You
know that one weirdo girl in a hoodie who always sits alone in the cafeteria? You know how you get that feeling that maybe
you should befriend her because society tells you that’s the nice thing to
do? Well, Friend Request is about the
best argument for NOT doing that.
To
add insult to injury, this gal has zero friends on (this movie’s fake,
unauthorized, pleased-don’t-sue-us-Zuckerberg version of) Facebook. That’s even worse than having no friends in
real life because everyone on the golldurn internet can see what a loser you
are. Of course, if you take the bait and
friend her on Fakebook, chances are she’s going to be a social media stalker.
In
Friend Request, she’s not only a weirdo girl in a hoodie and a social media
stalker, but she’s a witch too! If you
even think of unfriending her on Fakebook, she’s liable to hang herself, film
it, and put it all over your social media to make you look like a complete
asshole. Then, she’ll probably use her
witchcraft to make wasps kill off all your friends.
It’s
like she’s unfriending you… LITERALLY!
Hopefully,
that summation is enough so that you don’t even need to see Friend
Request. However, if you do take it upon
yourself to see it, make sure you have a high tolerance for these lame “the
internet is a scary place” movies. I
sure as shit don’t, and it was a chore to get through.
As
horribly rotten as most of it is, I have to say that the performers were decent. It’s just that they couldn’t elevate the
shoddy material. It’s better than
Unfriended, that’s for sure, but that’s not saying much.
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