F9 (2021) ***

F9 is the F9th (but not F9inal) entry in the Fast and Furious series.  As you can see, they no longer refer to the films as “The Fast and the Furious” or “Fast and Furious” or “Fast” or “Furious”.  Just plain “F”.  They could’ve called it “FF” for “Franchise Fatigue”.  I’m not saying it’s bad or anything, but it definitely lacks the fun of the past couple of installments.  That said, it still has enough dumb shit in it to keep you entertained.  

The plot is pretty simple.  Mr. Nobody (Kurt Russell) needs Dom (Vin Diesel) to find a McGuffin.  Dom learns his estranged brother (John Cena) is after it too, which only brings the familial bad blood to a boil.  

The big stumbling block here is John Cena is the villain.  He isn’t bad, but he’s a big step down from Jason Statham or Charlize Theron or heck, even Luke Evans.  Since these movies are all about family, we know he probably won’t stay a bad guy for long.  That’s just how it goes in the Fast universe.  

However, the flashbacks of young Dom feel like scenes from Jim Henson’s The Fast and the Furious Babies.  I guess they were trying to do a stripped-down gritty approach with these scenes.  Either that, or they were trying to return the series back to its racing roots.  Either way, these sequences really run against the grain of the lunacy that occurs later in the picture.

I guess the filmmakers were trying to appease both sets of FF fans.  Some like all the racing shit.  Others like me want to see a bunch of crazy nonsense.  Because of that, a lot of this has the feeling of gratuitous fan servicing.  (Maybe the “F” stands for “fan service”.)  They also bring back a major character the fans have been clamoring for and finally make good on the promise that the franchise will go into space.  I mean, it’s cheesy and all, but it just feels tacked on to please the fans.  

Well, was I pleased?  Sure.  I mean it’s hard to get too picky when the movie features:  1.  A car swinging on a vine like Tarzan over a huge chasm.  2.  Helen Mirren driving at high speed while eluding dozens of cop cars, all the while delivering massive amounts of exposition.  3.  Vin Diesel getting a Hercules moment where he uses chains to bring down a giant pillar that clobbers a bunch of guards.  4. Said scene causing Vin to get a bump on the head, allowing him to go back in time and see things in his past her missed the first time around.  5.  Uh, cars in space.  

This was the first movie I saw in the theater in over sixteen months, a record.  I’m still not entirely comfortable with going to the movies on a regular basis, but I plan to venture out here and there.  That said, it felt good to be back.

AKA:  F9:  The Fast Saga.  AKA:  Fast and Furious 9.  AKA:  Wild Speed:  Jet Break.