenes of the cannibals attacking their victims owe a great debt to Night of the Living Dead.  While we’re on the subject of public domain films, I must point out that I did like the part where the cannibals all hang out and watch Lon Chaney movies.  

The acting is painfully amateurish at times.  The only name star in the cast is Herve Villechaize, who has a small role (no pun intended) as a carny.  He’s far and away the best actor in the film, which really isn’t saying much. 

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE NESTING (1981) **

An agoraphobic writer (Robin Groves) moves to the country to soothe her condition.  Turns out the house she’s rented is a former bordello that’s haunted by the spirit of the madam (Gloria Grahame from Blood and Lace, making her final film appearance).  Before long she’s having waking nightmares of being a hooker and slowly starts losing her grip on her sanity. 

Director Armand Weston is most famous for the legendary porn classic The Defiance of Good.  His skill set didn’t seem to carry over into the horror genre.  The Nesting works in fits and starts and occasionally threatens to genuinely gather momentum.  The problem is that the scare sequences don’t have much in the way of rhythm.  The stalking scenes go on and on, almost comically at times.  At least they have memorable punchlines.  (One scene climaxes with a drunkard handyman being pulled into a lake by zombie arms and another ends with a scuzzy chicken farmer getting a sickle planted in his forehead.) 

All of this is occasionally amusing, but you’ve got to put up with a lot of dull, predictable crap in between the good stuff.  It’s also undone by a lousy ending.  Groves’ wisecracking boyfriend grates on the nerves too. 

John Carradine is around long enough to say a couple of lines before having a stroke and disappearing for a good chunk of the movie.  Then he turns up later in the picture, but promptly has a heart attack and is sidelined yet again.  He’s still well enough to manage reciting the huge exposition dump in the final reel though.   

AKA:  Phobia.  AKA:  Massacre Mansion.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE WITCH WHO CAME FROM THE SEA (1976) ***

After watching the documentary GLOW:  The Story of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, I got a hankering to watch a Matt Cimber movie.  He of course directed a string of exploitations pictures long before his involvement with the ultimate women’s wrestling show.  I’m glad to say, The Witch Who Came from the Sea is one of his best. 

Millie (The Shooting) Perkins stars as a mentally frail waitress who lives with her sister and two nephews in a gloomy seaside town.  When she learns her two favorite footballs players have been murdered during a kinky sex act, she flies off the handle.  It’s also troubling to her because she’s unable to remember if she’s the one responsible.  

The Witch Who Came from the Sea has a freewheeling, experimental feel to it.  The murder sequences have a dreamlike quality and the freak-out scenes are quite memorable.  It has a grimy, homemade look so the “normal” everyday scenes almost feel like a home movie.  Because of that, when things get weird (like the scene where Perkins imagines a bunch of bodybuilders being strung up and killed), it feels especially freaky.   

Due to its very nature, the film is uneven and sometimes frustrating.  Whenever it threatens to derail itself, Perkins swoops in to save the day.  You never quite know what she’ll do next and her homicidal bursts of lunacy are really something to see.  One moment, she’s sweet and innocent.  The next, she’s unhinged and deranged.  The supporting cast, which includes such favorites as George “Buck” Flower as a cop and Roberta Collins are equally fine and lend terrific support.

MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997) **

I’ve been wanting to watch some Clint Eastwood movies I hadn’t seen before.  I chose this one based on the strength of the cast.  I mean who wouldn’t want to see John Cusack teamed up with Christopher Plummer?   

Cusack stars as a New York reporter who goes to Savannah, Georgia to do a story on a lavish Christmas party held by the eccentric Plummer.  During the party, his lover (Jude Law) storms in demanding money.  Later, he winds up dead and Plummer is charged for murder.  Cusack decides to stick around and cover the story. 

I never read the book this was based on, but supposedly, Cusack’s character was an invention of the screenwriters.  He’s only there to act as a tour guide to the various oddballs and eccentrics that populate the movie.  One guy walks an invisible dog, an old lady performs voodoo ceremonies in a cemetery, a trans nightclub performer constantly hits on Cusack, and an old coot carries around a vial of poison and threatens to taint the town’s water supply.  I don’t know if they were going for Twin Peaks Down South or what.  All I know is that the elements never quite gel.   

The reporter device doesn't really pay off.  It hinges on people telling Cusack information about other character instead of showing us what they’re all about.  This gossipy stuff might’ve worked in the book, but this a movie.  You have to show, not tell.  

It’s mildly amusing in the first half when we’re being introduced to the assorted bunch of colorful characters.  It’s when the film settles down into its long-winded courtroom scenes that much of the energy drains out of it.  Ultimately, the plot is just too dawdling, and the pacing far too languid to make it entertaining. 

This was an odd choice for Clint.  It kind of goes against the grain of his strengths and sensibilities.  Maybe he was trying to stretch as a director and show he could do more Oscar bait-y type of material.  To quote Dirty Harry, a man’s got to know his limitations. 

Plummer is so aloof that it becomes hard to root for his character.  Since you never really care about him, it's consequently hard to care whether he’s guilty or not.  In one scene he has a monologue about no one understanding his special “bond” with a much younger man.  Life doesn’t imitate art much, does it? 

Cusack gets the best line of the movie when he describes the situation to his editor:  “It’s like Gone with the Wind on mescaline!”

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: SADAKO VS. KAYAKO (2016) ** ½

If you’re going to do a vs. movie, you must make sure the opponents are evenly matched.  King Kong vs. Godzilla had two giant monsters facing off against each other.  Freddy vs. Jason found two of the premier slashers of their era going head to head.  Alien vs. Predator had two extraterrestrial beasties locking horns.  For Sadako vs. Kayako, we have the little ghost girl having a bad hair day from The Ring going up against the little ghost girl having a bad hair day from The Grudge.  This is about as evenly matched as it gets, folks. 

There’s even a little bit of Urban Legend here as the heroines have a professor that teaches a class on urban legends.  He offers his students cash money for proof that the cursed video from The Ring exists.  If only Rebecca Gayheart was lurking around in a parka, it could’ve been a triple-header. 

Anyway, our two heroines find a VCR at a dirt mall that just so happens to have the mythical tape in it.  Naturally, they watch it.  In a brilliant stroke, one of the girls is busy texting on her phone so she misses the whole thing!  Of course, her friend is doomed to die in two days, so they ask an unconventional exorcist to help them lift the curse.  He suggests performing the exorcism in the haunted house from The Grudge and letting the two evil spirits duke it out. 

Like both franchises, the pacing is awfully slow.  The constant cutting back and forth between The Ring and The Grudge’s storylines also takes a lot of the wind out of the movie’s sails.  I will say The Ring scenes work better than The Grudge scenes, but there is one good part where the Boy Who Meows Like a Cat from The Grudge attacks a couple of bullies.  You’ve also got to wait a long time before both curses fight each other in the final showdown and when it finally does happen, it’s a bit of a letdown.   

Despite these annoyances, this is still a lot better than any of the previous films in both respective franchises, so that’s a small victory at least.  It doesn’t take itself very seriously, which is a blessing.  Both franchises hinged on the audience’s belief that a little ghost girl having a bad hair day was scary, which, it isn’t.  This one kind of senses the stupidity inherent in the premise(s) and decides to have a little fun with it.  I’m not saying it completely works, but I’ll be damned… I ALMOST liked it.

MANBORG (2011) * ½

Faux-grindhouse throwbacks are risky propositions.  Sometimes I wonder if these things are just an excuse for people to make a bad movie on purpose.  If that was the makers of Manborg’s intentions, all I can say is mission accomplished.

In the future, the world goes to war with Hell.  A soldier is killed on the battlefield and turned into a cyborg by a mad scientist.  He is sent to fight in gladiator games against Hell’s minions before banding together with a few fellow fighters to stage an uprising.

The effects are purposely terrible, which gets old quick.  It’s like the movie thinks haphazardly using obvious greenscreen effects is automatically hilarious.  As a result, the whole thing looks like a shitty Sega CD game.  The stop motion animation is better than the crappy CGI, but it's still not very good.

The dubbing is bad on purpose too, but it’s never so out of whack that it elicits a laugh.  It’s no Kung Pow:  Enter the Fist in that department.  The only laughs come from the villain’s attempt to woo one of the women prisoners he has a crush on.  It’s odd that the intentional humor works rather well, but the calculated use of shoddy effects and low budget techniques falls flat.

There might have been enough material here to pick and choose from to make a three-minute faux grindhouse trailer.  At seventy minutes, it’s all rather insufferable.  If you stick around after the credits, you’ll be treated to a fake trailer for Biocop, which looks like a cross between Maniac Cop and The Incredible Melting Man.  It contains as many laughs in three minutes as Manborg did in seventy, which pretty much proves my point.  At least Biocop knew when to quit. 

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE STRANGE CASE OF DR. JEKYLL AND MISS OSBOURNE (1981) **

The potentially potent pairing of Udo Kier and Walerian (The Beast) Borowczyk is undone by turgid pacing and sloppy screenwriting.  Kier stars as Dr. Jekyll, who is throwing an engagement party in his home.  Naturally, Mr. Hyde crashes the party and starts raping guests (both men and women).   While the police comb the area looking for Hyde, Jekyll’s fiancée (Marina Pierro) catches a glimpse of her hubby to-be changing personalities.  Wanting to be with her man no matter what, she pleads with him to let her use his potion to unleash her hidden freaky persona. 

The gruesome scenes of Hyde raping unfortunate partygoers are guaranteed to shock.  I mean his dick is so big it goes through their ass and out their belly.  In another memorable scene, Hyde ties up Patrick Magee and forces him to watch while he has his way with his daughter (who unlike the other guests is more than eager to participate). 

These scenes certainly grab your attention.  Too bad the first half hour is so boring.  Seriously, nothing happens.  Even when Hyde does show up, it's only in frustrating glimpses.  

Fans of Udo are likely to be disappointed by this one, seeing as he did such a great job as Dracula and Frankenstein in the Andy Warhol movies.  Here, he’s not given a whole lot to do as Dr. Jekyll.  Even worse is the fact that another actor plays Mr. Hyde.  I’m sure he could’ve delivered a great performance as Hyde, but Borowczyk doesn’t even give him an opportunity to strut his stuff!  It's unfortunate too because it would’ve been interesting to see what Udo could’ve done with the character.  The guy they got to play Hyde... well… let's just say he's no Udo Kier and leave it at that.  

AKA:  Bloodlust.  AKA:  The Blood of Dr. Jekyll.  AKA:  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  AKA:  The Bloodbath of Dr. Jekyll.  AKA:  The Experiment.  AKA:  Dr. Jekyll and His Women.  AKA:  Dr. Jekyll and His Wives.  

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: HIDE AND GO SHRIEK (1988) ***

Most slasher films feature killers stalking teens in a place they shouldn’t be.  Usually in these movies that means the woods, an abandoned house, or in a cemetery.  In the case of Hide and Go Shriek it's... THE FURNITURE STORE. 

The teens spend the night in a furniture store for a party unaware there’s a scary ex-con who lives inside.  One of them says, “I KNOW! Let's play hide and seek!” and they take off in every which direction to hide and/or make out.  Since they’re all split up, it gives the killer a perfect opportunity to do some hacking and slashing.  

A lot of this is just plain silly.  Like, why is there such an abundance of mannequins in a furniture store?  They try to explain it away with one awkward line of dialogue, but you get the feeling this was originally written to take place in a mall, but a crummy furniture shop was all the location manager could afford to rent.  Then again, if there wasn’t a mess of mannequins laying around we wouldn’t have the sweet scene where Sean (“Karate’s Bad Boy” Mike Barnes from Karate Kid 3) Kanan gets impaled with a mannequin arm. 

Director Skip Schoolnik (the guy who edited Halloween 2) delivers the goods in a competent manner.  He handles the stalking scenes efficiently enough and I liked the gimmick of the killer dressing up like his victims to lure in another potential teen.  The T & A quotient is also above average for the genre’s standards.   

It’s in the third act that the film reveals itself to be something truly special.  The unmasking of the killer is positively jaw-dropping.  More surprising is the way the sensitive subject is handled.  It’s a lot more progressive than what you’d normally see in this sort of thing.  The killer is also given one heck of a demise.  Naturally, he comes back for the gratuitous set-up for a sequel.  I for one am a bit sad it never happened.  

AKA:  Close Your Eyes and Pray.

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS (1976) **

Catharine Burgess stars as a bored, frigid housewife who becomes obsessed with an old mirror in her attic.  One night, she masturbates in front of the mirror and a man comes out of it and fingers her.  Jamie Gillis is the “demon” in the mirror that takes the form of her late father and beckons her to join him on the other side of the mirror. 

Through the Looking Glass is a XXX movie that tries to serve a dual purpose.  It wants to be a psychological drama and a porno flick all rolled in one.  None of the elements really click.  There’s some Alice in Wonderland imagery here, although probably not as much as the title would lead you to think.  Burgess has a lesbian scene with a woman who runs off and says, “I’m late” and there’s a Mad Hatter tea party when the guests fuck a woman with a carrot.  That’s about it though. 

The non-porno scenes are kind of dull and it takes a good twenty minutes to get to the first explicit sex scene.  Even though the scenes revolve around kinky fetishes such as incest and pissing, none of them are particularly hot.  There is also an enema scene, but it’s nowhere near as graphic as the ones found in Water Power, which also featured Gillis.   

Much of the problem lies with Burgess.  She just never really engages the audience.  I did like the scene where the camera actually goes inside of Burgess’ pussy though.  The movie fitfully comes alive when Gillis is on screen.  He has a demented charisma that everyone in the cast lacks.   

Through the Looking Glass’ artistic aspirations are muddled at best, and its turn into horror territory in the third act is even less successful.  If you can get past the sluggish pacing, you’ll be rewarded with a handful of memorable moments.  Overall, it’s just too uneven to be completely successful as either art or porn. 

The effective score was by none other than Harry Manfredini of Friday the 13^th fame.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL (1984) **

This is one of the most infamous no-budget shot-on-video horror movies of the ‘80s.  Like many videotaped wonders, it contains slipshod editing, amateurish performances, and poor audio and picture quality (the latter adds to the overall feel of the film).  The music is pretty good though. 

A lonely God-fearing woman goes into an antique store and buys a ventriloquist dummy.  The puppet (who looks like Lester from Willie Tyler and Lester with dreadlocks) watches her shower and rapes her.  She starts to like it though (she even calls him “Mr. Wonderful”) and soon she becomes a sex-starved trollop.   

Much of Black Devil Doll from Hell is slow and excruciating.  The dialogue scenes are so long and boring that the camera starts wandering around the room filming walls and knickknacks instead of the performers.  If you can get past these long scenes (which take up the bulk of the movie), you’ll be treated to some jaw-dropping antics.   

The money shots of the puppet humping are hilarious.  (“How do you like that bitch?”)  They do tend to go on too long.  You have to wonder if the director had some kind of puppet sex fetish.  These scenes, long as they are, are worth the price of admission.   

It’s those non-puppet scenes that are a problem.  The running time is 90 minutes, but it could’ve easily been cut down to 75.  Okay, 45.  I mean the long disco dancing scene could’ve been excised completely and no one would’ve known the difference.  I would recommend it, but you’re probably better off just watching the puppet fucking highlights and forgetting the rest of it.  If you do decide to watch it in its entirety… well… you were warned.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: DEATH WALKS AT MIDNIGHT (1972) **

Director Luciano Ercoli re-teamed with most of the same cast for this spiritual sequel to Death Walks on High Heels.  Everyone is playing different characters than last time, but the plot is thematically similar.  Like Death Walks on High Heels, it’s way too long and things get needlessly convoluted by the end.  I will say this for Death Walks at Midnight:  It has a much better hook and gives a lot more screen time to its leading lady, Susan Scott.  

Scott stars as a model who agrees to take a new experimental psychedelic drug so her boyfriend (Simon Andreau) can write about the effects for a tabloid.  During her drug trip, she sees a woman being brutally killed by a man with a spiked iron glove.  Naturally, no one believes her until the killer comes after her. 

The opening scene packs a wallop.  It’s almost like something out of a Dario Argento movie.  Things quickly bog down from there though.  The scenes of Scott playing Nancy Drew aren't very involving either.  As with Death Walks on High Heels, there are so many red herrings and plot twists in the final act that it gets to be a bit much.  However, I’ll give this one the slight edge, just for the harsh iron glove slayings. 

AKA:  Cry Out in Terror.  AKA:  Death Caresses at Midnight.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: DEATH WALKS ON HIGH HEELS (1971) **

A stripper (Susan Scott) receives threatening phone calls from a killer with a robot voice.  He thinks she has some diamonds her late jewel thief father stole, and he claims he’ll kill her if she doesn’t fork them over.  She doesn’t take him seriously until he breaks into her room and accosts her with a straight razor.  Thinking her drunkard boyfriend (Simon Andreau) is the killer, she pops off to London with an adoring fan, a rich married doctor (Frank Wolff), to escape his clutches. 

There’s a plot twist halfway through that's worthy of a Hitchcock movie.  I wouldn’t dream of spoiling it for you.  I will say that as a consequence, the alluring Susan Scott gets less and less screen time.  Without her slinky presence, Death Walks on High Heels loses a lot of its drive.  

Taken on its own merits, the first act is a solid little piece of exploitation filmmaking.  It’s in the second act that the film loses its way, big time.  It’s here where it stops being a slightly trashy thriller and becomes a dull police procedural.  During the finale, director Luciano Ercoli piles on twist after twist, almost to the point where you’ll gladly take any conclusion as long as it makes the movie end.   All the endless twists wind up doing is jerking the audience around, which is a shame considering how well-executed the first half-hour was. 

AKA:  Death Stalks on High Heels.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: ANTIBIRTH (2016) * ½

Natasha Lyonne gets wasted at a party and winds up pregnant.  She isn’t fazed by it though and continues boozing and drugging it up.  Eventually, she realizes this is no ordinary pregnancy as the new life inside her slowly starts to take over her body. 

I wanted to see this mainly for the cast alone.  It’s been a while since Lyonne has had a role she could really sink her teeth into.  I mean who wouldn’t want to see her and Chloe Sevigny teamed together for a monster baby movie?  As a bonus, we have the one and only Meg Tilly on hand playing a mystery lady who shadows Lyonne.  I can’t remember the last time I saw her in a film and it’s good to have her back on the screen where she belongs.   

Unfortunately, the movie is borderline unwatchable.  How can you take such likeable performers and then give them unlikeable, loathsome characters to portray?  It quickly becomes tiresome watching them sitting around, getting high, and watching TV.  Sad thing is, most of the running time is devoted to this. 

Once we finally get to the horrific scenes, things improve slightly.  The gore effects are well done, and the blister-popping scene alone is enough to ensure it won’t get a One Star rating.  The birthing sequence, when it finally rears its ugly head (and I mean that quite literally), is appropriately icky.  However, the final moments of the film plunge deeper and deeper into excess, culminating in WTF note that will leave your alternately shaking and scratching your head. 

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: NIGHTMARES (1980) ** ½

A kid gets fed up watching her mom fool around with her boyfriend while driving.  She tries to make them stop and inadvertently causes an accident.  Twenty years later, she tries out for a play and wins the lead.  As opening night approaches, people start being murdered by a black-gloved killer with shards of broken glass. 

Nightmares is an Australian Ozploitation movie that has many similarities to American slashers and Italian gialli.  Since the slasher film was still in its infancy (it was released the same year as Friday the 13^th), I’d have to say that the giallo thrillers were more than likely its main inspiration.  (A killer wearing black gloves is a staple of gialli.)  Still, the scenes of horny people being sliced up after humping, and the POV shots of the stalking killer would feel right at home in an American slasher. 

These scenes are done effectively for the most part.  It’s the stuff in between the stalking that’s a little on the dull side.  There are a couple of subplots that bog things down too (like the critic that tries to seduce an actor in exchange for a favorable review).  Considering the running time is only 79 minutes, the pacing should’ve been much tighter. 

The ending is also predictable.  It’s obvious from the get-go who’s doing the killing and why.  I’m not even sure why they tried to make it a mystery.  It might’ve worked better if they didn’t try to hide the killer’s identity.  I mean why not?  The audience has already guessed who it is anyway. 

AKA:  Stage Fright.  AKA:  Nightmares on the Street.

THAT’S SEXPLOITATION! (2013) *** ½

Frank (Frankenhooker) Henenlotter and David F. Friedman are your hosts for an eye-opening tour of a half-century’s worth of smut.  All facets of vintage erotica are discussed at length.  There are segments on arcade loops, drug scare films, sex hygiene movies, nudist camp pictures, peep shows, VD army training films, nudie-cuties, roughies, psychedelia, and gay and lesbian films.  Each segment is loaded with fascinating clips representing each genre and they all look great in stunning HD. 

Henenlotter (who also directed) also discusses “white coaters”, which was basically a legal hardcore movie filmed under the guise of marital education.  This eventually opened the door for the rise of porn, which to Henenlotter, says signaled the end of the line for sexploitation pictures.  Once you got to see sex in XXX, there was no longer anything left to exploit. 

Both men are fascinating to listen to.  Friedman has a mind like a steel trap and can recall with great clarity minute details from decades-old films.  Henenlotter’s enthusiasm is infectious.  Ever the historian, he chose some terrific clips to emphasize his points.  (I especially liked the side-by-side comparisons of the “Hot” versions of some of the movies.)   

Sure, at over two hours, That’s Sexploitation! runs a little on the long side.  Honestly, there’s probably enough information here to fit two movies.  Besides, seeing so many clips from such a vast library of filth alone is worth the price of admission.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: PREVENGE (2017) ** ½

Tone is a tricky thing when you’re making a horror comedy, especially one with this sort of premise.  Not only does it involve a pregnant woman (Alice Lowe), but her evil fetus as well.  The unborn baby urges her to kill the people responsible for the death of her husband, but we’re never sure if the killer fetus is real or a figment of Lowe’s imagination until the very end.  This aspect runs against the grain of its humorous intentions.  If played completely serious, this could’ve been absolutely horrifying.  Instead of trying to put the screws to the audience, it goes for cheap laughs and mixes in some sloppy gore, just because, I suppose. 

I’ll be the first to admit that there are some laughs here, but the filmmakers never hit a consistent tone.  Sometimes the punchlines are so dry that they fail to elicit much of a response.  Other times, it goes so over the top that it resembles a Troma movie.   

It doesn’t help that the film falls into a predictable rut (Lowe finds a target, talks to them a bit, then stabs them with a butcher knife) almost right from the get-go.  Also, many of the deaths are interchangeable, except for the scene where Lowe tries to kill a kickboxing woman.  Lowe’s fearless performance helps to anchor things whenever it threatens to go off the rails.  Maybe next time she’ll star in a movie worthy of her talents.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: VIDEO NASTIES: DRACONIAN DAYS (2014) ***

Jake West’s sequel to his Video Nasties documentary focuses on the rise of former filmmaker James Ferman as the head censor at the British Board of Film Censorship.  The way Ferman got other conservatives to rally alongside him was admittedly ingenious:  He showed them a greatest hits collection of all the goriest bits from all the nasties.  Even the most die-hard gorehound would’ve been a little queasy watching that.  

West also gets into how the tabloids used the video nasties as a scapegoat to real-life tragedies.  A mass shooting is blamed on Rambo and Child’s Play 3 is blamed for the tragic Bulger murder.  Thinking something as tame as Child’s Play 3 could drive someone to murder is laughable now, but when you think of the media frenzy that surrounded the case, it’s easy to see why people were so hysterical. 

When politicians call for tighter restrictions on videos, it is Ferman who champions to prevent them from further censorship.  Later, he gets ousted when he tries to legalize pornography.  Even though this guy wanted to hack all the good stuff out of countless genre classics, he winds up being a decent guy after all. 

While Draconian Days covers a lot of the same territory as David Gregory’s Ban the Sadist Videos did, there are a couple of pleasant deviations.  The segment on horror fanzines is great and probably deserves its own documentary at some point.  In the end, it runs on a bit too long for its own good.  With some tighter editing, West could’ve condensed all the material into one feature.  If you've seen the first one, you probably owe it to yourself to watch this one too.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE DEVIL’S HONEY (1986) ***

When you’re a guy like Lucio Fulci, it’s hard to top yourself.  Where do you go after the eyeball scene in Zombie?  Luckily for us, he kept a little gas in the tank for The Devil’s Honey.  I can’t say it’s one of his best pictures overall, but it does contain a few moments of Fulci at his WTF peak.   

For starters, the movie begins with a scene in which a musician uses a saxophone as a marital aide on his girlfriend.  I bet this just jumped to the number one spot on your “Must See” list, didn’t it?  Later in the film, he makes her give him a hand job while he’s riding a motorcycle.  He also forces her to put a gun on her crotch for a video shoot.  There’s also a scene where Brett Halsey watches a hooker rub nail polish all over her nether regions. 

It’s almost a manual for what not to do with your genitals. 

Anyway, Corinne (Moonraker) Clery catches her doctor husband (Halsey) with a prostitute and threatens to divorce him.  Halsey is still reeling from the news when he goes to operate on a saxophone player (Stefano Madia).  Unable to perform the operation, the patient dies in surgery.  The saxophone player’s girlfriend (Blanca Marsillach), already a bit nuts due to their sadomasochistic relationship, starts sending Halsey death threats.  Eventually, she kidnaps him and tortures him, but they soon begin their own kinky relationship. 

For the first half-hour or so, you’re going to think The Devil’s Honey is gearing up to be a classic.  Somewhere along the way Fulci kind of forgets to up the sleaze quotient.  Then again, when your picture starts with a forced orgasm via saxophone, it’s hard to keep that momentum going.   

The problem lies mostly with the third act.  It’s here where Marsillach holds Halsey prisoner.  Instead of keeping the focus on her increasingly psycho behavior, Fulci cuts to flashbacks of her tumultuous relationship with Madia.  These cutaways take away from the tension and lessens the overall impact of the final scene.  Even with that in mind, The Devil’s Honey will be well-worth watching for Fulci aficionados.  

AKA:  Dangerous Obsession.  AKA:  Divine Obsession.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: BLOOD AND LACE (1971) ** ½

A frightened teenage girl named Ellie (Melody Patterson) tries to run away after the brutal death of her prostitute mother.  A social worker takes her to an orphanage ran by the cruel Mrs. Deere (Gloria Grahame), who punishes bad kids by locking them in the attic.  If any teen tries to run away, she kills them with the help of her lush handyman (Len Lesser) who hides the bodies in the freezer in the cellar.  Mrs. Deere also trades sexual favors with the social worker, so he’ll overlook all her various infractions.  When Ellie tries to run away, she sets herself up to be the orphanage’s next freezer pop kid. 

Blood and Lace kicks off with a dynamite double murder.  The POV shots of the hammer in this opening sequence are eerie and effective.  Too bad director Philip Gilbert couldn’t do anything to jazz up the slow and uninvolving second act.  At least the cinematography is crisp, and the film looks great throughout. 

The finale where Ellie fights for her life is OK, but it just doesn’t measure up to the opening hammer murders.  The generic music in these scenes does little to sell the tension either.  The twist ending isn’t bad though (it feels like something out of a William Castle movie) and leaves things on a rather demented note.   

Patterson carries the film effortlessly.  It’s a shame she never became a bigger name because she is quite good here.  Grahame does a fine job as the psycho old biddy and Vic (Alice) Tayback injects some life into the movie whenever he’s on screen as a detective who continually pesters Patterson.  

AKA:  The Blood Secret.

ZERO TOLERANCE (2015) * ½

A detective (Sahajak Boonthanakit) investigates the death of a hooker.  Turns out she’s the daughter of his friend (21 Jump Street’s Dustin Nguyen).  Since they used to be members of an elite paramilitary team back in the day, they decide to use their old skill set to find the murderer. 

Scott Adkins is front and center on the DVD box, Because of that, you might be tempted to think that this is an action flick, but it’s really a dull detective story.  Heck, it’s not even really a Scott Adkins movie.  (He plays the daughter’s boyfriend, who’s also involved in some shady dealings.)  It’s honestly more of a Dustin Nguyen vehicle, which is something I’m not sure a lot of people were clamoring for.  Now you can see why they put Adkins on the box.   

Gary Daniels also shows up for a bit, but he isn’t given much to do either.  Even though he plays a villainous pimp, he never fights anybody, let alone Adkins, which might have been a reason to watch it.  Since Daniels and Adkins are mostly wasted, the bulk of the movie lies squarely on Nguyen’s shoulders.  Unfortunately, he’s just too bland and uninteresting to carry the film.  I wouldn’t say I had zero tolerance for him or anything, but he isn’t very good either. 

Zero Tolerance was directed by Wych Kaosayananda.  AKA:  Kaos.  AKA:  the director of Tekken 2.  His over-edited action sequences are usually headache-inducing, but there isn’t a whole lot of action here, so he is pretty much kept in check.  He does get a little ADD during the opening title sequence and the strip club montages though.  While the action beats are brief, there are one or two memorable bits (like when Nguyen sticks an ejected clip in a guy’s neck), but they are few and far between.   

Note:  The movie’s alternate title makes you think it’s a sequel to 2 Guns, even though there’s nothing here to remotely link the two films together. 

AKA:  2 Guns:  Zero Tolerance.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: VIDEO NASTIES: MORAL PANIC, CENSORSHIP AND VIDEOTAPE (2010) *** ½

Jake West’s Video Nasties documentaries cover a lot of the same ground David Gregory’s Ban the Sadist Videos series did.  West isn’t as good of a documentarian as Gregory, and therefore, his films aren’t quite as compact and concise.  Despite that, this first installment has several strengths and remains an entertaining look at banned ‘80s horrors.   

I liked the brief segment early on that details the video wars of the early ‘80s.  Anyone who ever owned a Beta machine can’t help but feel a little misty-eyed over this sequence.  The montage that counts down all 72 of the Video Nasties and shows money shot after money shot of each title is awesome too.  I just wish there were more footage from the films throughout the picture. 

West repeats a lot of the old archival footage that Gregory used for his film, so you might get a sense of déjà vu while watching it.  He does however find a few new angles to work with.  The shots of videos being burned by officials are quite shocking and are likened to Nazi book burnings.  West also interviews newer directors like Neil Marshall who were influenced by those films.  Hearing Marshall talk about watching I Spit on Your Grave for the first time is a real treat. 

While I give Gregory’s documentaries the slight edge over this one, West still did a fine job.  He champions the gory films and condemns their eventual censorship.  Both series are must-sees for anyone who’s ever watched a Video Nasty. 

AKA:  Video Nasties:  The Definitive Guide.

THOR: RAGNAROK (2017) ****

Thor:  Ragnarok is set in the Iron Man 3 mold.  A fresh and energetic director (in this case, What We Do in the Shadows’ Taika Waititi) comes in and gives a potentially tired superhero a makeover.  Like what Shane Black did for Tony Stark in Iron Man 3, Waititi and his screenwriters see what Thor is made of by taking away everything that makes him Thor. His father Odin (Anthony Hopkins) passes away.  An evil villainess (Cate Blanchett) destroys his hammer and murders his friends.  Heck, he even loses his trademark golden locks when he is made to fight in a gladiatorial bout.  One holdover from the other Marvel films is the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo).  Even then, he’s a mindless pit fighter whom Thor must beat the snot out of in order to make him come to his senses.   

Facing the eventual destruction of his home world of Asgard, Thor and Hulk must find a way off the planet ruled by The Grandmaster (a hilarious Jeff Goldblum).  They turn to a ramshackle team of oddballs and misfits including a drunkard Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) and a blue rock man (Waititi) to make their escape.  Naturally, Thor’s trickster brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) enters the fray.  Surely, he can be trusted this time, right? 

Waititi was a great choice to direct.  This isn’t a case of an indie director being given a giant blockbuster and being turned into a corporate Yes Man.  His unique sensibilities are firmly intact and as a result, Waititi has made the funniest Marvel movie to date.  Sure, we knew he can do comedy, but the big surprise is that he handles the action sequences with the knack of a gifted action director.  The opening sequence where the camera follows Thor’s hammer as it decimates a horde of CGI monsters is one of the best action scenes in a Marvel flick to date and the finale is a real showstopper too. 

Waititi even manages to steal the movie as the hulking, but soft-spoken alien sidekick.  In fact, all the new players are full of energy and help revitalize the franchise.  The villains in particular are a hoot.  Blanchett has never been hotter and it’s a treat to see her chewing the scenery with relish.  Goldblum looks like he’s having the time of his life playing the devious Grandmaster and Karl Urban gets a nice little character arc as a guard who is swayed by Blanchett’s power.  Also, be on the lookout for the members of Loki’s acting troupe.  They provide some of the biggest laughs in the film. 

Ragnarok is most importantly a testament to Hemsworth’s charisma.  He showed he’s a gifted comedian in the Vacation and Ghostbusters remakes, but he really comes into his own as a leading man here.  He also generates more sparks with Thompson than he ever did in two movies with Natalie Portman. 

Hemsworth plays the comedic material naturally.  It’s not like, “Oh look, Thor’s suddenly a comedian”; it’s a natural organic progression of his character.  In the first film, he was a headstrong youth ready to claim his throne.  Now, many sequels and team-ups later, he’s to the point where nothing fazes him, even a thousand-foot-tall lava beast.  He’s gone from hammer-wielding braggart to nonplussed wisecracking observer.  Whereas most of the characters in the other Marvel films seem to stay stagnant, Thor has shown he gets better with age. 

Another brilliant stroke was getting Mark Mothersbaugh to do the score.  It’s got a funky ‘80s flavor that is perfectly in tune with Waititi’s colorful throwback aesthetic.  Seriously, can we just get Mothersbaugh to provide the music for all the Marvel films for now on?    

Marvel Cinematic Universe Scorecard: 

Avengers:  Age of Ultron:  ****

The Incredible Hulk:  ****

Iron Man:  ****

Thor:  Ragnarok:  ****

Spider-Man:  Homecoming:  ****

Iron Man 3:  ****

Captain America:  Civil War:  *** ½

Ant-Man:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½

The Avengers:  ***

Captain America:  The First Avenger:  ***

Captain America:  The Winter Soldier:  ***

Thor:  ***

Thor:  The Dark World:  ***

Iron Man 2:  ***

Doctor Strange:  ** ½  

2017 Comic Book Movie Scorecard:

The LEGO Batman Movie:  ****

Thor:  Ragnarok:  ****

Spider-Man:  Homecoming:  ****

Logan:  ****

Wilson:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets *** ½

Wonder Woman:  *** ½

Ghost in the Shell:  *** ½

Atomic Blonde:  **

Death Note:  **