After gaining notoriety as an underage porn star, Traci Lords effectively parlayed her fame into a lengthy career as a well-respected B-movie actress. Since her rise to stardom occurred around the same time as the home workout tape craze, it was only natural that she would try her hand in the already saturated marketplace. For many fans, this was one of the only ways they could legally watch Traci in a skimpy outfit doing suggestive maneuvers on the floor.
As a workout tape, it’s admittedly pretty weak. Traci herself was ultimately dissatisfied with the results and re-released the tape in a re-edited format a few years later under a different title (Traci Lords: Advanced Jazzthetics). However, for Traci’s die-hard fans, this will be worth a look as a curio.
Traci, Scream Queen Debra Lamb, and some dude stand around on a living room set doing stretching exercises and calisthenics. The instructions are mostly in the form of Traci giving motivational “raps”. (“Touch your toe to your ankle, to yourself you’ll be thankful!”) Because of that, it’s not very informative. If you’re watching this to actually… you know… work out, you’ll probably be disappointed. In fact, you’d be better off just following along to her movements than her instructions. Then again, she goes through the exercises so fast that I’m sure you’ll still have some difficulty keeping up with her. (She looks out of breath about fifteen minutes into the routine, so I’m not even sure she was using this regime on a regular basis.) It’s also annoying when Traci yells, “CHANGE!” to change your position every thirty seconds or so.
If you’re looking for a quality workout tape, this ain’t it. (It’s no Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout, I know that much.) Since it features Traci in a tiny yellow sports bra and matching bikini bottom cavorting around, undulating wildly, and thrusting her hips on the floor, I’d say it’s still worth watching. That said, there aren’t as many suggestive workout poses as I was hoping for, but there is enough rhythmic pelvic thrusting and gluteus jiggling here for it to skate by with a ** ½ rating.
AKA: Warm Up with Traci Lords. AKA:
Traci Lords: Advanced
Jazzthetics.
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