Texas Chainsaw Massacre is dumb and gory and goofy, and I’m perfectly OK with that. Like most of the other sequels in the franchise, it ignores everything but the first movie and acts like it’s the “real” sequel. The fact that this is fifty years later and Leatherface should be about eighty by now might give one pause, but if you think about it, Grandpa was one-hundred-and-thirty-seven in Part 2, and he was still pretty spry. I see no reason why an octogenarian Leatherface can’t go around Texas massacring with his trusty chainsaw.
The way the movie tries to cram in a whole mess of 21st century social issues into the first act is fucking hilarious. From gentrification to open carry to debate about the Confederate flag to school shootings (!?!), it is a hot mess. None of these topics ever get a chance to blossom into a real point, mostly because once Leatherface pulls his chainsaw out of storage, it becomes a non-stop all-you-can-eat buffet of power tool carnage.
The plot has a bunch of millennials buying a small Texas town in the middle of nowhere with the intention of turning it into a hipster haven. The only problem is there’s a little old lady (Alice Krige) who still owns her home. They don’t really give a shit and kick her ass out, and when she croaks, her son, Leatherface (Mark Burnham) goes ape, leading to one big millennial massacre.
There are parts of this movie that just plain don’t work. Bringing back the character of Sally Hardesty was an OK idea, but she isn’t really given much to do until the very end. It’s almost as if the filmmakers saw Halloween ’18 and said, “Shit, they’re bringing back the old characters, so we have to too!” Her story is an ill fit with the main plotline and feels more like an afterthought than anything. It also doesn’t help that Marilyn Burns passed away some time ago and the new Sally (Olwen Fouere) isn’t all that great.
Another debit is the lack of family. With the exception of his mother, Leatherface doesn’t have any other relatives to help out with his slaughter. This means it’s pretty much a one-man show, which is fine because this new Leatherface can saw ‘em up with the best of them. Yet another shocking omission: There is no cannibalism in this one. Nor is there a dinner table scene. Bummer. I did like the twist on the original’s ending though.
On the plus side, this is quite possibly the goriest entry in the entire franchise. Faces get hacked off, limbs get dismembered, heads are severed, and more than one person is impaled and lifted into the air on a buzzing chainsaw. The best part comes early on when Leatherface stabs a guy in the neck with his own broken wrist. You don’t see that every day.
The standout sequence comes when Leatherface climbs aboard a party bus fully of millennials, who, when faced with the prospect of certain death, opt to take out their phones and film everything instead of running for their lives. One jackass says, “Try anything and you’re canceled, bro!” before Leatherface turns him into Tuna Helper. Folks, it was moments like these when I wish this didn’t go straight to Netflix. I would’ve given anything to hear the audience reaction to this scene in a packed house on opening night.
Ultimately, it slips and stumbles in places, but this new TCM has a goofy charm and lots of gore, so it’s hard to completely dismiss. As far as the recent trend of remake-a-boot-lega-sequels go, I’d say it’s much better than Halloween ’18 and more fun than Scream ’22. I’d even go so far to say it’s probably about the fourth best Chainsaw overall, which is really saying something seeing how all over the place the series is. It’s hard to say if the next Chainsaw will pick up where this one left off or if it will be another remake-a-boot-lega-sequel, but this one, while not exactly GOOD, will be a tough act to follow.
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