Tuesday, March 16, 2021

THE SWORDSMAN (1993) * ½

The name of the movie?  The Swordsman.  The man with the sword?  Lorenzo Lamas.  He’s not only armed with a sword though.  No, he’s also equipped with “postmortem telepathy”.  That means he can stick his finger in a dead guy’s bullet wound and find out who killed him.  The cherry on the top:  He’s got a mullet that just won’t quit.  

Oh, and he’s also the reincarnation of Alexander the Great. 

His latest case is to protect a sexy archeologist (Claire Stansfield) who’s on the hunt for a legendary sword.  That sword just so happened to be owned by… you guessed it… Alexander the Great.  Now it’s up to Lorenzo the Not-Exactly-Great to get his hands on it before the bad guy does.

The Swordsman tries to jam a lot of shit into its ninety-two-minute running time.  There’s reincarnation, Highlander-style swordfights, Dead Zone-inspired psychic flashbacks, long history lessons, and dream scenes.  It’s either really ambitious or really confused.  It’s funny, because even when it manages to introduce an intriguing concept, it just sort of shambles onto the next half-baked subplot or idea.  

I mean, there’s a subplot that involves an underground fencing circuit.  Now, we’ve seen so many DTV action flicks that feature underground kickboxing circuits.  You’d think the idea of underground fencing would be fresh enough to breathe some life into the film.  Sadly, that’s not the case.

Adding to the movie’s woes is the decided lack of action.  I know he’s the “Swordsman” and all, but would it kill Lamas to use a gun for a couple of old-fashioned shootouts?  I guess it wouldn’t be so noticeable if the swordfights themselves weren’t so lackluster.  They really go overboard with the hazy lighting in these scenes, which makes much of the swordplay look like it’s taking place in a Meatloaf music video. 

Lamas dials down his usual likeable persona, which is unfortunate.  I know he’s “acting” and all, but I much prefer him in something like SnakeEater where he can at least cut loose and have some fun.  He also doesn’t have much chemistry with Stansfield, and the villain (played by Total Recall’s Michael Champion) is weak too.  Land of the Dead’s Eugene Clark also shows up as Lamas’ captain. 

Lamas returned for the sequel, Gladiator Cop.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah this one was pretty dull, sequel was marginally better but not by much.

    ReplyDelete