KUNG FU GENIUS (1979) **

Cliff Lok decides to open a karate school even though he apparently only has one student.  The rival schools don’t like the fact that a newbie can open his own school on a whim, so they try to kick his ass.  Naturally, he mops the floor with them and earns the respect of nearly all the schools.  One upstart student from a rival school, still smarting from defeat, comes after Lok’s student, which sends him on a quest for revenge. 

The plot is an old hat and while the action is plentiful, it’s not exactly jaw-dropping stuff.  Many of the fight sequences go on too long and since the stunt work and choreography is uninspired, they have a tendency to get repetitive.  It’s never boring though, so there’s that. 

We also get a handful funny moments, like when a Kung Fu master uses his patented “Duck Style” (complete with poorly dubbed-in quacks), but the film is more successful at getting laughs from its soundtrack cues.  It blatantly steals the Rocky theme for one of the training montages and one scene reuses Goblin’s score from Dawn of the Dead.  I know I’ve always said, “If you're going to steal from someone, steal from the best”, but this is a little ridiculous. 

An evil Kung Fu master gets the best line of the movie when he says, “Today, we’re going to piss on your spirits!”

THE KUNG FU WARRIOR (1980) ** ½

Here’s yet another Kung Fu comedy set in the Drunken Master mold.  This one at least has the novelty of taking place in modern day.  It also has a few laughs too. 

Our hero is a bartender who uses his Kung Fu prowess to skillfully avoid traffic while skateboarding to work.  He also uses his Kung Fu abilities to help him tend bar, which gets him into trouble with a couple of rowdy customers.  He later gets an old karate master to train him so he can steal a vest full of money so he can put his girlfriend through college. 

The Kung Fu Warrior starts off well enough, but the laughs slowly dry up as it goes along.  The action is decent for the most part.  I liked the scene in which the Kung Fu master beat up some thugs while protecting his pet bird.  It’s just a shame that the training scenes are mostly a bust.  (Our hero basically spends all his time on a swing.) 

The film also suffers from some weird shifts in tone.  I mean did we really need the long scene where the Kung Fu master tries to take out a loan?  That’s not the sort of thing that energizes your silly Kung Fu comedy. 

Once the plot about retrieving the vest made of money rears its head, it’s all goes downhill from there.  There is one pretty good scene in the end where our hero kicks a guy’s butt using his skateboard though.  Whenever he’s off his board, the movie is strictly routine.

HELL OR HIGH WATER (2016) *** ½

Chris Pine and Ben Foster star as two brothers who go around West Texas robbing banks.  Enter Texas Ranger Jeff Bridges, who is just a few days shy of retirement.  He pursues them at his own pace, hanging out in places they’ve been, and trying to get inside their head.   

The thing is, the duo is more than just bank robbers.  They have a reason why they’re doing what they’re doing.  I’m not saying it’s right, but to someone is their situation, it seems like their only option.  The way writer Tayler Sheridan and director David Mackenzie slowly lay all their cards on the table is one of the joys of the movie.   

It’s also wickedly funny too.  Some of the banter between Bridges and his half-Indian/half-Mexican partner Gil Birmingham is hilarious.  Foster’s hotshot character also gets a lot of laughs, even when he’s serious as a heart attack and twice as mean.   

Hell or High Water has a ‘70s type of flavor.  It unfolds at its own pace and some of the best scenes happen in long takes that don’t draw attention to themselves.  The cinematography is excellent and the desolate landscapes and rundown small towns are filmed with lots of character.   

The narrative is a bit smallish and overly familiar, but the performances are great all around.  Jeff Bridges can do this kind of ornery sheriff role in his sleep by now, so be glad he still has one eye on the wheel.  While he may seem like he’s slipping into Rooster Cogburn mode occasionally, he still finds ways to keep his crochety character feel fresh.  His final scene with Pine is mesmerizing.  Pine, who is a bit overlooked when it comes to his acting chops, is Bridges’ match in every way and holds his own throughout the intense finale.   

Like Bridges, Foster has played similar variations on his character before.  However, he finds a few new notes to emphasize here and the result is a psycho that has a tinge of sympathy to him.  Foster also gets the best line of the movie when he says:  “Only assholes drink Mr. Pibb!”

THE FRESHMAN (1925) ** ½

Harold Lloyd stars as an eager teen who can’t wait to go off to college to become a big man on campus.  Once at school, he is almost immediately teased by the other students who delight in pulling all sorts of pranks on him.  Harold does all he can to be popular, but no matter what he does, his classmate, a big movie star, constantly one-ups him.  Since the college is a big football school, Harold decides to join the team.  Naturally, the hard-nosed coach only uses him as a human tackling dummy.  Predictably, during the big game, the star player is injured and it’s up to Harold to win the game. 

The Freshman has its moments, but it’s not quite up there with Lloyd’s best stuff.  The problem is that his character is more pathetic than sympathetic.  He’s too busy trying to buy friends than make them the old-fashioned way, which makes him a tad annoying.  Also, most of the humor revolves around Lloyd being humiliated, which isn’t really all that funny.  Since he plays more of a sap than his patented everyman persona, it takes some of the wind out of the movie’s sails. 

It also takes a while before we get to the bulk of the physical comedy.  The scene where he tries to tackle a tackling dummy is pretty funny, but the scenes of him being tackled over and over again are repetitive and soon wear out their welcome.  The highlight comes when Lloyd wears a cheap suit to a dance.  His tailor keeps trying to sew up the seams as he’s mingling, and it results in a few solid laughs.  The final football scene is equally funny and has been copied many times over the years.  It still holds up fairly well.  It’s just a shame that it takes such a long time getting around to it.

AKA:  College Days.

IMMORAL TALES (1973) ***

Writer/director Walerian Borowczyk gives us four stories of sin and hedonism.  Unlike most anthology films, each tale is about as good, if not better than the one that preceded it.  While each of them have their own faults, the loving way Borowczyk films his luscious leading ladies is a marvel to behold. 

In the first story, The Tide (***), a twenty-year-old guy takes his teenage cousin to the beach.  When the tide comes in, they are left stranded on the rocks.  She soon learns it’s all been a plot by him to get her alone so he can teach her the art of lovemaking.  He instructs her to keep her sensual rhythm in time with the tide and that she should conclude their lovemaking when the tide rolls back out. 

This sequence works because the location is so crucial to the characters’ immoral actions.  The time restraint of the tide also gives it an urgency that some of the other stories lack.  The sensual way Borowczyk films the lovers is genuinely erotic.  Despite all the close-ups of butts and genitals, it’s the simple shot of our heroine’s mouth that remains the most captivating. 

Therese the Philosopher (***) has a religious slant that gives it more than a little kick.  Locked in her attic by her strict mother, and given only cucumbers to eat, lonely Therese reads biblical works to atone for her supposed sins.  She eventually finds some pornographic books in the attic and gets turned on.  Guess what happens to the cucumbers. 

Like The Tide, this episode builds gradually.  The reason it works so well is that we sympathize with Therese.  Because of that, we get just as turned on as she does.  I just wish Borowczyk came up with a snazzier ending as the whole thing sort of fizzles out. 

Elizabeth Bathory (*** ½) is easily the best segment.  In it, the notorious bloodthirsty Countess goes around the countryside finding young virgin girls.  She then takes them back to her castle where they are free to get all soaped up and run around naked.  She later bathes in their blood to keep up her youthful appearance. 

This sequence benefits from lots of scenes of gratuitous nudity.  (The part with the pearl is particularly graphic.)  It also helps that the vampirism isn’t treated in a supernatural manner.  We never really know if the Countess attains her immortality when she bathes in the virgins’ blood.  The ambiguity of the scene, as well as the eerie way Borowczyk films it, makes this the standout tale.   

The final story is Lucretia Borgia (***).  In it, the Pope has a three-way with his son and daughter.  This one is the slightest of the bunch, but there is no denying that even though it’s sacrilegious and incestual, it’s still kind of hot.  Borowczyk just has a knack for doing that.  That’s sort of his thing.  These are “immoral” tales after all, but they still have the power to titillate.   

Borowczyk originally included a fifth tale, but he decided to expand it to feature length and release it separately.  That film of course, was The Beast.  If you haven’t seen that jaw-dropping bit of insanity, you really owe it to yourself to check it out.  Overall, I think Immoral Tales is more consistently entertaining.  However, if you want to see some WTF lunacy, by all means, seek it out.

mother! (2017) ****

An annoying houseguest who won’t take their social cue to leave.  Wet clothes being dropped on a dirty floor.  The slowly rising water of a clogged toilet.  Trying to be polite to someone you can’t stand.  A person coughing incessantly.  Someone repeatedly touching something you have told them over and over again not to touch.  These are the things that get my goat.  Darren Aronofsky somehow found this out and put it all into a movie to terrify me.   

He also found out about my reoccurring nightmare in which I find a stranger in my home.  Then another.  Then another, until my house is teeming with hundreds of people.  Aronofsky found this out and filmed it.  To see that nightmare (which I have never told anyone about) projected onto a theater screen was unnerving to say the least.  mother! is a filmed nightmare plain and simple.   

It is also the scariest movie I have ever seen. 

I might be more affected by mother! because of the reasons I listed above.  I’ve always believed that Hell is other people.  Aronofsky understands this and exploits that feeling to the extreme. 

People are dumbfounded when I tell them I didn’t find It scary.  mother! scared me more than any film ever made.  This isn’t “There’s a clown hiding in the sewer”.  This isn’t like a Jason or a Michael Myers type of scary.  This isn’t “There’s a guy in a mask with an ax that wants to kill me” scary.  This is “OH MY FUCKING GOD, YOU HAVE AWAKENED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY OCD TRIGGERS AND THEY ARE FIRING LIKE BOTTLE ROCKETS!”  This is a two-hour anxiety attack.  I have never felt so drained after a movie.  I was literally shaking when it was over.   

mother! is much more than an assault on the senses.  It’s intellectually stimulating as well.  It’s full of symbolism and can be taken as an allegory for many different things.  I spent an hour in the parking lot of the theater discussing all the possible meanings of the film with my friend.  It could be a reflection on fame and celebrity, and the absence of privacy that comes with it.  It can be a metaphor for how men constantly take from women until there is no more to give (literally).  It is about how marriage eventually devolves into a staring contest and the one who flinches first gets custody of the kid (literally).  It’s about how we blindly follow idols even at the expense of our own humanity and the world around us.   

I don’t presume to know what other people go through on a daily basis, but you really get a sense from the movie and Jennifer Lawrence’s performance what it’s like to be a woman in this day and age.  It was so unnerving and eye-opening that when I got home, I apologized to my wife.  “What for?” she asked.   

“EVERYTHING”, I replied. 

We are with Lawrence every step of the way.  The only film I can really compare it to is After Hours where everything that happened to Griffin Dunne felt like it was happening to us.  When Lawrence is being pushed to her breaking point, we feel what she is feeling.  She gives a tour de force.  I can’t say I’ve ever been a “fan” of her, but I have never seen such a brave performance in my life.  Consider me Team J. Law. 

This is the kind of movie that probably should’ve opened in four theaters.  Instead, it was unleashed upon an unsuspecting public on 2,500 screens.  I love the fact that it is receiving such polar-opposite reactions.  Most people hate this film with a passion.  That’s because most people want their entertainment spoon-fed to them.  There is no spoon-feeding here, but there are several punches to the gut that will sure to leave you breathless.  This is a challenging, pummeling, in-your-face, take-no-prisoners experience.  It was designed to push your buttons.  It was designed to make you feel something.  Most people want safe entertainment, and that is fine.  The problem is that safe is often forgettable.  This is dangerous filmmaking of the highest order that will stick with you, probably forever.  Say what you will about mother! but you won’t forget it. 

Imagine being in YOUR home with a thousand of SOMEONE ELSE’S Twitter followers.  Yeah, it’s like that.  What I’m saying is that this is THE film for our times. 

If this isn’t the best goddamned movie ever made, it’s certainly the scariest.

TABOO 4: THE YOUNGER GENERATION (1985) **

Ginger Lynn and Karen Summer star as the teenage daughters of a quack psychologist (Jamie Gillis) who speaks out against incest and adultery.  He thinks his daughters are normal teenagers, but they’re really sex-crazed nymphos who have sex with boys (and each other).  They eventually get kicked out of boarding school for fooling around and have to return home.  While Karen starts making time with her uncle (John Leslie), Ginger sets her sights on seducing daddy. 

Despite a terrific cast, Taboo 4:  The Younger Generation never really turns up the heat.  I mean the big climactic scene where Ginger and Jamie finally get it on should be steamy as all get out, but they unfortunately fail to create any sparks between them.  Gillis is usually capable of delivering a memorably sleazy performance, but he’s much too inhibited here to make a lasting impression.  Kay Parker fans will also be disappointed because she’s barely in this one.  To make matters worse, most of her scenes are just footage from previous installments that are only there to help pad out the running time. 

The farther the sex scenes get away from the subject of incest, the more predictable (and boring) they become.  I mean did we really need another “Director Having Sex with His Latest Discovery” scene?  While there are maybe two or three decent scenes in the film, it’s not nearly enough to sustain your interest. 

One observation I made:  Even though the movie was made smack dab in the middle of the ‘80s and everyone sports the big hair, fashions, and belly chains that made that decade memorable, all the music sounds like it came out of the ‘70s.  (It has a heavy disco slant.)  Again, that’s an observation; not really a complaint.