BIRDEMIC 3 – SEA EAGLE (2022) ***

Birdemic 3 – Sea Eagle has a new leading man in Evan (Ryan Lord), but it’s the same old story.  He walks around aimlessly before awkwardly hitting on a girl (Julia Culbert) who instantly accepts a date with him.  On the date, he talks incessantly about himself and his job (he sells anti-aging skin cream) and how he routinely makes multi-million-dollar sales.  Together, they have long romantic interludes where they walk around and talk to strangers, most of whom spout off about global warning (and for a change of pace for the series, wildfires).  Eventually, the happy couple dance for the longest time imaginable.  Naturally, their bliss is ruined when more birds attack.  Then, it’s time to randomly find some guns, grab some coat hangers, and battle killer birds.  

Yes, everything that happened before in Birdemic:  Shock and Terror and Birdemic 2:  The Resurrection happens again in Birdemic 3 – Sea Eagle, and I for one, wouldn’t have it any other way.  I will say that some of the bloom is off the rose now.  Part of the reason this one doesn’t quite match its predecessors is that the birds don’t attack until the last twenty-five minutes or so of the movie.  Previously, writer/director James Nguyen gave us a 50/50 split of cheesy romance and bad bird effects.  This one is more like 70/30.

That said, Nguyen delivers what we’ve come to expect from a Birdemic movie.  The acting is still as wooden as ever.  The dialogue seems like it was cut-and-pasted from Wikipedia’s global warming page.  The CGI is just as shitty as you’d hope it to be.  However, it just isn’t quite as good as the others.  Or bad.  You know what I mean.  

At first, I was a little upset that my favorite character “The Tree Hugger” was absent from this entry.  I’m happy to report that in his place, we have a guy named “Dr. Extinction” who carries on the tradition of crazy, rambling nutbar who spouts unending amounts of environmentalism propaganda.  He does such a fine job that I found myself forgiving the movie for not including Tree Hugger this time around.  Dr. Extinction gets a particularly great scene where he forces our heroes to pull off to the side of the road so they can listen to his incoherent gobbledygook about global warming that culminates with him giving them some truly priceless advice:  “HAVE LOTS OF SEX!”  This scene alone is worth the price of admission, even if the rest of the film doesn’t quite (ahem) fly as high as its predecessors.