Wednesday, May 2, 2018

FRIEND REQUEST (2017) *


You know that one weirdo girl in a hoodie who always sits alone in the cafeteria?  You know how you get that feeling that maybe you should befriend her because society tells you that’s the nice thing to do?  Well, Friend Request is about the best argument for NOT doing that.

To add insult to injury, this gal has zero friends on (this movie’s fake, unauthorized, pleased-don’t-sue-us-Zuckerberg version of) Facebook.  That’s even worse than having no friends in real life because everyone on the golldurn internet can see what a loser you are.  Of course, if you take the bait and friend her on Fakebook, chances are she’s going to be a social media stalker.

In Friend Request, she’s not only a weirdo girl in a hoodie and a social media stalker, but she’s a witch too!  If you even think of unfriending her on Fakebook, she’s liable to hang herself, film it, and put it all over your social media to make you look like a complete asshole.  Then, she’ll probably use her witchcraft to make wasps kill off all your friends.

It’s like she’s unfriending you… LITERALLY!

Hopefully, that summation is enough so that you don’t even need to see Friend Request.  However, if you do take it upon yourself to see it, make sure you have a high tolerance for these lame “the internet is a scary place” movies.  I sure as shit don’t, and it was a chore to get through.

As horribly rotten as most of it is, I have to say that the performers were decent.  It’s just that they couldn’t elevate the shoddy material.  It’s better than Unfriended, that’s for sure, but that’s not saying much.

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